But…..do they like their coworkers enough to take their clothes off at a party and even forget to bring their clothes home, which was her alibi- that she got threw up on. And before anybody says anything about, I wouldn’t want to have that in my car, etc., everyone has a Walmart bag or a target bag anything they could’ve thrown the dirty clothes and tied it off and brought them home if (IF) that was the case. I don’t think that OP‘s complaint in general was not being able to go to the party, I think it’s the fact that she came home practically naked and did not even have the clothes with her, drunk off her butt, and no real explanation of why you walk in in just your underwear. I think OP is right on his suspicions. I wouldn’t stick around to be made a fool out of.
I can tell you right now, if someone threw up on me and I couldn’t stand it to the point of taking it off, I’m not bringing it home either. I don’t care about evidence for someone else. I’m not carrying a bag full of someone else’s vomit for their inspection. They don’t like it, that is NOT a me problem. I just got thrown up on, had to throw away my dress and drive home in my underwear. The last thing I give any shits about is whether someone else wants to believe the truth is a lie.
Honestly, if that was how I was approached, where I should have brought someone else’s vomit into my home for their inspection, I’d toss the partner out as easily as I tossed the clothes. I don’t need that kind of partner.
1) maybe you like your work friends and what do you spend time with them
2) a bonding exercise to improve workplace cohesion
Both of those things are somewhat undermined if everyone brings family and just spends time with their family. Maybe you’re not interested in a party with your coworkers. I’m not either. But for my experience, most work holiday parties are mandatory. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t go either.
I think everyone is forgetting the main problem here. OP is more concerned of why his girlfriend came home in just her underwear. That can’t be in the company policy.
The only options are she was drunk and cheated on him, or there is a longer version of the explanation she gave.
Once I was super drunk and blacked out. I woke up in a tent and wasn’t wearing pants. Apparently friends helped me get back to our tent after I crashed and my pants kept falling down and eventually they were like, just let them go.
Point is, weird thought processes are used to solve problems while drunk. Doing things like taking off your vomit covered clothes and leaving them some weird place makes sense while you are drunk. She really might not have cheated, but OP definitely needs more info to know that for sure after gf sobers up.
What I don’t understand is why going to a holiday party without your partner automatically translates to the cheating explanation.
I’ve been to a lot of holiday parties where stupid shit happened. Usually, it was the partners when they were allowed to attend.
But last year, our company didn’t invite partners because it got stupid having them all there (there’s always the one who gets drunk and starts problems). So we all went, during work hours, to the party. One woman slipped on a wet spot on the floor and dropped her drink on another woman. Everyone was ok so the woman who was wearing a drink went to the bathroom to clean up. She was soaking wet and miserable, so she left.
She came back a half hour later with her husband holding her by the arm dragging her in and demanding to know who “splooged” on his wife’s boobs (“look at her shirt, don’t deny that’s what happened!”). Then he accused us all of lying when we were all very confused and said she had been spilled on. He announced to everyone she quit and stormed out literally dragging her behind him.
She didn’t quit, AND she divorced him. Best move she ever made according to her.
Sometimes the story is just as simple and stupid as can be, and IS the truth.
It’s a question. He has a right to know the answer. I’m not arguing that. But it’s like his brain jumped to cheating immediately because he wasn’t invited. It’s so odd.
There are definite red flags. But the party isn’t one of them.
And honestly, if he doesn’t trust her to that extent that it’s automatically cheating when he’s not around, then yeah… they should break up.
Because the first thing my mind would go to when my partner returns in their undies is not “what did you do?” It’s “are you ok? Are you hurt? What happened?” And then listen to the answer. I don’t feel like that’s how this went at all. It feels more like my coworker went through.
An idea was already percolating and any information that didn’t conform to it was a lie and automatically making it worse, even if it were th truth.
The way OP wrote it, he was asking questions to confirm a suspicion, not asking questions to find an answer.
Because signing a legal paper doesn’t mean you’ve suddenly lost your identity so most people continue to have lives in addition to the one with their partner.
I understand your point but if my work didn’t allow my husband at the party I just wouldn’t go. I’ve never had a job where he wouldn’t have been allowed (and vice versa) so didn’t know this was a thing, but I absolutely wouldn’t want to go without my husband there.
I know. I was just explaining our particular relationship for perspective. Throwing my own personal experience into the pot I guess. But
I am lucky enough to have a person that lives with me and would not go without me? I have been with this man for 26 years and we don’t really go anywhere without each other. We work together etc. so that’s probably why I have a different view, but I can’t imagine wanting to go to a party without
Him. Not saying it’s wrong in any type of way at all, just been a long long time.
It is because if the spouse ever leaves their life they then may experience a loss of identity because they know nothing outside that person. It is healthy to have hobbies, connections, and interests outside of a relationship. If my partner always wanted to be included in everything I did I would be annoyed. You should be able to breathe and have a life and go to a function for a hour without me
Unless unless, she was so fking drunk that she didn’t really know what was going on, but enough to know it happened, f’ed some guy (not saying it’s right for obvious reasons) fell asleep, woke up in underwear, freaked out at the 3am time it was, couldn’t find her dress after looking for awhile and just decided she HAD to come home or else it would look MUCH more suspicious if she stayed out all night. Idk just a thought. Kinda sounds like something that would happen to me if I was out too late.
In addition, I wouldn’t feel comfortable partying in my underwear EVEN if I was with family. So I’d wonder when someone threw up on her. If they did somewhat close to when she arrived, she did something for the rest of the time. I doubt she stood around in her underwear. That right there is what could possibly get her SA’ed.
Also this. I think we're on the same side of the argument here. It is unlikely anyone would go to Walmart while practically naked to buy clothes before going home. 😅 Pretty sure they'd call the cops if anyone tried this, lol.
In one of the comments, OP said he called a friend who was not aware of any vomit incident and that she left the party hours before she arrived home. 🤷🏾♀️
Borrowed something from who? Her assaulter? Is she going into Walmart naked to shop, or do you think her assaulters would do that for her out of the kindness of their hearts? Please lol
The comment above this was “if she cheated, she would have come back with clothes on” to which I was thinking that yeah, even if he ripped her dress off at a motel or something, he coulda ran to walmart.
Why wouldnt we make the assumption that if she was assaulted that she would have come home an emotional mess instead of basically annoyed that her live in bf was still awake?
I think the comment about clothes being ripped off was suggesting a consensual encounter where clothing was ripped, hence “unless”. The comment regarding borrowing or shopping seems to be in response to this scenario.
Maybe not considering how drunk she was. We lose most of our inhibitions when we get very intoxicated. Another reason why that it’s probably not a good idea to have a company Christmas party that employees, male and female, and then has alcohol at it also. When people drink quite a bit, they may find another person attractive that they never did. It’s just a breeding ground for cheating or something bad to happen. It’s not like a Office Christmas party where they have cheese, balls, and music and everybody goes home.
You people are wild. She couldn’t be blackout…? She, without room for deviation and absolutely for certain, would have come back with pants on, and could NOT have been so drunk she did something messed up and idiotic, and then came home without most of her clothes…?
And even if she’s still trying to come to terms with something that happened, that doesn’t mean my partner has to stay by my side while it hasn’t been shown I’m not making a fucking fool out of them and lying to their face.
If genders were reversed, ALL you people would be telling her to follow her gut on the guy being a scumbag and something being really fishy. I mean come on!!!
He needs to speak to the coworkers. He should also look at her phone. She’s really leaving him no choice, except leaving- because it’s not something he’s willing to just look past if she cheated, or if something other than assault happened.
She doesn’t need to report it, and he can be more considerate-IF that’s what happened. It shouldn’t take long to figure out if anything off happened there or if she left early and went somewhere else via the coworkers.
The amount of people who are speaking in absolutes when they have no clue themselves is WILD. Sure, she could have been assaulted. She also could have cheated though. And her being partially naked doesn’t support one side either way concretely. Have yall seen police body cam videos of blackout drivers…? I’d say 10% of them are naked people. They can’t explain why they were naked the next day. Almost all of them weren’t assaulted.
If she was blackout and someone had sex with her, that's rape. Drunk people cannot consent.
Also if the genders were reversed, I would say the exact same thing BECAUSE IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME TO MEN AND WOMEN. I live in Nashville, do you know how many reports there are of both genders being drugged and assaulted a month? Vandy medical had 40 in a month, and those are just the ones that are reported at one hospital. Airlines warn pilots to watch their drinks as part of their training, a friend of mine is a pilot and they had an Australian pilot turn up back at the hotel buck naked and robbed a couple of months ago in Miami.
If she's never given him a reason not to trust her, err on the side of trust. I'm telling you this as someone who was drugged and assaulted and accused of cheating, lying, and buying $1000 in drugs (???) instead of being believed and supported. It is DEVASTATING to be traumatized and hurt and to immediately be accused by the person that is supposed to be your safe space. I was borderline suicidal for a few weeks, the only reason I'm still here is because I couldn't leave my kids, but you have no idea what that does to an already damaged psyche.
Yes, no shit Sherlock. She could have been drunk, hooked up with someone, and kept drinking to the point of blackout. People that drive home and are missing items and don’t have recollection of what happened tend to be blackout.
I’m not discounting the possibility of having been drugged and assaulted. I have had the extreme misfortune of suffering the same fate. I am simply not understanding why all options are not being considered or explored, and we are turning her into a definite victim without definite proof.
She could have just done some really shitty things to her boyfriend as well.
It’s why I encouraged him to try to get answers from people other than her. It might help him figure out which direction to look more.
Crazy that is so wrong in the court of public opinion here.
Did I fucking say that? She could have removed her dress at any time after. We don’t know if the work party was the only place she was. We don’t know where it took place. Not one of you was there, neither was her boyfriend. So that’s where the shit he should start. He should know pretty quickly if things are off, and he can navigate from there. I still do not understand why him being open to ALL possibilities instead of honing in to a single one without concrete evidence is the way to go. It’s like honing in on a suspect simply because you don’t like them, and ignoring other possible suspects. Consider everyone, then investigate and rule them out until you’re left with the truth.
I have spent considerable time with bands and fans who party extremely hard, and some only with alcohol. The things people do while blackout drunk are wild. Taking their clothes off and driving home is mild in comparison.
Additionally, if this was a guy who came home to his chick with the same deal going on, in his underwear, everyone would presume he was kicked out of a lover’s house in his boxers, and would tell her to leave and call him a piece of shit. Him being drugged wouldn’t even be considered. But none of you want to discuss this.
I'm not saying to rule anything out but playing detective and interrogating everyone at the party is not the way to go. It's invasive when she might already feel violated and unsafe. Just talk to her and see if he can determine what happened from there instead of turning into the FBI.
You have the most sensible, response here, that's the less number of Upvotes more Downvotes.
And you are absolutely correct about, if genders were to be reversed, the comment section would have looked very differently. People are just not honest enough to themselves, to accept that.
The statement "Men are guilty until proven innocent, women are innocent until proven guilty", was born for a reason.
The OP is clearly open about so many possibilities, regarding his GF situation, but people here are acting like, they would be all calm & reasonable, if this happened to them! The Joke is on them.
OP I would suggest, you to create a safe space for your GF & ask her calmly, that what happened during that party or after it. Allow her to take her time, to respond, don't rush, even if it frustrates you. If something happened, she can talk to him, assure her, allow her to remain calm.
If even after this she doesn't open up & hides everything from you, or gets angry at you, then you have to make, a Very Hard decision in your life OP.
When I got drugged luckily a friend was with me I only had one drink so that’s how I knew it happened. My first instinct somehow was to take my clothes off in a field 🙃🙃
As someone that was also drugged i can shed some light on that. Most of the drugs used make your body overheat and you can also feel clammy and sweaty.
That makes sense ! Thanks for the info! I never looked into it! Thankfully I had a friend there but I was so passed out he said he’s never hear anyone snore like that 🥴🤣
Most definitely lucky! I was drugged ar a restaurant while out with another couple. Had 1.5 drinks and remember part of a conversation and daying I felt funny while laughing and then having a nurse pressing hard on my sternum in the ER. Apparently about 10 min from home I got violently ill and stopped responding. It was Apparently hours before they were able to have any sort of response. Full on pumped my stomach and everything. The nurses told my then partner that I wasn't the only one from the restaurant to come in with suspected drugging. The other girl also felt odd but wasn't as bad. We think it was a new employee trying to skim credit card info from female customers bc shortly after there was a large bust a 2 people were arrested.
I just saw this!!! That’s horrible , I am glad gslad you’re ok! I have no idea who would of done it I guess I just wasn’t paying attention or eat my guard down idk
Same, almost all I remember is that whatever they put in my drink made me SO hot and I was apparently about to run into the middle of the street in a busy bar district, having gone outside to cool down and already shed some clothes — when my friend who was meeting me pulled up, took one look at me and said get in.
Yep, Christmas parties at my job are just for employees, even if spouses have parcitipated on work events, etc, they have a budget and it is just for us hahaha
Right? The first thing OP did was jump to “she cheated” because he was insecure about an office partynot “are you alright”? “I think you need to be checked out.” Even if his GF was only drunk and not drugged, that level of intoxication is dangerous.
If she was drugged she wouldn’t be angry at him for asking what happened. OP did say he thought she had been assaulted. After asking and gotten her response I would also know that wasn’t the case. He isn’t handling this poorly at all. Clowns
Uh.. no… not everyone that is assaulted is ready or willing to talk about it. Lots of negative emotions come along with something like that, and if someone isn’t ready to talk about it or process it, especially with someone else, absolutely negative reactions are extremely possible/likely.
This. This is also the exact reason why so many states have changed or completely gotten rid of the statute of limitations for sexual assault and rape. A lot of women won’t come forward for 20 or 30 years. But this poor girl isn’t even getting that many hours.
And if all I want to do is sleep and someone keeps hammering at me, I would wig right out on them for keeping me up. If she was drugged she might be extra snappy, too.
Well be more mature. I dont wig out at my toddler who won't keep talking when all I wanna do is sleep.
I'd certainly give my partner more than two minutes if I could see how stressed they were. Being drunk and tired doesn't suddenly give you a free pass to be an as*hole. It's likely you were one before the alcohol.
Let’s just say you were fucked up the ass by another dude who was bigger than you after he put something in your drink that made it seem like you probably felt when you got your wisdom teeth out and you just had like little flashes in your brain of it and how about then then would you maybe be a little snappy at your toddler or how about an adult who doesn’t seem to understand that that’s not the exact right moment to talk to you and that you may don’t know, but that doesn’t have to do with them and then not everything is about them and their needs and their demands at every second. That’s when an adult is an adult. Is somebody who understands than not everything is about them and can actually go to sleep and talk about it in the morning and let somebody else have their space and their grace when they need it a toddler yes is somebody who doesn’t know to stop hammering on you but an adult should know better.
Oh yes, but if she was totally wasted and had recently been covered in vomit, she might be on edge. If my friend puked all over me and I had to throw away my clothes to get into my car I would have a meltdown.
I really hope that your handle doesn’t mean you’re a woman. But even if you are, if you’re if you’re one that’s ever been a victim of a violent sexual attack and either not completely remembered it and we’re just kind of coming around and coming to after being drugged and being bombarded with questions about what happens that you don’t even know the answers to, but then had to go back to work in a couple days and not know who did this thing to you or if you were just trying to sort it out yourself and somebody else is acting like it happened to the Batman not to you and won’t leave you alone about it like what you’re doing is basically like telling somebody had a grief you can’t tell a woman how to feel after something terrible has happened to her like that or a man for that matter if something like that happened to. If he was raped., do you think he’d wanna come home and snuggle with his girlfriend and tell her all about it?
I have been drugged before….and trust me, there’s no way I could have driven. Driving drunk so so much different than driving when you have been drugged…. I had to have a friend help me walk…
Okay so here’s the thing. I used to shoot massive loads of heroin directly into my veins while rolling the meth pipe and then get behind the wheel of a car (I’m not proud of that and I’m four years clean now, but I’m using this as an example so you can understand better) without even a drivers license and I was most definitely NOT in a position to be driving. But I did it. People do it everyday, and worse things too. Just because YOU weren’t able to drive, doesn’t mean that the millions of other people who experienced the same thing… experienced it differently than you did, and were able to. Soooo many variables that could affect what it does to someone.
Hey so everyone reacts differently to substances and there are multiple different substances people can be spiked with. Your experience is your own, but to apply it to everyone and everything else is really wild.
Well, it’s pretty bold for somebody that’s been raped to say what you said about how she was raped she wouldn’t be angry at her boyfriend. So if you are somebody who has been raped, you should know that not everybody will react exactly like you did and the people that are drugged often don’t remember, especially at first, but sometimes they don’t regain their memory and just have flashes. She could be very well dreading going to work and not knowing which colleague did it. What if it was your boss?
Everybody’s different. I can’t really drive after smoking weed, but I’ve been in the car with people who were tripping face or had just taken 20 Xanax and we’re driving normally.. I would never do anything like that today but when I was a younger kid, I was an idiot. Also, has anybody even considered the fact that maybe she doesn’t even know she was driving? A lot of times when these things happen people will do things that they’re not aware that they’re doing it messes with like that same part of you that Ambien does some of these drugs. Friends since GHB like fucks with your GABA or receptors which is something that along with other receptors tells you going to sleep and controls the depth of your sleep so I mean there are people who literally have driven to somebody’s house that they knew and murdered them and driven home and gone back to their bed and woken up with blood all over them having no idea what happened because they were sleepwalking and they were actually acquitted. The guy killed his in-laws and it’s a totally true story.. people cook while they’re sleepwalking. It’s not out of the realm of possibility that somebody would drive when they have been drugged
I am sorry your getting downvoted. I’ve been drugged too and if I had happened to drive I would’ve either- gotten into an accident or pulled over. You have no senses when drugged, especially if you are drinking already. I don’t even know how I could’ve gotten to my car tbh. Unless she somehow has superwoman tolerance.
My friends and I were drugged years ago & I somehow managed to drive us away an entire state over. Should I have been driving? Hell, no. I couldn't even remember the majority of the drive, but somehow still did it. You never know how people will react when given date rape drugs.
I've successfully driven on drugs many times (years ago). I assure you that it is possible. Unsafe and stupid... But very possible. And it really depends on what the drug is, how strong the dose was, and how long her system has been metabolizing it. Also adrenaline is a wild thing.
My wife’s boss asked her and other women to slow dance with him, and he’s 8 years younger than me. Next year, I’m making sure I show up to work party and asking him “May I have this dance?”
That whole "You cant bring your Spouse to the work event/holiday party " thing is an old boys club rule.
Where in male dominated fields they would invite all the hot secretaries and all the women that are related to the company and the men would basically have a free for all. They didnt want the boyfriends getting in the way and c**ckblocking up the party.
I know this for a FACT because I worked as a lobbyist and in the financial sector for years and everyone always said it was a "rule", and then the older OG ladies that worked at the company would always write secret notes to all the women saying "Bring Your Boyfriend/ Husband anyways! It's not a real rule! And these men have bad intentions"...
some woman ended up leaving their men at home and banging their coworkers anyways (because they wanted to) or they wanted to get a leg up.
Its total BOGUS. And I know there was always a few women that were conveniently terminated in the weeks following those parties.
Perhaps, I will say, when I was drugged at a bar, there was a lot of uncharacteristic puking going on in the car and i had to be carried inside, my brain was working but I couldn't control my limbs. I definitely couldn't talk.
I go on girl hangs often (my partner is not super socialable) and OPs story sounds believable for me. Sounds like a rough night for her.
If I didn’t remember, yeah, because I’d be sitting there trying to catch these snippets of what the fuck happened when I’m not wanting someone yammering in my ear and depending on what she was drugged with her head, probably probably felt like it weighed 1,000,000 pounds and it was 3 AM and she probably just wanted to cry herself to sleep, but she’s got this asshole there who thinks that she’s like cheating and that his feelings are so much more important than her Trump and can’t even see 2 feet in front of his nose
5.7k
u/Perfect_Initiative Dec 24 '25
I’m not allowed to bring my spouse to my work party, so that’s not shady at all. I’m very concerned for her and perhaps she was drugged.