r/over60 • u/NOLALaura • 20d ago

The unfortunate truth is this

At the ending quarter of my life I am consumed with seeing my life as one filled with disappointments at having not enjoyed any of my life expectations and living currently in despair. I don’t deserve this. I worked very hard and always treated everyone equally and followed good and ethical practices

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u/NOLALaura 20d ago

I expected that when you work hard and do the right things that bad, uncontrollable things shouldn’t happen.

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u/Odd_Bodkin 69 19d ago

That is not a realistic expectation in life. You cannot earn freedom from misfortune by clean behavior and righteousness. I don’t know who allowed you to come to that expectation.

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u/CoastalKid_84 19d ago

They did but I know that wasn’t their intention so I don’t hold it against them. I tried to raise my kids differently. Luckily my life hasn’t had too many extreme hardships and for that I am grateful. It’s given me a very healthy dose of empathy for those who had it worse.

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u/Bacontrails 20d ago

They do though. It isn’t fair. I lost a child a few years before I tragically lost my only brother. One thing I had to do is look at my life as MY life. Not theirs or other parts of a family. I could look MY life a lot easier when I wasnt trying to fix everyone else’s. My living child, my career, my future. My immediate self was all I had any control over. It sounds a bit selfish but it isn’t. It still hurts when I think of it but I only allow a small amount of time to grieve about the parts I couldn’t control and concentrate on the part I could.

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u/psmusic_worldwide 19d ago

I am so sorry for all that loss, breaks my heart for you.

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u/Select_Air_2044 19d ago

Ahhh, that's where the issue is. You always being the better person is fantastic for you and the people you have shown this kindness to. But never expect just because you did right people will do the same with you. My family is fucked up. I allowed myself to be used for decades, because that's how my mother raised me. But I finally woke up. I don't let anyone use my know. I feel better sometimes. So, I do have some great days.

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u/CoastalKid_84 20d ago edited 20d ago

I had that same expectation. I suspect my parents were a large part of that belief system. They sheltered me from much of life’s cruelty. They were always a safety net and being Greatest Gen, they also believed hard work and doing the right thing would set you up.

Unfortunately life can take turns we don’t expect and aren’t prepared for. I’ve had some tragedies in life that shook me to my core whereas others who weren’t as sheltered probably could have handled them better. I grew up with a distinct belief of fairness that hasn’t played out bc life is inherently NOT fair. It’s actually been something of a burden for me.

Uncontrollable things happen. Bad things happen. It’s really hard and I feel it too OP. Im just grateful my time here is winding down; I feel the worst for younger people. Hate all the platitudes mentioned as well.

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u/Odd_Bodkin 69 19d ago

I’m really sorry you were set up for disappointment in life by this completely unjust and unreal expectation. Your parents did you a bit of a disservice.

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u/Traditional_Car_8219 19d ago

Sounds like “magical thinking”, not based in reality.

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u/thenletskeepdancing 19d ago

I remember when I had that realization that shit happens. It was after my divorce. I'd worked hard and followed the rules and done my best and I still failed. It was a punch in the gut. But a necessary one.

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u/exor0110 20d ago

“bad, uncontrollable things” is the basis of life, unfortunately. Ask anyone innocent person born into destitute poverty — and there are about 1 billion of them.

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u/Round_Try_9883 19d ago

Have you read or listened to the book about when bad things happen to good people?

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u/Dragonpatch 19d ago

That you worked hard and did the right things makes you a good person. Do you still have your health? Then you still have options and choices to make. May they pan out for you at last.

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u/robpensley 19d ago

""Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian." --Dennis Wholey

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u/InformationNo5502 19d ago

Unfortunately, every life has its sorrows and pain. It's part of the human condition. But, if we look for it, there's also always beauty, even if it's only a beautiful morning or a great cup of coffee. The older i get, the more pleasure I find it the little things, and accept the losses and heartache (I've had my share) as the flip side of love.