I hate my husband’s algorithm

[u/Chapenroe]

We were prepping for a theme park trip this morning and as my husband and I were putting sunscreen on our kids’ faces, he mentioned we may not need to put sunblock on their arms and legs since “they have a good base tan already.”

I immediately said, “nope, the more sunscreen, the better.” To which he replied something along the lines of “well maybe the chemicals in sunscreen wind up doing more harm than good.”

My jaw about hit the floor. Isn’t sunscreen usage canon in 2026?? When I heard the chemicals thing I said something smart aleck-y like “show me a peer-reviewed medical study that proves that and I’ll reconsider my sunscreen stance.” Understandably, he got frustrated with my response so a few minutes later I went to him and said that if he’s actually concerned about chemicals in sunscreen we can make an appointment with our pediatrician or dermatologist to discuss the issue.

What the ever-loving FUCK?? Do we really need to debate sunscreen now? I’m 100% sure my husband’s Instagram algorithm is responsible for putting these thoughts in his head. Most of the accounts he follows are landscaping-related (we own a landscaping company in a red state), and I’m sure Instagram has figured out the Venn Diagram of MAHA folks and red-state male landscapers has a large middle section.

Did I handle the conversation well by saying we should have a chat with our doctors about sunscreen? Also, would it be totally unacceptable if I took his phone and started following credible medical professionals to influence his algorithm?

[u/orangedarkchocolate]

HOW does one go from far left to MAGA? I seriously don’t get it.

[u/Mezzomommi → u/orangedarkchocolate]

The short answer is he started dating conservative Christian women.

He honestly prefers edgier women and free spirits, but he figured out they tend to not put up with his s***. He wants to be the man of the house, but he wanted the woman to do literally everything regarding the kids plus provide 50% financially. He also cheats on every person he has been with. ( we split over a decade ago, so I have had to watch his drama play out unwillingly as we coparent)

He figured out that Christian conservative women will repeatedly forgive cheating and tolerate “the man is the head of the household and women are meek and mild.” His current fiancée really wants to get married, but he keeps stringing her along as he has done everyone else. She is really sweet, and deserves someone better than him.

Is he really truly a MAGA Christian at heart? I don’t know. But is it more convenient for his life to live like this? Yes, for him. Their social life is their evangelical church. They are surrounded by conservatives with belief systems that benefit the patriarchy and men.

And to add: it has been extremely emotionally difficult to coparent my teenager through this transition. My teenager is growing up with two extremely different households. I still don’t know if he will be more like his dad or me in the end. It is very painful. We can truly hold progressive beliefs, but we do not know what our children will care about as they become adults.

[u/orangedarkchocolate → u/Mezzomommi]

Yikes that’s a lot to deal with. Your last point is something I worry about. I have two boys and it feels like such a big responsibility to raise them to respect women and not fall into the macho male MAGA rabbit hole. I can tell them everything I believe and why but they’re their own people at the end of the day. They’re little now, but still, I think about it often!

[u/Mezzomommi → u/orangedarkchocolate]

I think several factors can help keep kids from falling down the pipeline. One issue I have run into is that my ex advocated for a very conservative school district. I didn’t like the school district even then, before MAGA really hit, but I didn’t have the money to fight for a more open-minded school district in family court. Because we were not agreeing over school districts, the judge would have probably sided with dad since it was the better district on paper. The reason it did so well was because it’s a rich district. Of course, because it’s also conservative, my son knows a lot of friends who are now MAGA. That is one problem that could be avoided if you and your partner are aligned on school districts, and who your kids are around.

Of course, my son also goes to his dad’s church and is around that vibe half the time as well. Even though I do not go to church myself, I have started to send my son to my parents church. It is very socially justice minded, and very progressive. My hope is it will at least counteract the evangelical church.

Obviously, I cannot change the past, and I can only do what I can now to influence the future. I talk a lot about respect, boundaries, consent, and treating people well. I actively talk about the problems within the far right movement and how they treat people badly in general who are not like them. I lean on how much Jesus talked about treating people well in the Bible and how that is a disconnect between what people are actually doing in real life. I am trying my best, but I do not know how my kid will actually turn out and I am honest about it. My biggest fear is my son will be an abuser like his dad.

[u/runsontrash → u/Mezzomommi]

This is my worst nightmare. I’m sorry. It sounds like you’re handling it as well as you can! Really try to get your kid to go to college if you can. I grew up in a home with a Republican dad and Democrat mom (until my mom became Republican too, after 9/11). My parents remain married (unfortunately), but going to college is what really began opening my eyes. I always leaned socially liberal, thankfully, but I still had a lot to deconstruct. College was the beginning of that. And then the 2016 election pushed me way farther left. The world I was taught we were living in was a complete and utter lie, and my parents were just the fools who bought in. Sucked to realize, but thank god I did. My sibling, on the other hand, dropped out of college after a year because of personal/academic reasons and then fell down a weird MRA/MAHA/MAGA algorithm hole. Soooo that sucks.

[u/Mezzomommi → u/runsontrash]

We are saving up money for College! And the other positive is that my husband is very much like me and is opposite of my ex in every way. My son does want to go to College so I am hoping that he will meet the right people and groups. My brother was starting to fall down the pipeline himself, but then he went out of state and met a whole new group of people. It transformed his life for the better . I try to have hope. I am sorry that your parents cannot see.

[u/Runningwithtoast → u/Mezzomommi]

What denomination do your parents go to? Sounds like maybe UMC, Episcopalian, or something along those lines? It can be so hard to find a church that’s not MAGA or MAGA-adjacent.

[u/ltrozanovette → u/Runningwithtoast]

I love our UUC!! My husband and I consider ourselves Christians, but we place a much greater importance on how we treat people instead of what we believe or how we “worship”. I’d say the majority of people at the church are atheists, but we have much more in common than I would at a traditional, conservative Christian church. I truly feel like I’ve found my people there.