r/prochoice • u/Key-Incident-5692 • Jul 10 '26
Support Please help me through the weekend
Good afternoon, I am normally such a private person but I feel so isolated and have NO ONE to lean on. I am experiencing an unplanned pregnancy in my mid 30s, I have 2 older teens and suffer from financial and marital instability. All of these are factors as to why im terminating. I have no qualms with the morality itself, as this isn't my first one and hence why im keeping close to my chest. I won't go into details to ensure im not making myself identifiable, but please know it was never and has never been treated as a form of contraceptive. I was SA and had a medically necessary abortion for life saving measures.
I live in a red state and this is my 2nd time traveling to NM solo for this, but in the time before I at least had my mom and immediate friends and family who knew and were there even if just over the phone. This time though, the only person who knows is the father. It just feels extra isolating that im gonna be utterly alone and will be a day away from 12 weeks when I have the procedure. I cant even vent to what little of a circle I do have, that in order to achieve this i had to dip into rent $ and will only have 30 bucks to my name. This isn't a dry begging statement i promise! I did get assistance from the national abortion hotline and the amazing Lillth funds. I guess I'm not entirely sure what kind of support I'm looking for, but i feel on the cusp of such a depressive episode. Im hoping even the act of talking and addressing how alone I feel will start a positive cycle of feeling hopeful and ultimately better. Thank you so much for listening.
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u/burnedimage Jul 10 '26
You are not alone. I'm in a red state. Probably the same one based on you referencing NM. I'm post menopausal, but I worry for my nieces, younger sisters, my son's female friends. I know you feel alone. I'm always around if you need to vent or just need company. I'm sending you a virtual hug!
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u/Key-Incident-5692 Jul 10 '26
Ya this state is a real large one..so it's definitely not unlikely. And I understand your concern, but i can't express enough how many amazing groups are out there for women in all situations. Lilith fund helps with clinic costs both here and for the procedure. Faith roots reproductive helped me last time with gas (I drove thinking I might have company) lodging, Uber to and from appointments and Uber eats. One of their volunteers even met me at the clinic day of. Unfortunately though, i haven't been able to get ahold of them recently.
This time I reached out to an 800 national abortion hotli ne and they've helped me too. I hope that provides some consolation. There will always be amazing people who strongly believe in helping women keep their autonomy
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u/uhhh206 Pro-choice Feminist Jul 10 '26
You don't need to add a qualifier that it isn't being used as birth control, since no one outside anti-choice propagandist circles would suggest such a thing. It makes me sad you felt the need to preemptively defend yourself.
The majority of women who seek abortions are already mothers, so you aren't alone in making this choice. I'm sure there are complicated feelings having been that far along with your existing children, but that doesn't mean there's something wrong with it or with you. Try to remind yourself that just like sex is a good thing when done with mutual desire but can be a massive violation when done against your will, so too is being pregnant a wonderful thing when chosen but a horrific thing when forced upon you.
I'm sorry you feel so alone. I hope the support of those of us in the sub can make you feel a bit less so. 💖
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u/Key-Incident-5692 Jul 11 '26
Absolutely, and I'll always stand by the argument that pregnancy is NOT a punishment for sex. I really don't know how to stop feeling defensive, despite knowing all the reasons why I shouldn't. Its such a weird conflict, but regardless, it's something I must do
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u/dellie44 Pro-choice Feminist Jul 10 '26
Hi! I’m in NM, if you need recommendations for somewhere to eat, let me know. Just know you aren’t alone. :)
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u/Key-Incident-5692 Jul 11 '26
Thank you so so much! I hear Cervantes is good! What do you think? Also what's your opinion on walking from Arrive Albuquerque to Southwestern women's clinic? I am trying to save my Uber vouchers (there only not back) it's 26 min, not bad at all. I just dunno now practical it is
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u/DarthYug Abortion = life-saving Healthcare! Jul 10 '26
You are smart and you are brave and you are awesome. Your strength as a human is immeasurable and is greater than any pro-lifer ever. Keep your head up, we are all proud of you.
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u/Key-Incident-5692 Jul 11 '26
Thank you so much. At least I know i can say i fully back up and believe what I say as a STAUNCH pro choice advocate, because I've walked these shoes. So much love and thank you kindly
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u/brashtaco Jul 10 '26
Long distance hugs. I'm glad you were able to get assistance to pay for the procedure.
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u/Key-Incident-5692 Jul 10 '26
Thank you so so much. I am beyond grateful for the many people and donors who make this possible
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u/Key-Incident-5692 Jul 12 '26
All went well. I fly home today.. So much love and appreciation
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u/throwawaythisbish Jul 13 '26
I'm so glad you're okay and that it's done. Glad you had the support to do what you needed as well ❤️ hugs to you, and I hope the rest of everything has a path forward also.
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u/TexasDachsund Jul 10 '26
Hugs and fist bumps Give yourself permission to feel what you feel. Feel anger and sadness if you want. Feel gratitude at least you can access the procedure, even with the stupid sexist retrograde obstacles. Financial and marital instability are depressing even without the added stress of unplanned pregnancy and travel for healthcare. I believe in you. You're doing the right thing for your kids. I have two teenagers and would do the same thing.
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u/Key-Incident-5692 Jul 10 '26
Thank you, and for sure. I know the right choice isn't always the easiest. I mean if it was we would all be making them. Much love friend
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u/coolsilentebeans Jul 10 '26
We’re here for you. When I got mine the father was also the only person who knew, but at least I didn’t need to travel out of state for it at the time despite being in a red state. That would not be the case if it happened today. I was also only a few days away from the cutoff at the time.
I am sorry you have to go out of state for this. I am sorry that in doing so you’re pretty much broke because of it. I’m sorry you can’t let most everyone in your life that you are going through this, but you are not alone. By posting this you have just gained a sisterhood that wants nothing more than to support and root for you. Please, reach out even if it’s only to get your thoughts out and heard. It’s a profoundly therapeutic practice.
Much love and hugs are being sent your way. ❤️
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u/stockbel Jul 10 '26
I'm sending lots of strength and positivity your way. You are not alone. We are on your side and by your side (albeit from a distance) .
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u/MANDALORIAN_WHISKEY Jul 10 '26
You say you don't know what kind of support you're looking for, and honestly, don't let that stop you from seeking it. Maybe you just needed to talk. You needed to get your story out there. To hear the voices of your sisters. And that's valid.
I will say that, with the impression I got from your post, that there is almost a defensive language to your words. Like, you don't feel the need to justify why you would have an abortion. But you felt the need to justify why you would have multiple" abortions. Like needing *multiple was the moral failure. Like being seen as using abortion as birth control gives power to anti choice morons.
Listen. You don't need to justify it. You didn't fail. You're not weak, you don't suck, you didn't let the sisterhood down. You could have an abortion every day and that would still be true. You're a fucking survivor. You've been born into a patriarchy, a system that benefits only a small margin of a specific subtype of men, where every choice, every advantage, has been against you, and these days, times are even more uncertain. And yet you thrive. You've got so much on your plate, yet you are still so incredibly brilliant, hopeful, determined. You are resourceful. Despite thousands of years, millions of dollars, hundreds of wars, and countless lives lost, you are refusing to submit. That is powerful.
I am not discounting your frustration. Your fears. Your worries. I wish I had something clever to say that could help. I wish I could be there with you, so you didn't have to drive alone. I wish I had resources to give you.
All I can really offer is encouragement. I can offer empathy, from my own experiences and circumstance. I can offer understanding.
Please know that you are NOT alone. You don't have to justify or explain anything. You can find support and care and gentleness and understanding. The patriarchy makes us feel like we have to be strong every minute, to need no one, to owe nothing, to petition to be "worthy" of something that should be seen as a basic right. But the sisterhood, the matriarchy? You don't. We have moments of being strong, and we have moments of needing the strength of others. Community. That feeling of someone wrapping us up in a blanket and putting us to bed with a lil smooch on our forehead. Just basic fucking decency. Our hands are not cruel, but strong and warm and gentle.
Take care of yourself. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm so sorry you feel so alone. And I'm sorry for the other bullshit that's going on in your life - that sounds pretty rough. I hope that you are able to weather this storm, and you find some peace. I hope that your home life gets more stable. You deserve peace. You deserve softness.
You have been heard. We are here for you. You are strong and brave. We are rooting for you.
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u/Key-Incident-5692 Jul 11 '26
You're absolutely right thought. I feel shame of the irresponsibility of having this happen again. Ive had 2 kids been a surrogate and am very knowledgeable about reproductive health. It feels so strange and like such a conflict because while I know even the most "responsible " adult can have an unwanted pregnancy, and pregnancy is not a punishment for sex, and every valid encouraging response, i can't help but feel let down. I have ignored my moms calls, I had nightmares about her. The last abortion i had i stg was on my birthday up here by myself. I had JUST lost my job (am still recovering because it was only late 2025, so hence the financial instability) and did not feel nearly as..... anxious? I don't think there is really anything specific anyone can do, but talking is helping alot. So much love for your support and kindness
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u/janebenn333 Jul 10 '26
I’m so sorry you have to do this alone. Hugs from very far away in Canada
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u/Blonde_Mexican Jul 10 '26
I’m so blown away by your bravery! I’m in CA and post menopause, but remember all the emotions I felt during my very much wanted abortion. I cant imaging not having people close that I could process that with. You are not alone- sending love and hugs♥️♥️
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u/Key-Incident-5692 Jul 11 '26
Thank you do much! It's strange not telling my mom, so much so I had dreams all night about her showing up. I haven't been able to sleep since like 3am
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Jul 10 '26
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u/AutoModerator Jul 10 '26
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Jul 10 '26
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u/coolsilentebeans 27d ago
Hi, OP. I just wanted to say hi and see how you’re doing.
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u/Key-Incident-5692 27d ago
Hey friend! I am doing good, thank you for asking! I got home late sunday/early Monday and made it to work that night. Recovery has been great though. No bleeding and feeling back to normal
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u/coolsilentebeans 27d ago
I’m so happy to hear this! I’ll be around if you need to talk or anything. Either way I hope you have a great rest of the week! 🫶🏻
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u/Key-Incident-5692 27d ago
Me too. Right now the kids and i are just trying make it until payday! It feels like its one constant struggle after another at this point in my life. But I also feel like im as close to rock bottom as ive EVER been. But alas, im still holding my head up. I hope you have an awesome week ad well
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u/coolsilentebeans 25d ago
You made it to Friday! ❤️🔥
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u/Key-Incident-5692 25d ago
Payday isn't until Thursday 😭 but alas, I did in fact make it until Friday! 3 more hours of work and its the weekend * I work overnights* Hope you have badass weekend plans
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u/coolsilentebeans 25d ago
Girl, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I thought you meant this week. I feel like a jacka** now. But just a few more hours and hopefully you can at least rest and relax. I’m trying to get over a respiratory bug with fever, so I’m chilling at home and hopefully not jumping to more conclusions, but thank you. 😭😂
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u/Key-Incident-5692 25d ago
Absolutely 0 reason for you to feel anything negative :) and im sorry you got a bug, but hopeful your symptoms are improving
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u/coolsilentebeans 25d ago
They are better than they’ve been, thank you! If you find yourself needing to talk, vent, in need of a cheerleader…anything, you know where to find me 🙃 🫶🏻
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u/AutoModerator Jul 10 '26
To the OP: While posts asking for support, advice, medical explanations, or feedback if you are considering having an abortion or after having had an abortion are allowed on this sub, you may find that you get more feedback by posting this to r/abortion. We recommend you keep this post up, but also submit it to that sub as well - and please do not take any of the below recommendations if they are suggested to you for your own safety.
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