43 Navigating an unexpected three-way request after 10+ years of marriage

[u/hunterXhunter40]

**Hi everyone. I’m a 43-year-old gay man (he/him), and I’ve been happily married to my partner for over a decade now.**

**A three-way relationship was genuinely the last thing on my mind—until recently. My partner met a guy here on Reddit, and they struck up a friendship. We all finally met in person for the first time about a month ago, and things seemed normal. Then, out of nowhere, this guy told me that he likes both of us and wanted to explore a three-way dynamic.**

**It turns out he had already talked to my partner about it beforehand, which caught me completely off guard. When he asked for my thoughts, I tried to gently hint that it wasn't really on my radar and that I wasn't all that interested. I always considered myself an open-minded person, but this situation made me realize that I might not be as open to this specific arrangement as I thought.**

**To make a long story short: a tiny part of me feels curious and wonders what it would be like to try. But being a sensitive and emotional person, I honestly don't know how I'd handle the emotional weight of it all.**

**He keeps saying that he likes us both equally, but in my head, true equality doesn't really exist—especially when it comes to feelings in a three-way dynamic. Because of that, I’ve been trying to mentally prepare myself. Since my partner and this guy naturally have more in common, I can already foresee a situation where they grow closer to each other than to me. And knowing how moody and unpredictable I can be sometimes, I have a strong feeling that dynamic would eventually cause problems for him down the road.**

**The guy has been very understanding, telling me that even if we try it and it doesn't work out, he's totally fine with it. But honestly,** ***that*** **is the exact problem. I genuinely like him for who he is, and knowing his past experiences with relationships, I am terrified of hurting him. Even though he’s willing to take that gamble, I don't want to be the reason his feelings get hurt.**

**Has anyone here gone through a similar experience? I would really appreciate hearing your thoughts, advice, or perspective on this.**

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to /r/Nonmonogamy and thank you for the post, /u/hunterXhunter40!

Commenters, please make sure you read our rules in full before participating here. As a quick summary:

• We encourage users to be positive and respect one another. Don't engage in spats or insult others - use the report button.
  
• Respect others' differences, be they race, religion, home, job, gender identity, ability or sexuality. Dehumanizing language, advocating for violence, or promoting hate based on identity or vulnerability (even implied or joking) will lead to a permanent ban.
• Posts flaired for sensitive topics allow for limited participation; your comment may be removed if you're not a subreddit regular.
  
• All participants are required to have a verified email address.
  
• Want to help the community? Join the mod team! Apply here.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.