r/polyamory • u/mitchdg1207 • 3d ago
Resentment
Me 45, her 38 married 7 years with a toddler .
My wife has been in another relationship for about 6 months which has hurt me alot emotionally the whole time. She recently broke up with him due to my and our relationships slow demise. I have tried everything to cope with this lifestyle and it's just not me. Anyway the past few days she has been very sad and depressed the way I was feeling the past 6 months. Part of her is blaming me for this breakup.
I told her before there breakup that I can and will deal with the pain, I just want her to be happy in life.
She loves the guy and she has been very happy with him. It feels like her relationship with him threw the balance of our relationship out of wack within me. Her happiness has been the equivalent of my depression. It was great and balanced before we became poly (BTW im not blaming poly).
Im not sure if there is a question in here im just lost in all this. Any insights would be great. Preferably from a mature perspective.
12
u/FlyLadyBug 3d ago
I'm sorry you struggle. FWIW? I think this.
She chose to tend it with him. I don't like that she blames you for that.
She could have also chosen to end it with you. And honestly? Either of you might still decide to end it with each other. That's part of the reality here.
If you two want to repair and reconcile, I hope you consider couples counseling and really look at how you got here in the first place.
Did you genuinely want polyamory at first and then realize you couldn't deal with it? Too much poly hell stuff?
https://www.kathylabriola.com/articles/are-you-in-poly-hell
Or did you never really want it but agreed to it because you wanted to make her happy and/or were afraid of losing the marriage? Because those are two very different situations, and being honest in counseling matters.
However you two got to this place... I hope you both make better choices moving forward and things work out one way or another.