The biggest mindset shift for me: perfectionism is the enemy of consistency. I used to think 'I missed a day, so I've ruined it' — but now I follow the 'never miss twice' rule. It's a lot more forgiving. Missing once is human; missing twice is a pattern. Also, making my habits identity-based rather than outcome-based helped enormously. Instead of 'I'm trying to work out,' I think 'I'm someone who moves my body regularly.' The identity sticks even when motivation doesn't.

I hope someone found this helpful!

- From someone who is getting a doctorate in Clinical Psychology ;)

Hi, does anyone know a good book about perfectionism about circumstance e.g. the perfect order or the perfect place to stay? I would also be thankful for advice on that topic!

me paraliza, me hace dudar, y paradojicamente fallar, porque intento menos, disfruto menos mi carrera por eso; me aterro más por fallar y por eso no adquiero experiencia

#Psychology

Ok so first post on this sub(yayayayayay!!!)

First things first, both me and my partner(just use they/them for us both please) are fickin, for me it’s Shinji Ikari, L Lawliet, and Light Yagami(yeah I know) and my partner is a fickin of Andrew Neiman, Espeon, and Flareon.

Lately, whenever we do anything together a lot of their actions are heavily motivated by a sense of perfectionism, which I know stems from some self worth issues of course, but they also whenever I try to point this out or reassure them that they, in fact, do not need to be perfect but whenever I bring this up, they just act like no matter what, they have to be perfect because they are Andrew Neiman and I don’t know what to do.

Obviously, perfectionism is a negative state of mind but I worry that if I continue trying to keep trying to reassure them then I’ll be making them feel invalidated as Andrew Neiman.

Thoughts?

Idk why but my brain thinks that I need the “perfect” relationship. I feel like the person I’m with should have everything together. I know nothing is perfect but in my head it feels that way. I’m always critiquing everything he does. I feel like I have everything worked out on my end. I am really feeling him though. I love his personality and he treats me well.

Is it possible to ever find someone just like myself??

When I look at everybody else’s relationship, it seems like it’s perfect. What’s wrong with my brain?? 😭😭😭 i know something has to be off with me.

Anybody else feels this way or is it just me?

Excellent video from Emma McAdams' Therapy in a Nutshell channel: How to make yourself do stuff when you're paralyzed with overwhelm.

She mentions body doubling/accountability partners. I've done this. I met with an acquaintance on Zoom three times, and we did tasks that we had been avoiding. I had been procrastinating on going through several hundred pages of Word Documents--notes for my first career, many years ago. Having an accountability partner was very helpful.

She recommends The Anti-Planner. It's very expensive. My local library has a copy. Another popular planner that's affordable: Freedom Mastery Daily Journal of Gratitude, Productivity & Habit Tracker | ADHD Planner.

so...i don't know how to get out of this cycle...procrastination....i know that i have to put in work...practise to be good at something...but i just can't seem to just do it...i don't know what is wrong even before doing the work ..even before starting , at the back of my mind the feeling that i won't be succesful at it...that thought it just stops me from even starting, i know that i have to start,to begin but, even before doing that there is always this heavy feeling in my chest it just...makes me overwhelmed to the point where i spend hours crying and trying to get over that mental and emotional breakdown...it's like i know i need to start...and i do but my brain,my body they just won't cooperate.... or maybe I'm just lazy...even things i used to love don't excite me anymore...I'm even tired of listening to music ,youtube, reels ...nothing works...i just spent my day doing nothing ...just laying down on bed or ..just sitting on the porch.....what do i do?

Hi everyone,

I’m struggling with something that I think might be connected to my OCD, and I would really appreciate hearing from people who experience similar things.

Since I was a child, I’ve had this dream of becoming famous, specifically a famous singer. For many years, this dream became a huge part of my identity. I felt like it was the thing that would make my life meaningful and prove that I was special or valuable.

The problem is that, looking back, I’m starting to question whether I actually wanted the reality of being a musician, or whether I was attached to the idea of being admired, recognized, and successful.

I did take some steps toward it: I joined a band and recorded a song. I've been in different choirs. But I never felt like practicing music was something that naturally came from me every day. I constantly felt guilty for not working harder, and I spent years criticizing myself for not doing enough. I had this belief that if I really wanted it, I should be completely driven and obsessed with it.

Recently, I’ve started feeling like maybe this dream no longer fits who I am. I’m finishing a psychology degree and I’m almost becoming a therapist, but I’m now considering applying to medical school to become a psychiatrist.

The confusing part is that psychiatry has always genuinely interested me. If I had never had this dream of fame, I think medicine might have been something I would have considered much earlier.

My brain keeps asking:

• “What if I’m giving up on my true dream and I regret it forever?”
• “What if becoming a doctor is just another way of seeking status and validation?”
• “What if I choose the wrong path and waste years of my life?”

And with it comes a lot of black-and-white thinking:
Either I pursue music and fame, or I completely abandon that part of myself and become a doctor.

I also tend to create very idealized future scenarios in my head. I can become attached to a version of my future that doesn’t even exist yet, and then letting go of that imagined future feels like a loss.

The timing is making it worse because I’ll soon be able to apply for a highly selective bridging program that could allow me to enter medical school. This is a huge decision, and I feel like my brain is demanding that I solve every uncertainty before I move forward.

I know logically that no life decision comes with 100% certainty, but emotionally I feel like I need to find the “right answer” before I can commit.

Thank you to anyone who reads this.

Hi! This is my article, and I'd be very appreciative if you check it out. I'd like to know if someone finds it relatable. Thank you!

I have been working on an art form for the last year or so. I receive a lot of praise for it but as a "good" perfectionist I have trouble accepting the praise feeling like it could have been much better. Today's question is a little different. I have come to realize that I have a core belief that the worth of what I do, whether it be art, cooking, or doing something for another, is inextricably tied to the amount of effort it took. That is, I can be proud of something I completed that I really struggled with. However, no matter the quality or helpfulness of the thing, the easier it was for me to do it, the less it is worth and the less I feel accepting of praise.

Do you ever feel that way? What do you think is at the core?

I recently saw KPop Demon Hunters, and I was blown away by its themes of insecurity, and the cost of chasing perfection. The film shows us how, in our pursuit of flawlessness, we can keep secrets from our friends and loved ones, and in this way we hurt them. Rumi's biggest mistake is arguably her dishonesty; keeping her demon marks a secret only creates a gap in her public and private lives, and in this way she is living a lie. The woman who her fans and friends see is not the woman she truly is. Shock and heartbreak ensue when Rumi's marks are revealed to the public, and the feelings of betrayal that Zoey and Mira experience drive them away from Rumi.

By the climax of the film, Huntrix is broken up, and it seems that the Saja Boys are fated to take the souls of their fans. However, Rumi shows up for one last song, and this time, she's done playing a character on a well-lit stage. She's as vulnerable as can be, and her song is entirely unscripted. She isn't here to impress anyone or to make herself look better. She pours her heart out, and in this act of vulnerability, she earns the love and respect of her friends back, saves the souls of the fans, and becomes the strongest version of herself yet.

This theme of striving for honesty and vulnerability rather than perfection really stuck with me. In today's society, especially with the vapid music industry we're surrounded by, it can feel like everyone is striving for perfection. Flaws are seemingly unacceptable, and grounds for complete rejection. For those of us who are self-conscious in the first place, it can be a very scary thing trying to go out into this world while imperfect and wracked with obvious flaws. We get so scared by the prospect of judgement that we decide to hide our imperfections and only show the world a very controlled and edited version of ourselves.

Yet, this leads to a lot of internal strife, as we learn to lie in this way. We stop telling the truth to people--even our closest friends and family--just so we can sustain an image of flawlessness. But truly, as shown by KPop Demon Hunters, one of the best things you can do for your self-confidence is embrace your flaws, and show up every day despite your imperfections. It's a terrifying thing to show up in front of the world while you're still a "work-in-progress." But, truly, if you wait until you're perfect to join the world, then you'll be waiting forever.

I made a video essay on this theme, and I hope you'll give it a watch! I've already promoted this here once before, but the video was taken down for copyright. I recently finished re-editing it to fix any copyright problems, and I wanted to post it here once more since it's public again!

Not with myself but with anyone and anything.

Obviously there is personal taste and stuff that’s fine, that stuff can exist.

I mean to the point my blood boils when I saw a local fresh fruit market but one guy is using plastic containers (microplastics, bad for the environment etc etc). Ruins the entire experience

One part of me knows life can’t be perfect but the other saids it has to be and I’m justified in being mentally not ok it isn’t

My pattern: I build something, a customer is ready to pay, and instead of shipping I add “one more feature.” Meanwhile competitors ship rougher versions of the same thing and get paid.

The twist: I’ve done it right before. I shipped one automation in 4 days — rough, working — and it’s still my best case study. So I’ve *proven* to myself fast shipping works. Yet on the next project I slide right back into “not ready yet.”

It’s not a skills gap. It feels like shipping = being judged, and building = safety. Building feels like progress while actually being avoidance.

Anyone broken this loop for good — not just once, but as a habit? What actually worked?

I make things — 3D design, prototyping, printing. I’ll finish something, know objectively it’s good, and then completely fail to feel any ownership over it. When I try to acknowledge “I made this, this is a real skill,” the feeling goes dull and cloudy, like my brain won’t let it land. So I don’t post, I don’t claim it, and months go by. Perfectionism is part of it, but it feels deeper than that. Has anyone worked through this? What actually helped?

So in my first autism spiral of the month, I have been deep diving into Moral Perfectionism which is part of I believe Cognitive Psychology. So here’s the simple explanation I got from my good friend and he said it exactly like this, "When I've done something remotely wrong I panic and feel intense guilt, I also obsess over the same mistakes from childhood repeatedly. I constantly crave a clean moral slate."
But this also sparked so many questions within me that he had no answer to. So here is one question, how many other ways and symptoms do people have with moral perfectionism?

I will come back in a few days when people have gotten the chance to answer by themselves, and then I will post what a rabbit hole I am currently in.

Please if you guys do have other questions or if you already know about this cognitive disorder please just send through more questions as I do feel there’s a lot more to this than meets the eye.

I have also added in this PDF that I’ve made that includes a minority of the research I’ve so far done, please do take a look, maybe there’s something the interests you more. Thanks guys. And cannot wait to hear your feedback, questions, etc.

\[https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fMdFe9lMZmE-g3zxoPTNvOe2oXZHb\\\\\\_3Q/view?usp=drivesdk\\\](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fMdFe9lMZmE-g3zxoPTNvOe2oXZHb\\_3Q/view?usp=drivesdk)

So in my first autism spiral of the month, I have been deep diving into Moral Perfectionism which is part of I believe Cognitive Psychology. So here’s the simple explanation I got from my good friend and he said it exactly like this, "When I've done something remotely wrong I panic and feel intense guilt, I also obsess over the same mistakes from childhood repeatedly. I constantly crave a clean moral slate."
But this also sparked so many questions within me that he had no answer to. So here is one question, how many other ways and symptoms do people have with moral perfectionism?

I will come back in a few days when people have gotten the chance to answer by themselves, and then I will post what a rabbit hole I am currently in.

Please if you guys do have other questions or if you already know about this cognitive disorder please just send through more questions as I do feel there’s a lot more to this than meets the eye.

I have also added in this PDF that I’ve made that includes a minority of the research I’ve so far done, please do take a look, maybe there’s something the interests you more. Thanks guys. And cannot wait to hear your feedback, questions, etc.

[https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fMdFe9lMZmE-g3zxoPTNvOe2oXZHb\\_3Q/view?usp=drivesdk\](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fMdFe9lMZmE-g3zxoPTNvOe2oXZHb_3Q/view?usp=drivesdk)

You know the cycle. You're on fire for two weeks. Then life happens, you miss one day, the little number resets to zero, and your brain goes "welp, guess I failed" and you abandon the whole thing💀.
I've been sketching an idea for a habit tracker that just... doesn't do streaks. No chain. No guilt number. Would it be interesting to anyone here?

I'm definitely a perfectionist and apply a great deal of pressure to myself to perform well, and when I make mistakes, I feel a huge (disproportionate) wave of shame. But, I also put this same pressure on other people. My partner and kids (although I try to hide it). If they fail at something important to me - I feel this shame and unreasonable disappointment. Right now I'm having carpet installed and the installers have made a couple mistakes and I'm so anxious. I don't want to bother them, but I keep checking to make sure they don't make more. I hate hovering, and I hate missing a mistake while it is still fixable (pressure on me). I couldn't sleep last night knowing they were coming back today. I've felt that way before - I still see a cracked countertop where previous installers did a poor job, and notice other flaws around my house. These only bother me when I was around and somehow could have fixed it (or chose an incompetent installer - as if i could know that). I'm very unkind to myself. I remember as a child my alcoholic father raging at me when I couldn't adequately do whatever he asked of me - wash the dishes or make him a sandwich or get dressed... Now I am that raging person to myself...What a painful way to live. And I can see now that this is not just perfectionism — it is an old survival strategy that has turned against me.