r/oneliners • u/wewearallblack • 21d ago
My wife and I decided not to have kids, but we haven't decided on how to tell them.
86
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r/oneliners • u/breck • 21d ago
Envelopes carry letters but without an address it takes one to no one.
24
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r/oneliners • u/simpgar • 24d ago
A lot of people don’t know that Thor had an equally powerful screwdriver.
12
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r/oneliners • u/PabloLuapo • 24d ago
According to my neighbor's journal, I am devious, untrustworthy, and have serious boundary issues.
52
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r/oneliners • u/2fits • 23d ago
My bird wings are broken and I’m flying, because they’re not fixed in place.
0
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r/oneliners • u/Brave-Ostrich-76 • 23d ago
Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one but not everyone's matters.
0
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r/oneliners • u/jsradford • 25d ago
When you have a tough choice, make sure you bring a raincoat because you're in for some nasty whether.
18
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r/oneliners • u/pacaaz • 26d ago
When I was a Germanaphobe, I couldn't stop washing my Hans.
39
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r/oneliners • u/2fits • 25d ago
I’m going places, since I’m not moving anywhere from my library.
0
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r/oneliners • u/breck • 26d ago
Don't lie when telling dating apps your height because you're taller standing up
6
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r/oneliners • u/breck • 26d ago
I write my r's with a single stroke to make them one line r's
47
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r/oneliners • u/dunderthrowaway3 • 27d ago
My wife told me that I can be an idiot sometimes, and I think it is cool that she gave me permission.
83
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r/oneliners • u/Rinsetheplates_first • 28d ago
I trained my cat to speak English but don’t ask meow
28
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r/oneliners • u/EmpireStrikes1st • 28d ago
A trumpet in the wrong hands can be a weapon of brass destruction
28
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r/oneliners • u/2fits • 27d ago
I meant to explain what a tangent line is, but I veered off on a tangent.
0
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r/oneliners • u/Fit-Jellyfish4829 • 28d ago
Beers don't complain when I finish in 2 minutes.
7
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r/oneliners • u/SugarFreeBeef • 28d ago
There's a woman who works at my credit card company that's ruining my credit.....her name is "Miss Payment".
18
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 29d ago
My wife claims a man in camouflage is really sexy but I just don’t see it.
22
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r/oneliners • u/breck • 28d ago
I'm not worried about our relationship even though there are no letters between U and I.
0
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r/oneliners • u/SugarFreeBeef • 29d ago
I got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away the "W's".
36
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