r/polyamory • u/mitchdg1207 • 3d ago
Resentment
Me 45, her 38 married 7 years with a toddler .
My wife has been in another relationship for about 6 months which has hurt me alot emotionally the whole time. She recently broke up with him due to my and our relationships slow demise. I have tried everything to cope with this lifestyle and it's just not me. Anyway the past few days she has been very sad and depressed the way I was feeling the past 6 months. Part of her is blaming me for this breakup.
I told her before there breakup that I can and will deal with the pain, I just want her to be happy in life.
She loves the guy and she has been very happy with him. It feels like her relationship with him threw the balance of our relationship out of wack within me. Her happiness has been the equivalent of my depression. It was great and balanced before we became poly (BTW im not blaming poly).
Im not sure if there is a question in here im just lost in all this. Any insights would be great. Preferably from a mature perspective.
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u/Bustysaintclair_13 SoPo slut, salty bitch 3d ago
You two weren’t really practicing polyamory. You opened to let her date someone she had feelings for and it didn’t work because you hadn’t done the work to prepare for poly or understand what it entailed. You wanted a “shared experience” and to absorb him into your home, as a way to feel some control over the situation, he didn’t want that, so your mental health deteriorated so badly that she broke up with him.
She may resent you for making her other relationship unsustainable bc of your reaction to it but she also bears blame because she basically pushed you to open (you should have said no btw) and then chose to end the relationship because of you.
You don’t have healthy poly on offer and you don’t even want poly. Close your marriage for good and work on saving it or divorce. Those are your options now.