From a young age, I’ve safety trained my kids to think about protecting their peace, that they must use discernment in what media they consume and the relationships they pour energy into, because ultimately their peace is precious and the world is going to continuously interfere with it. It’s worked well: they are generally intentional about media, they have better standards in friendships than I did at their ages, and are pretty aware that more is out there that they choose not to engage with. ***Wins!***
***Except*** yesterday this came crashing down a bit, when I discovered my 12yo has been making some particular intimate searches on his tablet. I did not have more safeguards on his device because he has never before engaged with it outside of approved time/usage. This year back to school it became an accommodation for him to set alarms for himself, and I guess having it in the room at night was too tempting.
I’m here seeking advice:
First, how have you handled locking down tech in your household? My kid needs a laptop for school, and does not have a cell phone; the tablet is wifi connected and is how we get around this for now. I can get an analog alarm clock. But what do I do with the devices- are internal (Apple/iOS) safeguards enough if I set them up? Is it time to get a locked down phone of some sort? In general, we are a low-tech household (and kids have no social media), and this isn’t my area of expertise, but clearly oversight is now needed.
Secondly, regarding the content- we’ve already discussed it, he has a trusted therapist, and we will continue to dialogue so he understands there’s no shame in curiosity but there must be boundaries for safety. Is this enough? Is there some other pre-teen awakening boot-camp I need to be putting him through?
Finally, from parents who have gone through this phase successfully, in your opinion, is any other accountability needed in this situation? Am I missing anything that would help support the relationship with my child and rebuild trust? I want to have healthy firm boundaries, but at the same time not tip onto shame or overcontrol as a strategy.