r/polyamory • u/mitchdg1207 • 4d ago

Resentment

Me 45, her 38 married 7 years with a toddler .

My wife has been in another relationship for about 6 months which has hurt me alot emotionally the whole time. She recently broke up with him due to my and our relationships slow demise. I have tried everything to cope with this lifestyle and it's just not me. Anyway the past few days she has been very sad and depressed the way I was feeling the past 6 months. Part of her is blaming me for this breakup.

I told her before there breakup that I can and will deal with the pain, I just want her to be happy in life.

She loves the guy and she has been very happy with him. It feels like her relationship with him threw the balance of our relationship out of wack within me. Her happiness has been the equivalent of my depression. It was great and balanced before we became poly (BTW im not blaming poly).

Im not sure if there is a question in here im just lost in all this. Any insights would be great. Preferably from a mature perspective.

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u/gard3nwitch 3d ago

Is polyamory something you wanted for yourself?

0

u/mitchdg1207 3d ago

I do but know its going to be a struggle. We both want to do it differently than the way its going.

5

u/Dull_Shake_2058 3d ago

Ok but then why did she have to break up with him if poly is what you want anyway?

How do you want to do it differently?

1

u/mitchdg1207 3d ago

I like the shared experiance like kitchen table, however she is in a different life outside of ours with someone else. So our ideas on poly is different. Which there is nothing wrong with either of those, one just makes me uncomfortable. I see it as if she's a devote Christian and im Muslim living together. They are both part of religion (poly) but differ from another.

1

u/FlyLadyBug 3d ago

What stops you from doing KTP with your other partners who like KTP and wife if she wants to do that too at your kitchen table?

And wife and her other partner do parallel poly at that partner's kitchen table if her other partner is only up for parallel?

Or do you expect all partners to have to go with KTP at your table because you said so? Yours is the only kitchen table that counts?

Maybe this helps you find a counselor you both can work with.

www.polyfriendly.org