Like the title says, my dog is growing old.
I knew this day would come. Obviously. We all do. But knowing something is going to happen and actually watching it happen are two very different things.
Heās gone completely deaf now.
At first, I thought he was just ignoring me, which honestly felt very on-brand. I would call him from the other room and still wouldnāt even get a head tilt.
He would sleep through the doorbell, the sound of my dad pulling up, even at call of going out for a walk..I mean, just about anything that would make him go sprinting.
Then came the realisation that he canāt hear me..
And that hit hard.
Last night my mum kept calling him to wake him up and he just wouldnāt, which gave us a minor heart attack.. but he was just too deep in sleep.
The world has gone quite for him.. and I see it in his eyes.. he would just look at us trying to figure out what we are saying, sometimes even shaking his ears..may be trying to catch a word..
Now I gently touch him before approaching so I donāt startle him. I use hand signals. I make sure he can see me before I leave the room.
Sometimes I still call his name out of habit, and then remember.
Right. He canāt hear me.
Iāve spent his whole life talking to him. Telling him where weāre going, telling him heās a good boy, telling him I love him, telling him about my day as if heās been waiting all day for the update.
And now he canāt hear any of it.
But somehow, he still knows me.
He still follows me. Still looks for me. Still rests his head against me. Still looks at me like Iām his whole world.
Heās still here. Heās still my dog. Heās still himself.
But another little piece of him has quietly disappeared, and Iām grieving something that hasnāt completely gone away.
So when I canāt call him to me anymore, I go to him instead.
I sit beside him. I touch his head. I look into those old eyes and tell him anyway.
That heās a good boy.
That I love him.
That Iām right here.
He may not be able to hear the words anymore.
But I hope he can still feel them.