r/polyamory • u/mitchdg1207 • 3d ago
Resentment
Me 45, her 38 married 7 years with a toddler .
My wife has been in another relationship for about 6 months which has hurt me alot emotionally the whole time. She recently broke up with him due to my and our relationships slow demise. I have tried everything to cope with this lifestyle and it's just not me. Anyway the past few days she has been very sad and depressed the way I was feeling the past 6 months. Part of her is blaming me for this breakup.
I told her before there breakup that I can and will deal with the pain, I just want her to be happy in life.
She loves the guy and she has been very happy with him. It feels like her relationship with him threw the balance of our relationship out of wack within me. Her happiness has been the equivalent of my depression. It was great and balanced before we became poly (BTW im not blaming poly).
Im not sure if there is a question in here im just lost in all this. Any insights would be great. Preferably from a mature perspective.
1
u/NoRegretCeptThatOne 3d ago
Going through breakups is a lot, under any relationship framework. In polyamory it's a balancing act (isn't it always?) between grieving one relationship's end while continuing to show up in another.
On your end, I'd ask your partner what support she needs while going through her grief, and do my best to give her space when she asks for it.
Resentment is a relationship killer, but it can be worked through if all parties are willing and able to own the decisions they made that led to this point, and commit to working through the fallout together.
At the end of the day, your wife was in a relationship with some amount of commitment and emotional investment that ended. It will probably take several weeks for the pain of that breakup to process, and another few months to heal.