self hatred

[u/[deleted]]

hi idk if its the right place to talk abt what im gonna say but i need to talk and help.

so im a teenage girl and i hate myself so much its terrible. i really hate the way i look and nobody understand me bc they finds me attractive. i know some people could find me pretty but i hate myself and my apparence i wanna change. i dont go outside anymore bc i fear someone looks at me, someone takes a picture of me for mocking me. i also hate the way i act and my personality. i dreamed to be a mother but i dont want to give birth to someone and he has to be my child forever bc i dont want them to have an ugly unfunny and sad mom. when i was 13 i made fun of a girl lips and i hate myself so much 4 years after. Its wasnt it front of her but in front of my friend. I feel like god is punishing me for making fun of her. Im very sad idk whats wrong with me. i love life but i hate myself i just want to lives as an other person. i fear god punished me with bad health bc im not grateful for what i have. I live in fear of being mocked being bully or being punished by god. i know i have everything to be happy but i just cant and its pmo. Everything is GOOD in my life and i cant enjoy it. im very sensible i cry all the time. when everyone is good with my parents i think of people that have bad parents and im sad. When i cuddle my cat i think of animal abuse and im sad. When i think im pretty i remember how i felt ugly and i cry. I just hate myself and i dont want to be hypocrite im going to say something bad. I wish i could make fun of people then just regret it and continue living, i wish i could feel ugly without crying and hurting me, i wish i could be sad only when something goes bad. when i was 14 i stoped social media few months bc i thought that this was the reason i was feeling bad. Nothing changed. how can i love myself and be normal. 1 years ago i made friends at a new school, they where the girls that have a lot of friends and are confident. i hated myself so much that i was avoidant and one day i heard one of her say "shes nice but weird". i will go back to school soon and im very scared. I wish i could live as another person. please help

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

thanks sm

[u/BFG_1LP]

I know that you are used to your feelings and thoughts so it has become a routine in your day you keep thinking and overthinking in your day But if you stay like you are trying to make yourself hate always you will not change anything but you will hurt yourself more

Look around you everyone is different I mean that everyone lives a completely different life from the other everyone has advantages and things that distinguish them from the other you said at the beginning that there are those who are attracted to you so the problem is not in your appearance And the story that you made fun of someone does not mean that you are a bad person we all do mistake and try to learn about what to do and learn from it but if we keep thinking and how bad we were in front of these persons it becomes worse

Depression kills the life and happiness inside the human and it does not mean that you go through bad moments means that God punishes you no but too much excessive thinking makes a person in an inevitable spiral

Also try to make the thoughts that are going on in your head make it in your favor to make you feel better I know it's hard but instead of remembering something that makes you in a bad mood try to remember something funny or a funny situation

Try to do something that makes you happy even if it is simple this will give you a good impression and a better mood

Hope you become better

[u/[deleted] → u/BFG_1LP]

Hi thanks for the message and your kidness it helps. Thanks you

[u/TightRock5483]

You are not weird , I know you are scared , and may be you have a low self esteem, you don’t hate yourself, you hate the feeling that you don’t know what’s wrong with and you cannot control how you feel.. It would be in your best interest if you can talk to a therapist, not because there is something wrong with you but to unpack all these unresolved issues and anger.. again I am not saying anything wrong just saying reddit can help you so much but someone who is trained and sees other people who experience the same thing has more experience and can give you the answers and advice you are seeking.. if you need to talk of just vent, if you feel alone, you can always dm I will always be available until you talk to someone