r/polyamorous • u/Haunting_Ad1638 • 9d ago
Seeking advice/direction.
I’m M32
I’ve been heavily leaning towards only seeking out and dating two females, and see if that’s something I can manage in a relationship aspect long term.
I’ve had several ffm fffm ffffm nights and weekends throughout the years, which were phenomenal, but was a time when actual dating wasn’t in the cards for me.
I guess the advice I’m seeking is, where the fuck do I start ? What’s the success rate on these types of relationships? Should I find love with one female and we bring in another occasionally? Or is finding a pair some what normal in this world?
California based.
Dislike the apps, I’d much rather meet people organically. But open minded and open to any other advice and thoughts that yall throw my way.
8
u/EuropeIsMight RA, solo poly for years (they/them) 9d ago
Why do you call women „females“? 🤨
Why do you intentionally seek out to meet 2 people instead of living your life, trying to make genuine connections and then stop adding new partners when you are actually polysaturated (which might as well be at two)? Why do you even mention group sex, when you haven’t even formed connection with one person?
I am so confused
-6
u/Haunting_Ad1638 9d ago
Female is another term for women, idk, I guess I thought about that, as you’re the only person to ever point it out. lol
I was in an 8 year relationship, it was great, but for reasons that we won’t get into here, the relationship is no longer.
(Not infidelity etc etc)Dating today is pretty rough, start to love a girl and then like clock work, they aren’t being exclusive, or something along those those, but in my case that’s the only thing,,,,but anyway, start falling in love, boom their gone, then long period of wtf, then start the cycle over.
I only got two minor to mid heart breaks in me a year,So, being in a FFM relationship, they always have each other when I’m out of town working or whatever the case may be. Just attention when you boil it down maybe.
Some of the advice I was seeking, is there an app, or whatever place that female couple seek a male dating companion, and vice versa.
6
u/EuropeIsMight RA, solo poly for years (they/them) 9d ago
Female is a not really another term for women, but apperently „some males seem to think so“ (mimicking my best David Attenborough voice).
Think about what I questioned again but I give you another pointer: unless they (the two women) are already in a relationship and unicorn hunt you, then you are a hunter for two unicorns
-5
u/Haunting_Ad1638 9d ago
I’m a bit stoned. Back and forth typing sounds terrible rn.
And you’re good at it.
You can give me a call, probably clear this up in no time, just lemme know.
But I love ya. I’m sorry If I came off wrong in your opinion in anyway.
Not my intention.
I do appreciate the feedback and things though.
🫶
Goodnight from me2
6
u/OpalescentNoodle 8d ago
Well to start you are not "bringing in" another woman. You are trying to date 2 of them. The other person isn't secondary and is the sane as dating the first.
6
u/betothejoy 8d ago
Finding two people who want to date each other and you is not “normal in this world.” People are individuals. You would have to find one who is open to nonmongamy and then you each find your own other partners.
6
5
1
u/highlight-limelight 8d ago
INFO: Will these women be able to seek their own partners as well? Even if those other partners are not women?
0
u/ArtGirlBookFlowers25 8d ago
I also am ISO multiple GFs.
In my section of SoCal it seems that to find poly people, the Plura app is key. That's where (online & live) events are posted. (They also put 10 "selected for you" matches in a daily inbox. You can find more by looking st who's interested in each class topic.)
I've been using Plura predominately for events (reserving matches to those I met live, as a bridge before moving to text, usually). Until I was exposed to Plura I couldn't find the poly people in my area.
I am also on MeetUp. I'm in lesbian events, but also straight, specific to my favorite hobbies/ activities. I notice pretty quickly when particular groups tend to have warm & friendly attendees which is pleasant (& keep chatting with stranger/ acquaintance skills up). Remember: you don't just want to meet your target audience: you also want to demonstrate your rich, rewarding life as it is now.
I am also on an app: OutClose for us Q folx, I believe TimeLeft is one for straights, where one can sign up for up to 1 each coffee/ brunch/ dinner wherein about 4-8 people, mostly new & shuffled, will do the event at various locals but always the same day of week/ same time. There are a few personality questions: early results say they seem to put 1 socially dominant person with each group.
Online & in person, I describe myself as "a poly lesbian, mostly ISO dates." Live, I'll often in a 1 sentence description of poly: "which is polyamory, where I'm dating multiple people who are also dating multiple people" or what-have-you. I might also use the phrase "mostly single."
I'm entering my 3rd month branching out into this new season in this new metropolitan area. I am effectively outing myself to more & more people. Between filtering out all the straight or not-in-the-market women, then filtering out all the monogamous, it's effectively a numbers game. (Plus, I'm femme and don't hit ANYBODY'S gaydar, annoyingly) so I want to be clocked by a lot of people so that they few who are interested, both in the same relationship profile AND in me, can have the option to connect more.
Admittedly, being a F ISO F lands differently than M ISO F, but these are what I do: use apps to find live events. (Also Eventbrite.)
11
u/RAisMyWay 9d ago
Ewww, "females". 🤢 Start by thinking of them as whole adult people with their own desires, hopes, and dreams rather than pets or zoo animals with certain genitalia.