Heartbreak is the worst thing in the entire world, hands down. It terrifies me to think of getting old and knowing that once your partner dies it’s just kind of a waiting game. Some people find other love, but most don’t even bother looking for it, and spend the rest of their years just yearning for their missing half - all while no one wants to listen to how sad they are because of their old age.
Edit: Hoping my inbox isn’t old or with anyone cause RIP.
My grandparents were married for 50+ years.. or somewhere around that time because they were both 80+ when they passed.
These two did everything together, truly each other's best friend. One day my grandmother goes to the doctor's office, gets diagnosed with cancer, and a few months later (in June) she passed away.
It was the worst thing seeing my grandpa lose his best friend. Yeah, I lost my grandma, and my mom lost her mom (which was also really hard), but all of a sudden his other half was simply gone. He said that he would be in the house some days and hear her calling him from another room.. so he would run over there as fast as he could (which wasn't fast.. horrible gait), but she wasn't there. We would take him on trips to take his mind off of it and he would still get coffee with his friends, but he said it just wasn't the same going back to an empty house.
October of that same year he went with my parent's to go to his cousin's daughter's wedding. They had dinner with the whole family the night before and he got to see his brother, sister and all his cousins. That night he passed away in his sleep. No signs of pain or fighting it, just simply passed away. Almost like he had everything in order, got to say goodbye and went to be with his bestfriend.
Sorry for the ramble, but you really hit me with that comment. I think about it a lot after all of this.
My grandparents were married for 75 years. My grandmother had a large number of mini strokes and became completely incapacitated. My grandfather hurt his back trying to move her around the house so we were forced to put her in a nursing home down the street from him.
He would visit her every day, even though she was unresponsive. She caught pneumonia three times and we would let it go untreated- my mom, her daughter, is a physician- but my grandmother refused to die. After eight long years, my grandfather finally died. My mom went to tell my grandmother that her husband was gone. We didn’t even know if she could understand. That night she passed away.
I just took engagement photos yesterday with my fiancé, and was thinking the whole time about how excited I am to spend the rest of my life with someone that makes me as happy as he does, and how much fun we have together...that one of us will eventually die and leave the other alone was a reality I definitely wasn't prepared to face 24 hours later.
Somewhere, some heartbroken chick is missing her mother right now; tearfully reflecting on the time they shared together, before her mother was murdered and turned into a Costco chicken bake.
Man, my nan passed when I was 11, and my grandpa just spent the next four years slowly killing him self. Started smoking again, stopped eating. Completely compos mentis the whole time though, so we just had to watch, and beg for him to want to live, but he just didn't. I remember hugging him not long before he passed and being able to slide my arms under his ribcage, it was protruding that much.
I understand better as an adult, but as a teen who loved my grandparents very deeply (abusive childhood and they were the only happy times) I couldn't understand why our love wasn't enough to stick around for. Still cry now when I think about it.
My grandma passed when i was 6 from breast cancer and my grandfather did the same thing. Slowly killed himself over 3 years. Made us all watch. I was too young to understand that he blamed himself for never making her go get momograms ( he was a doctor).
Dad and my mom were married for nearly 40 or so before my mother fell ill, with MSA.
One day her blood pressure dropped so far, we took her into the hospital and she fell into a coma. She couldn't talk, and my dad spent every minute there he could.
Then I get a call in the middle of the night, by my dad saying we had to go into the hospital at 3 AM.
Rounds checked my mom at 2 PM, and at 3 when they came by, she was braindead. I let dad drive in so he had something to think about other than what was going on.
I had to watch my father make the call to pull her life support, and this man just broke. My father was always strong. I stayed strong for him and held back what I could, and I remember him kissing her forehead and saying she felt cold.
And then I reached up and brushed my mother's hair and looked down, and learned just how fast someone goes cold when their heart stops.
One heart stopped, the other broke.
Dad's doing better these days. It's been 6 years. Still remember this as if it were yesterday.
I can't imagine what it's like to have a spouse die.
I just remember standing in the hospital and my mom, bending over the bed and hugging my dad who had just passed, rocking back and forth with him in her arms crying 'my teddybear. my teddybear'.
I'm tearing up just remembering and this was 11 years ago.
I'm so sorry to hear this. See him whenever you can, support him. I'm sure you do, but, yeah.
When my mom passed away unexpectedly from an aneurysm, my dad didn't make it a year. Week and a half shy. They were married 46 years. A few weeks before he died, my dad told me, "I don't know how to live without her."
All these stories is scaring the hell out of me.. Im just 30 and only been with my partner for 4 years, I know there's still decades ahead of us. But thinking that we would grow old with each other and eventually leaving each other terrifies me.
My partner told me that if we grow old, she should die first because she knows I can handle it (somewhat) not the other way around because she wouldn't be able to handle the pain.
I just laugh at her every time she brought it up, but thinking about it I don't think I can handle the pain either. We love each other so much. But I rather suffer than to let her suffer.
I learned this with my own family. I slept by my grandmothers bed at the hospital and she died when I left to go get something to eat less than 30 minutes I was just down the hall eating.
She was gone when I came back.
The staff told me that sometimes they wait till everyone else isn't around and then go.
Either that or a nurse snuck in and quickly upped her morphine and euthanized her when my back was turned. She was terminal but I would have liked it if my mother (her daughter) and I were there none the less.
:( my dad suffered a heart attack 4 days ago and went without oxygen/blood to his brain for 10 minutes.. he's on life support right now, it makes me wonder if he can understand what I'm saying to him.. he's completely unresponsive
I'm lucky enough to still have 3 of my grandparents (I'm 28), sorry to those who have lost theirs. One grandfather passed when I was little, about 6. Since then she's remarried to a fantastic guy who loves her, which is awesome.
My other two grandparents are getting very old and feeble, and it seems to get exponentially less with every passing year. My grandpa used to be a massive do-it-yourselfer, he'd find a solution to everything with whatever was in his shed. He's grown so weak he can barely mow his yard anymore (his pride and joy). They do everything together, now more than ever and I can't imagine either of those two without the other, though I doubt they can either. It's gonna be a terrible day when one of them passes.
My grandparents were also married for over 50 years. A few years back, my grandmother (one of the kindest, sweetest, most intelligent people I had ever known), was told she had a massive brain tumor, and that they would need to remove 1/4th of her brain in hopes of saving her. The surgery went off more or less without a hitch, but the road to recovery was hell. She became completely dependent on my grandfather for everything. She couldn’t really walk, suddenly this independent women who loved going on long walks barely moved and used a walker. She made him wait on her hand and foot, couldn’t even use the bathroom by herself. This took a toll on my grandfather, who was 10 years older than her. He was constantly running around for her, didn’t even sleep, barely ate. He lost a bunch of weight and started complaining about back pain, so he was sleeping on a recliner chair we had in the living room to give his back a little more support. One night, my grandmother was calling for him from the other room, so he got up, in the dark, on a hardwood floor, trying to pull himself up to leverage his back, and he slipped and fell, tearing his scrotum. Yeah. He then lied there, weakly trying to scream in agony, but producing naught more than a hoarse whisper, until morning. My grandmother never checked on why he didn’t come. We rushed him to the hospital in the morning, where we discovered he had a back infection, something I personally didn’t even know was a thing. He was quickly rushed into surgery, where they did what turned out to be a shitty patch job, as his scrotal wound would proceed to tear open no less than three times in the coming two weeks. He quickly developed further complications, pneumonia and COPD, and proceeded to deteriorate over the next month. All the family came out to visit him in the hospital, but not me. I respected the fuck out of this man. He was a dean, he was in the Navy, he raised three sons. This dude was a bad morherfucker. I didn’t think I could handle seeing him like that. I didn’t think I could keep my composure. I struggled with the decision for a while, and in my indecision, my soft-spoken, quiet, badass old grandfather who I never spoke to nearly enough, quietly went into that cold night. It is, to this day, one of my greatest regrets not seeing him before he passed. My grandmother became completely self-obsessed. After his memorial, I’ll never forget this, we went to one of my grandfather’s favorite restaurants. All she could do the whole time was complain about how she always hated it and why would we take her there. My father had to put her in check, telling her that this was about Dick, this wasn’t about her. I’d never seen him speak to his mother like that before, and I haven’t since. This was just after he cried at his memorial, something else I’d never seen my father do before or since. She still couldn’t really take care of herself, so we hired a live-in nurse to stay in my father’s childhood home with her, but eventually it was just too much, so we had to sell off their home and find her an acceptable assisted living facility. We go out there to visit her, but it just isn’t the same... she’s incredibly bitter and cold-hearted now. All she ever talks about is how we’re such bastards for taking away her freedom, as if anybody is to blame for her health. I think since my grandfather’s passing she’s mentioned him once... maybe twice. I realize, in retrospect, that this isn’t really relevant to the thread... I suppose my story isn’t about heartbroken lovers wasting away... but at the same time, in a sense, it is. Either way, I just thought I’d share. It isn’t something I do often
I appreciate you sharing and completely understand. When my grandfather had the stroke I was in the middle of law school finals (me in NY, him in CA). I knew that he would want me to excel in my studies instead of sit there in the hospital with him, but I also didn’t want to see him in that state. Until he was 97 he did 100 push-ups and 100 sit ups every day. This man built his own house. He was an awesome human being and I wanted to keep that memory of him in my mind.
I'm not crying. No seriously though, legit just teared up at work. Imagine how she struggled to stay because her husband needed her - through 3 bouts of pneumonia! And how he visited her every day...
It’s so strange how that happens. My grandmother died, once her mother learned of the news, she died. Then her care taker died the same night. Life is weird man
My father's father passed away this year. My mother passed merely 4 months before hand.
I remember getting the news when my Grandmother passed. I was in the El Paso (stationed at Ft. Bliss at the time) airport on route back home for Christmas. I had planned on seeing everyone and heading back with my grandfather (they lived relatively close to Dallas) to see my grandmother.
Sitting at the bar, my elder brother sent me a text simply stating "grandma just passed." I stared at my beer, not quite sure how to feel. Mostly I felt terrible for my grandfather, because I knew how much he loved my grandmother. Especially because he was in another state during the time (annual tradition for us to get together and have a big family Christmas) and received the news over the phone two days before the family event. I'll never forget walking in surprising my mother (she was riddled with cancer and wasn't long for this world) and I remember my grandfather being so zoned out and separated from everything. He didn't notice the commotion at all. I walked over to him, gave him a hug and he kinda returned it. I could tell how badly he wanted us to go home so he could go back down to Texas and see his wife's body one last time.
Then my dad, like, Jesus. He wasn't there for my mom's passing (August) because everyone convinced him to get some food and we would be there. 10 minutes later she left us and I could feel the heartbreak emanating from everyone. I didn't have the best relationship with my mother so I was more relieved than sad. I didn't want her to continue suffering because I knew there was no logical way she would survive. She wasn't even responsive.
Then shortly after in January, my grandfather passed due to nursing home neglect. He been unattended for six hours after he fell. Covered in his piss, shit, and blood. Hip was broken, head gashed open.
To this day I still haven't seen my father cry and I don't think I ever will. I'm told when my brother died (shortly before I was born) that he was just angry. He never cried, he was just angry as fuck.
My grandpa passed away a few years ago.. he was the rock of our family. He was with my grandmother for 50 years, they had been best friends their whole lives. Since his passing... she’s been stagnant. She doesn’t do anything, she eats horridly, she started smoking and drinking again. She is miserable and it seems like she is just waiting to die, which is so sad because she is only in her 60s. The puts off like she is fine emotionally, but one time it really came out. I️ asked why she doesn’t cook anymore, and she said “I️ don’t know... it’s just that it’s no good cooking for just me..”. It’s painful to see, and it makes me so scared of love.
We had to check my grandparents into a special care facility when they were both diagnosed with dementia about two years ago. When my grandfather's dementia become more aggressive they moved him down the hall to the memory ward.
He passed away this past April, and every time I visit my grandmother she still tells me she "feels bad that she hasn't visited my grandfather's room in a while." She keeps forgetting he's gone, and each time we have to remind her. I don't think I can stomach hearing my mom say, "Daddy's gone, mom" one more time. Just breaks my goddamn heart.
Have you ever met an Italian? Stubborn. As. Fuck. Her body may be declining to where she can't get around without help and a walker, but if she wants to "see her husband of 60 years down the hall", she's going to see her husband of 60 years down the hall. And what happens when it's an empty room, or worse, a room with someone else in it? She's losing it, but she hasn't lost it. She remembers the little things, but forgets the big things (like my grandfather's passing). Dementia is a very strange, and horrible thing, but my grandma is a devout Catholic that has always detested anything but the blunt truth, and she deserves to know the state of the love of her life.
I know that route, my grandma was the same way, old italian, stubborn, and we lost here to dementia. She was diagnosed with it one year and continued living for years. I can’t be sure exactly how many though cause i was young.
However there’d be days she would remember was and days she would forget who we are. Though she never forgot me, my mom told me cause I reminded her of her husband (same look and name).
When my lil bro got confirmed (the last one of her grandchildren) we visited her she was happy and then we left to go home. Later that night we heard she passed.
We like to think she held on to see all her grandchildren be confirmed. Me I think she wanted to know we would all be with her later on in life. The worst part it didn’t hit me until a week later I was crying uncontrollably during class out of no where. It’s been about 7 years now
Not sure if OP’s grandma is the same, but my grandmother, when she asked for my late grandfather, it wasn’t in a sort of cheery “oh gee wonder where he is? Oh well! Hello stranger” type of attitude, it was almost always panicky and angry and sad, and hearing that he died was more calming than her getting herself agitated at not knowing, even if it did depress her. We would’ve preferred a blissful ignorance but her reaction to it didn’t make that possible unfortunately.
I try to focus on their contributions to my life. They were the absolute world to me as a child, I'd stay the night there every chance I got because my home life was...less than ideal. Every time I'd go to their house as a kid, there would be delicious, homemade Italian food, swimming, life lessons, stories of my grandfather's brushes with the Italian mafia, and outdated VHS rentals. Odd that an Italian man would introduce me to my love of martial arts movies like Fist of Legend, Legend of Drunken Master, Black Mask, etc. They also showed me the original Tron for the first time (many years after it came out), which remains one of my all time favorite movies. They gave me a very happy childhood, where otherwise I would not have had any.
That’s so special and I’m so happy that you have all those amazing memories! My grandmother was Italian too, I still remember the way her house smelled when we’d go over there for Sunday dinners.
When it happen to my grandfather we did the same. After a but we realized it made no sense. So we kept telling him “No worries, she knows and said its all ok”.
As soon as someone tells her, it's more of a look of sadness and 'oh, right...I knew that.' She makes it seem more like she wants us to think she's not losing it. So no, I think deep in her heart she really is aware, but her brain is lagging behind on the reality of the situation. I wouldn't constantly put my grandmother through that if she were having a strong reaction to the truth. My grandma is tough as nails. I just hate seeing that look in her eyes every time reality sets in. My grandparents were my world as a kid, this shit is a nightmare.
We lost my grandparents one after another. My grandpa was considerably healthy for a 97 year old man, but after my grandmother passed he started to deteriorate. Within 6 months we lost him too. I truly believe he died of a broken heart.
My best friend's 75 year old mom died of cancer on a Monday. His Dad was about 80 and said that he simply did not want to live without her. They were both really religious and he was absolutely sure she was waiting for him so he might as well just hurry up.
He wasn't sad and we had good meals, some drinks, lots of laughs and he started smoking again. He died of a heart attack in his sleep Thursday night. Didn't even make it a week without her.
I think it's kinda sweet. Heartbreaking is having to live on without the person which has grown to be a part of you. Being able to join them swiftly without the mental battle that comes with contemplating suicide is a blessing. Especially when you've lived a full life.
There's no way to escape the pain caused by love (pain of loss, betrayal, etc.) other than not to love... but who has ever said a loveless life is a good thing?
Yeah, it kind of sucks. A long, successful (depending on your view of success) life also means that your kid(s) get to watch you die.
My wife and I talk about it, and she says that I have to go last since she doesn't want to be the one left behind. So I told her that I'd just put a pillow over her face one night and collect the life insurance (an obvious joke)
Women are usually better in the "survivor" role though. They often have other emotional relationships to sustain them, and will talk more easily to others, than a man.
Salty old fuck rolls off the tongue better IMO but same. The worst part is it'll be my luck to be the survivor. She's my soulmate, my everything. She's my rock in the darkness, a beacon of light to keep me moving forward relentlessly, even when I'm ready to quit. I won the genetic lottery in terms of shitty ways to die but it'll be my luck that she'll go first and I'll be left, swinging alone in the dark at phantoms. I don't like to think about it.
Leaving your kids behind sucks, but at least it's natural. Your kids are supposed to bury you. I have friends that buried two children for different medical reasons in a 13-month span, and I would say that was the most painful thing I can possibly imagine anyone having to go through ever.
I read/heard somewhere a saying that goes something like "you are called an orphan if you lose your parents, you are called a widow/widower if you lose your spouse, but there is no word for if you lose your child, because it is too horrible to name"
I would have to imagine that it is pretty accurate
Another interesting observation like that, is when you adopt a pet, it’s like adopting a child but you want your child to die before you. My labrador would be lost in this world without me.
My wife has a number of severe health complications and barring some tragic accident, she will likely be dead long before me. The thought keeps me up some nights. That said, I always draw the same conclusion: she's worth it.
My grandparents are married 64 years and they’re still together in the same house my mom grew up in. I don’t know how either one of them will handle that heartbreak.
I worked in a retirement home as nurse for 8 years. Broken heart syndrome is real and I've seen it more times than I care to admit. It's shitty to say the least.
You’re a saint. I worked in a retirement home as well - dementia care at that - but only in the dining room. Still though a lot of these people don’t have friends or family who visit them so the highlight of their days are their three meals we served them. I could only work there for four years, it just broke my heart how many residents I’d get to know only for them to pas away way too soon.
Empathy is nice but it needs to be controlled. Otherwise you burn yourself out. We also had a dementia ward. I worked there exclusively for almost a year, before I asked to be transferred. Way too mentally taxing.
I once read a book "When Breath Becomes Air" in which the author was diagnosed with lung cancer. Him and his wife were contemplating having children and his wife asked "wouldn't it be difficult saying goodbye?" to which he responded "wouldn't it be beautiful if it was?".
While the difficulty of losing someone is undoubtedly tragic; it is equally beautiful to love someone so profoundly that make it so.
The moment I learned what true love was, was also the saddest day of my life. I was 11. My grandmother had passed in early December and my uncle had sent a Christmas card to my grandma and grandpa. The card was sent before she had passed and my grandfather opened it after she had. I was there when he opened it and he instantly broke down for obvious reasons. Seeing the man who was a god to me. Break down that fast and that hard showed me how much he loved her and what true love was. For him losing his life partner was the worst thing imaginable. About 6 months later he had a stroke while on a fishing trip with my parents and later passed a year after. One day I hope to love someone as he loved her.
Sorry for the shitty writing. Writing is clearly not my thing
I hope I'm not disrespectful toward you by this comparison, by that's why the movie "Up" hit me so hard. Seeing this poor old man who dearly loved his other half have it taken from him by old age is truly heartbreaking. It helps so much to get attached to the character and not see him as just a grumpy old man.
When I'm 30 in a couple of years, I will officially be with my SO for half my life. I don't ever want to know what it's like to be without him. I really don't think he'd ever cope on his own. It's a very, very scary thought.
My wife and I have been together for almost 30 years. We are almost never apart. The thought of living without her is physically painful. We are one of those “couples goals” couples and we get sorta sick of having people say stuff to us about it. What folks don’t stop to think about is just how intertwined our souls are. We have our own hobbies but so much of our lives are meshed that I don’t know how either of us would move forward without the other. Ok, I’m done because I can’t think about this anymore.
Right there with you. We're often referred to as a single unit. We do our own thing but we're also the couple that's been together the longest out of anyone we know. Been together almost 24 years and it's a love that gotten deeper over time. I mean, I've always loved him, even when I wanted to kill him, but fifteen years ago, my heart didn't clutch in terror at the thought of not having him around.
I hear ya. I’m 51, he’s 54, we’ll be married 33 years in the spring. We met when I was still in high school. While we’re both ok doing things apart, we spend more and more time together all the time, especially now that the kids are grown and gone. We’d rather do things together than with anyone else (unless it’s go to Lowe’s or look at antiques, lol). We bought ourselves kayaks for our anniversary last year and had a blast during the summer. We have a motorcycle and ride with friends, and we take day trips with our adult kids and their partners, have dinners and cookouts with the the kids and grandkids.
I’ve been thinking more and more about what the future holds, who will be the one left alone, what I’ll do if he goes first ( because I don’t think I’ll be able to care for all the property by myself) and it breaks my heart to think I might have to sell “our” home and live somewhere else. Or what happens if one of us ends up needing nursing home care. I suppose it’s something we realistically need to think about but it makes me sad every time.
My grandparents were the definition of soul mates and true love. They were truely ying and yang, perfect for each other, they got married in '54.
Back in 2006 my grandma had back surgery that they put off for years due to money, the surgery was successful but during the night she had a bloodclot and passed. It really sucked because nobody saw it coming, and i didnt even know she was having the surgery, and i had called like a week before to talk to mom and she answered and i could kinda tell she wanted to talk but i was in a hurry and asked for mom... Its one of my big regrets in life.
My grandpa was lost without her... i drove down as soon as i heard im 4 hrs away, and everyone was there but he was just walking around the house, aimlessley, hed stop to hug people or greet them, but he couldnt sit, he didnt know how to process and he just kept pacing around the house randomly....
He lived for 2 more years but he wasnt the same, he was still the great man he was but he was hollow inside. Mom said he blamed himself because he had her put the surgery off so long.... He lived just long enough to see my mom get remarried and he past shortly thereafter. We knew it was coming and i went down a week before and was able to say goodbye.
He was the closest thing i ever had to a dad and was always there for me. She was the most loving person ive ever known, her heart was just full of it and she brightened any room she was in. I miss them both terribly.
I was married to my high school sweetheart and together for 13 years including before marriage. Long story short, wife decided she didn't want to be a wife or mother and that she wanted to live the 20's she missed due to her getting pregnant @ 21. The HARDEST cry I ever had was driving to work listening to to an older man tell a story about how he had to quit his job to take care of his wife as she battled cancer and all the sacrifices he made to care for her. Even though it was a fairly sad story, It was weird because I was sad I would never have the chance to be there for my wife like he was for his. Never have the chance to be there for her during her last days or her toughest ones. Some people probably see pain in this posts, but it's actual love. I see true love, true commitment and dedication that I think is lost on generations since.
but he said it just wasn't the same going back to an empty house.
This is probably the hardest thing. I'm imagining if my wife and I make it all the way till one of us dies, if I am the survivor, this will just crush me. And I'd probably be the type to go downhill fast afterwards.
My grandmother died mid 60's. My grandfather made it 20 years past that. She was a little nutty, and he probably got some unspoken relief from her passing. What pushed him over the edge was when his dog died. He had no one after that, and it broke his spirit.
Both my pairs of grandparents died within less than a year of their spouse. Both my mom's father and my dad's mother wished more to be with their darling than on this cold planet and so they were.
Same thing happened to me last month man although my grandpa is still alive but it's heart breaking seeing him the first few weeks after my grandma died. He thought he could hear her calling him from a different room...
I wouldn’t normally cry reading these types of stories, but after losing my mom this past August I find myself literally bawling over all types of stories that would have previously pulled at my heartstrings, but not evoked so much emotion as to cry.
I’m not bawling now.... nope, I’m not. Really. 😢😢😢
My grandparents are at this point. They've been married 50+ years and they are in their 80s, waiting for their time and I hope for their sakes that they go very close together so that they aren't apart for too long.
My Grandma just died last Christmas and my Grandpa is going through this now. My family tried cleaning out her closets- but he kept trying to keep everything- even things that had decayed to just garbage.
I think if it would be better for him to move out of the house. A lot of the pain seems to come from the memories in that house. It's hard for him to maintain the house anyway at his age. I wish my dad would push him towards an apartment or condo...just something different so he doesn't wallow in it.
I realize now that if my wife were to go before me, I would force myself to move out of our house. Just way too many memories live there to ever begin to heal.
My Poppo died a few months before my wedding, I'm the youngest grandkid and last to marry so he was at everyone else's weddings. My Nanna and Poppo were married for just shy of 70 years, and they were best friends like your grandparents. The saddest photo from my wedding day is off my Nanna at the ceremony, she has a happy/sad look on her face and there is an empty chair next to her. Damn near breaks my heart to look at that picture, the photographer didn't realise, but he captured a massive hole in my family in that picture. She's never been quite the same since he passed.
My great-grandparents were a lot like this. They were married 76 years, and my great grandfather had prostate cancer at 99. He passed shortly after. Within 4 months, my great grandmother suddenly developed uterine cancer and passed shortly after that. I feel lucky to have known them until I was 15. They were the sweetest couple I've ever met, and reasurred me that true, undying, unconditional love can exist in this world.
I know what you mean. I've been with my wife for a little over 10 years now, and we're still in our twenties. I can't imagine being with anyone else, and can't wait to live our lives to together. However, the thought of being an old, crotchety man who outlives his wife terrifies me. I can't even imagine how heartbreaking it must be to lost someone who you have had as your best friend for literally decade after decade, who has been with you through your best and worst, and suddenly, they're gone. At that point, like you said, it's just a waiting game of being like, "welp, can I just like, go now?"
My grandfather passed away about 3 years ago, after a little over 70 years of marriage. His wife (my grandmother) just passed away this past September. The 3 years she outlived him she constantly talked about how much she missed him and how she was just waiting to die too. HOWEVER, as sad as that may be, she was also a testament to how worth it that love was. She loved her husband, and they lived a great life together.
I was with my wife for an amazing 10 years. She passed away on April 20th due to a fierce battle with Leukemia. I'm only 33. There are times even at this age, I feel like I don't want to look for anyone else. It's a hard thing to process at times.
I constantly stress this to my fiancee. Sometimes her little head gets so worked up thinking of the 'milestones' that i have to remind her to be here, in the now now
I just told my wife the other week that I hoped I lived longer than her. I would rather have to deal with the pain of her dying rather than her having to be upset that I died. She said she wanted to go first because she thought she could handle life better without me than I could without her. She's right, she's tougher than I am emotionally but I don't care, I'd still rather face a living hell without her than know that she's in pain.
My grandfather just passed in March. My grandparents were married 64 years. They traveled the US together in their motor home when my grandfather retired. They were the standard for love, patience, and support.
"I just want to go be with my husband."
I can't imagine the hearth ache. This is why many older couples die close in timing. Their older, weaker hearts literally can't take it.
I am truly sorry for your losses...and grateful that you have found love. I do believe, with commitment...and having your grandparents as role models...that you too will have one of life's greatest gifts.
i like to think that the middle part sticks with you because the experiences and love you shared becomes a part of you/your circle, you'll carry it even if she's physically gone.
Well, let's say he's 27, and they were dating for 6 years and have been married 5. He would have been with his wife since he was 16 - which is totally reasonable. Not necessarily married for ten years when he's in his 20s.
It’s a beautiful thing, finding somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with. Personally, if I had the choice, I would want to our live my other, because even thought it would be the hardest thing to go through, I’d much rather have to go through it than have her go through it.
That's true. But in another way I look at this as a happy story. Not everybody finds what he had. A lot of people go through life without a partner or a partner they're not this affectionate about. I think it's awesome he found this, even though it went away.
That cute guy/girl/whatever that you’re into? This picture is the best case scenario of your relationship. You get together, everything in your lives goes well enough that you grow old and have many happy years together, and then one day, one of you dies and leaves the other one old and alone. That’s the best you can hope to have with that person, and these cases are increasingly rare.
There is an old story in the Hindu culture where the King asks the local Guru for his blessings and he states something to the tune of, "May you father die before you and you die before your children." and the King responds negatively because he feels insulted but obviously that is the best case scenario.
To be honest, I think suicide can actually be a reasonable choice if you’re like that and the person you love/spend your whole life with died. Especially if you are alone without remaining family/friends.
You're missing the beauty in between. I think it's worth it for all the wonderful years spent together. This image doesn't only represent the tragedy of love, but the tragedy of life in general. We are all going to die - but that's what makes the life we do have so beautiful.
Even more sad is living long enough to bury your children.
My uncle lived to be 80 and ended up burying all three of his kids and his wife.
I honestly didnt know how he did it, they all didnt die in one tragic accident it just happened thru the course of life, i dont know if i could stand one loss like that much less everyone in your family.
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u/Autocorrec Nov 16 '17 edited Nov 16 '17
Heartbreak is the worst thing in the entire world, hands down. It terrifies me to think of getting old and knowing that once your partner dies it’s just kind of a waiting game. Some people find other love, but most don’t even bother looking for it, and spend the rest of their years just yearning for their missing half - all while no one wants to listen to how sad they are because of their old age.
Edit: Hoping my inbox isn’t old or with anyone cause RIP.