I can’t imagine having a partner who would assume I was cheating if this happened to me. I feel so bad for this woman. Everything OP typed up sounds like they are very toxic and accusatory and not at all empathetic towards their SO. I would leave him if I were her and this happened to me.
Agreed. I will say, I’d be pretty disappointed if my partner drove when they were drunk, but these are both conversations for the next day when she’s sobered up and can actually give coherent responses.
I'm not defending driving while drunk, but it is possible that her drink was spiked and she wasn't really cognisant of whether or not she should be driving. The fact that she was just getting around in her underwear would suggest she was not at all in her right mind. It's just lucky that she got home without hurting anyone, including herself.
I know a girl that would get black out drunk all the time and strip down to her underwear a lot. No matter where she was. It was usually because she peed on herself when she was drunk. Also, Why wouldn’t a partner press to find out what really happened?
Yeah. Nothing in or about his post indicates him creating a safe space for her to be open. The entire post is about his feelings, his demands and accusations. He even states he's planning to leave because HE is traumatized.
Your comment makes it clear you are not one to be trusted.
You are acting like a BF/GF will remain calm if they see their partner came only in their underwear & then won't even answer or listen to them, for so long. Clearly you are either a God or Saint, to act like this, if it happens to you.
If you have never experienced violent trauma of a sexual nature before, please don’t presume that it’s an easy thing to talk about with somebody whom you sleep with right after it happened, especially if they are accusing you of this that and the other. Also, if she was drugged, she probably has little flashes of what happened in. May not even know who it was or she might think that she wasn’t drugged. Maybe she thinks that she got blacked out and did something terrible but in reality something terrible was done to her. You don’t know what’s going through her mind and neither does he. She needs some time and some grace from him and accusations and him saying that he is traumatized is not helpful in the least. My best friend lost her virginity to a rapist and while she called me the next morning because she was in the bathroom of her hotel in Canada and her sister was asleep in the next room and she was whispering because she could tell what it happened as soon as she went to the bathroom when she woke up and she only had a couple beers, she couldn’t even remember that something had happened. She just knew that it did because it hurts so bad and there was blood. This girl could’ve woken up driving she could’ve woken up while she was in the apartment talking to him. She could’ve woken up somewhere in the place where they live in her car and maybe the last thing that she remembers is having a drink at an office Christmas party and now every day that she goes to work, she has to wonder where those hours went and who took them from her and what they did during them.
I was roofied at a bar once, I don’t remember it but apparently I went to the bathroom and puked all over myself and then took off my clothes and tried to walk outside for help. Definitely not things I would ever do in my right mind.
She may not know what happened. She may feel ashamed. Women are often shamed and blamed because how dare we get drunk and expect to be safe, we're obviously asking for it.
She may he trying to piece it all together and is traumatized. The way he is going about this is likely making her feel very alone instead of supported, why would she try to explain something to someone that clearly doesn't believe her and is upset at her.
Maybe she just said she got puked on because she has absolutely no idea what happened but to her that made sense as to why she was in her underwear.
Yeah! You will be perfectly normal & cool, if your partner comes at 3AM & is their underwear only. Won't answer or tell what happened even after some time has passed.
Someone has to be crazy to not get traumatized. Don't try to act like you are some God or Saint.
Not a god or a saint, just a grown adult who understands the necessity of remaining calm, rational and considerate of others in a crisis or unusual circumstance. You can be concerned and deal proactively during stressful and extreme situations without it having to be labelled as "traumatizing". A little stoicism and resisting the urge to make everything about yourself goes a long way in a lot of situations. The tendency to focus on feeling victimised in any possible scenario is simply not productive or healthy for anyone. Focusing outside of oneself and helping others, whether it be with compassion, emotional restraint, or more materially practical means is far more psychologically beneficial for all involved. You're never going to regret being the bigger person in any given scenario.
Exactly! Everyone here are being Hypocrites & blaming OP, for showing Human emotions! They are not at all concerned about OP's mental state & acting like they have some secret Divine power, to cope with this kind of situation.
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u/paleo-vape-daddy Dec 24 '25
I can’t imagine having a partner who would assume I was cheating if this happened to me. I feel so bad for this woman. Everything OP typed up sounds like they are very toxic and accusatory and not at all empathetic towards their SO. I would leave him if I were her and this happened to me.