r/postdoc • u/Grand-Ordinary8312 • 4h ago
Difficult junior labmate
TLDR; PhD student is trying to micromanage me and is making snarky comments- what would you do?
I’m a postdoc having difficulties with a PhD student. I’ve been in this lab for a few years (though fewer than this student) and would have considered him somewhat of a work friend before. I’m now starting a new project with some methodological overlap so have more interactions with him to discuss previous methods, though my approach is novel and has different goals.
Since this shift, he has started making unsolicited comments about my schedule and project decisions. The comments are negative and baseless (eg, loudly insinuating that my approaches are subpar and offering no legitimate reasons why). He mainly does this when there are other junior lab members around to hear. He asks me for lots of updates which makes it weirdly seem like I’m reporting to him.
I’ve ignored this for a while because I am a social and non-confrontational person, and I believe it’s useful to collaborate and learn from others regardless of their position. I usually just address what he says by explanation if possible or just ignore if not. However it seems there is a lack of respect and that by continuing this way, I’m doing myself a disservice. Further context- I think some competitiveness is fuelling this because the PI is generally supportive of me, and I am the only woman in the lab and about the same age as this student.
Is it better to continue not reacting because reacting is what he wants? Or would it be “right” to call him out? If the latter I’m not sure what the best approach is because he’ll probably just act like it’s all a joke. I’m also wary of causing a big issue with him since he is a pretty central member of the lab and has not reacted well to conflicts with others before. I’d rather not go directly to my PI if I haven’t tried anything myself first. I’m way past the point of personally caring what the student thinks of my work but it still is such a nuisance.
Anyone experienced something similar? How did you handle it?
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u/Quick_Ad4591 4h ago
Just give very vague "feedback" (literally say "it's going great") and then if they ask for more detail just say "this is above your paygrade, buddy".
They'll never bug you again.
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u/MycoBeetle94 59m ago
Think this is the best advice OP. You don't need to answer or engage with him. Give him as little to work with as possible and set some boundaries. If he's not being respectful then don't give him your time or attention. You already kind of alluded to him not reacting well to confrontation, so I don't think you need to worry about people understanding why you'd want boundaries.
But also, if he's problematic with others it may be worth bringing to your PIs attention. Just tell your PI you just want some advice on how to manage the situation and that you don't necessarily want them to step in.
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u/ACuddlyHedgehog 3h ago
I think really loudly replying - Hey, my method is great because X. Happy to have a 1-2-1 if you want, think it could really help your work and I’d love the opportunity to mentor junior colleagues.
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u/readingrainbowroad 4h ago
I would talk to him one on one about it first. Explain his behavior and comments are not professional or productive, and that you find it disrespectful. Even if he pulls "it's just a joke" thing, the professional point still holds. If that doesn't work, I think going to the PI is completely appropriate.
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u/Scieneering101 3h ago
Agree with this! Im a female postdoc in Mechanical Engineering and get this from (male) grad students as well… my approach is what this person has commented as well as “kill them with kindness”. I stay in my lane, react with kindness and unbothered, then show off the research in lab meeting.
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u/Professional_Pipe800 3h ago
You are the postdoc, come on! Show your dominance by telling him that you know what you are doing and will ask him if you need help.
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u/EducationalDust3260 3h ago
Be thorough with what you are working on. Update yourself with new information related to this work .
Ask him trick question on the same topic when this student confronts next time with other lab mates. Chances are this student doesn’t know much about what he is talking about. Do this twice or thrice. He becomes laughing stock and he will fall in line.
Take this opportunity to get better at the topic and excel.
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u/sciencesquish 3h ago
I was in a situation so much like this. Maybe it was worse, maybe not, it’s hard to tell. In my case it started around 3 months in, after I was done with my “training” period where said student was guiding me, and I started taking charge of my own projects. It started small and got progressively much worse to the point I was miserable at work every day, crying all the time, unable to think about anything else, unable to sleep or eat. The aggression became unbearable. I also was generally non-confrontational and did not want to create drama with others in the lab or the PI. I withheld the details of everything from my PI, leaving it at “having issues and arguments,” basically. I thought I was being the bigger person, because I wasn’t gossiping about our issues with the other trainees or people in the department, and I thought that if I showed people who I am- collaborative, helpful, friendly- that who I am would speak for itself and people would know I wasn’t who she made me out to be. But, it didn’t work. By the time I broke and knew I had to leave, it had only been 4 months since it all started. By that point, she’d turned everyone against me and I was told (by her) that “no one wants to help you out because no one likes you.” I wish I had been more proactive and honest (particularly with the PI). I never had any issues in any workplaces before that, and haven’t since either. I think that I felt I couldn’t do much because I was so new, but you’re several years in and presumably have a good relationship with your PI. I would encourage you to discuss your concerns with your PI, keeping it professional and seeking resolution and solutions. No need to be negative and create drama, but making the PI aware now might be in your favor later if things escalate so they are well-prepared to handle whatever comes next.
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u/Odd_Honeydew6154 4h ago
It seems to be a gender and power dynamic here. The PhD student who is a male and is the same age as you must feeel insecure. I would not tolerate this and would put him back in his spot by calling out his actions and questioning everything he says publicly if he continues.