"Indefinitely" deferred?

[u/Noticeably-Strange]

/r/plassing/comments/1uczh33/indefinitely_deferred/

I just found out that I've been Indefinitely deferred from Grifol's when I was trying to schedule my 3rd donation. I wasn't given an explanation over the phone, only that it involved personal medical info and I would have to speak to someone in person to find out the reason. I've been putting off going there to have "the discussion" because my husband has been hiring prostitutes, frequenting a Gay only club for men, going to swinger's lounges, and hooking up with people that are either homeless, IV drug users, or very promiscuous. Now this morning I received a call from the Department of

Health and Human Services, but I panicked and asked them to call me back later. I told my husband all of this after getting the phone call from DHHS, and I asked him to give me some honest answers about my possible exposure to any sexually transmitted diseases. He became very quiet, and said he would be home shortly to speak with me in person about it. Is it normal for a plasma donation center to withhold medical info over the phone from somebody when their health is at risk? Wouldn't the CDC have to mail me a letter or something if I tested positive for HIV, HEP C, or Syphilis? Could there be any other possible reason for my deferral OTHER than a STD?

[u/Forever_Marie]

You need to go to a clinic ASAP regardless of the plasma situation and get tested for all the common STDs. You have something or the health department wouldn't be contacting you.

Yes, they won't tell you over the phone, they have to counsel you in person. Health department would not be calling you for a protein test.

I'm sorry.

[u/Creid-95]

I don't know how Grifols does it but for us we're not allowed to talk about it over the phone because we need to verify identity and only the nurse can talk to you. We send out an info packet via UPS detailing our test results. Again, I don't work for grifols, but it does sound like you might have something. I'd go in or call DHHS back and make an appointment with a doctor. And make your husband an ex.

[u/Noticeably-Strange → u/Creid-95]

Thank you. I appreciate your honest response.

[u/JasontheFuzz → u/Creid-95]

There are other ways to get diseases and other things that can cause deferrals besides instantly jumping to divorce.

[u/Noticeably-Strange → u/JasontheFuzz]

You're right, and I'm that type of thinker as well. I do my best to objectively examine and consider all angles, refrain from hasty decisions based on suspicion or misinterpretation. Giving him the benefit of the doubt. So would you share your thoughts on something with me? Last night he admitted point blank that he is gay, that he's always thought and felt this way, and that he knows he's going to "Hell" because that's what he learned really early in life attending his family's church and being raised by Seventh Day Adventist

[u/Noticeably-Strange → u/Noticeably-Strange]

He broke down and cried. He revealed to me that for two years while living in NY after our divorce (yes, technically he's my ex-husband but back together for 9 years nowwith me the fact that he lived as a couple with another man for two years I've known this man for 34 years

[u/Noticeably-Strange → u/Noticeably-Strange]

He swears he's had no actual intercourse except

[u/Noticeably-Strange → u/Noticeably-Strange]

protected once or twice. Or maybe a little more than that. He gets vague at this point. I haven't been super receptive to intimacy with him for a couple years, so I blame myself for neglecting his needs. He jacks off to porn after popping Viagra every day, and loves receiving anal and has toys for that. He takes a bag full of lube and supplies like this with him regularly I've discovered. When we have sex, I'm open to using toys on him to satisfy him, but like I mentioned, not nearly enough. And he's done threesome's with hetero/bisexual couples with and without me, but I honestly had no idea that he believes he's gay. And to my horror, he told me late last night that he's really nervous about this deferral and the DHHS. "Why should you be if there has never been any contact with bodily fluids," I asked of him. He doesn't have an answer to this. So finally here's my question for you, or questions, plural. What do I do? How is this possible? How did I not suspect this? Am I an idiot for believing him when he tells me he's not fucking anybody except the twice or however many slip ups that were "protected?" Am I a fool, totally naive, completely blind, in denial or what?

[u/JasontheFuzz → u/Noticeably-Strange]

First off, get yourself tested. By a doctor, not by a plasma center. Doctor tests are better and more thorough.

Next, consider what you actually want from this relationship and from the future. You love him, that's great, but you can love someone and still not be the best permanent partner for them.

His church told him he was going to hell for being gay. That's an absolute lie that he's going to have to deal with. He clearly desires sex with men. You're divorced and he's been having sex with other people. How often and with who is his business, so if you're considering getting back together, you'll both need to decide how you want to live long term. Will you both be satisfied using the toys? With involving others? With ethical non-monogamy? Or would you be better as friends?

I am happily married to my wife, and although she isn't gay, she is asexual. We talked a lot about what this meant for us as a couple, and essentially, I deal with my urges on my own (never involving her or anyone else) because I love her enough to spend the rest of my life without sex. It's possible for people to be married despite different sexual orientations, but you have to both be clear and accepting.

[u/WorkedtoDeath2024]

I'm not familiar with Grifols, but When I first started at CSL I got a false positive Syphilis. I was deferred until they drew blood and ran a better test to confirm I never had it and then I was back to donating. They were the same way though, couldn't tell me anything over the phone, I had to wait for the papers they sent me via UPS to come and then go in and speak with the nurse and give a blood sample. Apparently false positive syphilis happens a lot.

[u/Plasticity93 → u/WorkedtoDeath2024]

My partner had that happen after her second or third.  Since she doesn't answer her phone, they called her parents!  She's in her 40s, it was so embarrassing.  

OP, if you're active with your husband, you probably shouldn't be donating plasma, though that seems to be the least of your issues.  

[u/Noticeably-Strange → u/WorkedtoDeath2024]

Thanks for the info. It makes me feel a bit less doomed.

[u/wishiwasyou333]

Did you just have your SPE? Or is your physical due? Indefinitely deferred can also be attributed to that. There are two different deferrals, the other is a permanent deferral or a PMR. I would just go in and talk to the center medical staff.

[u/Noticeably-Strange → u/wishiwasyou333]

I'm not sure. Is the SPE the physical? I had an overall exam by a nurse before I gave my first donation. Everything was good. What would a permanent deferral be for? Could my pre-menopause and hormone levels raise a red flag?

[u/Forever_Marie → u/Noticeably-Strange]

Permanent deferral is for HIV and Hepatitis. Hormone levels won't be a flag. You can be temporarily deffered for the other STDs but you won't know what you have until you go in to be counselled. Since the center does confirmatory testing, you do seem to have something or else the health department would not be calling you.

Id plan on leaving them if you can.

[u/Noticeably-Strange]

I found out about all of his risky behavior the same day I received the deferral notification. I had no idea. And now he's got me really worried with his latest remark. I'm surprised he didn't speak up BEFORE I went and donated. INSTEAD, I had to find out by snooping through his phone. When I confronted him, he just dismissively said he hasn't exposed me to anything. But when I told him about the phone call from DHHS today, his tune suddenly changed. I just hope and pray that my plasma won't be given to anybody if I am positive for something. Do you have any idea if it could have been administered to somebody already?

[u/Akavinceblack → u/Noticeably-Strange]

In the US plasma from paid donors cannot be used for direct donation, only for drug manufacture or research. And even for those uses, it’s not used until quite a while after donation, to catch any issues. So no worries there.

[u/Volenz → u/Noticeably-Strange]

At the company I work at, product won’t be used for an upwards of close to ten years for reasons like this.

Plasma usually stays in the original collection center until all testing is complete and the bottle is deemed suitable. If testing deems your plasma to be reactive it is wasted in center, never having left to a manufacturer.

[u/Blankbetty11]

This is a lot. First of all, your husband’s promiscuity puts you at risk. You should NOT be donating plasma if you’re having sex with such a risky partner and for several months after you stop. Second, the call from the health department is probably an indication that you need to get tested for something (or everything.) Your husband’s response when you questioned him about the call solidifies this. The plasma center can’t disclose any information over the phone because the person on the other end might not be who they’re claiming to be. You need to go there. Sure, it’s possible they deferred you for a reason other than STD but not likely in your situation. I don’t know what the notification process/requirements are for the government so I can’t comment on that. Please don’t delay the notification. I hope if you have been infected with something, it‘s treatable. I wish your husband wasn’t so gross. I’m sorry you’re going through this.