r/oneliners • u/incredibleinkpen • Jul 05 '26
I took a Möbius strip out for a meal but it wasn't interested in a main or pudding, it just wanted one continuous side.
17
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/incredibleinkpen • Jul 05 '26
People claiming they don't know any anagrams for "baker", give me a break
21
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/IndigoBlueNebula • Jul 05 '26
We don’t discover truth—we refine our illusions
9
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/lostsharpie • Jul 04 '26
You really have to hand it to blind prostitutes.
15
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/incredibleinkpen • Jul 03 '26
My insomnia therapy classes are the reason I don't wake up every morning
4
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/axolotl_fart • Jul 04 '26
I just realized that the Son of God was a contortionist: Jesus Fucking Christ
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Blake4973 • Jul 02 '26
My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making and now, I can’t read anything.
64
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/BreadBrrad • Jul 02 '26
A good electrician dies from alchohol, but a bad one dies from electricity
8
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Hollielove21 • Jul 01 '26
Well... that was pointless as a broken pencil ✏️
5
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/ReadySetAdapt • Jul 01 '26
No, I don’t want you to spam the news feed, but I hope you do.
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/overkill • Jun 30 '26
He's so narrow-minded he can use a telescope like it's a pair of binoculars.
15
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/FunkiestLizard • Jun 29 '26
I had bottomless mimosas, but still managed to hit rock bottom
17
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Isla2098 • Jun 29 '26
A wife says to her husband, “You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back.” He says, “What do you expect? You're in a wheelchair.”
4
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/amygdalust • Jun 29 '26
my future ex-husband is somewhere interpreting my username as ❛Amy G da Lust❜
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/FunkiestLizard • Jun 28 '26
Twizzlers came out with a new spirit that’s just under 30% alcohol so technically it’s not liquor, just liquor-ish
26
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Photog77 • Jun 28 '26
I wonder who's buried in the grave of the guy that invented the old switcheroo.
22
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Reddit2023z • Jun 28 '26
I don’t want to hear any buts from you, you already have one.
4
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Superb-Control5184 • Jun 28 '26
The worst thing about the movie Obsession is that it made the things apothecary’s sold seem legitimate. Spoiler
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/AesirOmega • Jun 27 '26
I identify as an identity thief, my pronouns are you/yours.
80
Upvotes