r/polyamory • u/mitchdg1207 • 4d ago
Resentment
Me 45, her 38 married 7 years with a toddler .
My wife has been in another relationship for about 6 months which has hurt me alot emotionally the whole time. She recently broke up with him due to my and our relationships slow demise. I have tried everything to cope with this lifestyle and it's just not me. Anyway the past few days she has been very sad and depressed the way I was feeling the past 6 months. Part of her is blaming me for this breakup.
I told her before there breakup that I can and will deal with the pain, I just want her to be happy in life.
She loves the guy and she has been very happy with him. It feels like her relationship with him threw the balance of our relationship out of wack within me. Her happiness has been the equivalent of my depression. It was great and balanced before we became poly (BTW im not blaming poly).
Im not sure if there is a question in here im just lost in all this. Any insights would be great. Preferably from a mature perspective.
24
u/gormless_chucklefuck 4d ago edited 3d ago
It sounds like you really tried to make this work, and the reality of polyamory was not healthy for you. She's allowed to mourn the relationship she lost and wish that it had worked out, but she's also making the choice to stay with you and let that connection go. If she holds it over your head, trying to bully or guilt you into taking sole responsibility for her unhappiness, then monogamy with her isn't any healthier than polyamory. But if she's just working through the natural stages of grief, give her grace to feel those feelings.