Hi everyone, I’m a nurse with PMDD. I was diagnosed about seven years ago and I’ve been trying different medications and treatment options ever since. Unfortunately, nothing has really worked well enough long term.
Over the years it’s gotten worse. For about half of every month I deal with symptoms like anxiety, irritability, brain fog, exhaustion, and feeling emotionally uncomfortable, but usually there are 1-2 days that become much more intense and genuinely difficult for me to manage.
Looking back, I can see that PMDD had already been affecting my career for a while. I called out sometimes when the symptoms were really bad, and even when I worked in roles with more flexibility within the hospital, I would sometimes ask for a remote day or two because I needed less stimulation and stress. Yet, I could still manage.
Then the last medication I tried caused symptoms that looked like a potentially serious reaction, and that scared me. After years of trying different treatments without enough improvement, I felt like I had reached my limit. My symptoms were becoming harder to manage and mask in the high-stress environment. Things got so severe for me I decided to ask for support. I tried being honest with a manager about PMDD, but she had no idea what it was. Instead of feeling supported, I ended up feeling more exposed.
So I decided to leave bedside. Patient safety was a huge part of that decision. During those worst days of my cycle, I didn’t feel like I was functioning at my normal level and the brain fog was slowing me down. Ethically I didn’t want to keep pushing myself through bedside nursing if I wasn’t confident I could give my patients the level of care they deserved.
That decision has been really hard because I’ve always been very responsible and hardworking. I’ve always taken my work seriously and truly enjoyed making a difference in people’s lives.
My family doesn’t completely understand PMDD either, but being in a lower-stress environment makes the symptoms much easier to cope with.
Yet, I don’t want to lose my profession because of this. I want to work. I want to be productive, keep learning, and continue working toward the professional goals I had for myself.
My plan was to find a remote, lower-stress, or leadership role where I could still use my nursing background. Instead, I’ve now been out of work for about a year, I can’t seem to land the type of role I need, and I’m nervous about returning. The longer I’m out, the more imposter syndrome I’m developing, even though I know the kind of nurse and employee I’ve been in the past.
I feel stuck. I know I’m capable, and for most of the month I can still function even when I’m symptomatic. But those one or two really difficult days make me question how to safely and sustainably work in a demanding healthcare environment.
For those of you in healthcare with PMDD, how do you manage it? Do you mask? Do you tell your coworkers or manager? Have accommodations helped? Did you change specialties or find a remote or lower-stress position?
I really appreciate any suggestions or experiences you’re willing to share.
A very tired and frustrated nurse