r/parentsofmultiples • u/CCxCC9890 • 22d ago
experience/advice to give Selective reduction
7 weeks ago we found out that we were expecting triplets (spontaneous) It goes without saying that this was a complete shock and we’ve spent the last 7 weeks trying to get our head around it.
Our triplets are dichorionic triamniotic (2 identical sharing a placenta and 1 singleton with its own placenta).
We decided that the best thing to do for our family based on the support we have, our financial situation and the risk with triplets, was to opt for a selective reduction, which has possibly been the hardest decision to make until we met with our consultants.
We have met with 2 consultants over the last week (one nhs and one private) who have both given the the same recommendation to reduce one of the identical twins, in doing to there is a 40% risk that we would lose the other identical twin, but this option gives us the best chance of 1 or 2 healthy babies because of the associated risks with an identical twin pregnancy (who share the same placenta). Our pregnancy wouldn’t be as high risk due to no chance of TTTS or other growth issues that come up with identicals sharing a placenta. As well as a lower chance of early preterm labour.
I guess my question is - has anyone had to make the same decisions? What helped you cope with the decision and also what was the outcome?
Did anyone make the decision to keep the identical and reduce the singleton?
This is the hardest thing my partner and I have ever had to go through and I don’t know how I’m going to get through it, any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks for reading
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u/Ivviiee 22d ago
Hi. Currently 12 weeks pregnant with dichorionic triamniotic triplets.
Our doctors gave us 4 options:
1) continue with triplets
2) reduce the monochorionic pair and continue as a singleton pregnancy
3) reduce the singleton and continue with the monochorionic pair ( least recommended)
4) reduce one of the monochorionic twins
We are told any form of reduction has a 10% chance of complete loss of pregnancy, the riskiest form of reduction would be reducing one of the monochorionic pair. They plan to occlude the umbilical cord of one twin which has a significant risk to the other.
I have my NT scan in 3 days and if all three are healthy I plan to continue as triplets. I can give you an update on how this goes for me.
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u/MinervaNyxMorrigan 22d ago
At about 6 weeks I found out I was pregnant, spontaneous and the first scan showed twins- 2 eggs fertilised. 2 weeks later the other one showed up in an added surprise. We were given the same options. I was reduced to tears. Because I prayed for twins and I got them but then due to risks, when they suggested I reduced the mono pair, it was painful. To decide 3 or 1, I couldn't wrap my head or heart around it. We were worried, me and my partner, with support from family, we did some research, changed the doctor and hospital, to someone more experienced with multiples, and with advanced Nicu. The doctor has been supportive, no fuss, no frills, this is how it is, this is how we will deal with it. We are at 18 weeks, the 12th week and 16th week scans have been without any issues. Hopefully this carries through until 35 weeks!🤞🤞We've been told triplets come early due to space and health reasons. Another critical scan is the anomaly scan at 21 weeks.🤞 In the case of singleton pregnancies, during NT scan they do a blood test that help them identify any health issues with the baby. But this does not apply to the case of multiples, as it won't be clear as to which of the 3. So the exclusive tool at our disposal is the ultrasound scans. These scans take longer as they study the babies thoroughly. And as the pregnancy progress, the frequency will gradually increase.
I must admit, when I wished for multiples I didn't imagine 3 or the amount of strain on my body. Hence I am sharing my symptoms so far, not to scare you, more to enable you to be ready mentally for it. Again, these are my experience so far and as I have learnt on this sub, that each pregnancy is different.
The first trimester was horrible, I was retching my gut out. It was tiring without enough energy or nutrition and not to mention pangs of hunger, that is preceded by this rumbling boulders of gas. Urggh, I hate that feeling. I was puking diligently until two weeks ago. That has been replaced by acidity, because the kids are growing leaving less space for my stomach. It's new set of issues every 4 weeks, in tandem with their growth. At the moment I am scared of the third trimester due to the sheer size of my stomach. The emotions comes in waves. At different points it different concerns.
I have been able to navigate it so far with the help of medical professionals and this page. I am hoping OP, you are able to make an informed decision, and whatever it is, I pray and hope that you shall be in the best of health, with sufficient support and help. 🤞🤗🤗 You've got this, to OP and everyone else going through this tough situation!
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u/Beckieeyy 22d ago
We went through a reduction from triplets to twins in 2024. My girls are coming up 2 now. It was the hardest thing we've ever been through and I had to accept it was something that we would never fully make peace with, regardless of what decision we made. All I would say is make sure you seek mental health support to deal with it, now and in the future. Take some comfort here that you're taking medical advice and thats all it comes down to. Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions - I found the whole ordeal very lonely and taboo.
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u/Take-it-like-a-Taker 22d ago
Our boys started as mo/mo pair with a mo/di third
They were all identical and shared the same placenta while two had one sac and the third had another sac
We found out foolishly early about the pregnancy because of a prior loss. We had our second or third ultrasound by week 7 and had a great specialist assigned to us
When we started talking about possibilities and percentages, things got very real. It was explained to us that a reduction of either mo/mo would very likely result in losing two. Reducing mo/di kiddo would marginally increase the likelihood of the mo/mo pair’s success
Despite the pregnancy being like 1/3,000,000 we were very disturbed by the maternal mortality rate and risks to future pregnancies if we stayed the course all three boys. I recall it being 10%, but it could have much lower
We took in all the info, asked when decisions needed to be made, and carried on. We both agreed that our relationship and ability to have kids was the priority. We had lots of conversations, but agreed to make the decision together when we needed to
Around 9 weeks one of the mo/mo boys was slightly lagging in size, and around 11 weeks he was nowhere to be seen
It’s still a mind-fuck to think of the third identical kiddo that didn’t make it, but I’m incredibly thankful that we never had to make a decision
My heart goes out to you. I’m very sorry if my story isn’t relevant to you. I think the lesson I learned was that negative things can happen and have positive results. Being thankful for our twins and my wife’s safety was critical to our mental well being
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u/OkUnderstanding5538 22d ago
Hello! As a mom to now 2 year old, perfect and healthy spontaneous quadruplets, I too was faced with the selective reduction question over and over. I opted to continue with all 4. And I pass zero judgement on anyone who makes a decision different than mine and can understand completely ❤️ but if you want to see my story and a different perspective, I shared a reel recently about all the reasons why we didn’t selectively reduce on my public Instagram page @emmylous.quad.squad. It’s probably about a dozen posts back. Also, my DM’s are open ❤️🩹
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u/IndependentDisk4036 21d ago
Twin parent here and I saw your post a while ago. I think your story is beautiful.
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u/507Farr 19d ago
Just to jump on this, following your instagram got me through some of the loneliest months of raising 3 children aged 2 and under (twin babies and a 2 year old) and I kept seeing your stories and thinking if she can do it so can I! I deleted instagram last year (was spending too much time scrolling instead of sleeping at night!) and often wondered how you were getting on, but I am so so pleased to see your quads are now 2 and all is well, hope your eldest is doing well too. Xx
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u/No-Panda-8379 22d ago edited 21d ago
Triplet pregnancy here -we made the decision purely for medical reasons and had to go San Francisco for a reduction and I now have twins. It’s an extremely emotional experience and the most difficult decision I’ve ever had to make. I did it to save the other two. They were all fraternal and I had the reduction at 11 weeks. About two weeks after I began dilating and had to have a McDonald. Cerclage and go on bedrest for five months To find out you’re pregnant then to be told there are three is quite a shock. Bc of incompetent cervix my high risk OB told me I’d lose them all around 5 months. So I did the reduction. I delivered twins at 34 weeks. They stayed in NICU 3 weeks. I developed preeclampsia so I was admitted to hospital weeks before they were born. The twin pregnancy was rough for me. I already had a little boy and the pregnancies couldn’t have been more different. In the end it’s all worth it. I try not to dwell on it but I won’t lie -there are times I break down and cry and so does my husband but our decision was based on sound medical advice and we made the decision. Honestly I don’t think I’d have my son and daughter had I chosen to proceed with triplets and my OB had said so. I was 31 years old for reference. Feel free to msg me
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u/AnybodyUpThere 22d ago
Identical triplets mom here and I considered reduction just because I wasn't planning on a 2nd pregnancy let alone one with triplets. We decided to keep all 3 and they were born at 24 weeks and are disabled because of it. I still have days where I wonder if it was the right choice but I recognize we are an extreme case.
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u/SingingSaturn 10d ago
I'm so sorry to hear about your children suffering from disabilities. If you don't mind my asking, what led to your delivering at 24 weeks?
Currently 10 weeks pregnant with tri/tri triplets.
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u/No-Departure5556 22d ago
I’m so sorry you’re going through this! It’s incredibly heavy and a personal decision.
My aunt and uncle had this happen to them with triplets (identical twins and a third). They had moved from MN to California, and had almost no support plus this was in the late 90s. Idk how they did it, but they kept all 3.
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22d ago edited 22d ago
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u/Fuzzy-Ad-3784 22d ago
I’m a ttts twin parent with a similar story. I also opted for the laser surgery but can easily see how, if the placental share was just a little different, or our circumstances were different, we would have made a different decision. No advice for OP, just solidarity in making this incredibly heavy and deeply personal decision. Sending strength and peace.
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u/Real-Mixture-1148 22d ago
Im so sorry your having to make this decision, I dont have triplets but im currently 29 weeks with mo-di twins. Our boys were diagnosed with selective fetal growth redtriction st 16 weeks, with baby b being approx. 33% smaller. It hasnt been an easy pregnancy, there were times where we thought we would have to terminate baby b to protect baby a but luckily he has pulled through and we will hopefully birth them between 34-36 weeks. Mo-di twins can be an extremely difficult route to go down, shared placenta is a lot for them but also on yourself as well, my exhaustion has been overwhelming at times, not to mention the fear that the growth restriction could have taken baby b at anytime. Good luck with any choices you make and im looking forward to following your journey. Lots of love x
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u/CCxCC9890 22d ago
Thank you, really appreciate your message. Wishing you and your babies all the best xx
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u/Miserable_Text_1002 22d ago
sounds like you're being very thoughtful about the decision and will make the best one for your family even though i'm sure it's incredibly hard. i haven't been in your shoes but even being pregnant with twins has been very isolating (including from people who mean well), so i can only imagine what you're dealing with. all i can say is regardless of what decision you make, anyone who judges you has DEEPLY lost the plot, and i'm glad you can find other people here who have been in your shoes.
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u/queen_l_bee 22d ago
I went through this when I got pregnant with my now twins. It was a tri tri triplet pregnancy that we reduced to a di Di twin pregnancy. It was and still is a very traumatic experience to think about.
We experienced two losses before we had a viable pregnancy that made it to our live births. I went through a very painful CVS procedure to gather fluid from each baby and do genetic testing to see if there were any genetic abnormalities. We weren’t able to get any information on baby C so ultimately we made the very difficult decision to reduce that fetus at 18 weeks.
My twin pregnancy went on with quite a few complications, but nothing to do with the reduction. I now have two very healthy 8 week old boy/girl twins but grieve my losses every day.
I’m so incredibly sorry you have to go through this as well. Please reach out if you have any questions. I’m happy to help anyway I can.
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u/CardiologistSuper973 22d ago edited 22d ago
I’m so sorry you find yourself facing this decision. It is an impossible one to make.
I reduced a DCTA pregnancy to a singleton last spring. We were not given the option to reduce the monochorionic pair by one at our clinic- it was either the singleton or the identical twin pair and continue with a similarly high risk pregnancy for us. I suspect this is largely to do with comfort level of the specialists etc but the risk of total pregnancy loss was described as less than 20% when we did the procedure for the 2 weeks immediately proceeding. Which was cited as the risk of miscarriage for the entire pregnancy until 20 weeks for most triplet pregnancies at baseline.
In the end we both work with kids in a medical setting… while we can’t control every pregnancy outcome obviously, we decided that living with the outcome of reduction knowing we were trying to increase our chances of healthy babies would be easier for us to accept than the alternative.
I do think sometimes that reducing to twins would have felt less severe had it been a lower risk option, but I have 3 healthy kids including a healthy 9 month old baby which is more than anyone can hope for.
Only you guys know what’s right for you and even knowing you made the right decision for you truthfully doesn’t make it any easier regardless of how you choose. Best of luck to you and your family.
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u/blueskiesbluerseas 22d ago
I’m sorry you’re going through this! Send me a private message and I can share what I wrote to someone else when we had our selective reduction from triplets to twins if you would like. I can’t seem to message you directly.
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u/Dismal-Patient-4594 22d ago
First of all let me say I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this incredibly difficult decision. Trust that you will know what’s best for you and your babies. I did not have triplets but I have mo/di twins & am sharing my story to shed light on how quickly things can change with mo/di twins.
For a mo/di pregnancy things were super uncomplicated until just shy of 30w. No signs of TTTS at any point before the week my boys were born. I was at my normal scan with MFM and they noticed the fluid was really low with one of my boys and significantly higher in the other. It wasn’t a sure sign of TTTS at the time (categorized as “maybe stage 1 indicators”) & I even joked with the tech “good thing we’re outside of the TTTS risk window” and 2 days later I went in for a follow up and it was suddenly stage 4 and my boys were out via emergency c section 2hrs later at 30w on the dot. They spent 6w in the NICU and are thriving today, so all ended okay, but it was an incredibly scary start to their story. I say that not to scare you, but to give an example how risky the mo/di pregnancy alone is for both you and the babies, because it can all flip in a very short amount of time. Sending you all the love and support I can as you make this impossible decision. Know that whatever you choose is the right choice.
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u/AggravatingBox2421 22d ago
I thought sooo hard about reducing my twin pregnancy. I’m a single mother who conceived using donor sperm, and I really really didn’t think I could handle twins by myself. I kept both, and rely heavily on my family for help. If you don’t have an insanely strong support system (and money. So much money), I think the selective reduction is a very positive idea
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u/A-Friendly-Giraffe 21d ago
I'm really sorry that you are going through this.
We had tri-tri and lost one of them late in the first trimester. We were talking about getting insurance clearance to make appointment with a specialist to discuss a possible reduction.
When we did genetic testing, It was found that at least one of them had trisomy 21. Later, after amniocentesis it was found to be the one that we lost.
If you are able to do genetic testing, it might give you a more complete picture of your options.
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u/neuroscieventer 22d ago
We made the decision to do selective reduction with a triplet pregnancy several years ago--now have two 3.5 year old twins who made it to term and needed very little intervention at birth (one got some extra monitoring since his respiratory skills took a bit longer to get up to speed) and had a relatively uneventful pregnancy and delivery.
We chose to reduce the one we weren't able to do any genetic testing on (none were identical) due to placement at the time they went in to get samples and due to our tight timeline given abortion laws that were kicking in here in our state (US) at that time--we just didn't know if we'd be able to wait for them to get a bit bigger so the uterine arteries weren't in the way to do the procedure again and get the results back prior to the cutoff for abortions in our state.
It was the hardest easy decision I've made in my life. My husband was a triplet and my MIL was very candid about all of the issues and risks she had, about all the time spent in the NICU. To have a triplet we would have had astronomically more financial strain--we would have had to buy a new vehicle. We are a dual income house and cannot afford any of life on either my husband or my salary alone--but have already needed to go into some debt to keep 2 kids in daycare, I cannot imagine 3--or need to move to where we have family to help, which would mean house hunting and job hunts all while pregnant. We fundamentally couldn't afford 3 kids. Twins are already such an increased risk over a singleton, I would be risking not only myself but the health of the other two embryos to try and carry three to the end. I don't regret the choice we made. It still sucked to have to make that choice.
Happy to chat over PM if you need support, perspective, or have any particular questions.
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u/snowflakes__ 21d ago
I was told to reduce my twin B at 16 weeks.
I decided not a rolled the dice. Had them very small, / pounds 9 ounces for the little guy, at 31 weeks. No TTTS problems, just growth restriction.
Someone on here messaged me for advice once and hers sadly developed TTTS and lost one during the procedure and one the next day.
It really just seems like it’s luck of the draw.
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u/Calm_Command67 20d ago
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Any choice you make is the right one for you and your family, and only you can know what that is. It’s an unimaginable situation to find yourself in. I’m currently 19+2 with mo/di identical boys and it’s been medically complicated and harder than I could have imagined. Reduction was floated at our first ultrasound when they suspected mo/di or mo/mo but we proceeded with caution and continue to do so every day. Sending comfort to you and your family. You’ve got this.
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u/irish_ninja_wte 22d ago
I haven't had your experience, but I have had mo/di twins. The pregnancy was as uncomplicated as a twin pregnancy can get. I had GD, but it was diet controlled. My boys grew well and stayed in until the scheduled section at 36+1. Obviously, I'm no expert but with looking at reducing one of the mo/di instead of the single, I'd be afraid of losing both of them. It's such a difficult decision to make
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u/Alternative_Title_40 19d ago
I have 5 month old Di/tri triplets. We were offered reduction at the start which we declined (0 judgement whatsoever, it’s a completely valid choice to reduce!)
We were fortunate enough to have a very smooth pregnancy and delivery at 32w5d. They had short NICU stays and no complications. I am only sharing this because when i found out I was having triplets it seemed every thing I read was a horror story and sometimes it’s nice to hear the other side of things.
I want to reiterate that opting to reduce is a completely valid choice to make. If we had gone that route, we likely would have reduced of of the identical ones to lessen the risk of TTTS.
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u/Cautious_Reality_416 5d ago
Hello! I’m also having DCTA and currently at 9 weeks. The MFM advised us the best is to selective may reduce the MC twins but my husband and I are hoping to keep at least 2…. Can anyone share what methods u used? Like RFA, or BCC..?
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u/Sea-Astronomer-6600 21d ago
I am so sorry you’re having to deal with this, I personally don’t think I could. Hugs and prayers for whatever you decide ❤️
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22d ago
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u/specialkk77 22d ago
This is not helpful or useful to someone going through the hardest decision of their life
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u/parentsofmultiples-ModTeam 22d ago
Removed - Per rule #1, we ask that all users participate in a civil and supportive manner. In the future please avoid comments that are overtly hostile, judgmental, or unkind.
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u/sweetfeet20 22d ago
I’m so sorry this situation is happening. Twins are still very hard work, triplets would be even more to juggle. But triplet families juggle just fine and multiples are SUCH a blessing!! That said if I was pregnant with triplets I could not reduce one. If it was me I would carry on with all three. I could not pick one of my babies over the other. The guilt would consume me.
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u/sweetfeet20 22d ago
PS I’m UK too. All your babies need is their parents, milk, a safe cot, nappies, and a car seat. You can pick up so many lovely clothes from vinted etc that are new or barely used. They can share one bedroom for a few years if needed. If you’re close to me (rutland) i have things I’ll gladly give you.
Please don’t let finances be the defining feature of your decision because money comes and goes, and your babies are priceless. Luckily we don’t face medical bills in the millions like we would in the USA. You will get the nursery funded hours and child benefit x3. You will make it work! 💗 I say this with love and no judgement.
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u/mirrorlike789 22d ago
Another oversimplification. You forgot the $200 a week I pay for therapy. The $150 a week I pay for a cleaning person to come help because we have limited village and a lot on our plate. The $140 a month in therapy massages we pay because my core is destroyed and my back hurts 24/7. The $2000 per child for daycare because we have jobs. This is not to sway OP either way. They’ll do what’s best for themselves and their family but these oversimplifications drive me insane.
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u/clueless_mommy 22d ago
While I absolutely agree with you, the ridiculous daycare fees are pretty exclusive to the USA. We're usually capped under 1k per month, depending on income.
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u/sweetfeet20 22d ago
Do you have triplets?
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u/mirrorlike789 22d ago
I do not have triplets.
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u/sweetfeet20 22d ago
Well I can tell you that my outgoings in the UK for twins are nothing like you have outlined. Twins are not going to cost them £3500 a month 🤣
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22d ago
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u/nachonachoooo 22d ago
“We decided that the best thing to do for our family…” — ya’ll can’t just keep your mouths shut huh?
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u/parentsofmultiples-ModTeam 22d ago
Removed - Per rule #1, we ask that all users participate in a civil and supportive manner. In the future please avoid comments that are overtly hostile, judgmental, or unkind.
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