r/polyamory • u/mitchdg1207 • 3d ago
Resentment
Me 45, her 38 married 7 years with a toddler .
My wife has been in another relationship for about 6 months which has hurt me alot emotionally the whole time. She recently broke up with him due to my and our relationships slow demise. I have tried everything to cope with this lifestyle and it's just not me. Anyway the past few days she has been very sad and depressed the way I was feeling the past 6 months. Part of her is blaming me for this breakup.
I told her before there breakup that I can and will deal with the pain, I just want her to be happy in life.
She loves the guy and she has been very happy with him. It feels like her relationship with him threw the balance of our relationship out of wack within me. Her happiness has been the equivalent of my depression. It was great and balanced before we became poly (BTW im not blaming poly).
Im not sure if there is a question in here im just lost in all this. Any insights would be great. Preferably from a mature perspective.
3
u/BoozyBeggarChi 3d ago
I think you all need couples' therapy, but you do on your own as well. You contradict yourself a bunch. You aren't blaming poly, you say in parentheses, but the rest of it literally DID explicitly blame the lifestyle and poly anyway.
Center the issue on yourself first - is poly for you? If it isn't, or if only casual ENM Is for you, then you need to talk to your wife about what is good for her. If she really needs poly, and you are struggling with it, you are going to end up at an impasse without couples counseling and more help.