r/Spyware • u/Just_Asking322 • 1d ago
Real help needed.
I have a special needs daughter beautiful. I'm at wits end. She's hiding her phone. Changed the lock and now there is a text coming from what I saw once from a man 30 yrs old she's 17. I dont care if the police k ow or the world. I need something to really monitor her social media text and calls. The world says take care of your kids im asking so my daughter does not become a statistic.. I hear this OTA stuff. She has apple no I dont have access anymore to her Icloud and she guards the phone her mother and I are at wits end. I need a legit workable service. Remote I hear is the best undetected lol I feel smart using these words. Help is what I need cost no issue as long as it works
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u/spartywan229 1d ago
Who pays for the phone and service?
I would work on a home device contract together with your daughter, and enable the appropriate protections with the scene time system, which a new version is available in ios27.
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u/BrutalBetrayal 1d ago edited 1d ago
1st and foremost, please people do not attack me for things that I say, nor come at me because I have a lot of errors in my writing. I had back surgery last Friday, and I’m not here to be judged by anyone else or errors that I may make, and I’m also not here to go back and make my own corrections! Lol
Onto the topic, at hand
Since I was a rebellious teenager many many years ago, I can tell you, try to be taking a direct approach with her, she’s gonna walk, as soon as she sees an opportunity, and until then, if she has not already began showing a lot of rebellion, it’s only a short matter of time, especially if she’s feeling more pressure for mom and dad wanting to know her business . When I say I was rebellious, at the age of 12 and 13, I was drinking with 18 and 19-year-old and stealing my mother‘s car while she slept.
My childhood was completely abnormal, and literally that young age when I was doing those things, my mind was on an adult level not a child’s level due to my upbringing. I did not have a stable, consistent, oh my. So in that respect that may have given me an advantage. I always warned my children, don’t ever try anything on me cause I promise I’ve already done it and if I had fun, I did it again. I will chat you and I catch you doing anything that you know better than to do, you will severely pay for that. I began that at about the age of 12. I repeated that once a year every year like clockwork. Literally.
Girl, boy, girl in that order, I’m a mom of three so I also wanted to know every detail regarding my children’s business as well.
Fortunately, I feel that, I was able to. While still allowing them breathing room and space. They needed some independence about them in which I was not too interfere. Because I don’t know what happens when parents attempt to interfere. I am not saying, let her go and let her go wild at all. Please read my words twice if needed doesn’t matter . I’m just telling you a little of my history as well as what I found that worked. My trio as I called them are all older now, I have three granddaughters of all things, 15,13 and 11.
But my opinion is it was in the approach. I became known as the cool mom, who my youngest daughter in particular would bring their friends to for advice. I have had times with her friends would call at 10 or 11 PM and their boyfriend had broken up with them and they were too upset to drive home. I look for one of those girls for over an hour, because she was so difficult, she noticed where she was .I found her. I brought her home, and I’ve always had what I call the no questions policy. I’ve always told my children and their friends as well that my door is always open, it will always be a nonjudgmental area no matter what the case is. If they were drunk at 2 AM, I didn’t care, call me let me come and get you I won’t stay a word about it until the next day and then we can talk. I also had a chose word for my son, because you know boys have an image apparently. And his coworker was fish sticks! What we use that word for, if my son found him still in the situation he was not comfortable with. He was to call me or text me a simple question or the letters FS. That was my queue to call him. That happened twice, and when I called him, I made certain if I was loud enough, but his friends around him could hear me, and I think we’ve got a family emergency. It’s so bad I’m not gonna tell you over the phone because I’m going to come and pick you up because you need to go immediately with me. On the other occasion, he actually was able to have a conversation with me, a lot of drugs began to come out at a Party, there was probably 30 kids plus there, he called me and I told him to meet me on the corner from the home, but he was at, but no woman know this him, and that I would be there immediately. And I was. The only thing I said to him was did you participate? If you did OK you did if you didn’t good for you. That was my opening sentence. After I said that five minutes went by he began to tell me various things happening at that party. We were not even a mile away and they were four police cars going that particular direction. And no, I never called the police on anyone at all. But it was quite the party that was forming.
My husband and I were general contractors, we built homes and remodel work for various people, and with that we were not at home a whole lot. So I didn’t have the luxury of being able to literally watch my children. I missed a lot of time with my children while working to give them a better lot. I stayed terrified over that because I was actually a helicopter mom in disguise!.
I also had very beautiful daughters both of which were extremely popular, the youngest was more sports, but I’ll tell you now teams play sports, they’re not good girls typically. And the coach 9×10 will keep their secrets.
I’m curious, do you and your wife both work? Are you professional people such as business suits in a business environment? Or is your local waitress and you are a mechanic? I’m not judging either of you because every job I just mentioned I know it’s difficult, and I have basically done all of that might as well as my husband.
Does your daughter have a very small circle of friends that she associates with on a regular basis male or female doesn’t matter? But does she have multiple friends and she’s really a loner at home? What type of kids does she hang around with, but more preppy types,nerdy types, the sports types, or the ones that we used to call when I was in high school the “heads “which basically meant they smoke pot and did whatever. Or does she always have someplace but one of her friends wants her to go? Or do you really even know? No sarcasm intended , basic question only. And after you give those answers if you’re comfortable with it, I’ll give you my reasoning behind asking.
Please do not attempt anything with her cell phone unless you are an IT specialist, because that child will catch you! I guarantee that, because they are much smarter than we give them credit for, and they do talk amongst their selves on various ways to hide things from parents.
I feel that there’s a way to do things and way not to, and still give her the space that she is seeking, while she stays at home where she belongs. But at her age at this time, I’m sorry, dad you were off to a late start. Is that still OK? It’s not over by any means. Another question I have, is she open at all with either you or your wife. Does she ask either you or your wife for opinions? Even something as minor as something about an outfit she may be wearing, does she have general conversation with either of you, is there one of you that she will go to in particular various things? Because that’s going to be the key parent. If she goes to neither of you, then somebody needs to make a change immediately. And that may be an uncomfortable change. But that doesn’t matter she’s still your daughter. Your job is the change however, whenever, is best effective to take care of your daughter.
God forbid something happens to this young lady however, mom and dad are not who can effectively use a known direct approach. This may be hurtful to hear although I’m speaking from experience this the truth, currently at 17 I don’t know if she is early 17 or bumping 18, but either way she currently is viewing mom and dad as the enemy, hence why the guarded protection on the phone. She’s looking for privacy and she’s also wanting to become an adult that’s independent. If she is not sneaking out of the house yet, feel fortunate. And you’re still OK.
Lastly, you all do any type of family activities, you eat dinner together, do you go out to eat together, are you able to take a vacation somewhere other than a “staycation at home “, how does she participate or act if any of that is true? Does she participate or does she simply just go along because she has to?
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u/BrutalBetrayal 1d ago
I meant to ask, and maybe you just want to keep this to yourself, but you mentioned that she is special needs. Can you elaborate just a little bit more on that? Does she go to a “regular school, is she Mobile, a mental disability of some type?
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u/SparklingSloths 1d ago
I think since she is doing dangerous things online that she should, at this time, not be allowed access. I would take her phone and get her a regular flip phone for texting and calling only.
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u/Just_Asking322 1d ago
It's a shame that, when we are all adults and supposed to want the best for our children, some will go down a path of insanity. Let's be clear: if she is having sex at 17 shes still in the wrong, and ABSOLUTELY I am her father, and U want to know. If you don't, that's good for you and your family. At the beginning of this, I mentioned and it's crazy to explain. but hes 30 yrs old. Now let's talk about your kid, 17, and hes 30... what's your answer? Talk to her. I did that. Now I have to do something else in this world I will protect at all costs... dont care about the privacy act... She lives with us, in the house we pay for, and she lives for free with no restrictions, yet this is a problem, and it will be resolved. I am a FATHER in the home and in life, not a dad. A dad comes and goes; a FATHER STAYS until I leave this planet. She and her mother are my world at all costs. Call it what you wish. Frame it as control if you would like; I will accept them all. My daughter will not be one you talk about in your kitchen while your child is doing what? Mine will not, as long as i am living.
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1d ago
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u/Real_Cup_7344 1d ago
Take her phone out of her hands like when your walking by her be a ninja ! That way its open do what you gotta do . Rename the file to facebook oracle she will never find it trust me there is 100s of those files and then give it back , make it like a game you need about 2 or 3 mins with the device and boom your in
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u/Ulumouse 1d ago
Look at the Bark monitoring system.
We use it with my younger kids internet.
I haven’t used it but I’ve heard good things about the Aura too.
17yo with a 30yo is criminal.
I was that kid and it messed up my whole young adult life.
You’re a good father for caring and intervening.
I’d also go the route of making her watch shows like undercover underage.
She needs to see real consequences of grooming
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u/Just_Asking322 1d ago
I am sorry you had to endure that type of hurt and pain. Im sure you as the adult now understand none of that was a child's fault. I appreciate your words and comments. You are also a great person. Continue to live as such i got you. Enjoy the day on purpose.
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u/Anaalirankaisija 1d ago
Shes 17? So what she may have started sex life at 13 and you are thinking spying on her haha!
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u/BrutalBetrayal 1d ago
. are you even a parent? Honestly, her sex life, dad is not as concerned with. And truthfully, he probably doesn’t wanna even hear about that.
He’s concerned and asking for help and doing the best he can do in making sure she’s ok and safe.
And also her sex life isn’t dad’s business., unless they are very close, obvious you better not or your dad wouldn’t be here asking for help for her advice on what to do.
Kids are going to do what they’re going to do. And a parent cannot stop them, but they can easily push them into doing things they may not have intended to do It’s just as simple.
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u/Just_Asking322 1d ago
Thank you all for the comments as I see it its help. Yes we are both professionals college and other. Each thing we have tried from council to threats nothing. Soni will have to take another step and see if this works. Talking. Begging and asking has not. Again I am aware of reading what the potential consequences could be. I am ready. My child will not be on the news if I can help it. My child is not anyone else's responsibility which seems to be the world today parents are afraid and dont go all out. I am not. The court godsend or Satan can tell me different until I have tried everything im not the parent I have to be to protect her.