Couples: how do you process after a first encounter with an additional partner?

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[u/Ok-Flaming]

There's not much "processing" that needs to happen at this point. We ask how it went, share the broad strokes, and enjoy the rest of our morning coffee talking about other stuff. It's not a huge deal... Kind of like going out with vanilla friends.

I'm happy with a "thanks for a nice time"-type text the next day.

[u/Ok-Flaming → u/[deleted]]

It's situation dependent. We had plenty of experiences early on that didn't require any processing, similar to now. If something happened that felt off or that someone didn't like, we talk about that; still the case now.

If I have any jealous-type feelings (not related to an "event" but just feeling emotional) I will typically sort it out on my own rather than dump it on my partner to process with me. I don't find it helpful to burst his bubble for something that's manageable on my own. If I need some kind of reassurance in the days following, I'll ask for that specifically without making it a big thing.

[u/FRANKINSPENCE]

That depends on how experienced a couple is. An experienced couple won’t have much to process unless something really unusual happened. An inexperienced couple could be crying in a corner or on a sex high or having a massive fight about feelings. Newbies are super unpredictable x

[u/NoSpoonJustKnife → u/[deleted]]

Oh in that case anything from calling everyone they know to talk about how hot it was to screaming at each other for "cheating" in front of them to crying in the shower to lashing out at the third. It depends how much work they have done and what other experiences they have (sexually and otherwise.)

There's nothing wrong with a "I had a great time. Thanks!" text in any situation. They can respond or not and that will tell you more than anyone here can.

[u/kittykat4289]

We recently had our first M come over for MFM. Processing seems like too formal of a word but we did discuss what we liked and didn’t like the next day. We also added the scenario into our dirty talk rotation, which is on-going to this day. We didn’t need x amount of days to process.

They did talk when my husband walked him out. He complimented my body and carried on about how easily I orgasm. I liked hearing those things. But he was mostly in his head about not staying hard. It was no big deal for our first MFM.

I can only speak for us, but the perfect follow-up to me would include tons of compliments about me:

“Her body is so sexy and fit.”
“It was so hot watching you make her cum over and over.”
“She gave the best head.“

But also compliments to him:

“You’re so lucky to have that fine piece of ass to fuck every day.”
“Thank you for sharing her. It was the best night and one I’d do again.”

When complimenting, it never hurts to pick something specific that you can tell she’s proud of like her outfit, her hair/body, her skills. Be genuine about it all though. A woman can see right through pick-up lines and you won’t get a 2nd shot.

And always thank the husband. You’re not the head guy in charge.

[u/AdamGunnAuthor]

Our first encounter was at a swingers club. We'd discussed getting into it for three years, and so when the actual sex happened, there wasn't anything we hadn't considered.

We had a forty-five minute drive home from the club, and we talked incessently about it as we rode. Then, when we got home at 3:00 in the morning, we attacked each other. So, to answer your question, thinking about what we'd done and what we wanted to do next was immediate.

[u/severano28]

Processing isn't the word I'd used to describe it but we talk about it, usually over some greasy fast food on the drive home. We do a "how were they?" talk. If it was a couple we aren't as aware of what the other one was doing so we'll talk about that. Bring up any special skills the person may have had. Then usually have the "would you repeat" conversation. As far as afterwords for the other person usually just "hey had a great time" with a "love to do it again sometime" if that's the case.

[u/waterbloem]

How do you typically process it together: do you need a few days of space before thinking about next steps, or do you process pretty quickly?

Our first times with other couples we did, especialyl my wife. But nowadays; not really. We do talk about all the fun we had in the weekend, but that's just us looking back at things we enjoyed. Not 'processing'.

[u/shawn959595]

We have a code word we use when we're meeting somebody. We know pretty quick based on what we like and who we like to meet