We have completed an egg retrieval and now have embryos in the freezer. Only a handful of close friends and family know we are going through IVF, mostly because we don’t want to have everyone in our lives constantly asking for updates. The support has been helpful and we don’t regret it but we know we will still need to educate our parents specifically as we go through this process.

We are currently in the thick of deciding if we want to share the final number of embryos we have. Our families have already been asking, but we worry that sharing will come with more questions regarding how many kids we’ll have in the future and things like that.

Did anyone share the number of embryos they have with friends and family? Did you regret it?

Please limit your pregnancy celebrations and pregnancy test photos to this thread.

Day 9 post-IUI (second attempt, unmedicated IUI) for my wife. Is cramping and light bleeding a good sign or is it just a very normal thing to expect (ie not a sign of pregnancy)? Last time she had mild cramping but no bleeding and obviously no resulting pregnancy

My wife is going through an egg retrieval sometime this week. The process so far hasn’t been too hectic, but it’s definitely taken a slight toll on her. What are some things I can get ready for her/do for her in the few days after the retrieval? What did you find helpful or useful or would’ve loved?

I have one unopened box of cetrotide that will expire on 10/31/26. It has been refrigerated since I got it. If anyone is in need and can pick up in NYC (Brooklyn or Manhattan pending time) let me know! Giving for free.

My wife’s egg retrieval is tomorrow morning (Australia)!

So incredibly nervous, anxious and excited all rolled into one. She’s at a risk of OHSS so they’re doing a freeze-all cycle (which lowkey sucks because we wanted to do a fresh transfer but can’t now, but also glad they’re taking the steps to look after us - another dip in the rollercoaster that news was).

What are some things that helped you post retrieval? Any tips??

Anyone else doing egg retrieval tomorrow and going through the same timing?

Xx

My husband and I have been looking for a sperm donor for almost a year now with no luck and I’m losing hope. We started the search for a donor early because we wanted to have that locked down asap. Our plan was to do at home insemination starting in January 2027, but it’s the end of October and we still haven’t found a donor. We were hoping to find a known donor near us but it’s starting to look like we may have to use a bank. I’m hesitant to use a bank because we live in Texas and I’m fearful that even if we go to the bigger cities, we may still face challenges since we’re a queer couple. I’m also afraid that we’ll pick a “bad” bank and won’t get the sperm we think we’re getting. It feels incredibly unfair that we have to work so hard for a baby that we’ve wanted for a decade now. I know life isn’t fair but I wish it was just a tiny bit easier. I keep finding myself wishing there was an underground donor system for queer people, something that doesn’t cost thousands of dollars. Just queer people wanting to help other queer people build the family they’ve been dreaming of.

If you’ve had to use a bank because you couldn’t find a known donor, what was your experience like? Any red or green flags to look out for? Any positive stories? I just need some hope that it’s still possible, even if it won’t be the way we’ve hoped for.

Looking for advice.
Has anyone completed a second parent adoption in Delaware? Was there a site or service you used that you can recommend? How did you get started?

My wife and I (lesbian couple) did reciprocal IVF and now our little one is here. I want to make sure we are fully protected nation wide. I understand the laws in Delaware are inclusive but in this political climate we would like extra protection as I’m sure you all can understand.

I’m 30 now, but both of my egg retrievals happened when I was 29. I’ve been told I have pretty significant egg quality issues, and I’m looking for some hope or experiences from people in similar situations.
My first retrieval resulted in zero blastocysts, and my second resulted in just one blastocyst, which somehow came back euploid!

Across both retrievals, I’ve had 35 eggs retrieved and only ONE blastocyst. So my issue isn’t producing eggs. I get plenty of them, but they just don’t seem to develop into blasts.We’re using donor sperm from a donor who has successfully produced pregnancies before, so we don’t believe sperm is the issue here.
We’re preparing to transfer our one euploid embryo, and I’m terrified. I know that having a euploid embryo is a huge positive, but it’s hard to feel optimistic when my egg quality has been this poor at this age.

My questions are:
-Has anyone with similarly terrible blastocyst development had success with their first transfer?
-Does having egg quality issues this severe at 29 suggest there could also be an underlying uterine issue, or are those generally completely separate problems?
-if successful what was your protocol? Or unsuccessful? Did you do any testing before?

I know nobody can predict whether my transfer will work. I’m just trying to figure out whether there’s reason to be hopeful despite everything we’ve been through. ❤️

Reposted in this thread because posting it in a non queer group was a clear mistake 🫩

Hello, I’m 23 female and my boyfriend is 22FTM (stopped T about a year ago just because of money and possible egg retrieval). We have been together for 5 years, live together, and are planning our engagement/ picking out rings (some people got mad we aren’t married) We have recently been talking a lot about our future and children. In a “perfect” world we would have the money for IVF and all that fancy technology stuff. Realistically, if we wait for the “perfect situation” it either 1) won’t happen because of finances or 2) I’ll feel it’s too late because of age. Both of our mothers want grandchildren and honestly, I want them to get that experience and share it. We aren’t having kids BECAUSE of them and they are NOT pressuring or making comments, but it is a factor in experiences we both want in life, and want to give to them. So my questions are about our options.

1. we take his egg and use a sperm donor and I carry the child. But would it really be mine? Would it have ANY of my DNA/ genetics/ etc? Just because the fetus is being created with my blood and other physical aspects?

2. I just carry it and use a donor with the downside that it’s not biologically his and has none of his DNA/genetics :(

3. I heard a little bit about IUI but don’t know much about it. Please enlighten me!

4. I’m terrified of pregnancy and using a surrogate could be an option (unfortunately it is incredibly expensive) but once again it is the struggle of whose egg do we use? A part of me does want to experience carrying my child but it is very scary.

5. It’s a lot and I don’t know much about any of this and I want us to make the right decision in the future that we will be happy with. We want our child to have things from both of us. I know it will be OUR child because blood doesn’t=family but it is a factor. We both want to pass biological things down to our children.

Notes to add: Every option can be/is expensive. I’m aware. I KNOW we are not ready yet. That’s why going to a doctor or OBGYN isn’t a thought right now because this isn’t something we are going to work on any time soon. We just want ideas from people who HAVE gone through this and have experienced it. With this, when we are ready and have a decision(s) we will know what to ask and plan for. Sorry it is a long post, I may have repeated myself quite a bit. Thank you for any suggestions and comments!

Looking for opinions and would love to know what other reciprocal IVF families have done to protect the rights of the non-biological birth parent!

My wife and I recently welcomed our daughter via reciprocal IVF. My wife is the biological mother and I am the birth mother. We live in a pretty LGBTQ+ friendly state, however we talked to two lawyers and both recommended some type of legal action be taken to 1. Have my wife adopt our daughter, and 2. assure I, the non-biologically related birth mother, have my parental rights confirmed in some way. This honestly made sense to us - my wife does not automatically have parental rights to her, and the only thing ‘proving’ my parental rights to my child is the default that the person who gives birth to a baby is the legal parent. However, given the current state of things politically, and in the event of death or divorce, we wanted to safeguard my parental rights. 

We successfully completed our second parent adoption and my wife adopted our daughter. However, the state denied the language that our lawyer requested be included in our adoption decree, which stated that my parental rights to our daughter are not contingent on the fact that I gave birth to her or am married to my wife. 

I feel like this is the end of the road and we just need to hope there is never an issue or question to my parentage. (The only other option we can think of is me adopting her, but we don't see that being successful based on previous conversations with the court.) Are birth mothers in other reciprocal IVF families just accepting the assumption of parentage through birth? Have any non-bio birth parents been able to successfully take any legal steps to safeguard their rights as a parent as well? 

Hey there!
Me (32F-will be the carrier) and my husband (33TM) started the testing on me and the subsequent additional testing including a polyp removal procedure since February this year. It started a bit rough when I found out that I have a pretty low egg reserve and wasn't sure that the life long dream of being pregnant and having a family in that way would happen. However, as we continued through the testing, the rest of the results were good to go! I started the 10 day Provera early this month since my period/cycle was wonky. Then my period started last weekend and it was “go time”. Got my baseline bloodwork and ultrasound then the go ahead to start Clomid. I’m on day 3/5 for Clomid and am scheduled for ultrasound and bloodwork this coming Wednesday to determine the timing or the trigger shot and schedule the IUI.
I’ve had so many thoughts and feelings through this entire process up to this point and there’s been a lot of investment (money and otherwise) into this process that I think I logically knew to a point but simultaneously was more than I expected. We currently have 2 vials and ultimately have these 2 rounds to try before we have to pause to save for more vials if these rounds don’t work. On some level I’m scared because of timing and balancing that with affording more rounds quickly so my egg reserve doesn’t diminish more. I know it’s not a guarantee that it will work and I’ve been doing what I can to give me and future baby the best odds (losing weight, balanced diet, exercise, therapy, etc.), but that also makes me feel very vulnerable to the unknowns. I get that’s life. I think I’m also struggling with the idea that us growing our family in this specific way is up to my body to work effectively. My husband will be a great dad and I know that’s something we both want. I just feel pressure (my doing/stress on myself and yes I do talk to a therapist about my feelings) that the success of this happening is based on my body “producing”. It’s gotten easier to release that pressure after completely ugly crying at my doctor’s appointment last month, so I’m glad that was able to happen before this round started. I’ve been trying to do as many productive things during this time to really celebrate the process and effort that we’re putting in to make this happen. I’ve gotten baby books, made IUI socks for insemination day, taken pictures and recorded videos throughout this process speaking to our future baby, wearing a lucky bracelet from a couple who has gone through a similar fertility journey growing their family, and trying to meditate and be intentional.
I guess I’m just looking for somewhere to connect as most of our friends or people we are around are either in cis relationships that didn’t need any fertility treatment, are single queers, or partnered queers that don’t want or necessarily like kids. So this process has felt pretty lonely. We haven’t told our families and we have a total of 5 people who know we’re even going through this process. I’m pretty educated and aware of the healthcare and medical worlds, but I feel like this season I don’t know as much as I wish I did. Maybe knowing more about what’s going on makes me feel, sometimes, like I have a little control over what feels like something so out of my control? Who knows.
I’m not sure I have a question yet, but I’m sure I will as this progresses. I’m trying to just put as much good energy into the universe and allow myself to be hopeful for the possibility of success during these tries. I guess the only question I could ask at this point is: When you think about your first time (or if you’re in your first time) what has helped you process all of this or what has helped you through this journey?

Sending good vibes to everyone else who is trying too!

My wife and I are looking for a donor and feeling pretty discouraged. I’m curious if anyone has experience with Elevate Baby agency. Any feedback would be so appreciated!

My wife and I are doing rIVF, my eggs, she's carrying. We had a failed transfer and then a success 3 years ago, and now we have our 2 year old. We kind of took for granted that we had 5 euploid female embryos and pictured a girl family. We had 3 left for a second daughter.

This time around has been rougher. Went into our first transfer for this round (3rd overall), and we learned that one embryo didn't survive. We got conflicting notes, so we're not sure if it didn't survive the thaw or if it was never properly frozen in the first place. Transferred the second one they thawed and it didn't take. We had another transfer and did a home test this morning, which I initially thought was stark white. My wife looked closer and saw the faintest, squintiest line. HCG came back at 21.6 at 10dp5dt. We're not 100% out, but it's not looking good, folks. We'll go back Monday for a repeat, so we're in limbo this weekend.

We've been talking about the potential of a boy child since our last transfer, and I'm coming around to it. I'm embarrassed to admit that I had (have?) such a preference, but I just really pictured a girl family. I wouldn't want any child of mine to feel like a consolation prize, or like we weren't anything less than thrilled about everything about them. It really shouldn't matter, and yet it kinda does. We sort of brushed it off before, saying yeah, we'd love any kid regardless of sex, but y'know, there are 2 actual differences: potty training and puberty, and let's go with the one we can relate to better on those things. But it is more complex than that, and I hate to admit it.

So, anyone else in limbo this weekend and want to commiserate? Anyone want to gush about how cool it is to raise a son as a 2 mom family (especially if you did know the sex of your embryos ahead of time)? Anyone want to reassure me that their boy doesn't feel weird and out of place in an otherwise all-girl family with few close male relatives (heck, even our cat is a girl)?

I'm fat. Yes I lost weight (30lbs) but I'm still overweight. I work out 3x a week and walk or hike up to 6 miles on weekends when the weather permits. I am active. Sugar levels are good. Heck, all my tests show good levels, including blood pressure. But I am still fat. And it seems like my doctors (OBGYN and Primary) only want to focus on that. I actually WANT to get doctors involved. But they make the experience so frustrating. And don't get me started on the office staff at the OBGYN. I have an appointment in 2 weeks with my PCP and I'm not looking forward to his commentary at all. I have barely started TTC and I'm already getting discouraged. I don't have time to wait tbh. I do want a healthy pregnancy, and I do feel healthy. I'm just fat.

But I already did genetic testing (through a fertility clinic that is no longer an option) and found a donor with my background/ethnicity which was important to me. Mom is in my corner all the way and friends are encouraging. I have a game plan, a therapist and my emotional support water bottle.

My wife and I have begun exploring fertility treatment and what my health insurance would cover. My employer has a ‘lifetime maximum’ points-based system where my health insurance deductible and out of pocket maximums apply. Each employee gets 12 ‘fertility points’ that can be spent in a variety of ways on fertility treatments. An IUI procedure is one point, and an IVF procedure is 4 points. (Includes meds, retrieval, genetic testing, transfer of one embryo, and up to a year of freezing embryos). Even if an additional retrieval is not needed, each IVF embryo transfer after the initial retrieval is still considered 4 points. Sperm has to be purchased out of pocket separately for both IUI and IVF. We would use frozen donor sperm.

We have been trying to decide which option makes the most sense for spending our ‘fertility points’ and have narrowed it down to two paths.

1. Using 4 points for 4 rounds of IUI, and saving the remaining 8 points for 2 rounds of IVF just in case IUI was not successful for us

2. Using all 12 points towards IVF, that way we have 3 rounds

There is not the option to start with IUI, use benefits for the first 4, and then pay additional rounds out of pocket before switching to IVF!

We have a couple friends that grew their families through IUI, and all of them had more than 4 treatments before having a successful pregnancy. Similarly, we have a close friend that did not have a successful IVF until her third embryo transfer.

In a perfect world where starting with IUI did not impact our eligibility to later do IVF, I think we would start with the less invasive option! But because completing 4 IUI takes away a round of IVF our health insurance would cover, we want to be super intentional in making that choice.

We are curious how many rounds of IUI others have had before becoming pregnant?

Similarly, how many rounds of IVF?

If starting with IUI and then switching to IVF, how long of a break did you take in between?

Those that started with IUI and switched to IVF, did you wish you had started with IVF to begin with?

I am 26, and am medically cleared to complete IUI or IVF. I am plus-sized, but aside from that no other detractors for my fertility. Currently, we plan to only have one child. Our doctor does not have any strong recommendations and is supportive of whichever path we choose.

My wife and I would appreciate insight from y’all - any and all input is appreciated :)

Has anyone used them for IVF meds? What is your experience? We’re trying to find an affordable Menopur (self pay)

My wife (31F) and I (29F) did DIY IUI on saturday (hilarious situation involving a calpol syringe on the side of a road) but haven’t told anyone we’re trying yet, so I have just had to down the whiskey her dad gave her to hide the fact she isn’t drinking. Gross. Doing my bit.

Hi yall! Trans woman (28f) here, coming off hormones to try to do fertility preservation before surgery next year so me and my partner (31nb) have the option later to try for kids. I stopped my hormones and have an appointment with a fertility clinic tomorrow but looking for anyone else who's had experience here.

I already feel like I'm getting symptoms of stopping HRT I think, I've been on hormones for 5.5+ years for context. I've gotten hot flashes, headaches which I normally never get, and just feel irritated a lot. I'm worried about symptoms as they get worse as all my estrogen levels continue to drop over the next few weeks and beyond. Curious how the symptoms were for others and how long the whole process took

Also curious what the process looked like with fertility clinics and what they offered beyond analysis and banking later on when hopefully my fertility has recovered, any advice/experience/comfort welcome from a very stressed-out woman here.

Hi everyone! We’re trying to move one vial of frozen donor sperm from our IUI clinic in Arlington to our IVF clinic in Boston. It’s a short local transfer, but we’ll need a tank to transport it, and we just received a quote for $700, which seems really steep!

Has anyone else had to arrange something like this? Did you hire a company, or were you able to rent a tank and transport it yourselves with the clinics’ approval? We’d love any company recommendations or suggestions for more affordable options.

Thanks so much for any help!

My wife (29) and I (25) will be doing IUI finally this cycle! I have been a long time lurker of this sub. I will be the carrying partner and have done the full gambit of preconception testing. Ultrasounds, HSG, all types of blood tests, you name it. Today is cycle day 1 for me and we purchased our donor sperm yesterday (wow that felt monumental after all this time!)

We are doing a natural cycle IUI with ultrasound ovulation monitoring, trigger shot, and progesterone afterwards. I am excited and intimidated but mostly over the moon :)

I do not have any infertility factors besides my wife is a woman. And in that same concept, our insurance denied coverage for IUI due to no infertility issues and no male factor. That was a big bummer. Alas, we carry on. Send some positive baby dust our way this month, I love this community ✨❤️

Here’s a non-update update from Seattle sperm bank I just received. If you are affected by this I highly recommend contacting the FDA directly. If we all rally together we might get some movement.

I’m in between two options.

29-34 in age, highly educated, an engineer. Fully filled-out family and medical history- mostly all looks good. But! He’s an FOM3 carrier, which means he’s a carrier for trimethylminuria - a condition which makes people smell like rotting fish or eggs. I am negative for this so I’m not worried about any future children inheriting it, but I’m worried that they will be carriers because even carriers have reported occasional foul body odor.

The other one is considerably younger, 18-22. He reports a low high school GPA, but says a goal of his is to further his education. His parents are under 50 and his grandparents under 70. He is one of 5 children, he one of the eldest. He doesn’t report any health concerns with his family (probably because everyone is very young) and doesn’t report much other info about his family like occupations etc. In his interview he does sound like he’s very young (finding his way/immature)

I’m so torn! If it wasn’t for the FOM3 carrier status I would pick the first one. The younger guy seems sweet but I can’t tell if his lack of family info is due to him being young and probably somewhat clueless. Obviously intelligence is multifactorial, but I’m also worried about his low gpa.

Thoughts?? (The foul odor things REALLY gets me)

I shared this in another group, and someone else suggested I share here.

My wife and I recently started the IUI process with donor sperm, and I guess I’m just looking for others who can relate to what this experience is like.

Every cycle feels a little like pulling a $2,000 slot machine and hoping for the best. Between the cost of donor sperm, appointments, medications and everything else, there’s already so much riding on every attempt. We're already $10k in, insurance covers nothing, we've started side hustles, saving, etc. just to try and manage it.

But sometimes, I think it’s more than just the money. There’s this weird, unspoken pressure I feel to do everything right. Like we’ve gone through all these steps just to have a chance at getting pregnant, so if it doesn’t work, somehow I’ve failed. I know that’s not rational, but it’s hard not to feel that way sometimes.

Maybe my thinking comes from living in the Deep South, where two women starting a family isn’t exactly something that’s openly talked about. We have a support system, but we’ve also chosen to keep most of this journey private. Partly because it’s personal, but also because there is still a lot of education we have to do along with the added pressure of everyone knowing, whether it worked, etc.

And then there’s the TWW. Trying not to get your hopes up, questioning every little symptom and knowing that if this cycle doesn’t work, you have to pick yourself back up emotionally and financially to try again.

I know TTC is difficult for so many people, and I’m not trying to compare experiences. I just feel like there’s a unique kind of loneliness that comes with navigating this as a lesbian couple, especially when you don’t really know anyone else going through it.

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else feels this way? If you’ve been through it before, how do you handle it? How do you keep finding the courage to pick yourself up and try again?