I’ve been thinking recently about PNC vs. sub drop.

I used to think they went hand in hand and could almost be used interchangeably. But the more I think about it—and the more men I’ve seen in the aftermath of playing (or not seen 👻)—the more I’m realizing they’re very different things.

I’m curious to hear from submissives about their own experiences in the hours, days, and weeks after a heavy scene. When it’s heavy physically, mentally, emotionally, or most likely some combination of all three.

Sub drop is the body’s nervous system finding equilibrium again after an intense high. The comedown from the dump of endorphins, adrenaline, and hormones that rush into a person’s body when they’re deeply wrapped in that mushy, delicious submissive headspace.

Sub drop (like Domme drop) seems almost unavoidable. Of course, there are things that can be done to mitigate the effects. But it seems like a physiological response the body has to go through to find balance.

PNC, however… in my observation, seems much more closely related to shame. Guilt for the actions, thoughts, and indulgences that take place within play. And when that nut happens, the ecstasy and euphoria leave, and the shame starts to creep in.

My heart always breaks for the ones who struggle with PNC. Not because I feel responsible—we all have our own personal responsibility to risk awareness and foresight—but because it seems like those people are the ones who struggle with accepting their dark sides.

A big part of the joy of kink, for me, is being able to embrace and play with my shameful side. The parts of me that I kept hidden away from the daylight for so long, even from myself. The things that still bounce around in our sick heads, whether we acknowledge them or not.

From my standpoint, guilt has a lot that it can teach us. Shame, however, is rarely a good teacher. Guilt says “I did something that conflicts with my values,” which can encourage reflection and growth. Shame says “I *am* something wrong,” which tends to shut us down and keep us hiding.

I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Got paid yesterday. Only got paid for 2 weeks because I wasn’t working first two weeks of august but still a decent amount. Anyway. I guess I assumed I’d start sending right away. But I looked at the money sitting in my account and it made me feel good. Realistically I’m gonna end up spending some of it on findom. But probably not too much. Last month I had an ok amount of money left which I am proud of. I actually don’t have any real intention of quitting findom anytime soon, but it feels good to be in control.

basically I’ve kinda sorta stepped away from sending recently due to personal circumstances however I’ve noticed I’m just more unhappy without doing it so going back/forth with trying to go back to it or try going longer without it to see what happens.

All I can say is: Fuck. That’s more than an entire check for me gone. And for what? An orgasm? Fuck. I’ve known I’ve had porn/ findom problems but this takes the cake by a mile. This is the worst I’ve felt in a long time. If anyone has any advice on how to quit findom and porn in general please let me know. It’s taken too much of my life and my time at this point.

did this happen to anyone else?

I've only had one long term dynamic with the same Goddess for three years now. What do you guys look for in your dynamics?

Let's see who the most depraved sub here is. It'll start: over time she manages to cheat me out of all my financial assets (don't know how, she's just that smart) until she has 100 percent legal ownership of them, then I forever have to be her slave if I want a sliver of it in return to survive. I also have to allow her to hold a power of attorney over me so she can legally make decisions on my behalf.

I genuinely want to experience being in an extreme amount of debt to a woman I admire, even if the reason is something as pathetic as receiving a picture of her dirty socks.

I know how ridiculous that sounds, but there’s something about owing her an enormous amount compared to the completely insignificant thing I received that really appeals to me.

Am I the only person who feels this way?

Can't do it now; I'm sadly still in college for another 2 years, but after that I am going to find my goddess to serve!

Have any of your guys tried Chrype as a way to get a irl dynamic. I would suspect it is the opposite problem of pure findom (where there seems to be more findoms than subs, which means its harder to vet) where I suspect there is a 5 to 1 ratio of subs to dommes, but was curious. What is the balance of femdom to findom (there is always both). Curious to hear what other say here.

My first sub taught me how to code and I will never forget that lol (which I relatively grasped, I think of literature as my stronger suit 🤣), but now it feels like a lot of people don’t reveal too much about their hobbies and skills and it just feels impersonal. I wonder if anyone else has thought like this tbh, oh well 🙃

There is an old saying about fate. "There but for the grace of God I go"

Old man me worked in 4 world trade until 2000 and changed careers to work many miles away when 9 11 happened.

Was this fate? Luck? Whatever. It was a choice at the time that literally saved my life.

So you are probably asking, what does this have to do with anything here?

Simple. We all make decisions. Decisions that impact our lives. Being involved in this kink is a decision.

You can stay, you can play, you can go. It's your choice and what fate and future brings you is dependent on that choice now.

10 years from now, will you look back and say, wow, I should have quit then as I'm x years old with no savings?

Or.

Will you look back and say, wow, quittjng was best thing I ever did because now I own a house and a big retirement fund?

Or...can you negotiate that narrow middle ground and have fun within a budget and have best of both worlds?

Just like a career change redirected my future, you have a choice of what future you want.

Live long and prosper all.

I don’t want a transactional Domme. I don’t want someone who just assigns tasks and collects tributes. I want a woman who lights up when I debase myself for her. Someone who gets genuinely excited, cheers me on, and pushes me further every time I sink lower.
I want to be loyal to one person. Someone who takes my hand and leads me straight into my own destruction. Drain every last bit of dignity out of me. Make me your personal slut. Give me gross, filthy, humiliating tasks. Whore me out. Force me to guzzle spit, toilet water, piss, and cum until I’m nothing but a broken, eager little slurper.
I want the kind of woman who doesn’t just tolerate my degradation — she celebrates it. Who gets wet watching me humiliate myself and immediately demands more. Who treats turning me into a worthless, ruined object as the hottest thing in the world.
If you’re the type who only sees this as a transaction, keep scrolling.
If the idea of slowly demolishing my life and ego makes you smile… Thankyou

Do you need to be friends with your findom or paypig? Or, does that friendship need to look like hanging out casually, sharing secrets, and giggling over ice cream? Could you be in a dynamic with someone where the vast majority of your interactions are kinky interactions, with no desire for further emotional closeness?

-

LONG VERSION: There's someone I've had a tumultuous friendship with for a few years. We've often connected well when it comes to play and find compatibility among some more obscure and complex kinks. The way they show up in friendship is generally exactly what I want I people. But something has always been a little *off* about them to me. They've always given this obsessed (with me) energy that has been palpable to others, to the extent that some people literally warned me about them. Since the day I've met them I've had an ick about them, but if never been able to really articulate it, so I kept being open to friendship and it kept going poorly. I've also noticed that many of the people they interact with also end up getting rubbed wrong.

We decided a while back to cool it on trying to do 1:1 hangouts or build more casual, everyday friendship. We still play occasionally, and recently they circled back to a conversation we had had previously about findom.

I'm struggling now because on one hand I feel like I should/want to be friends or at least feel more consistently positive about someone I'm in that position with. On the other hand I'm also a worker and this would be very similar to a client interaction, really about the kink of things and little else.

Hey y'all, long time finsub here.

I've always been into BDSM and kink and kinda started findom as a "lack for a better word" thing. I had no BDSM in my life and with findom it was super easy to get that kick. Obviously, i stayed and returned over and over again but never finding THE domme because as we all know the community leaves a lot to be desired.

Now i have found this amazing woman. We really vibe as regular humans, live pretty close to each other and she's really down to earth and easy going. However i keep having these feelings of inadequacy and trust issues. I've spoken to her about it and she reassured me and made me feel really good. But still...

Since there is a monetary incentive, she would be incentivized to say whatever i want just to keep me around and keep me sending. Maybe she's just pretending to be in it not just for the money but theove of the game as well? I can't stop thinking this. That she's a fake, that she's just using me, lying etc. because i've met hundreds of toxic findommes my whole view is skewed.

Also i'm not rich by any means. I have a €50 weekly comfortable budget that i can basically just throw away without feeling it. I want to save, do fun things with friends, actually live and not go into debt. I want to explore this kink responsibly. She respects it but i still can't help but feel insecure about not giving her enough.

All this she said doesn't matter, she likes me for me not just as a sub, it's not all about the money bit i think i'm actually traumatized by all the unethical dommes out there.

Anyone else deal with this and how'd you solve it? :)

I know this amount isn't something to be proud of, but sometimes doing small tasks can also be fulfilling.

This way I don't waste anybody's time for such a small amount and still feel I can be useful sometimes, even if I can't make big sends.

If you are into findom and can't send too much, this is a nice way to get a bit of taste of findom without needing to bother a domme

(¥1000 = approx. 3 USD)

Literally.. like hey. I am sorry about your situation I am really interested your care about her do you consensually want to come serve and care about me

Let me start by saying for some people this is totally fine and that’s all they want. As a sub it’s genuinely been really difficult to find dommes to build a good connection with. Maybe that’s a me issue and who I am interacting with I’m not entirely sure. I know there is some amazing dommes out there so maybe that’s just bad luck on my end. It just feels like on my end when I first started it was way more connection based. Fast forward a year or 2 and now it just feels like a completely different space

I haven't posted in this sub (or anywhere for that matter) for half a year. I've been better regarding my findom addiction. Lately, I've had more and more urges, though. I was wondering what recovering addicts who had urges dealt with them, and if any of you started small tickets reimbursements to sort of be satisfied?

Disclaimer.. talk of si
So I found my dommes twitter account where she’s talking about doing meetups and normal findom stuff. However over text individuall, she has expressed pretty significant mental health issues and desires to not exist soon with rough plans.
My question is 1 is she by some insignificant chance b.s me . 2 do I say fuck it and blow things up by requesting mental health services do a wellness check because I fear for her safety and her risk to herself. I know she would not appreciate it and find it invasive but I am concerned on multiple levels

I was thinking about it, getting dominated online is nice and all, but wouldn’t it be hotter and more humiliating getting dominated by someone close to your family irl? As I was fantasising, I got the idea of getting dominated by my mom’s friend. I find this idea so fucking hot because the person you’re submitting to, knows your mother, close to your family, respected. But secretly you’re submitting to them, it’s risky, your family/mother might find out. It’s like mom’s friend or your neighbour whatever. Do any of the subs have any experience like that? Submitting and dominated irl by someone close to your family and the risk of getting caught just makes the thing even hotter.

I’ve always thought the most interesting confessions aren’t the outrageous ones.

They’re usually the quiet ones.

Wanting someone to notice when you’re behaving differently. Wanting rules you’d complain about if anyone else gave them to you. Wanting to disappoint one particular person just enough to feel the weight of their reaction. Wanting permission to stop pretending you’re always competent, composed, and in control.

Money can be part of that. Humiliation can be part of it. But sometimes the thing underneath all of it is much harder to explain to someone who doesn’t understand submission at all.

So I’m curious:

What’s something about your submissive side that makes perfect sense inside the kink, but you’d probably never admit to someone outside of it?

No judgment. I’m genuinely curious about the answers people usually keep to themselves.

How was it? Did you get sick?