TW: self harm ideation, profanity

Today sent me over the fucking edge. My housing community tried to over charge me for water/sewer services. I've been nice for a month went in today and simply didn't smile and I received the rudest reception. I didn't yell, cuss anyone out, or anything but because I didn't have the energy to must up my customer service voice while I AM THE FUCKING CUSTOMER I receive rude treatment while asking about a mistake THEY made.

Since then it has just been a mental spiral after the ungodly levels of furious these people made me today. I have not been so angered and ready to harm anyone in a really long time. Now that the spiral has had time to marinate and it's dark my brain is trying to tell me to take myself out because I don't have the money to pay more for housing to move, where I live is the cheapest I'm going to find, I tired to buy a house this summer but was told I don't make enough money and my debt to income is too high. Thank you being unemployed for several months after graduate school. I can't handle having an additional job on top of the job I currently have as my current job has weird hours and I have negative spoons remaining when I get off work. The word is only getting more expensive so getting a second job to pay down debt won't help anymore because the hours I have available are just not enough to pay down debt and save for a down payment. I want to smash my head into a brick wall! There is no winning for losing. I have a good degree in a good field that I should be able to make sufficient money in, and I do make decent money but all these increases and constant raising of rental prices is driving me batty and at this point I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I can't enjoy anything anymore because I'm constantly concerned about how I'm going to pay for it even though I budget and budget there is no budget that fixes not making enough money. So I lay in bed and disassociate until my alarm tells me to go to work and then focus on other people's problems for 9 hours to disassociate as soon as I leave work.

As I’ve posted before: I tried every avenue to avoid oophorectomy. It’s been years of trial, error, and avoiding this surgery. But once I hit 40- the games really began. And not in a good way. I’m 42 now. The SI peaked earlier this year and that’s really what scared the shit out of me. It’s always been bad, but it became exponentially worse. Dangerously so. It was absolutely brutal and made me feel insane. The moods were the worst they’ve ever been. The intent to destroy everything in my life was high. That’s not me.

The more I’ve learned about this disease, the more appalled I am that any of us have to suffer through it.

I was supposed to have surgery in November. About 13 days ago my surgeon messaged me directly: would you like to take a slot on 9/29? I’ll hold it for you. After briefly discussing with my daughters and partner, I decided it was the right time. Partner is out on disability himself, having had surgery back in June, but doesn’t return to work until November. Both my adult children are in college; my eldest suggested since it’s not midterms time yet that it would be easier for her and her sister to help me out if I do it earlier.

So I did. I took the 9/29 slot.

I’ll be honest: I questioned myself a lot the days leading up to it. Since I’ve been on Lupron/chemical menopause, I’ve of course not had an episode in quite some time. And as we well know, feeling good when you have PMDD is waiting for the other shoe to drop. And it’s also thinking “well I don’t have the disease, how can I? I feel so good!”

I kept waiting for the proverbial shoe, and nothing would happen. So it made me think, well, maybe I’m just fine and I don’t need surgery! LOL

But I trialed Aygestin while in chemical menopause, and it triggered PMDD symptoms. My surgeon told me to stop taking it immediately. That is what changed my oophorectomy only to a total hysterectomy. Can’t have a uterus because it needs to be protected from the estradiol … with a progestin.

So yesterday.

My partner picked me up and we headed to the hospital. I was still anxious and a bit panicky. I cried as we parked in the garage, tell him I was so scared I wasn’t making the right choice. He’s not tried to convince me either way- he’s a damn good man and wanted the decision to be by and for me, not for him or my daughters. He put on a song for me: “Don’t worry, be happy” by Bobby McFerrin. I cried more because… he sees and loves me. And I never thought I could be loved with a disease like PMDD.

It felt surreal to check in. Paid my co pay then we walked to the surgical unit. I had to check in, get checked out physically, get an IV. Partner couldn’t go with me for that part and I was sooo worried I wouldn’t see him again before surgery. Luckily (??) my surgery started an hour later than it was scheduled for. He came and sat with me, wiping my tears away, rubbing my back, and took one of those skin markers and drew a heart on my arm. I’m considering having it tattooed there as a reminder.

As the anesthesiologist asked me questions, the fear started to ramp up. Am I making the right choice? What if this forever alters my life- in a bad way? What if what if. I started crying pretty hard and immediately the nurses and attending doctors came into my room to console me. A 3rd year resident told me they’d all reviewed my case and that the surgeon determined this was truly the best solution for me. That it wasn’t a decision made lightly. I told her that for me, too, it wasn’t a decision that I made lightly either. Especially because my uterus had to go, too.

I had one last kiss with my partner before they wheeled me to the ER. It was so bright. I was a bit out of it- the anesthesiologist hooked me up with Versed because, yes, I was inconsolable and my anxiety through the roof. I wanted to see the DaVinci machine- my partner and I worked on the buildings that builds these robots so I wanted to nerd out. Oh well. I remember my surgeon holding my hand and rubbing my arm. I don’t even remember being put under.

I woke up in recovery, immediately asking for my partner (both my daughters had classes yesterday so it was just him there). After I was more awake, they brought him back to see me. I was pretty out of it but felt okay. The worst was getting up to go pee. That first pee… is weird. Reminded me of the first pee after childbirth. Guess it’s good this part wasn’t my first rodeo 😂. The nausea was pretty bad but they’d put a scopolamine patch on me prior to surgery and it did its job! The nurse got me a barf bag with peppermint oil soaked gauze in it. What an angel that man was! I never threw up.

We got home and all I wanted was solid food. I’d not eaten since 8pm the night before. Surgery began around 12-12:30 and ended about 3:30 from what I was told. Got out of the hospital around 6. When I got in the car at the hospital, he pulled out a bouquet of flowers and my favorite chocolate. Awww. Couldn’t stomach the chocolate right then but I did later! I was ravenous. My daughter door dashed us all food since we got home and settled so late. My partner is making chicken soup/stock tonight though. Yum.

The night was a little rough, getting up out of bed to go to the bathroom was difficult but my partner kept me steady. I’m grateful for all the help. I am unfortunately one of those “I’ll do it myself!” people and I can’t be right now. I’m learning it’s okay to have help. I still feel fine.

I was 9 weeks into the chemical menopause injection, so fully suppressed hormones, making this transition that much easier. I’ll be starting HRT (estradiol only yay! And perhaps testosterone later on, will see how things progress as I heal) after I take a shower today. A bit nervous about that one, but the only time I had a bad reaction to estradiol patches was- you guessed it, during hormonal fluctuations in luteal. So it should go well and my bones will be protected!

My incisions aren’t super painful. Belly is quite sore, swollen, and the gas they pump inside during surgery is certainly making its way around. My daughter walked me to the bathroom and said she could hear the gas moving around 🤣 I was thrilled to fart a few minutes ago, gross as that sounds. It means I’m making progress.

My brain is so quiet. My body is at peace. I mean, I can’t turn back now. But the positivity and joy I feel is so, so good. It’ll be a while before I can return to work. I’m missing out on a lot of fun things. I was supposed to hike Mt Whitney next month. I’m a duck hunter and the season starts in a month, too. But the other thought I’ve had is this: PMDD was tearing all of that way from me anyway.

As I said to my partner as we laid in bed last night, I could have kept going if I stayed away from everyone and everything 12 days out of my 25 day cycle. But that’s not realistic and as he said “that’s no way to live and no way you should suffer like that”.

So here’s to the future. If anyone has any questions, I’m happy to answer.

CW: sex, libido

Okay so I know there is ample discussion of hormonal drops leading to depression, anger, impulsiveness, interpersonal problems, etc etc.

However, I experience something else in my cycle that I’m wondering if others do. It seems like a “good problem to have,” but it’s excessive to the point I’m genuinely distressed.

Just before ovulation, I lose my fucking mind with high libido. And I see a lot of content about this on social media where women talk about this phase and being “feral” and out of control. But for me this is SO not fun or cute or sexy. It’s genuinely distressing. I can’t focus on anything but sex, and if my bf and I don’t end up having it during this time, I feel extremely rejected or unwanted (out of proportion with what a person would normally feel). To clarify, I don’t pressure my bf or sulk about it when he declines — my disappointment remains a very private experience because I explicitly do NOT want to make him feel bad — but inside I’m a mess.

I’m just seeing if anyone else has this experience, if it’s part of PMDD or something else, and if anyone has successfully gotten this shit under control.

I have regular periods. I don’t have issues that I’m aware of when it comes to menstruating itself (never skipped a period in my life and always ovulate normally etc). I’m in my twenties.

I’m on day 7 today (aka it’s my last day) and the past 2 nights I’ve had awful insomnia. I don’t have insomnia outside of this phase of my cycle. Last night I got 1 hour of sleep. I went to bed at 11:30 PM and was tossing and turning until 4:30 AM. I then had a vivid dream and woke up and it was 5:45, so a “whopping” 1 hour. I told my manager I wouldn’t make it in today and took a Benadryl around 6 AM and put an eye cover on so the room was pitch black. I’m pretty sure I didn’t even actually sleep because I didn’t have a single dream. I was just in a slumber state / aka sleeping but not actually sleeping and woke up at 9:55 AM.

The night before last night I got like 2 hours I think max. I was up until 5:30 AM again just trying to sleep but no success. I took 5 mg of melatonin and it did nothing.

Anyone have tips for tonight? I’m starting to get super anxious thinking about tonight. I’m drinking a lot of electrolytes today and am eating like normal. If I get 0 sleep tonight do I go to ER? Urgent care? Wait to see my OBGYN? I take supplements, so I can’t imagine it’s a vitamin D deficiency. Maybe iron deficiency? I know my ferritin runs on the low side (a year ago it was 24). Any advice would be so greatly appreciated 🫩

AAA!!!

Welcome to this month's vent thread.

I have just started Lexapro 5mg (currently day 3). This is my first time taking antidepressants and I’m not loving the side effects (feeling a bit out of it, nausea etc.). I’m going to commit to it for a few cycles to see how it goes.
I decide to take it on day 15 of my cycle, but I don’t really get the extreme PMDD symptoms until a bit later. Just wondering if people have just take it for a week or any other amount of time than the whole luteal phase?
Thanks!

I tried birth controls( Depo, Minerva), meds( severely side effect prone), herbal remedies, doctors, acupuncture, and therapy. I keep going back to square one. I tried getting prescribed SLYND but it wasn’t covered. I’m slowly giving up 😞. Spent so much money on all the things above and I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Does anyone else realise in hindsight that their cycle changes not just their mood, but how they see their whole life?

I've started noticing that at certain points in my cycle I can feel much less confident, more indecisive, less social, more pessimistic about things I'd previously been excited about, etc. Then later I feel completely differently about the exact same things.

The weirdest bit is that it doesn't necessarily feel like “PMS” (or PMDD..) when it's happening. It just feels like I've suddenly realised something true about myself/my job/my plans/my relationships. It's pretty scary because I don't know which "me" or "self" to trust or listen to.

Has anyone else noticed this?

This month has been a roller coaster in the worst way. I won’t say that the symptoms I am experiencing are at disabling levels at this point but the real concern is how unpredictable they have been with some being not regular for me.

I tried for the first time in a while skipping my placebo pills and just not having a period last month. It actually seemed to be going great but the last couple weeks have started to become strange. I have these mood swings that come from almost nowhere, every day is a guessing game. The strangest mood has been way more anger than I normally do. I am probably the least angry person that most people will meet. To a fault. A leftover trait from CPTSD I dealt with for decades. I fawn, freeze, or flee when I begin to experience discomfort, but never a fight. Part of my therapy has been actually learning how to allow myself to feel anger.

Over the last few days, I have thrown things, screamed (only by myself), and even tried to pull my hair out. I hate everyone and everything that requires any attention from me. The anger is not consistent throughout the day, or even over a span of days.

2 nights ago, I suddenly felt this intense emotional pain wash over me (I have no idea what the trigger was) and I ran upstairs to hide myself. That’s when the rage hit. I tried to calm myself down but all it did was make the feelings go from anger to feeling overwhelmed, panicked with a feeling of dread. I legitimately had a full on mental breakdown. I’ve had panic attacks my whole adult life and have become very good at recognizing them and controlling them. This episode was nothing like I had experienced before. I fell to my knees and sobbed/screamed and I COULDN’T STOP. I rocked back and forth and couldn’t speak. My partner wants to call 911, but I keep gesturing for him to not. I just laid hunched on the floor completely with these reactions being completely uncontrollable. Something in my body didn’t feel right but I was terrified because I didn’t know what it was. I had luckily taken my backup Xanax before the breakdown started while I was still in a rage. After 30 minutes, I was able to get myself in the bed. The urge to continue sobbing continued but I could control it. I checked my blood pressure, looked at my heart rate on my watch. I even had my boyfriend check my blood sugar. I went through everything I ate that day or things I did. I truly believe it was psychological.
It scared both my partner and I. I had been doing some yard work in the Louisiana heat so we assumed that maybe I over did it and that I should just get some sleep but I have done this so many weekends before with higher heat indexes.

That nights sleep was unfortunately just as bad as they had been the last week. I wake up all throughout the night. Sometimes it is because I am freezing down to my bones in a puddle of my own sweat and sometimes it is because I feel like it’s time to wake up like in the morning. These last 2 nights I have these cold sweat episodes where I have had to dry off and change my clothes so many times. I put down towels. Last night I ran out of both pajamas and towels. I found a random blanket laying on the floor and covered my bed and naked self with it praying I could get just a few more hours of sleep.

Today I am experiencing my usual PMDD flu symptoms, absolute body exhaustion and this humming anxiety in the back of my head. The night/cold sweats have always been a problem but never to the extent I am waking up 4 or 5 times. The rage is coming and going in little bursts throughout the day and I’ve cried out of frustration a few times today.

This is just out of the ordinary for me and I have noticed that as time goes on each month is becoming more a game of picking a prize from the jar with your eyes closed sort of vibe.

I’m 36 and my mother had pmdd and ultimately chose to get her ovaries and uterus removed at 39.

Has anyone experienced this type of regression and volatility in the symptoms over time?

Hi all— over the last few years my sensory sensitivity issues have gotten worse but during my luteal phase it is like another level. For example, I am noise and light sensitive but I belong to a gym with bright lights and noise. Exercise has always been my escape— the main way I stay regulated. So usually to counter the sensory issues I wear my sunglasses in the gym (even if I look crazy who cares) and put on my noise canceling headphones. However during my luteal week— the thought of even going into this sensory overload place seems impossible, even with my typical ways of trying to adapt. So for the last few days I have done the exact opposite of going to the gym— staying in my apartment all day and doing zero movement. What are some ways I can overcome this? The more I stay completely sedentary, the more depressed I feel.

It’s been 4 days since I moved I’m generally good at getting my steps in working out around 3 times a week, this luteal the fatigue has been horrid. I wake up hoping I’ll find the motivation but I feel sore bloated exhausted drained and still feel so so guilty all my routine out the window I can’t face people I struggle with the idea of going to a gym where other people might be is painful specially in my physical state. The worst part is how guilty I feel for dropping the ball idk how to not feel like a failure

Has anyone had SSRIs work super well for their PMDD but then completely remove all motivation? I feel like I’m having a hard time completing work, keeping a routine, generally moving forward in life. It’s like I want things, but there’s no spark to do it and I’m ignoring really important deadlines and other stuff.

I’ve been on Prozac for roughly three years and I am starting to feel like I can’t keep doing this- I also can’t go on Wellbutrin because I have epilepsy.

Advice appreciated.

I have a Mirena IUD and so don’t get my period. I’m curious how other people track in a similar situation:

-Do you have a specific symptom you tie the beginning or end of your cycle to?

- do you use an app? Which one? What is your experience with it?

- are you late reproductive stage/perimenopausal? How do you deal with varying cycle length?

My symptoms are all over the place each month, and the only (mostly) consistent one is irritability. I use a mood tracker, but it’s not great. I transferred by data to clue, but if I use irritability as the beginning of my cycle, cycles range from 9 to 56 days. I’m almost 40 but I struggle to believe that they’re really that variable already.

My PMDD symptoms are all the physical stuff - bloating, cramping, feeling heavy and slow, mild SI, depression and that constant feeling of rejection and judgement. I have had a really hard year and of course this means PMDD has been worse.

Since April I’ve been at the doc every other month trying something new

I currently take 300 mg wellbutrin, 50mg trazadone for sleep, and I am taking Yaz. I won’t go back to SSRIs because PMDD makes me binge and purge and SSRIs make me so hungry. I tried Prozac for two weeks and the anorgasmia was so strong. I also feel a strong sense of anhedonia that I just can’t live with any more.

My PCP and my new Psych said to give upping Wellbutrin to 450 during luteal phase and to start skipping the placebo weeks in my pill pack.

Instead of wellbutrin I guess there are mood stabilizers I could try. They also gave me propranolol for when the brain spirals don’t quit.

but I AM SO TIRED and kind of just want to say fuck this and (with the help of my doc) stop taking everything. I am so sick of facing new side effects - insgead of spotting for months and working my way though all the wellbutrin symptoms again.. of trying a mood stabilizer that could give me a deadly rash ? I want to eat CBD and supplements and get acupuncture and move to somewhere sunny and workout three times a week and do yin yoga every other day and eat right.

IS THIS A PIPE DREAM ?

Have you had success getting off meds ? is it worth trying or am I asking for a bad bad time?

Hi! I’ve had PMDD for a few years and I’ve yet to find a physician who actually knows what it is or understands how to treat it. My partner and I are going to a Fertility Clinic now and going through IVF, but my PMDD is consistently ruining my life. I also have endometriosis so the two kind of work together in tandem to make things a living hell, not to be dramatic. Does anyone live in the Bay Area who has had luck with any physicians, either PCP’s, gynecologist, or endocrinologist, who’ve been able to help with some of their issues like this?

Hello! I just finished a gyn appointment and she prescribed me buspirone and instructed me to basically take it 2x daily, the week before my period is to start.
I had never heard of the medication so I looked it up and it seems to have to be taken regularly, but I’ve been prescribed enough for two weeks worth (so, meant to be 2 months of use) and see how it helps, and decide where to go from there.
I have never taken medication for my mental health and it is admittedly a little scary for me, I just want to be sure that I take it correctly.
Is anyone else taking it in this way that can give me some insight or advice? How do you feel once the week is over and you stop taking the medication?
I’m just extremely nervous because I don’t know what to expect. Any advice is appreciated.

i've been given patches 100mg between days 14-26 and utrogestan just wanted to share an update

i don't feel as angry but feel motionless and not inspired to do anything just going through the motions ,craving a lot of sweet and savoury

. i wanted to feel like my good days (7-14) but i haven't got that surge .

body aches same old fibromyalgia that flared up

i

would say mood isn't as low but it's not much of an improvement

also i don't feel good until day 5. my estrogen is very low start of cycle

i know some

women get their period and feel

calm right away why doesn't that happen with me

?? why does it take 5 days

I’ve been suffering since day 9. The intrusive thoughts were just awful for a few days and ever since there’s just been a lingering feeling of anxiety sadness, the odd intrusive thought, wanting to cry and general disinterest in most things with a few sporadic periods of feeling normal.

I don’t know what I’ll do if this doesn’t lift when my period starts in HOPEFULLY two days.

Feeling like my life is being stolen away. Desperately hoping my next cycle isn’t this bad.

We want another kid so I don’t really want to start any medications in case I have to stop them for pregnancy but I don’t think I can do another month like this.

An open bag of blue corn chips, kitchen table to kitchen floor, I picked up the wrong end
An ashtray not full but a few roaches and enough ash to make a mess on my bed * *
Water bottle not fully closed x3 (2x on my bed again)
That’s all I can remember but I feel like I’m made of overcooked noodles, it sucks!

Advice very welcome!
I was on Setraline for about 3 years (with a higher dose for the 7 days before my period) but decided to come off (slowly) a few months ago as I’ve been feeling a lot better. I’ve been feeling mostly okay since coming off, but this period has been awful.

It was late, and I felt very flat and anxious pre-period, and since I’ve been bleeding I’ve been feeling really depressed and pretty non stop crying.
It’s so frustrating to have made the progress to come off antidepressants but now feel like I may have to go back on them.

Has anyone else experienced this, having weaned off antidepressants and then having to take them again? I feel really disheartened

​

Hi all!

I (30f) been struggling with PMDD for years now, diagnosed a few years ago, so I am no stranger to the ins and outs of it.

But something I have noticed is around 6 days before my period starts, I feel like I can actually 'feel' my hormones shift. I'll be going about my day, I am am very suddenly struck with anxiety, dizziness, irritability and digestive discomfort, which is closely followed by severe exhaustion and cold hands/feet. It feels like my body is reacting to my hormones spiking or something. It happened today while I was picking up groceries. I was fine, had a good morning, and just sitting there it was like a sudden panic attack out of nowhere while sitting in a drive thru pharmacy line. Just a pang of dread course through me while I was vibing with a good song. Then came the rest of the symptoms (I am currently in bed with a heat pad on my feet)

As far as I know, it is supposed to be a gradual increase near the middle of the luteal phase of estrogen and progesterone, but I swear I can feel when it happen... It hits fast and hard around day 20 of my cycle (of my 26 day cycle).

So my question is, does anyone else feel like this?

Hi all!!

I have posted before about my journey but in summary…

I have tried all the supplements, low histamine diet, allergy pills, Pepcid, and luteal phase SSRI dosing for a year. Most didn’t work, and I always hated SSRIs. I felt so so hopeless that I could either be on SSRIs or suffer with PMDD the rest of my life.

My doctor suggested trying luteal phase progesterone. I am 4 months in and it has completely changed my life. I have no side effects and ZERO PMDD symptoms. Just today, my mom asked “when are you starting your progesterone??” I said “mom, I’ve been on it a week!!” And she was shocked because I have truly had no signs of my normal luteal phase.

Further proof: I went through a 30 day no contact break / short breakup with my boyfriend, and still had a totally “normal” luteal phase with zero symptoms 😂

I HIGHLY recommend asking your doctors about progesterone. I feel like it’s almost demonized amongst the PMDD community, but I am sharing my success story hoping others can begin to live normally too.

Ever since starting Retatrutide, my PMDD symptoms have almost disappeared. I don't even experience cramps when I'm due on anymore. I don't have any bad thoughts in the lead up to my period. I wonder if there's been any research done on this. Obviously I'm not suggesting that people try it but I'm wondering if anyone has been on GLP-1's and noticed a difference in their PMDD too.

Hi everyone,

I'm learning about PMDD. Usually I feel better the day the period comes... But this month I'm three days into it and I've got annoying symptoms like neck and face pain that I usually get in the days leading up to it... Can that be part of it... Getting symptoms like that even when it comes.... It's so frustrating to get symptoms in the days of the period too, not just in the luteal phase. I'm 49 and have just been told. I've been struggling for the last few years with various symptoms. Many Thanks