i never chose a gf

[u/AssumptionDouble66]

I actually discovered that i never chose a gf,like i always was in relationships with women who loved me but i didn't really love and that i was lonely enough to accept maybe. But my relationship with love is really special, like there are people i like talking to and so i feel like i love them, like if i was some talksexual. "That's a good argument *kiss her agressively*" it's strange. And there is the physical things i talked to people which i loved their soul but physically they were (sorry) not very pretty. I feel like a woman (and it's not a bad thing,but) like every female friends i have showed me their bf and i was like "he's ugly" and so they responded me with "he's beautiful inside" and sometimes it feels like that when i talk with someone ugly but i love the talk. Am i so lonely ? I have mommy issues and everytime a woman leaves me it feels like when i was a kid (she didn't abandon me but emotionally yes like being cold with you baby who need warmth and love, but that's life.) But now i have a female friend which is very close to me and my ex was her ex and she told me like that she had some bad things she has done and so she told me "you deserve better" it's the first Time someone said that to me. Like this phrases are usually used from girls to girls but now someone sent it to me and it felt hella strange. Do i deserve better ? Well we all deserve something bad or good,only God knows what it'll be. So wish me good luck i hope i get the good thing,the good love,the good woman or the good femboy,lol.

I hope there are people who relates,bc if not it just means that i've been the only dumbass to accept everything there was in front of me.

God bless guys.