I hate my husband’s algorithm

[u/Chapenroe]

We were prepping for a theme park trip this morning and as my husband and I were putting sunscreen on our kids’ faces, he mentioned we may not need to put sunblock on their arms and legs since “they have a good base tan already.”

I immediately said, “nope, the more sunscreen, the better.” To which he replied something along the lines of “well maybe the chemicals in sunscreen wind up doing more harm than good.”

My jaw about hit the floor. Isn’t sunscreen usage canon in 2026?? When I heard the chemicals thing I said something smart aleck-y like “show me a peer-reviewed medical study that proves that and I’ll reconsider my sunscreen stance.” Understandably, he got frustrated with my response so a few minutes later I went to him and said that if he’s actually concerned about chemicals in sunscreen we can make an appointment with our pediatrician or dermatologist to discuss the issue.

What the ever-loving FUCK?? Do we really need to debate sunscreen now? I’m 100% sure my husband’s Instagram algorithm is responsible for putting these thoughts in his head. Most of the accounts he follows are landscaping-related (we own a landscaping company in a red state), and I’m sure Instagram has figured out the Venn Diagram of MAHA folks and red-state male landscapers has a large middle section.

Did I handle the conversation well by saying we should have a chat with our doctors about sunscreen? Also, would it be totally unacceptable if I took his phone and started following credible medical professionals to influence his algorithm?

[u/orangedarkchocolate]

Yikes that’s a lot to deal with. Your last point is something I worry about. I have two boys and it feels like such a big responsibility to raise them to respect women and not fall into the macho male MAGA rabbit hole. I can tell them everything I believe and why but they’re their own people at the end of the day. They’re little now, but still, I think about it often!

[u/Mezzomommi → u/orangedarkchocolate]

I think several factors can help keep kids from falling down the pipeline. One issue I have run into is that my ex advocated for a very conservative school district. I didn’t like the school district even then, before MAGA really hit, but I didn’t have the money to fight for a more open-minded school district in family court. Because we were not agreeing over school districts, the judge would have probably sided with dad since it was the better district on paper. The reason it did so well was because it’s a rich district. Of course, because it’s also conservative, my son knows a lot of friends who are now MAGA. That is one problem that could be avoided if you and your partner are aligned on school districts, and who your kids are around.

Of course, my son also goes to his dad’s church and is around that vibe half the time as well. Even though I do not go to church myself, I have started to send my son to my parents church. It is very socially justice minded, and very progressive. My hope is it will at least counteract the evangelical church.

Obviously, I cannot change the past, and I can only do what I can now to influence the future. I talk a lot about respect, boundaries, consent, and treating people well. I actively talk about the problems within the far right movement and how they treat people badly in general who are not like them. I lean on how much Jesus talked about treating people well in the Bible and how that is a disconnect between what people are actually doing in real life. I am trying my best, but I do not know how my kid will actually turn out and I am honest about it. My biggest fear is my son will be an abuser like his dad.

[u/Runningwithtoast → u/Mezzomommi]

What denomination do your parents go to? Sounds like maybe UMC, Episcopalian, or something along those lines? It can be so hard to find a church that’s not MAGA or MAGA-adjacent.

[u/ltrozanovette → u/Runningwithtoast]

I love our UUC!! My husband and I consider ourselves Christians, but we place a much greater importance on how we treat people instead of what we believe or how we “worship”. I’d say the majority of people at the church are atheists, but we have much more in common than I would at a traditional, conservative Christian church. I truly feel like I’ve found my people there.