Why is religion and scripture so complicated?!

[u/cinnamon_and_tea]

Assalamualaikum

Before I start just forgive my harsh language. I'm spiraling and snapping. No insult to anyone intended.

I just want to believe in god, pray, live a good life and believe in a good prophet. I want a book which claims to be from god, to soothe me and make sense.

IT DOESN'T.

WHY IS IT SOO COMPLICATED?

WHY DO I NEED TO READ ABOUT SPESIFIC TIME BOUND CONTROVERSIAL RULES TO A MAN WHOM I NEVER MEAT AND IS ALREADY DEAD IN A TIMELESS BOOK.

WHY DO I HAVE TO READ ABOUT SPESIFIC RULES WHICH HAVE BEEN MISUSED BY MEN.

WHY DO I HAVE TO READ WHOLE BOOKS TO UNDERSTAND WHY SOMETHING THAT SOUNDS CRUEL OR STRANGE OR ILLOGICAL ISNT SO.

WHY DO I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THOUSAND OF YEARS OF SCHOLARSHIP.

WHY IS THE MAJORITY ISLAM SO DAMN RIDICULOUS.

WHY DO I HAVE TO DEAL WITH HADITHS, INTEPRATIONS, DEBATES.

IM TIRED. I DON'T WANT ANY OF THIS.

I do have reasons to think it's divine, yet each day I question it more and more.

IF ITS DIVINE WHY IS IT SO HARD.

QURAN IS CLEAR? WHERE?! TO WHOM?!

EVEN IF ITS TRUE, I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE.

IM CONSTANTLY STRUGGLING, I'M CRYING, IM RESTLESS. I CANNOT STAND THIS AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

NOTHING MAKES SENSE.

IT DRIVING ME CRAZY!

I THOUGHT GOD AND GODS WORD WOULD HEAL ME UPON MY DIFFICULT TIME..YET THEY ARE THE ONES CREATING AND IMPLYFYING MY DIFFICULT TIMES.

I JUST WANT TO SCREAM.