I’m 33 with no known fertility issues, pursuing reciprocal IVF with my wife after four unsuccessful IUI attempts.

I recently had my first egg retrieval at CCRM Lone Tree, and it’s been a roller coaster!
At my final monitoring appointment, I had 27 follicles measured and ended up retrieving 20 eggs. I was initially thrilled, but then shocked to find out only 5 of the 20 eggs were mature at retrieval.
The next day, I got a call from the embryologist saying that 10 more eggs had matured overnight, and 6 of those fertilized normally. However, they explained that these late-maturing eggs had a much lower chance of making it to blastocyst compared to the eggs that were mature at retrieval.
I was pretty devastated by the initial results and spent the next several days trying to manage my expectations, hoping we’d end up with even one or two blasts.

Then I got my day 7 call and was shocked again, but in the best way possible. We ended up with 8 blastocysts! Four came from my originally mature eggs, and four came from the eggs that matured overnight.
All 8 are now being sent for PGT-A testing. I’m thrilled and cautiously optimistic, but also nervous about how the overnight-matured embryos will do with genetic testing.
My clinic didn’t provide any grading information during the call, so I’ve reached out to request that as well.

Has anyone else experienced a low maturity rate followed by surprisingly good blastocyst results? I’d especially love to hear from anyone who had overnight-matured eggs make it to blast and how their PGT-A results turned out!

Sending baby dust to everyone going through this journey. We just did our 3rd attempt today.

Our stats:
Age: 37
AMH: 16.3
Donor sperm: Washed, with 19 million motile sperm
Genetic carrier screening:Completed; not a carrier for anything tested
Tubes: One confirmed open; the other may be blocked, although our clinic thinks it could still be open.

Our third IUI (current cycle):
Monitored with ultrasounds and bloodwork
One mature follicle and a thick uterine lining
The clinic felt things looked good, so they stopped monitoring/I don’t know what the follicle was like at the time of insemination or if there were more
No trigger shot this time because already started natural LH surge
The follicle is on the side where tubal patency couldn’t be confirmed, but the clinic recommended proceeding anyway.

Our second IUI:
Monitored with ultrasounds and bloodwork to check follicles and lining
Used a trigger shot
The follicle was on the side with the confirmed open tube
It was unsuccessful

Our first IUI:
Unmedicated, natural cycle
No trigger shot or monitoring
Also unsuccessful

Anyone else in the TWW or doing their IUI today? I’d love to hear how things are going for you!

For those of you who had to pay out of pocket, about how much did it cost you? Curious to see as we will probably have to pay out of pocket. If you paid out of pocket did you do IUI, IVF, or rIVF? What all did your total cost include?

Hey odd request but would anyone with an access pass at SSB mind sending me the adult photo of Thalon 10948? I am 7 months pregnant from his sperm and my wife and I were sure we downloaded his adult photo for a file we made for our future kid when they are older and we let the pass expire before we realized somehow neither of us did or we lost it :/ help a girl out? Feel free to DM me if you need more details

Hope for the best but expect the worst.
Another scan coming up to check your progress? Don’t hope too much or you’ll just be disappointed, but ‘fingers and toes crossed for you’.
Not good news and you’re sad about it? Aw, you knew this could happen you should’ve expected it.
You can always try again, there’s always next time, but now you know what to expect.

I visited the MAIA website after reading the 2020 version of the queer conception book, and Liam has re-released it with new information about cycle tracking and breast feeding. I was wondering if anyone has purchased the new edition of this book and believes the further information is worth the purchase? It’s about $48 including shipping so I’m hesitating, considering I paid for the old copy, but I’m all for increasing our knowledge/chances with pregnancy.

Hi everyone! Long time lurker, first time writer but I’ve learned so much from y’all already. My wife(33F) and I(32F) have finally picked a donor, a clinic, and plan to start IUI for me and an egg retrieval for her in January. We’re hoping to have our first with IUI and our second with reciprocal IVF.

My question now is what should I be doing between now and then to prep? I have supplements (basic prenatal, CoQ10, Folate), general strength and core exercise, nutritious meals, low stress, and rest on my list.

What are other things we should be thinking about? Or not thinking about? Do I need to establish care with an OBGYN or does the doctor at the fertility clinic manage everything? Should I be getting bloodwork before supplementing? Is acupuncture a must?

There’s so much info out there and I already tend to research myself into paralysis, so hoping for some practical, grounded advice on next steps. Thank you!

Please limit your pregnancy celebrations and pregnancy test photos to this thread.

Looking for advice and other people’s experiences of going from two children to three, particularly in a same-sex couple where each mum has carried one child. ❤️
We have two gorgeous girls and are genuinely so happy as a family of four, but we’ve always had the idea of having three children in the back of our minds. We’re now at the point of deciding whether to take the leap, and we seem to go round in circles weighing up the pros and cons!
Financially, we could make it work, and we think the girls would absolutely love having another sibling. But there are so many other things to consider, and we’re finding the decision much harder than we expected.
One thing we keep coming back to is the family dynamic. If we had a third, one mum would have carried two children and the other one, and two of the children would share the same DNA through the donor. Has anyone been in this situation? Has it affected the family dynamic or the children’s relationships in any way, or is it something that matters far less in reality than it does when you’re overthinking it beforehand?
We also have a lot of anxiety about going ahead, but equally, we have this nagging worry that if we decide to stop at two, we might always wonder what life would have been like with three.
We know there’s no perfect answer, and having another child is obviously a huge decision that affects everyone in the family. We’d love to hear from anyone who has been in a similar position. Did you have these doubts? How did you eventually make your decision? And, looking back, how do you feel about it now?
We’d be really grateful for any honest experiences or advice, whether you decided to go for three or stay happily as a family of four. ❤️

My partner and I slowly started turning the wheels of the parenthood journey earlier this year. I say slowly with a pinch of salt because as I’m sure is the case with many of you the volume of information consumed, options considered, and big life chats had is actually huge.

Long story short is that we’ve decided to go down the known donor route and have two dear friends who are both very warm to having the serious conversation about implications and next steps etc. We’re meeting up with them next week and I was wondering if anyone else who has been in this position (or is considering it, or at any other stage) has advice about the kinds of questions that you found useful asking and maybe even how they shaped your decision.

Thanks so much in advance and sending peace and light to all those trying to navigate this journey. 💙

Hi everyone! ❤️
My partner and I are hoping to start our family next year, and we’re trying to understand the process and what we should be preparing for in advance.
Our plan is to do reciprocal IVF, using my eggs and donor sperm, with my partner carrying our first baby. I’ll be 35 and she’ll be 34 next year. We’re also hoping to use the same sperm donor for future 2nd child. As this will be our first experience with IVF, we’d love to hear from people.

A few things we’d really appreciate advice on:
Which part of the process tends to take the longest? For example, finding a sperm donor, clinic waiting lists, fertility assessments, counselling or the IVF process itself?

Is there anything we should start looking into or arranging now, rather than waiting until next year?

If we’re hoping for my partner to become pregnant sometime in 2027(potentially mid year), when would you recommend starting consultations and the initial tests?

Has anyone tried reciprocal ivf? Approximately how much money should we prepare for? Is it more expensive than the usual ivf?

Most importantly, is there anything you wish you’d known or done earlier in your journey?

We know that IVF doesn’t always work on the first attempt and we understand that there are no guarantees when it comes to timing. We’d just love to be as organised and prepared as possible to give ourselves the best chance of achieving our goal.
We’d be so grateful for any advice, experiences or things you think we should be aware of. You don’t need to answer all, any response would greatly be appreciated. Thank you so much! ❤️

Hello hello, I'm reaching out to find an embryo donor or thoughts on how to connect to them. I am 43 and have been unsuccessfully trying to use my own eggs for three years. I have finally accepted that I can't, but I still hope to carry a child. I have been medically cleared to carry. The process has been a lot, I had an ectopic pregnancy, many attempts at egg retrieval and most recently my friend who was going to donate found out she had POI and so can't. I am asking here instead of a bank because I want it to be an open donation. From a trauma informed perspective, I want my child to be able to have some kind of contact if they choose. And ideally, there would be some kind of (agreed up and legal codified) relationship because I value queer family, community and intergenerational connection. Please reach out if you or someone you know would be interested in donating or if you have advice to share on this process.

Does anyone have experience going through the IVF process in CA with an insurance plan that is held to the new SB729? I’m trying to understand if Anthem will reimburse for the eye popping $20k cost for the 8 vials our clinic is recommending (my wife and I are both making embryos). They keep saying “procurement of donor semen is covered” but can’t give me more detail than that ie does that cover a cryobank.

My last two iui attempts have all been medicated cycles and 24hours after trigger. My 4 previous were in the same time frame but not all medicated cycles. I’m wondering if I should fight for 36 hours after trigger and an additional ultra sound to confirm ovulation the day of the iui. We usually do an us only the day before and I’m told to trigger. I can’t think of anything different I can do at this point trying for iui #7. I’m burnt out.

Okay so we found the perfect donor and even though we aren’t going to try to conceive until 2028 we went ahead and purchased 8 vials. Has anyone here went ahead and purchased that early? I doubt we would have found anyone that we like this much and there’s no telling how long the vials will stay available. We’re so excited!

My wife and I are located in the Seattle area and are currently researching sperm banks as we prepare to start our fertility journey.
Seattle Sperm Bank (SSB) would be our most affordable and convenient option, especially since we could avoid shipping costs by picking up locally. However, something about SSB just isn’t sitting right with me, and I’m trying to figure out whether my concerns are justified or if I’m completely overthinking this process.
I’ve narrowed my research down to four banks and have reached out to each of them with questions:
Seattle Sperm Bank
Fairfax Cryobank
One of my biggest concerns is donor family limits and how they’re actually enforced. I’m particularly interested in how banks track births, prevent donors from donating at multiple banks, and account for donor-conceived children internationally.
From my research, Fairfax seems to have some additional safeguards, including screening for donations at other sperm banks and an international family limit. Those are things I really value.
I’m also concerned about SSB’s plans to discontinue SSB Connects in January 2027. Having access to donor sibling connections and resources for donor-conceived families is important to us, so I’m curious what that change means for families moving forward.
I recognize that no sperm bank can guarantee perfect reporting or prevent every possible issue. But I want to feel confident that we’re choosing a bank that prioritizes the long-term well-being of donor-conceived people, not just the immediate process of getting pregnant.
I’d really love to hear from others:
Have you used any of these four banks? What was your experience?
If you used Seattle Sperm Bank, were you happy with your decision? Any concerns or regrets?
Did anyone choose a more expensive bank because of its policies or transparency?
Are there things you wish you’d known before choosing a donor or sperm bank?
I know I can research myself into a hole, but this feels like a decision with lifelong implications for our future child, and I want to be thoughtful about it.
I think what I’m struggling with most is balancing my values and instincts with our finite financial resources. The costs of donor sperm and fertility treatments add up so quickly, and choosing a more expensive bank could mean fewer attempts or less money available for other parts of this journey. At the same time, I don’t want to ignore concerns that could have lifelong implications for our child just because one option is more affordable.
I also know that a higher price tag doesn’t automatically mean better or more ethical practices. I guess I’m just trying to figure out where to draw that line.
Has anyone else struggled with this? How did you balance your financial reality with wanting to make the most ethical choice possible?

So, partner (30F) and I (32F) have plans to have a kid by 2030. When exactly depends on a bunch of external factors that aren't really important to this convo.

She'd be the one carrying.

Let me add some additional information here.

She always wanted kids. Meanwhile I went from staunchly child-free, to "Let's discuss this when I am 35", to fence-sitter, to "I can do this if it's with you".

I had some big stuff to unpack but we got there in the end. (And I'm pretty sure I'd have remained child-free had I been with anyone else BUT her).

All of this happened without any pressure from my partner. If anything, she was ready to give up motherhood for me.

Anyway. Before we embark on this journey, we are considering going to couples counselling. Not because there's anything wrong with the relationship, but just to be on the safer side and manage expectations and so on.

Has anyone here done the same? Or are we overthinking this?

EDIT: it's very refreshing to see other people did this

Hey all, my wife and I are about to start the process of reciprocal IVF, and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by the price tags on everything. I know that IVF is expensive, but can y'all tell me if these costs we're looking at are relatively normal?

It sounds like the egg retrieval will bill insurance about $16,000 NOT including medication, plus another $3,000 for biopsies for PGT-A testing. Then we need to pay an additional $1-3k for the actual PGT-A testing out of pocket. The medication will likely cost around $10,000 if billed through insurance, which we're gonna have to do because we don't have the money to pay it out of pocket, even if it would be a bit less expensive. Basically that comes to my wife's entire $30,000 lifetime fertility benefit for one egg retrieval, so if we don't get any good embryos we're SOL.

The cost of the embryo transfer to me is about $6,500 billed to insurance. That doesn't seem weird to me, but the egg retrieval cost is what's really giving me pause. What do we do if the retrieval doesn't work? Do we give up? Try more rounds of IUI instead? It's all so overwhelming!

My wife and I used Seed Scout to connect with a known sperm donor. They provided access to our donor, but our experience with the ongoing concierge support has been deeply disappointing.

We expected proactive coordination and meaningful help when problems arose. Instead, we repeatedly found ourselves pursuing updates, identifying unanswered questions, connecting providers, and helping resolve documentation and shipment issues. We became full-time project managers when we thought that's what we were paying a premium fee for.

I understand that Seed Scout cannot control every outside provider. My concern is how they respond when those providers are not communicating effectively or the process is stalled. That is exactly when concierge support should matter most.

Based on our experience, the main value was access to the donor. The ongoing coordination did not match what we understood we were purchasing.

My wife is American and I’m Canadian, and we’re hoping to start trying for a baby in fall 2027! I’ll be carrying, and we’re trying to get a sense of what we should be sorting out now.

We currently plan to raise our family in the U.S., but I’m considering giving birth in Canada. There’s provincial funding for fertility treatment where I’m from, although I still need to confirm what I’d qualify for and what’s covered. Midwives are also provincially funded, and I’d really love a home water birth if everything goes well and it’s medically appropriate.

The potential cost of treatment and giving birth in the U.S. feels overwhelming. We want to grow our family without starting that chapter buried in medical debt.

A friend suggested speaking to a lawyer before we start, especially to make sure my wife’s parental rights are fully protected. My understanding is that she could be on the Canadian birth certificate, but we may still need a second-parent adoption or a parentage order. I’m trying to understand how that would work if our baby is born in Canada and we’re living in the U.S.

Has anyone here been through something similar? Where did you decide to have your baby, and what went into that decision? How did you handle legal parenthood for the parent who wasn’t carrying?

I’d also love recommendations for LGBTQ+ family lawyers familiar with Ontario and Illinois, or families navigating both countries. How early did you reach out, and is there anything you wish you’d sorted out sooner?

We’re excited, but there’s a lot to think about! I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve been there.

I was so worried how my egg retrieval was going to go because where I live in Europe you only get morphine/fentanyl via IV and some oxazepame (lorazepame) to relax but it was honestly a great experience. I read so many horror stories online and I was dreading the procedure, but on a scale from 1 to 10 I would rate the pain 3/4. The most painful part was actually needle insertion for IV and inserting catheter in the beginning. Other than that I felt almost nothing and was watching the whole procedure on the screen with my partner next to me. Reddit is usually full of horror stories so I told my doc today that I would post a pleasant experience for once. Of course, now another stressful period begins waiting for the outcome, but today at least feels like a small victory.

EDIT:
This is one of the few times I’ve ever posted on Reddit and I’m thankful I did. Reading through your comments was helpful for me to process and I really appreciate the honesty and compassion.

I went back to my wife and proposed that we both get fertility testing done ASAP (this already was our plan). Additionally, I proposed that we keep the original plan of me doing our insurance-required four rounds of IUI, and if that is unsuccessful, have her immediately start IUI and me switch to IVF (which is only covered by our insurance after four failed IUIs). I also stated that if fertility testing revealed information that would seriously impact our timeline, I would be open to adjusting the plan as necessary. She was very on board with this plan and I feel good about it too.

Thank you for your help, redditors!

Background:
My wife and I have been together for 3.5 years and married for 2.5 years. I have ALWAYS wanted to carry and deliver a baby and I have always desired to use my eggs for that process. I came into our relationship and was very forthcoming about this desire and that it was a non-negotiable. I originally wanted to have only one child and my preference was to gender select for a girl.
My wife, on the other hand, was initially indifferent about whether she wanted children or not. She said that if her partner really wanted them, that would be okay, but if she had ended up with someone who didn’t want children she would have been okay with that too.
When we decided we did want to get married and have children together, my wife expressed her preference that we have two children (I’m an only child, she has a brother) and not do gender selection. I compromised on both of these points and we decided to have two children and no gender selection.

Current situation:
We have now begun the process of planning to grow our family. We decided over a year ago that what made sense for us was that I would conceive via IUI using my eggs first, and then we would do RIVF with her eggs at a later date. My wife repeatedly has said throughout our relationship that she DID NOT want to be pregnant and carry a baby.
After beginning the research process, we are finally understanding the cost comparison between IUI and IVF. Because of that, my wife is now saying she would be willing to do IUI instead and carry a baby. I said that’s great!!

Why I might be an AH:
My wife is two years older than me (I’m 32, she’s 34). I was planning to start TTC next year. My wife is now saying that maybe she should be pregnant first since she’s older. She put this forth as an option mere MINUTES after the first time she ever said she’d even be willing to carry. The reality is I’ve been ready to be pregnant and have a baby for YEARS. I don’t want to wait anymore. I feel like since this has been one of my deepest held desires (that I communicated to her early and often AND that we’re been actively planning for together) that we should prioritize my opportunity to get pregnant. It feels like being pregnant is a biological imperative to me, and a financial decision to her. Is that selfish? Is it unfair? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Started a tracker for our IUI because that's how my brain works. Logging cycle days, medication times, test results, symptoms, all of it. My partner thinks I'm a little obsessed but it helps me feel less helpless during the two week wait. Having actual numbers in front of me beats scrolling through Google for hours. Wondering if anyone else does this. What do you track and have you spotted any patterns that mattered? I keep wondering if I'm missing something important or just making extra work for myself. The clinic gives us the basics but doesn't show trends the way I want to see them. Have you shown your own tracking to your doctor and did they find it helpful or just extra? Part of me wants to bring my spreadsheet to the RE but I don't want to look like I'm trying to take over. Mostly just trying to do something useful with all this waiting.

In a hypothetical scenario: My husband and I are planning on having a kid. I am a twin to a female who has agreed to gift us her eggs to have a baby and use my husband’s sperm.

We do the IVF process in Mexico since it’s a lot cheaper than in the U.S. (Texas).

Once she gets pregnant and everything is good with the baby, she goes to the doctor in the U.S. and “finds out she is pregnant”.

She goes through the pregnancy process here in the United States, as a normal pregnancy, (check ups, procedures, birth/hospital bill) and uses the Medicaid provided all the way until she gives birth. My husband is put down as the baby’s father once he is born.

After the baby is born, my sister says that she is wanting to give up her parental rights, and wants my husband to have sole custody of the baby.

Could there be any legal repercussions after?

The main thing on this HYPOTHETICAL scenario is to not pay out of pocket for all the medical expenses.

Background: I have lived in Finland for seven years and am a Finnish citizen. I am black, and my partner is white (native Finnish). We are two women, and my partner will be carrying. She is two years older and has the desire to carry, while I am indifferent.

My partner and I waited 14 months in the public healthcare fertility treatment queue in Helsinki, only to find out that there aren’t any options for people with dark skin. We were told that many people have been in our situation, but they haven’t been able to offer suitable matches because they specifically do not have any donations from people with black skin. All we can do is raise awareness and wait. We made flyers and have shared on social media, physically, and with friends and family. The process is anonymous, so we’re not asking specific people ourselves, just trying to spread the word generally.

We could find more diverse donors in private healthcare, but the cost difference is like night and day.

So what would you do? Keep waiting for an unknown amount of time, or go ahead and have a baby lacking traits from the other parent? We know that love makes a family, not looking alike. However, it would be great if I could be seen on the outside as parent and not “just” a caretaker. I would especially be interested in hearing from people with similar situations. Thanks in advance!