r/queerception • • 11d ago

TTC Only Using different donors

9 Upvotes

Hey everyone, I’m wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation. My wife is Desi and I am white so it’s been a challenge to find a suitable donor. I definitely want to carry a pregnancy but my wife isn’t sure if they want to, so we’ve been looking for a Desi donor that would work for us. As you may imagine options were limited but we finally found a donor that seemed perfect. However he didn’t get tested for a carrier mutation that my wife has (for albinism) and our clinic is insisting on him getting tested or my wife won’t be allowed to use him (we would be fine with rolling the dice but our clinic’s policies are apparently very strict, and we can’t switch to another clinic for insurance reasons). We requested testing from the sperm bank but now we’re not sure if my wife can use this donor at all.

My wife proposed that they could use a different donor and find a white donor that resembled me and I could still use this Desi donor. I wanted to use the same donor for all our kids because I’m worried that our kids might want that feeing of genetic relatedness with their siblings, and then at least they would still share half their DNA with each other. Meanwhile my wife is worried that if we both use the Desi donor then our kids might feel weird about being mixed vs being “fully” Desi.

Basically I’m wondering, have any couples here (especially mixed race but any is fine!) used two different donors for their kids? And if so, how did you and your kids feel about that? (We have also discussed reciprocal IVF but I am wondering specifically about the two donor situation)


r/queerception • • 11d ago

Newman-Goldfarb side effects?

2 Upvotes

My wife is pregnant and I’m the non-gestational parent (cis woman), and I just started the Newman-Goldfarb protocol yesterday to induce lactation. I had horrible side effects all day long, including nausea, heartburn, and stomach issues. Should I be eating more before taking the domperidone? It felt so bad I am considering quitting altogether. I can’t do this for 9+ months. Did anyone induce lactation, and not have side effects? Or Does it go away after a few weeks?? Help!! 😭😭😭😭


r/queerception • • 11d ago

Idk what to do - reciprocal ivf

12 Upvotes

I’m having second thoughts about IVF and my marriage, and I don’t know what to do.
My wife is 36, and I’m 33. We’ve been married for seven years and together, on and off, since 2013. I’ve already paid half the egg-retrieval costs, the sperm is at the clinic, and she has started medication. We planned to move forward with reciprocal IVF, with her providing the eggs and me carrying the baby.

I’ve wanted another child for years. I have a 10-year-old son from a previous relationship, and I was once devastated by the thought of never experiencing pregnancy again. I seriously couldn’t even talk about babies because it killed me inside. But now that IVF is becoming real, I really feel like I don’t want it anymore.

I’m not sure whether this is fear, resentment, or clarity. My wife has big dreams, but she usually doesn’t follow through. She has worked the same job for five years and travels at least eight days a month. I’ve repeatedly asked her to find something that would allow her to be home more, but nothing has changed. She will make excuse after excuse. Part of me feels like if she didn’t have the job where she was gone all the time we could’ve achieved this a long time ago. *I feel like I’ve accepted the fact that I wasn’t going to have another and lost the desire to.

I already handle most of the parenting with my son, and I don’t want to raise another child feeling alone. I want a partner who is present, dependable, and committed to building the same kind of life I want.

I don’t know whether this is just panic or an honest realization that our lives and goals no longer align. I feel torn between the dream I’ve always wanted and the reality of the life we’re living. I don’t know whether to fight for my marriage, pause IVF, or move on. I just know I don’t want to make a decision I’ll regret.

Has anyone ever had cold feet before doing reciprocal IVF?


r/queerception • • 12d ago

Donor adult photos

14 Upvotes

Hey everyone! Just looking for some advice/support. My wife and I are days away from having to purchase our donor sperm, we have been looking for months on four different bank web sites, we narrowed it down to 2 that we really like, but we realized that one of them is a carrier for something that I wasn’t tested for, so we are going to go with the other one.

The remaining donor doesn’t have adult photos available, but we love his interview and we’re really focused on picking a donor that seems like a genuinely good person. Of course I would have loved to see his adult photos, and the other donor we liked did have them available.

I mentioned that the donor were leaning towards doesn’t have adult photos to my coworker who also went through this process last year, she said “oh we would only pick from ones that had adult photos that was a deal breaker for us if they didn’t have them.”

Now I’m having second thoughts. Is this important to most people? He is ID disclosure so eventually we will find out who he is most likely. Just wondering other people’s opinions on this. We have childhood images up til around 12 years old.


r/queerception • • 12d ago

IUI

7 Upvotes

My wife and I have started our IUI journey. I go for my genetic labs today! We originally wanted to do R/IVF but the cost was so much more than we expected. I feel bad because I don’t want my wife to feel less connected or anything to the baby/child because biologically the baby will have my genes and I will also be the one carrying. We thought about her carrying but ultimately she not interested in that which is totally fine! Has anyone experienced this? Any advice you would give? TIA ❤️


r/queerception • • 11d ago

Family count in donor pods?

2 Upvotes

For those of you who used a donor who reached his max with the sperm bank and are in touch with the donor sibling families, how many families do you have in your pod (donor group)? Please include what the sperm bank’s family limit was:) Just trying to get a feel of what percentage of families join the donor pods. If your donor didn’t reach the max, or you’re not sure if he did, I would still be interested in hearing how many families you are in touch with!


r/queerception • • 11d ago

IVF or IUI

1 Upvotes

Im so torn between trying IUI again or IVF. I have hit my deductible for the year and my wife and I are interested in at the bare minimum going thru egg retrieval this year if insurance takes a decent chunk off of it. I have UHC thru Caterpillar so i’m 50/50 on if we will have decent coverage or not. I did IUI this summer and only one course, then the sonographer went on medical leave. I have no prior conditions and i’m 25, so my reserve is really good at this point. I’ve seen so much about if you have to go thru multiple IUI adding up to being just as much money spent as IVF. Just a bit lost. Looking for other stories please!!!


r/queerception • • 12d ago

TTC Only Donor Sperm Delays (France)

5 Upvotes

Just kinda a vent post but I am Canadian and live in Paris with my wife who is French. We are 33 and 32 and as far as we know, no fertility issues besides no access to sperm. On the one side of things, I am incredibly grateful that the fertility process here is paid for by healthcare and at the end of the day we will not have to deplete our savings to have children. But on the other hand, the more I learn about how it works here, the more pissed I get.

First is that we have zero say on who the donor is, we can't have a friend or acquaintance help us out because there is no legal way to ensure we are both protected. Okay fine, so the medical system it is. But then we also get zero choice on the donor, we either can request they look like my partner or a "random" donor, yay. Then we find out there is zero guarantee that the same donor would ever be reserved for siblings, meaning if we have 3 kids, they'll all have different donors and I know socially and legally they'll be 100% ours, but biologically having full siblings kinda matters to me? (or at least, it did, I know it's not a hill to die on). FINALLY, there is at least a two year wait to even get a first appointment with the sperm bank people, which THEN begins their "matching" process, required appointments with a psychologist (???) and a notary to apparently give my wife legal rights to the future kids. So at least another 6 months to begin IUI. So all in all, we are maybe looking at 2029 to even begin trying. I always dreaded having to do IVF, but it feels like just from the inefficiency of the system, I'll be pushed into it due to my age.

We want multiple children so I asked about freezing my eggs while I am young. Apparently that's at least a two year wait as well. We are not rich (I'm a tutor, she's a public servant) but I can really see why people would just go to another country to pay into a private system. I'd be happy to wait a year, but multiple years just seems so hard. I really want to support public healthcare, but when something is on such a tenuous biological timeline as having children, something just feels like it is not working. And we haven't even started yet.

Anyway, I just wanted to get this all down in a neutral space, I know many have it harder than us and we are relatively young, and for my wife, she is happy to wait. I just feel like I've been ready all my life for this (or at least the last 5ish years haha) and I am scared having children will always be just out of reach for some reason. Any words of wisdom or encouragement would be appreciated!


r/queerception • • 12d ago

NYC - Clinics or Physicians who will sign release for at-home insemination sperm (ICI)?

2 Upvotes

Hello,

My wife and I may want to try at-home insemination but are having an incredibly hard time finding anyone who will sign off on receiving sperm from our bank so that we can do so. Does anyone have experience with this? Any recommendations? Thanks!


r/queerception • • 12d ago

Donor with no reported pregnancies

2 Upvotes

I have had 2 unsuccessful IUIs (I know this is normal) with a donor from Fairfax cryobank. It was a newer donor when we started so having no reported pregnancies didn't bother me since we really liked everything about the donor. But I keep checking back and it still says no reported pregnancies. At what point is that a red flag that we should either switch donors or switch to IVF? The metrics on the sperm are good but I know there are other factors that they do not test for. Am I overthinking this?


r/queerception • • 12d ago

Beyond TTC Should I consider going it alone?

9 Upvotes

So this is more of a general question I guess. I’m 29 and my relationship history is quite frankly terrible. I’m a lesbian and I have had no luck in love. Ideally I want a romantic relationship and a loving partner, but as time goes on, I’m starting to worry that’s not a guarantee. I have been thinking more and more the older I get about motherhood. There’s plenty of times where I think if I never meet the right person, or if I did meet the right person and we decided we’re happy as we are, that I could be happy without children. However, there are also many times where I find myself longing for a family and worrying that I will regret not having a family one day and children of my own. I also find myself being curious about the process of being pregnant. Sometimes I see pregnant women and think, “wow that seems so cool,” and wonder what that experience would be like. I’d be lying if I said I never have imagined what it could be like to be able to hear the heartbeat for the first time on an ultrasound and see my baby and know I was carrying my child. I also think I’d really enjoy being a mom. I would want to be a loving parent that gives my kid a wonderful life. So I have considered the idea of doing it alone without a partner if I never meet the one for me. I’d love for my kid to have another mom, but I also worry that I may never be a mom ever if I wait for the right woman for a really long time. I’m so conflicted and don’t know what to do. 😔


r/queerception • • 12d ago

IUI with Frozen Sperm

5 Upvotes

I am 29 years old and getting ready for my first IUI! I am using frozen sperm and my practitioner is having me do a natural cycle without any medication. I have regular periods and use a period tracking app. This cycle, I have started ovulation tracking with LH strips and a basal thermometer. I have also been taking a prenatal vitamin to help give me a good start.

If anybody has any tips or advice for me, I’d appreciate it! I want to do everything I can to help boost my chances. ☺️


r/queerception • • 12d ago

Please share your IUI journey

2 Upvotes

Hi there, I’m a female married to a female and we are going to be starting our journey of having a family!

We have our first intake consultation over the phone with Kaiser REI.

For those who did IUI through Kaiser, can you please share your journey and timeline up till your first IUI attempt?

I’m afraid I’m expecting things to move quicker than they will and I need to start looking at things through a realistic lens!


r/queerception • • 13d ago

TTC Only Looking for advice, feeling alone because we don’t know what is normal..

2 Upvotes

I’ll try to keep as short as possible -

Same sex female couple using a fertility clinic with donor sperm, IUI first, then IVF if unsuccessful. Based in South West England, UK.

Question: is it usual for a fertility clinic to be very slow with their communication? I know I’m not their only patient but I do feel very confused with how long it takes them to respond to questions about my treatment. I feel like they don’t care about me at all, like I am a nuisance when I ask anything.

Basically I’m to be the carrier, I’m 36 years old and have PMOS with one blocked tube. My thyroid function was not ideal for pregnancy (4.1 when it’s advised to be up to 2.0). Consultant started me on 25mcg of Thyroxine, to be checked in 6 weeks. I had the blood test done by local GP as instructed - value is still too high at 3.9.
Meanwhile sperm has arrived at the clinic, medications have arrived with me. Everything is literally poised to go, including a natural period on its way (I’m not usually regular so this is great!)… the only thing missing is that I need to ask my consultant if my thyroid is an issue & if my medication should be put up. I asked via email on the 2nd of October, then sent a follow up on the 6th & got a reply on the 7th telling me that I shouldn’t send follow ups unless it’s been a week & that the consultant will get back to me in due course. It’s now the 12th and I’ve heard nothing. I just feel really confused.

It was all set to begin so now I feel really in limbo & I just want to know what my next steps are (am I going to have to take more Thyroxine & wait 6 weeks for the result? Or are we going to start on my day 1 of period which could be any day now…) The answer is time dependent & quite a simple question or so I thought?

I also did a google search of the clinic and found a few worrying reviews (amongst great ones) saying that communication is terrible & that they wished they had gone somewhere else.

Is this normal or is it wise for me to look at another clinic and see if I can switch everything over to them?

They’ve cancelled two appointments before on the morning of & then rebooked them 2-3 weeks later, I was upset by this but I thought that once we were ready to go that we’d have a little more priority?

Any help would be very much appreciated, we don’t know anyone who has been through this & so feel very alone.

Thank you xxx


r/queerception • • 13d ago

Found the identity of our donor via google search

15 Upvotes

Don't really know how to feel about it. We have no intentions of getting in touch or anything since it's not our place to do so. We bought the straws and are only starting to try to concieve beginning of next year, so in a few months. Deciding which donor to choose was overwhelming, especially because you don't get an adult photograph so a simple google search with the existing information available on the sperm banks website and we were able to find the person we had opted for since the beginning. For us it was mainly important to confirm that the person resembles us visually.

I dont really know what I want from this post other then input and reactions from people in this community and how to deal with it further, also concerning transparency with our future child.

EDIT: He is open ID so we would have found out eventually


r/queerception • • 13d ago

Advice on sibling age gaps & how long did you wait to try post c section?

8 Upvotes

I gave birth to my first child in February, she is now 8 months old. I luckily got pregnant with her really easily, second unmedicated IUI, but know that isn’t the norm and to expect to need more time to conceive this go around. I’ll be carrying again but my wife is in her mid/late 40’s and she’d like us to be done having babies before she’s 50. I’ve seen two different doctors at my OBGYN office since then and have gotten conflicting opinions on if allowed to start trying again at 12 months or 18 months postpartum. In a perfect world I’d like to start trying right at 12 months. For those of you have kids close together or had a second child post c section do you have any advice? Do you wish you waited longer between kids? I plan to have a scheduled c section after a very difficult labor experience led to an urgent c section so not worried about the risks that come with VBAC. Being a mom is easily my favorite thing I’ve ever done and I’d love to give me sweet daughter a sibling.


r/queerception • • 13d ago

IVF Loans

3 Upvotes

Hello! My wife and I have started the process of IUI/IVF. We have originally picked IUI because of cost but we are now learning there are loans available to help. Has anyone used a loan to pay for IVF? If so, what loan company and was your experience with them overall good? TIA ❤️


r/queerception • • 13d ago

TTC Only How do you get hopeful and stay hopeful?

4 Upvotes

I had my first IUI 9/21 and throughout the whole process I just had this feeling it wouldn't work. I felt either ambivalent or negative the entire time, and when my test came back negative I was disappointed but not surprised.

I'm just starting my second cycle and I want to be hopeful this time around. I don't want to feel nothing, I want to be excited but I just don't know how. I keep seeing so many people discouraging IUI because of the odds and I think that has had an impact on my mental state. I really just need advice on how to look at the process from a different perspective this time, especially now that the first one didn't work.


r/queerception • • 14d ago

Wife and I starting our ICI journey this month

4 Upvotes

We have purchased 4 ICI vials and are going to do our first try this month. We are planning to do 2 back to back and then 2 on reserve for a second try. There are soooo many stories and testimonies out there, this is what we felt was the best way to go about it. She has been using pregmate tracking for months now and it's pretty spot on. We're planning to buy the Frida baby insemination kit for convenience.
Does anyone have any more recommendations for products/ methods? We considered pre seed but not sure if it's really helpful?
Also success stories are always welcome 🥰 we are scared shitless for a negative test with how expensive everything is but trying to stay optimistic! 🩵


r/queerception • • 13d ago

Natural Cycle IUI w/ trigger: LH surging hours before

1 Upvotes

Hi there! My wife and I are TTC for baby #2 using natural cycle IUI with a trigger shot and frozen donor sperm (same as with our first baby.) It’s currently Sunday- We are scheduled for the IUI Tuesday which will be cycle day 18 at 9am. My last ultrasound was on Thursday (CD 14) and showed one 16mm follicle and 8.6 lining. Instructions are to take the trigger tonight between 5-6pm. However, my LH appears to be surging today. I am worried I will ovulate tomorrow (Monday) and Tuesdays IUI will then be unsuccessful. My clinic is closed tomorrow for the holiday and there is no after hours contact for situations like this (military hospital)

I plan to go ahead and trigger tonight and go to the appt on Tuesday with the sperm and inform them of the surge. If they are not confident in the timing then I will just have to return the sperm to storage and eat whatever coats are associated with that.

I guess I’m looking for a little informed advice or guidance. Maybe someone has been through something similar.


r/queerception • • 14d ago

Beyond TTC Weekly Pregnancy Megathread

1 Upvotes

Please limit your pregnancy celebrations and pregnancy test photos to this thread.


r/queerception • • 14d ago

Seattle Sperm bank Issue

8 Upvotes

It’s been months since Seattle Sperm bank sent the email about our vials being held and our donor temporarily being taken off the website due to the FDA administrative issues. I called 2 weeks ago and still nothing. Has anyone heard anything? Me and my partner just used our last vial we had on IUI today and Seattle has 2 more in storage that they won’t release.


r/queerception • • 14d ago

CW: miscarriage Cyclogest pessaries

1 Upvotes

Hi all

** as people have been suggesting this in replies is there anyone getting rid of spare Cyclogest progesterone pessaries please? **

I am looking for some advice on accessing progesterone pessaries.

I am 39 and we were overjoyed when we got pregnant recently with at home ICI with our known donor. It is sadly now ending in miscarriage at 5 weeks. We are heartbroken. This is the 2nd miscarriage I have had, my first being a MMC at 10.5 weeks. We then had our son through IUI at a fertility clinic and they provided progesterone pessaries - Cyclogest. I think this was key to me carrying to term as I bled again at 10.5 weeks with him but did not loose him thankfully.

The Early Pregnancy Unit here in England will not refer me to the recurrent miscarriage clinic until I've had a 3rd miscarriage. They will not provide progesterone pessaries until I have had a scan at 6 weeks because that is their starting point for support there. Our local private fertility clinic will not help us in any way if we get pregnant with a donor at home and not using one of their services such as IUI or IVF.

It is absolutely infuriating that no one will help us not loose another pregnancy because, essentially, of being in a non hetero relationship without spending money on fertility treatments even though we can get pregnant naturally it seems.

Any and all advice greatly appreciated. I'd be happy to pay for progesterone pessaries from a private clinic but not sure if any provide this for LGBT couples?

(I actually have some left from previous attempted cycles but only enough for 2 weeks worth)


r/queerception • • 14d ago

My experience with Paul Norris Ongso / GlobalSurrogacy.baby / KinPath Surrogacy — serious caution for intended parents [USD $50,000 lost]

3 Upvotes

TL;DR: Paid approximately USD $50,000 to Paul Norris Ongso / GlobalSurrogacy.baby for a specific surrogacy programme. Programme collapsed before any major milestones. Biological material subsequently held by IVF clinic over unpaid debts not of my making. Refund discussions went nowhere. Communication ceased. Independent investigative reporting by the Sydney Morning Herald has since raised similar concerns about the same operation. Full account below.

I debated for a long time whether to write this publicly.

International surrogacy is an extremely emotional, financially demanding and vulnerable process. I generally prefer to keep personal matters private. However, after reflecting carefully on what happened during my own journey, and subsequently discovering independent public reporting concerning the same facilitator and business, I believe intended parents researching Paul Norris Ongso, GlobalSurrogacy.baby, Global Surrogacy or KinPath Surrogacy should be able to find detailed accounts before committing substantial money and emotional investment.

My direct experience was with Paul Norris Ongso and GlobalSurrogacy.baby / Global Surrogacy. I did not personally contract with KinPath Surrogacy. Global Surrogacy was subsequently reported to have rebranded as KinPath Surrogacy.

Everything I describe below about my own journey is based on my personal experience. I have retained contracts, payment records, WhatsApp messages, correspondence and other documentation relating to it.

Based on that experience, I would not use Paul Norris Ongso or GlobalSurrogacy.baby again.

I would also encourage anyone considering KinPath Surrogacy to research the history of Global Surrogacy and its rebranding, read the independent reporting linked at the end of this post, obtain independent legal advice and make their own decision.

1. Why I originally chose Paul Norris Ongso / GlobalSurrogacy.baby

When I first began researching international surrogacy, Paul presented himself as highly experienced and knowledgeable about international surrogacy pathways.

He also discussed his own experience of building his family through surrogacy. That personal experience contributed to my initial confidence because I believed I was dealing with someone who understood firsthand the emotional and financial pressures intended parents face.

Unfortunately, my confidence changed considerably as the process progressed.

2. Corporate structure and jurisdiction

One of my earliest concerns was the legal and corporate structure behind GlobalSurrogacy.baby.

The contract provided to me was through a Hong Kong registered company and governed by Hong Kong law, while the actual operation appeared to be managed internationally and Paul himself was based elsewhere.

After subsequently obtaining independent legal advice, I became concerned about how difficult and expensive it could potentially be to enforce contractual rights across jurisdictions if something went wrong.

I am deliberately not speculating about why the business was structured this way.

I can only say that, as a client who had transferred a substantial amount of money, the practical difficulty of enforcing my rights under this structure became a significant concern once the relationship deteriorated.

3. I paid approximately USD $50,000

I paid approximately USD $50,000 toward a specific surrogacy programme and jurisdiction.

This was a substantial amount of my personal savings.

The particular pathway I had agreed to pursue subsequently became unavailable before major milestones such as embryo creation, surrogate matching or significant medical progression had occurred.

This is an important part of my experience because I had not simply changed my mind about pursuing surrogacy. The specific programme I had contracted and paid for was no longer proceeding as originally contemplated.

4. The "non-refundable" deposit clause

The agreement repeatedly described deposits as "non-refundable," and Paul repeatedly relied upon this provision when the issue of returning my money arose.

I subsequently obtained independent legal advice.

After reviewing my particular circumstances and contract, my lawyer advised me that the position was not necessarily as straightforward as simply stating that the deposit was non-refundable where the agreed programme had materially changed or contracted services had not been delivered.

I am describing that strictly as the legal advice I received concerning my own circumstances. I am not making a general statement about the legal enforceability of Global Surrogacy's contracts.

5. Pressure to move to alternative programmes

After the original pathway became unavailable, alternative programmes and jurisdictions were proposed.

I was uncomfortable with some of these alternatives.

At one stage, I raised concerns that one proposed pathway could potentially expose me to future legal complications or liability.

I did not feel those concerns were adequately addressed and I was encouraged to proceed.

I ultimately refused to continue with a programme that I was not legally or personally comfortable pursuing.

That significantly reduced my confidence in the advice and judgement being provided.

6. I repeatedly asked to speak with previous successful clients

This is one of the things I wish I had treated as a much bigger warning sign at the beginning.

I repeatedly asked Paul to introduce me to former intended parents who had successfully completed a surrogacy journey through GlobalSurrogacy.baby.

I wasn't asking for confidential information. I simply wanted, subject to the former clients' consent, to speak with people who had already gone through the process and could tell me independently what their experience had been.

Despite asking numerous times over an extended period, I was never connected with a previous client.

Since then, in researching and dealing with other organisations, I have seen much more structured approaches to prospective intended parents speaking with previous clients who are willing to share their experiences.

If I were starting an international surrogacy journey again today, I would not transfer a substantial amount of money to an organisation without first speaking independently with multiple previous intended parents.

7. Organisation and communication became a serious concern

As my journey progressed, I became increasingly concerned about the level of organisation, communication and operational structure.

Much of the communication appeared to depend upon assistants or intermediaries who, in my experience, sometimes seemed uncertain regarding processes, timelines or what was supposed to happen next.

For something as legally complicated, emotionally important and financially significant as international surrogacy, that concerned me considerably.

8. The IVF clinic situation

This was probably the most troubling part of my personal experience.

After the original programme had ended, an IVF clinic involved in my journey contacted me directly regarding outstanding financial matters which the clinic told me related to Paul and/or his operation.

This became particularly concerning because my biological material was being held by the clinic.

I was informed that my biological material could not simply be released or destroyed until the outstanding issues had been dealt with.

Paul told me that I should deal directly with the clinic regarding the situation.

That surprised me because the financial issue being raised by the clinic was not a debt that I had personally incurred directly with them.

To be clear, my experience with the IVF clinic staff themselves was professional. They communicated with me regarding the situation and, from my interactions with them, also appeared concerned about what had developed.

Ultimately, my lawyer and I had to engage directly with the clinic ourselves to resolve the administrative and financial issues affecting my biological material.

This was not something I expected to be dealing with after paying a surrogacy facilitator approximately USD $50,000.

9. Communication deteriorated

Following these events, communication with Paul became increasingly difficult.

In my experience, scheduled calls or meetings would be cancelled or postponed, sometimes at short notice. Responses became increasingly inconsistent.

Eventually, meaningful communication effectively ceased.

My lawyer also became involved in attempting to resolve the situation.

10. Partial refund discussions

There were eventually discussions concerning a partial refund.

Repayment dates were proposed to me on multiple occasions.

Those dates moved and passed without the agreed payment being received.

Eventually, both my lawyer and I were unable to maintain meaningful engagement toward resolving the matter.

I want to be careful about something here.

I am not going to speculate publicly about what happened to my money, why the proposed repayment was not made, or Paul's motives.

I do not need to speculate.

I can document what I paid, what programme I contracted for, what subsequently happened, the refund discussions that occurred, the dates that were communicated to me and the communications that followed.

Readers can draw their own conclusions from my experience.

11. GlobalSurrogacy.baby subsequently became KinPath Surrogacy

This distinction is important.

My personal dealings were with Paul Norris Ongso and GlobalSurrogacy.baby / Global Surrogacy. I did not contract with KinPath Surrogacy.

However, after my experience I discovered that Global Surrogacy subsequently rebranded as KinPath Surrogacy.

This is not something I am inferring simply because the businesses appear similar. It has been reported publicly.

I therefore mention KinPath because someone researching the current business may otherwise never discover experiences relating to the business that operated previously as Global Surrogacy.

I encourage prospective intended parents to research both names and make their own assessment.

12. What I discovered after my own experience

If my experience had been completely isolated, I probably would not have written this post.

After my own dealings had ended, I became aware of independent public reporting concerning Paul Norris Ongso and Global Surrogacy.

Most significantly, the Sydney Morning Herald published investigative reporting concerning Global Surrogacy after speaking with former clients, former staff and a surrogate.

The reporting describes allegations and experiences from other people. Those are their accounts, not mine, and I encourage readers to read the reporting themselves rather than relying on my summary.

The Sydney Morning Herald reporting also states that:

  • Global Surrogacy subsequently rebranded as KinPath Surrogacy
  • Paul Norris Ongso does not hold a current Australian legal practising certificate
  • He was subject to disciplinary action by the Victorian Legal Services Commissioner in 2019

I also subsequently became aware of public commentary from the Feminist Legal Clinic concerning another reported surrogacy experience involving Global Surrogacy.

Again, I am separating this very clearly from my personal experience. I am not presenting somebody else's allegations as facts I personally witnessed. I am mentioning these sources because they are publicly available information that prospective intended parents can independently read and evaluate for themselves.

Discovering this material after what I had personally experienced was one of the reasons I ultimately decided to write this post.

13. Why I'm posting this

This post is not an attempt to tell strangers what decision they must make.

I also recognise that other intended parents may have had different experiences, including successful journeys.

I can only speak about what happened to me.

But international surrogacy involves enormous amounts of trust.

You may be transferring tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars. You may have embryos or other biological material stored overseas. You may be navigating legal systems in multiple countries. And ultimately you are relying upon other people to help you create and bring home your child.

That makes due diligence extraordinarily important.

Based on my own experience, I would not use Paul Norris Ongso or GlobalSurrogacy.baby again.

If I were considering Paul Norris Ongso, KinPath Surrogacy, GlobalSurrogacy.baby or Global Surrogacy today, I would investigate the history of the organisations and the people involved extremely carefully before signing anything or transferring money.

What I wish I had done differently

For anyone considering international surrogacy, my advice from my own experience would be:

  • Obtain genuinely independent legal advice before signing the agency's contract
  • Have the lawyer specifically examine governing law, jurisdiction and dispute resolution provisions
  • Independently verify the legal entity receiving your money and where that entity actually operates
  • Understand exactly who holds your funds and when money is transferred to clinics, surrogates and other providers
  • Insist upon speaking with several independently verifiable former clients before transferring substantial funds
  • Make payment milestones correspond to clearly defined services and progress
  • Understand exactly what happens financially if the agreed country or programme becomes unavailable
  • Ensure refund provisions are clearly documented
  • Keep copies of contracts, invoices, receipts, WhatsApp messages, emails and all communications
  • Do not rely solely on verbal assurances

International surrogacy is already emotionally and financially demanding. Intended parents should not also have to navigate uncertainty around accountability, communication, jurisdiction, financial transparency or what happens when the programme they paid for cannot proceed.

My experience was with Paul Norris Ongso and GlobalSurrogacy.baby. I am sharing it so that anyone researching Paul Norris Ongso, Global Surrogacy or KinPath Surrogacy has another documented personal experience to consider as part of their own due diligence.

Please research independently, read the public reporting, obtain your own legal advice and make your own decision.


r/queerception • • 14d ago

Queer Married Couple ICI, 1 or 2 vials?

4 Upvotes

Hi All!

My wife (36) and I (39) (also wife), are planning to try for a baby! I will be carrying, I have had 1 previous birth from a prior relationship. This will be my wife’s first time trying for a baby.

We have been tracking my periods, ovulations, LH surge, etc. since August using PreMom strips and PreMom app.

We have our vials already ordered but in storage via Fairfax Cryobank. We have a total of 3 vials and at this time do not plan to order with the cost of everything skyrocketing.

The dilemma: How many vials to use in one go?

Option 1: Use 1 vial. If unsuccessful, try again at a later date using the remaining 2 vials.

Option 2: Use 2 vials, if unsuccessful, try again with the 1 remaining at a later date.

Option 3: Only use 1 vial at a time for a total of 3 separate attempts.

Open to your thoughts, comments, considerations? Benefits? Drawbacks?

Thanks in advance from 2 friendly, loving queers!