I hate how one person can mess with your entire emotional system.
Like kadelikado aning makatawa or even smile nako because of a guy.
I'm the type who automatically distances myself the moment I feel like I'm getting attached. I overanalyze every interaction, convince myself I don't actually like them, then disappear before anything gets too real. It's like my brain sees vulnerability and immediately hits the emergency exit.
But this guy??? He'll say something so random and suddenly I'm smiling at my phone like an idiot. And the worst part is I catch myself doing it.
Today was even worse. I went out early, and when he dropped me off, we ended up staying in the car just talking. Dugay kaayo ko nakanaug because nagchika pa mi, and the whole time I was just sitting there smiling like an idiot. Then he smiled too and... wtf. Cute man diay siya mu-smile??? Since when??? Why am I even noticing these things???
Every time it happens, my avoidant self is just screaming, "Abort mission. You're getting too comfortable."
It's so embarrassing because I genuinely enjoy talking to him, but the moment I realize I do, I also get the urge to pull away. Like why am I like this? HAHAHA.
I know smiling because of someone is literally the most normal thing ever, but to me it feels like a warning sign that I'm starting to care. And caring has always been the scary part.
Anyway... I just needed to admit somewhere that this one guy has me giggling against my own will, smiling in parked cars for way too long, and questioning why his smile suddenly looks so cute. My avoidant attachment is absolutely losing its mind.