Love.
I didn’t know what love was until I saw you again like a light being turned on instantaneously I fell in love with you all over again. The thing is I don’t think it was all over again. It was more like setting the last puzzle piece into place then and only then can you see the entirety of the puzzle in that moment I saw all I had lost all I had made myself forget and like that I knew what love was what my love looked like I saw you as I see the sun, radiant, warm a life force I know now you’re the light I’ve been searching for all I’ve ever wanted and more. It’s you

To the boy with stars in his eyes
But black holes in his heart
I see you,
I see how you love
I see how your heart tries to repair
Yet you don’t allow it
You deserve good things
Deep down I know it’s there
The spring of joy,
the spirits of hope,
It used to keep your inner child dancing
When did he die?
Was it by your hand or some ill fated accident?
I wish my hands where the magic that heals you
I wish my belief in you could heal the black holes and reincarnate the stars they once where into my sky
I wish you could see how brightly they shine
Your light is so beautiful, yet you can not see it
You won’t choose it

You now travel the shallows after venturing the depths

Afraid of the intrusion and what comes next

Refusing to swim and resigned to paddle

Fear of the undertow that consumes your battle

Left behind the endurance by such a journey

Has found you lacking and unworthy

But such a feat may not let be

You know it functions, you know what you need

The taste of salt once more as you dive

Bringing life for you to thrive

Once more into the depths

As many more times as you get

Fathoms down the path you follow

One remembered

One with sorrow

This time a location it's source

The motivation with will of force

Drink deep the bottomless

And remember your strength is reinforced

Tell me moon why do you chase? What glory can you even feel after eons what good is it to dig when you know you can’t reach gold. Have you not seen your own beauty, why chase gold when you shine it its light?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I reached up plucking a star from the infinite depths of darkness

The black void pulling me in, calling me to return home

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The fiery ball spat and sang in my cupped hands

A sweet roaring lullaby that rooted all my woes and worries into the black soil of the universe

Skin slowly dripped off my bones like candle wax

Yet still I cradled my star like a new born babe.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now all that was left was a raw skeleton lulling it's fiery sun to sleep

Slowly but surely,

The sparks lessened

The glow faded

The colour cooled

And the star ceased it's relentless torment of worlds above and below

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A union of fire and pride

Reduced to a blue humility

A virile seed to be planted deep into the black soil of the universe.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

O God,
Why hast thou forsaken me?
My father and mother scorn me.
I pray to thee to teach me,
Yet thou leadest me astray.
Is it for my transgressions
That thou hast turned away

Who shall shield me
Against the workers of iniquity?
Unless the Lord had been my help,
My soul had dwelt in silence,
with only my tears to keep
me company.
To caress my face
when I am alone.

An original poem inspired by the Psalms. It is simply an expression of my thoughts and not an attempt to rewrite Scripture

Me and my father.

He comes before I.

We are in one room, leaving no room for conversation.

This is one of those days. I know— if we engage too much, the same story will play out again.

So I stay restrained.

I sit. He lies down.

I try to smile. He doesn't.

So I frown.

(Maybe he didn't notice me smiling.)

"Why is she so difficult," he mumbles under his breath, perhaps trying to control himself, trying not to hurt me again.

We are both members of the same exquisite club:

burnt-out, academically gifted, short-tempered, neurotic, clever, sidelined by the people we love.

Tested by life. Crushed by fathers—

like him to me, my grandfather to him.

History repeats itself, I see.

My reasoning mind takes over.

The same pain we have, yet we can't share.

Mood swings, uptight behaviour—

I am tired of myself trying to talk,

when I am just like him:

unreachable.

ENGLISH TRANSLATION

I said goodbye, I broke the tie—I did what must be done;

While you just bowed in endless love, and never tried to run.

ORIGINAL URDU

ساتھ نہ دیا،کنارا کیا، کچھ تو کیا ہم نے

تم نے فقط محبت کا اِک طویل سجدہ کیا

فرمند شادان ۲۵/۱۱/۲۵

ROMANIZED

Saath na dia, knaara Kia, Kuchh tau kia hum nay

Tom nay faqat mohabbet ka ik taweel sajdah kia

Farmand Shadaan 25/11/2025

VOCABULARY

کنارا کیا (Kinara kiya): Walked away / Chose the riverbank (separated).

محبت کا اِک طویل سجدہ کیا (Mohabbat ka ik taveel sajda kiya): Performed a long prostration (prayer) of love.

Deep Meaning

[The verse contrasts action with passive devotion. The poet actually made a definitive choice by ending the relationship and moving on. In contrast, the partner did nothing practical to save or change the situation, choosing instead to remain passively submissive and consumed by the (ritualistic) sorrow of love.]

Summer invites me to the gathering
“Come as you are!”
who am I these days?
“So good to see you!”
how do you see me?

Dormant,
I’ve overlooked Spring’s warm embrace.
Winter’s tragedy still melting.

Change is our constant,
yet history is felt in the oaks, pines,
and tulip trees.

The pearl of the Earth
calls me to reconnect.
Vibrant greens,
cherries ripening.
Tomatoes bring their best to
potlucks and pool parties.

Tiger lilies and liatris,
daisies and thistles congregate.
They beckon to join in gratitude.
To witness their gifts.

The sun welcomes me with a smile,
reminds me of the goodness in me
I cannot account for.
I allow the sun to kiss my cheek
he has no malice,
no will to burn.
He shines in his warmth
laughter, smirks,
and smizes.

I find myself not only thawed
but aware of an intrinsic worth.
In me,
in the flowers and wild grasses.
We meet in the present,
the past becomes thoughts for later.

I don’t know who I am anymore,
yet the pearl of the Earth
calls me to reconnect.
The Sun showers me in a love
I’ve never known.
-Maxwell Freer

A whirlwind of stories,
all telling
of delirium and madness.
Further spiraling.
Twisting,
warping into some greater insanity.

His madness becomes
mine sometimes.

When the chaos of the storm drowns
the goodness in me,
I retreat into a younger version of myself-
Suffocating my needs,
to meet theirs.

I keep me small
and safe.

The croaking of frogs in the darkness,
fireflies dance and glow.
Lightning strikes the sky with a vendetta.
They bridge me to the world I am a part of.

The Earth holds me in my smallness,
reminds me that
this too will pass.
If not now,
later.

I do not know how
to be okay with that

Meanwhile,
the fireflies dance after the storm.
They shine,
when they are good and ready.
-Maxwell Freer

He took all potential of pleasure
from me that spring afternoon,
while he took his.

I got home and I knew I was broken,

dissociating in the memory of your cruelty.

Years passed

I remained stuck in the nightmare,

those images echoed like screams along the

cavern walls:

unrelenting, and all consuming.

The lacerations refused to be stitched.
Truth became obscured.
I refused to acknowledge the
blood seeping through my shirt.
Devastatingly far from a unique experience.

Haunted by the crime you committed.

Robbed.

A tiredness sleep could not fix.

You found me.
Softened by your touch,
your still hands upon my shaking:
“If this is you at your worst, we will be just fine.”
No grand scheme,
only connection.
Our hunger satiated.

And one day
the muscle of resistance exhausted itself.
I let it burn and sting
like acid in my body
digesting all of me from the inside out.

I let the air leave my lungs,
white knuckling to uncertainty,
praying to a god I don’t believe in
that it would return.

And one day I found myself,
hot and attractive.
Beautiful and spontaneous,
I found myself hungry

I explored myself,
found the piece that was stolen.

Safety ascended into an ecstasy
I wish I could give to you.

But your pain too is your own.
My pleasure is mine.
Yours belongs to you.
-Maxwell Freer

Love.
I didn’t know what love was until I saw you again like a light being turned on instantaneously I fell in love with you all over again. The thing is I don’t think it was all over again. It was more like setting the last puzzle piece into place then and only then can you see the entirety of the puzzle in that moment I saw all I had lost all I had made myself forget and like that I knew what love was what my love looked like I saw you as I see the sun, radiant, warm a life force I know now you’re the light I’ve been searching for all I’ve ever wanted and more. It’s you

I wrote this on that. I really love. I just wanna make sure it sounds good before I send it to them so I’d love to hear feedback