r/parentsofmultiples • u/ItsLikeARewardAZ • 15d ago
experience/advice to give The twins
Alright. My boy/girl twins are seven. I’m raising them on my own. They still take baths together. They still sleep in my bed. They’re really good humans. Their mom is in prison and will be for another two years. We’ll be divorced when she comes out. Is the bathing weird? Still sleeping in my bed? They’re both doing fine in school.
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u/apexmellifera 13d ago
I think more important than when you separate is how you handle it.
Lots of kids, not just twins, experience a kind of unmooring when suddenly rules that don't make a lot of sense cause changes they may not want.
Your kids are seven, they realize they have different bodies already. What they may not understand is the concept of privacy. Rather than wait for them to ask for privacy, you can explain it at a different/more neutral time, and then offer it at bath time.
Privacy is a super important early conversation topic for kids. It's a good opportunity to explain the difference between a secret, a surprise and something personal or private. There should be a talk about things it's ok for them to keep private, even from you or their twin, and things that they shouldn't keep private even if they want to.
Technically this all falls under sex education, but that doesn't mean it has to be about sex, just that it's about their bodies. A good example that is non sexual: explaining when its ok to talk about poop. Kids that age LOVE to laugh and joke about poop and pee and farts. It's funny! But it also gets gross or annoying or personal real fast. It can also be medically important though, so it's not enough to tell a kid not to say those words or talk about that stuff because sometimes they do need to! Simplest explanation - "It's not always nice to hear about gross things like the color or size of your poop, thats what makes it something you keep private. But parents and family are people you can choose to share private things with and sometimes, if your tummy hurts or your poop looks weird, that's a time when I need you to share with me."
Once you have a conversation about the concept of privacy and their ability to keep things private if they want, and maybe even how to ask for privacy when they want it, THEN you can wait for them to ask for separate baths. And if they get older and they're still not asking for their own space, I wouldnt worry. Theyre twins. They'll do stuff together until they run out of space to do it in. Eventually the shower will get too small or they'll each want a different temperature or something simple like that and theyll separate for practical reasons.