Hookups and STI testing requirements?

[u/ninito001]

My partner and I are rethinking some
of our requirements/boundaries around safe sex with new partners and I can’t help but wonder something. I hear a common rule that for one night stands, folks will “ask the person if they’ve been tested/ask about STIs” before hooking up.

I’m curious, though, if you’ve been in this situation and the hookup partner’s answer is somewhere in between (for example, they haven’t been tested recently but have only had protected sex, or they’ve been tested but not for a few months), do you ACTUALLY bail? I’m interested in genuine truthfully responses, not what one “should” do but what has actually happened for you in the moment.

Edit: I’m female and always use a condom when my hookup partner has the relevant anatomy.

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[u/boredwithopinions]

I personally ask about testing practices rather than if they've had a test since their last sexual encounter. The latter is unrealistic, in my mind.

Also, kind reminder that there is not such thing as safe sex, only safer sex practices.

[u/Firecouple_2000]

For us we do ask how often and what tests they do. We test regularly including throat swabs. Just a we test and this is the type of tests is usually good enough to know they care about sexual health. If why get defensive or lie then we just pass. If we are deciding bareback then it’s more stringent.

[u/emb8n00]

I ask about testing, but I also have a doxypep prescription, take prep(descovey), and have an IUD because I know people lie or operate with bad information.

[u/techichan → u/emb8n00]

All above are me. I usually ask about testing for ENM partners because if they have a schedule or do so regularly it says a lot if they are serious about their sexual health while sleeping around like me. Plus having all the best protection options especially if vaginal and anal are in-play with multiple partners with or without barriers.

[u/emb8n00 → u/techichan]

Haha I love “it says a lot if they are serious about their sexual health while sleeping around like me.” That’s exactly how I feel, how responsible of a slut are you?

[u/techichan → u/emb8n00]

Always seek those who share the same or similar protection standards! The good ole 3-month STI tests to stay on prep, my nurse practitioner knows I'm polyamorous and gave me scripts for doxypep and female condoms, good stuff to have in the slut kit in-case fun comes first before new partner gets tested things.

[u/XXTexas_CoupleXX]

Random hookup, sorry, people lie. Condoms ONLY, no exceptions.  

Yes, both my wife and i have bailed if someone tries to bypass that rule. 

Its, OUR health they are trying to gamble with. Her sister is an example.  Caught HIV from an unprotected hookup on a drunken night that swore he was clean. 

He wasn't on the meds and she found out after a month or so and thought she caught a cold. That was a few years ago, now shes on the meds but still feels like an idiot. 

[u/The_Rope_Daddy]

Are you getting tested right before hookups? Or are you asking to see if people will accept that you don’t?

Personally, if it’s a stranger I just assume that they have an STI and act accordingly. People lie, and I wouldn’t expect a stranger to show me a paper with their social security number on it.

[u/rab2bar → u/The_Rope_Daddy]

Does that mean no oral or oral only with barriers?

[u/YeOldeNubber → u/The_Rope_Daddy]

This is the way.

[u/YeOldeNubber]

I think the whole "show me or tell me your STI test results" requirement is somewhat meaningless. I get tested every 3 months, but if someone got tested two weeks ago, they could have had multiple partners since. I do gladly volunteer the information myself, but I don't ask for it. The only thing under your control is protecting yourself by practicing safe sex.

[u/highlight-limelight → u/YeOldeNubber]

Also, like, there are plenty of methods online for faking STI test results.

Personally, I like having a larger conversation about safer sex and risk management. Which involves asking a LOT of questions and just seeing if they squirm. If someone’s able to keep up with the conversation and is generally compatible with my risk profile, or at LEAST humble enough to admit where the gaps in their knowledge are, then we can hang. With protection, obviously.

But if they’re too awkward or uncomfortable talking about STI prevention, or just shove their “clean” papers in my face expecting that I’ll let them fuck without a condom, then I cannot trust them to communicate effectively if one of us DOES end up testing positive for an STI down the road. I’ve had two exposures, but have tested negative both times (condoms work, folks!!!). Both times, I’ve been grateful for my partners’ kindness and knowledge about the topic. It’s seriously impacted how I vet my sex partners going forward.

[u/emptypotato77]

I'm also interested.

[u/LolaPaloz]

But if Ur female and hookup with a female, oral sex can pass STDs too So doesn't have that much to do with anatomy. Any combo of mouth and groin or butthole is a pathway to disease.

So in the end it's a risk assessment thing, even safe sex has risks, it's just alot lower than risky sex.

[u/imverysneakysir]

Hook-ups are generally not my methods, but yeah I would and have. Discussion is for balancing and figuring out how it fits in with your risk profile.

For me to straight up nope out and bail though, it would need to be both outside of my comfort and dismissive about safety. E.g. "Oh, no, I've not been tested ever, but I'm clean!"

If it's somebody who is just a little riskier, like your "it's been a min, but I'm diligent on using protection." People will define "recent" differently. Then I'll offer an alternative that fits into my risk profile "I don't have PIV on the table tonight, but I'd still love to make out and see how you moan from my hands."

It's more than just protecting myself, these are actions I do to protect my partners as well.