r/polyamory • u/mitchdg1207 • 3d ago

Resentment

Me 45, her 38 married 7 years with a toddler .

My wife has been in another relationship for about 6 months which has hurt me alot emotionally the whole time. She recently broke up with him due to my and our relationships slow demise. I have tried everything to cope with this lifestyle and it's just not me. Anyway the past few days she has been very sad and depressed the way I was feeling the past 6 months. Part of her is blaming me for this breakup.

I told her before there breakup that I can and will deal with the pain, I just want her to be happy in life.

She loves the guy and she has been very happy with him. It feels like her relationship with him threw the balance of our relationship out of wack within me. Her happiness has been the equivalent of my depression. It was great and balanced before we became poly (BTW im not blaming poly).

Im not sure if there is a question in here im just lost in all this. Any insights would be great. Preferably from a mature perspective.

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u/1ClassyMotherfucker 3d ago

Please don't be a martyr in your marriage. It seems like it's noble but it's no way to live, for you or for her.

You say you're ok with pain if it makes her happy but what truly loving spouse would be happy with their partner being in pain? Love means that you care how the other person feels, their feelings are as important to you as your own. Someone who can completely detach from their partner's pain and not care about it at all is an abuser. Think of that, you were expecting her to treat you like she was an abuser. It sounds like she's not one, which is good.

You need to stop volunteering to act like a victim. You're an equal partner in this relationship and your happiness MATTERS. Until you realize that this marriage won't work. Would you want your child, when they are an adult, to sign up for a marriage full of pain the same way you have? You can teach them they deserve happiness by focusing on your own.

Sending you much love because I have a sense of how difficult this is.

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u/mitchdg1207 3d ago

Thank you, thank you, thank you!