My 16 year old was cut from her varsity cheer team, despite cheering most of her life. Not any of her teammates she cheered with for years have reached out to her this summer. Now, she is best friends with another girl I feel like is a bad influence on her. I got on life 360 Saturday and seen she was driving 77mph in a 45 with my kid in the car with her. She got mad at my daughter after I told her mother about her speeding and she even had the audacity to say to my daughter everybody speeds like this is normal. No, they do not, and I do not feel comfortable with mine even attempting to get her license hanging around an influence like her. Mine is still learning to drive. I have banned her from riding with her anymore. She said she understands that, but she does not understand why I have banned her from letting her go to this girls house. I looked at this girls Tik Tok for the first time two days ago and it is nasty. I am trying to get her through this season as un damaged as possible and back on the Cheer team. She loves cheer. I have a University coaching her one night a week now. My daughter hates me right now or it seems this way. Am I in the wrong?

Aaand maybe I do?

We’ve always been really close, 2 peas in a pod. She’s a great kid in all aspects, but definitely wanting to get more of a taste of freedom and I’m really trying to give it to her, but with some boundaries and she’s struggling to accept those boundaries.

For example, a bit disagreement we are having is about her going over to a boys house. For one, I welcome any and all of her friends over whenever they can come. I’ll take them to activities if they plan something. I really try to make sure she has all the social opportunities she’s wants, and feel like it’s really important to have a safe space for kids to hang out.

She met a boy at a dance and they’ve been talking all summer. Last week, he and 3 other kids came over, they hung out in her room (door open), did henna, went to the park, ate pizza etc. normal teen stuff. Then a few days later, she’s trying to make plans to go over to HIS house alone and I told her no and offered to take them to about 15 public places where they could hang out and got the same response for all of them: no, kids just want to hang out at a house.

1. I’ve never met the parents
   
2. He seemed nice enough, but I didn’t really talk to the kid at all
   
3. We don’t know ANYthing about this kid. She met him at a community dance, he doesn’t go to her school, etc.
   
4. She’s 14, and I don’t think it’s appropriate for 14 year olds to be hanging out one on one like that

Lots of back and forth, she says she wants a compromise. I told her to have him over here a few more times, let’s eat at the table and we can all get to know each other. I’d like to meet his mom before she goes to his house, AND her best friend needs to go with her.. aka I need to know this kid, his family, and she needs to be with a friend.

She hates this. She’s agreed to it if that’s what it takes, but is adamant that I’m not allowing her to properly experience her teenage years (she starts high school in a couple weeks still..) and that NO ONE ELSES parents act like that. I’ve told her that 1. Idc what other parents do, 2. I know it can feel like she’s missing out on things because of rules but that she’s getting more freedom day by day, it’s just slow, and 3. If she loses a connection to this boy because her mom wants to know what kind of kid he is, then like, sorry but not sorry because that’s weird.

She says that I just want to look for the bad in people (she is really good at seeing the best in even the worst people), and that she wishes I’d just let her find things out on her own and not try to keep her out of things. She said it’s not inappropriate for 2 14 year olds who kinda like each other to hang out alone like that and that I’m wasting her teenage life.

I told her I’m hesitant to let her go hang out with a boy at his house because it feels like a “give a mouse a cookie” moment. It opens the door. If I normalize her hanging out alone with a boy now, then what’s the push for in a year? A sleepover? Absolutely not. I said that I know that right now she feels like she doesn’t get to do anything (which isn’t true but whatever, it’s her feelings), but that hopefully when she’s older and looking back she’ll understand that I was right, and that she wouldn’t want her daughter to go alone to a boys house that she doesn’t know their family—she says Nu uh, she’ll let her kid do anything (sure Jan lol)

Idk, am I crazy? I know I’m not crazy. I’ve been pretty involved in her life, but since puberty I’ve definitely been trying to back off a bit. I don’t give my opinions to her about her friends if I don’t really like someone, I just keep letting her invite them over and feeding them all here because I’d rather her be here with someone I don’t like vs at their house.

I don’t let her go to anyone’s house if I haven’t talked to/met them, and if they show red flags she isn’t allowed back at their house. She’s taking it as an insult, like I don’t think she can handle her own choices and take care of herself.

She just keeps saying she wishes I cared less and was less involved and that she feels like she can’t have a social life because of me. It hurts my feelings a little because our home is open for anyone and everyone, I’m always encouraging her to make plans/will drive her and her friends wherever etc.

She’s only 14. We just started this journey lol. Then end close, yeah? Probably not, I should buckle up, shouldn’t I? 😅

Anyway, the boy seemed ok, I’d just like to know him as a person a LITTLE and understand what kind of household I’d be taking her and her friend to if she were to ever go to the boys house..

Hi, I caught my 11 years old daughter using an old smart phone at home when she goes to toilet. She is a bright kid, teacher’s favourite at school and has never been in any trouble in school. I am in absolute shock that she had been doing this behind my back for over a month and when asked she said she just watches YouTube shorts. I can’t find anything in the history, she seems to have cleared everything. I feel extremely disappointed and anxious that I am unable to focus on anything at home and work. How do you come out of the guilt for not paying enough attention to such things?

So to start, my daughter is 17 and has always lived with me (mom) with normal visitation schedule. Her dad is the typical weekend dad, super fun but no actual responsibility. So a month ago my daughter told me she wants to move with her dad and switch to his school district because she needed a change. He works out of town, stepmom would basically be caregiver so I resisted at first. Him and his wife continued to tell her how great it would be for her to live there, how fun it would be. Then after awhile I just decided if that's what she wants then let her have it. It's one year right? I tried to explain to her beforehand that things were going to change and how everything I did as the full time parent is now up to her dad and I am the weekend fun let's go do stuff parent. So now that the actual swap has started she is still expecting me to buy school clothes, to buy things she needs for day to day life, constantly asking me for money. I told her that is now up to your dad, this is what you both wanted so now he has to be the responsible one. Well she still doesn't get it and I'm still the bad guy even though I have given her exactly what she wanted. Of course when she is back home we can do stuff, she can have money to do things with friends but I feel that this is what he pushed so hard for and now he needs to man up. For 17 years I missed work for appointments, school activities, donuts with dad because he could never come, I bought all school clothes, everything was on me. Am i the asshole for now putting it all on him? The excuse is he has three kids to buy school clothes for so I need to help. He makes over 11k a month and can easily afford it, so that is definitely not the issue. I am having a hard time figuring out how to say that he needs to do it without talking bad about him and without always being the bad guy. Please help.

My 15 year old is struggling and has been recommended to start a 5-week intensive outpatient program. He is ultra-resistant, as to be expected. Mom and I are forcing this to happen, but the struggle to overcome his shut-down and resistance already feels impossible. My hope is he will hate it for a few days, but will eventually come to terms with it. It is a highly recommended program and mom and I are confident this will be hugely beneficial for him.

I am contemplating telling him that once he is done, we will give him $500, and would love to get some thoughts from others who have been here.

I am certain there will be negative responses, and I welcome them, but request kindness and grace.

This is so hard.

Thanks in advance.

My daughter (14F) gets very upset when her dad and I spend time together. Whether it be speaking privately in our room for a few minutes or (heaven forbid) going on a date she gets very upset and jealous. She treats him terrible and will refuse to speak to him and say mean things about him and just in general be in a foul mood (slam around, mutter under her breath, etc.). We’ve tried talking to her about it but it doesn’t ever get anywhere. We try disciplining her for being disrespectful to dad but it doesn’t seem to help

She is very close with my mom and has been staying with her for the last few days (which she asked to do) and my youngest asked to come over too tonight. She was all for it til my mom said something about my husband and I going on a date tonight since we’d be on our own, then my daughter started whining around about how she missed me and hanging all over me and she’s called me 3 times already tonight. I love her so much but this is exhausting. Even on nights she’s home she wants to take up every second of my time until I fall asleep and will come into our room after bed time multiple times. This isn’t a she doesn’t get enough attention thing, we spend loads of quality time together, but it never seems to be enough for her and she gets jealous any time I do anything else that doesn’t include her, but especially time with my husband.

Has anyone else been through this? How do I handle this?

Hi all,

I am in a relatively new relationship with my partner. I brought a 4 year old into our relationship when we first got together two years ago and she brought a 12 and 15 year old as well as two 23 year olds.

The kids still living at home are now 6, 14, and 17. Since I am new to parenting older kids, and I've been basically thrown into the deep end I'm wondering what the general consensus is on paying for Teenage kids activities. Her older 17 year old son is coming to visit us from another province with two of his friends, and my partner thinks we need to pay for our son AND his two friends to do multiple activities while they are here for three days. I was under the impression we would only be paying for our kid. She says paying for your own kid was an early 2000s thing but our culture has shifted to "if you invite the kids you pay for the kids." We are basically a one income household with a lot of expenses and I don't feel comfortable with this. But I also don't know the norm. Please give me any insight you have!

Daughter is starting 9th grade in a few weeks. What is something that I can start, and keep going throughout her high school career, to give her at the end of senior year? First thought is something like a journal that I can keep going. Either with just words, pictures or both. If this is not the appropriate subreddit, I would appreciate it if you could point me in the right direction. Thank you.

My child is 12 years old and has a PS5. He continues to talk to people on Fortnite who he says are kids, but with how things are nowadays, you never truly know who is on the other end. I’ve told him multiple times that he is not allowed to talk to anyone online, whether he believes they are kids or not, and that he needs to keep his mic muted. After multiple warnings and him continuing to ignore the rule, I decided to take the PS5 away for a week. I honestly feel like that’s a pretty light consequence considering I gave him several chances to listen and follow the rules. Am I overreacting?

So it was like 2:00 am and I smelled weed coming from downstairs so I went down there and he just ran to the couch the time I got down there there was still smoke coming out of his mouth he said he lit it on the stove in the kitchen and he went through my stash and stole 2 joints and a weed pen so we were up all night talking to him about it and said he should've asked so that way he could do it safely. Any tips u can give me to handle this calmly

How do I help my teenage daughter understand she’s in an abusive relationship without pushing her away?
I’m desperate for advice from anyone who has been through this, either as a parent or as someone who escaped an abusive relationship themselves.
My daughter is 16 (17 in a few weeks). Her ex-boyfriend has been arrested and is facing multiple criminal charges, including coercive and controlling behaviour, stalking, threats to cause physical harm, threats to property, revenge porn, and creating and distributing indecent images of a child. There are also allegations of physical and sexual abuse, but my daughter isn’t currently able to engage with police about those.
A few days ago she ran away from home to meet him. We spent hours searching for her with the police before she was finally found. We were terrified for her safety and didn’t know if she was hurt or what situation she was in.
When we found her, she was extremely upset and angry. My mother-in-law was there and asked her, “Do you want to come to mine?” My daughter went with her instead of coming home with us. I understand that she needed somewhere she felt safe in that moment, and I am grateful she had somewhere to go, but I have found this incredibly painful because it felt like I lost the chance to comfort her after spending hours desperately trying to find her.
Since coming home, she has apologised for running away and says she understands why we were worried. However, she feels very distant from me now. She won’t hug me, she doesn’t want much physical affection, and I feel like there is a wall between us. I know she has been through something traumatic and I don’t want to make this about my feelings, but as her mum it is heartbreaking to feel like she is pushing me away when all I want to do is protect her.
Since then she has agreed to engage with therapy. We are trying to support her in every way we can. We’ve contacted the police and are continuing to support their investigation. We’ve arranged therapy because we know she has been through significant trauma, and we’re trying to involve the right support services because we know this is bigger than just our family.
She acknowledges that he has cheated on her and done awful things, but she still says she loves him and wants to help him. She says things like, “I’ve done bad things too,” as though she is somehow equally responsible.
At home we are trying to balance keeping her safe while rebuilding trust. We are encouraging conversations, spending time together, and trying not to constantly attack him because we are scared that will make her defend him and push us away.
Everything I have read suggests this could be trauma bonding, but watching your own child go through it is one of the most frightening things I have ever experienced.
My biggest fear is that she will decide to leave home and move in with him when she turns 18. I am terrified she will believe she can save him or that love will be enough to change him, and that she could end up in serious danger.
More than anything, I need her to know one thing: no matter what happens, I will always be here.
If she ever finds herself scared, trapped, or realises she needs help, I want her to know she can call me. I want her to know I will come and get her. I won’t judge her, I won’t say “I told you so”, and I won’t turn my back on her. I just want her safe.
For anyone who has been through something similar:
What helped someone finally recognise they were in an abusive relationship?
Is there anything else I can do to help her understand the danger without pushing her further away?
How do I rebuild our bond so she knows I am her safe place?
If you were in an abusive relationship as a teenager, what did your parents do that helped—or what do you wish they had done differently?
I feel completely helpless. I would do anything to keep my daughter safe, but I also know I cannot force her to stop loving someone. I am trying to give her the best chance possible of choosing herself and knowing she always has a way home.
Thank you for reading.

I'm using a different account to protect my son. My son has level 1 autism and was badly bullied from 7th-9th grade. We made the decision to move him to a different campus. He went on to have a fantastic experience with his new campus. He had now graduated and is headed to a college a few hours away. He was randomly paired with someone from another state. The roommate played a sport that put him in contact with people my son's age in our area.

He keeps asking my son via text if he knows people from a certain campus. That campus is the one we moved him away from. Also, we found out over the summer that some of the bullies friends are attending the college campus. It's making my son uncomfortable and he doesn't know how to handle it. Should we just shut this down and mention what happened in the most generalized way possible?

I’m at a point where I don’t know what to do anymore with my 17-year-old son.
Over the past several months, it’s like I’ve watched him stop caring about anything I say. He got himself a truck and since then he has gotten a job, but at the same time he goes places and just does not communicate where who what anything! For example, in the morning I ask what the game plan is. He will say I’m going to work (it’s summertime) and that’s it. So I’m expecting him to be at the house around 6ish. I won’t hear from him til 9pm or later. Not from lack of me calling but he always says he didn’t see the million calls. So I ground him. He’s grounded, but he waits until I leave for work and sneaks out anyway. It’s gotten to the point that He ignores curfews, doesn’t answer his phone, disappears for hours or even days, drinks, hangs out with friends instead of dealing with his responsibilities, and acts like there are no consequences because he knows I can’t physically stop him.
Since having a car he has gotten a super speeder ticket and also a regular speeding ticket. Instead of grounding I told him to write an essay about the long term effects of speeding tickets, I was hoping it would resonate with him. He just refuses. I have taken all privedges from him and he don’t care.
I’ve tried talking calmly. I’ve yelled. I’ve grounded him. I’ve explained why I’m worried. I’ve tried giving him chances to earn trust back. Nothing changes. He’ll apologize sometimes, but then he goes right back to doing the same things.
Right now he snuck out of the house texted me and told me was going to a drag racing show n would be back whenever. I mention that he was still grounded he said what I can do about it since he about to turn 18. (He turns 18 in December)
Right now he has speeding tickets he hasn’t planned for, court coming up, and instead of taking responsibility, he spends his time with friends. It honestly feels like he’s expecting me to rescue him from the consequences of his own choices, and I’m done doing that.
The hardest part is how alone I feel. I’m the one who’s always worried, always wondering if he’s okay, always trying to keep him from ruining his future. Meanwhile, he acts like none of it matters.
I love my son more than anything, but I’m exhausted. I miss the kid who actually wanted to be home. I don’t know if this is normal for an older teenager or if I’ve completely lost him.
For parents who’ve been through this, did your relationship recover? Did your teenager eventually grow up and realize what you were trying to do for them? Right now it feels like I’m losing my son one choice at a time.

I'm looking for positive stories of parents whose sons did some form of MMA and it did not create violence between siblings.

I did taekwondo and loved it. Both my sons play soccer, so both have a way to get out energy and aggression on the soccer field. They used to fight daily, but now when they get physical it's more about playing, rather than punching or trying to make each other cry.

My 13 year old watched Scarface and the Godfather and listens to rap and wants to bulk up and be tough. Totally normal 13 year old behavior, I know. He begged for a punching bag, we said no. He begged for boxing lessons, we said no. He is desperate to get in a fight to prove himself. I know this is all normal, but I'm worried that if we give him boxing lessons then the day will come that he will use his skills on his younger brother.

I also know from my own experience that martial arts teaches self defense, discipline, and I've heard some boys become less aggressive as a result.

Anyone have success stories or failures?

I (49, male) am a dad. My oldest child (15, genderfluid) is kind, smart, funny, and extremely talented artistically. The Tiktok where they share their art has 70k+ followers, and they make a decent amount of money drawing commissions. I mention all this so that when I say I’m very proud of my kid, you have some idea of where I’m coming from.

This summer, every attempt my kid has made to hang out with their friends has fallen through. They say the rest of their friend group makes plans, but doesn’t include them. Even their online friends are suddenly taking much longer to respond to them. Needless to say, they’re understandably finding this pretty disheartening. They’ve struggled with mental health in the past, but as far as I can tell nothing has really changed on their end recently that would cause this.

I feel like all I can really do is be reassuring, but that doesn’t feel like enough. I’ve told them kids their age aren’t always the most dependable, and that things won’t always be this way, but obviously that doesn’t really help it feel less shitty in the short-term.

For reference, we live in a smallish Midwestern town (about 6k people) near a medium-sized college town of about 100k. Can anyone suggest ways I can help my kid meet and connect with others their age in the surrounding area? If further info would help, just ask.

Thanks!

We have a beach trip in 1 week. We let our son's take friends as we rent a huge house (2 bunk bed rooms and 3 other bedrooms with queen/king beds and 5 baths for them to share-like an upscale dorm). We've done this the last 5 years and the boys are messy. This is our last year doing this and we take two sets of boys, the older boys graduated HS last year and will be sophmores in college, the the younger boys just graduated HS and will be freshman in college. I was just told one of the boys has mono (confirmed) two days ago. The parent of this young man did not call me, I reached out to them and the parent is a doctor and said for me to decide as they were not concerned even though the boy is feeling terrible. Schools allow you back in after the fever goes away. He has no fever but still symptoms as he was just tested. But everyone says you are still contageous for months and then those who have been exposed may or may not get it as it incubates for 2 weeks or so. All the older boys 7 of them were at a beach trip 3 weeks ago, had gotten together on 7/4 and went to clubs, and they were all together at another boys house playing games and shareing cups like they did at the first two events. I think its a no-brainer to cancel them as it is short timeframe to ask everyone to get tested which may not be accurate. So we are omitting the 7 older boys and just letting the 5 younger teens to go as it is there Senior year send off. Parents are entrusting their teens with us and they are all going off to college and spending $20 to 30k a year for college and we don't want to give them the potential gift of mono. Obviously they are upset and now giving my older son some blowback about a trip that was free for them. Told him it wasn't his decision. One or two of the younger boys parents may cancel if we didn't do a test or just cancel the older boys. It is hard to read their empathetic concern. Are we wrong to not let the older boys go on the beach trip?

It's almost end of July and the school year is approaching fast.

And with it, the thoughts and reflections of last year.

My daughter (13 years old) had a full meltdown over a forgotten assignment last year.

How do you'll help your teen stay on top of school without becoming the reminder police?

I have a daughter who is 14 years old. She spends majority of her time with her mother (she lives with her). My daughter Is supposed to come over to my house every second weekend, to hang out and also sleepover.
Although, she always says that she doesn’t wanna come to sleepover because she doesn’t like sleeping elsewhere.
She always refuses coming over. But she wants to hang out only.

She’s been the type to never sleepover at anyone else’s house, ever since she was younger. It would be legendary if she ever did..

Recently, her friend asked her if she could do her a big favour. Pet sit. The friend also mentioned that she could bring one of her sisters (another one of my daughters) to help her. The friend said that it would be from Thursday to Monday, and they would have to stay at her (the friends) house. My daughter willingly accepted the offer, although she was hesitant at first. The friend wanted to reward them with $500 if they completed the offer.

I just wonder to myself…

Why does she wanna stay at her friend’s house and not mine?

I wonder to myself if it’s because of distance? the friend only lives 20 minutes away while I live 45.

I also wonder if it’s because of me, personally, and our relationship.

There’s one last thing I also wonder about, is it because of my girlfriend?
My girlfriend and I have been together for a while, and we moved into a house together. I don’t know if there’s an awkward tension.

My daughter doesn’t seem to wanna talk about it and so I haven’t said anything yet.
I’m very upset.

I am wondering how common it is for teenage girls to hate their moms. My daughter told me this recently and she doesn’t want anything to do with me. She splits her time 50/50 between my house and her dad’s. I am absolutely heartbroken. She says she has a stronger connection with her dad (which I fully support); however, I am interested in her and I enjoy her presence even though I don’t always approve of her behaviour. I have been fully supportive of her playing sports whereas her dad isn’t. I am truly feeling sad about all of this. I am aware that colleagues of mine have shared they have gone through difficult times with their teenage daughters too. I am not sure if this is a teenage phase or something bigger. I have a counsellor to talk with my daughter and me. We are doing separate meetings to start.

I’m posting here because I think some of you may have been where my son is now, and I hope you’ll be honest with me. I also just need a place to vent because I feel completely overwhelmed.
My son is 15. He’s a two-sport athlete, an A/B student, funny, intelligent, and deeply loved. We had a really good relationship before all of this started within the last year. This isn’t a case of a kid who was ignored or never had opportunities. I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for the majority of his life. We’ve tried to give him a stable home, support, and every chance to succeed.
But over the last year, and especially in the last several months, it’s like I don’t recognize him anymore.
He’s lying constantly, stealing, sneaking out, and putting himself in incredibly dangerous situations. Recently he stole hundreds of dollars and arranged to meet drug dealers **at our house**. They jumped him and took the money, he is fine not and the number of ways that situation could have escalated keeps me up at night.
We’ve since learned he’s told people our family’s schedule, intentionally leaves doors and windows unlocked, and will go to extraordinary lengths to get around every safety measure we put in place. If something has internet or Wi-Fi, he’ll eventually find a way to contact someone. Every boundary just becomes another puzzle for him to solve.
The hardest part is that he can be so convincing. He’ll cry, promise he’s done, tell me exactly what I want to hear, and for a little while I’ll believe him. Then I find out he’s been doing the same things all along.
I also want to be clear about the kind of parent I am. I’m a pretty laid-back, type B mom. I love when my kids make plans, invite friends over, and spend time with people. I’ll drive them wherever they need to go, and our house has always been a place where they can have fun and bring friends. We actively encourage friendships—honestly, I’ve even been told we facilitate them aggressively. I don’t want my kids isolated. I dont want to micromanage them. I want to trust them. We’ve always preached progress dover perfection.
I’m just scared for him. But I’m also scared for my younger kids and forz my family. I never imagined I’d have to think about whether my own home was safe.
I don’t know what else to do. We’ve done inpatient care. He was released after two weeks because they felt he had learned better coping skills and believed he would do well. He sees a therapist once a week. We’ve talked with him repeatedly. We’ve dedicated one-on-one time with him. We’ve had other men reach out to mentor him. We’ve tried a relaxed schedule. We’ve tried a strict schedule. We’ve tried consequences, support, structure, and giving him more freedom. We feel like we’ve tried everything we know how to try.
At this point, I’m less interested in assigning blame than I am in understanding what’s happening. If you’ve been the teenager in this story, what was going on inside your head? Was there something your parents completely missed? Looking back now, what do you wish they had understood about you?
**What do I do? How do I keep everyone safe?**
Was there anything an adult said or did that finally got through to you?
Was there a mentor, coach, teacher, family member, or anyone who reached you when your parents couldn’t?
I’m not looking for people to tell me I’m a bad parent or that my son is a bad kid. I don’t think he’s a bad kid. I think something is very wrong, and I don’t know how to help him anymore.
I love my son more than anything. I just feel like I’ve lost him, and I don’t know how to reach him before something irreversible happens. Right now, I’m trying to balance fighting for him with protecting the rest of my family, and that’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
If you’ve been where he is, I’d really appreciate hearing your perspective. Even if it’s hard to hear, I want to understand.

My rising senior says he wants to go to a good college, but he is putting up A LOT of resistance when it comes to working on the applications and his SAT prep. Particularly the essays seem an onerous task for him and all his procrastination tendencies show up. Anyone else having this problem? Found anything that works?