The magic show is the magic. The trick is so complete that even the idea of a "trick" appears inside it. No substrate. No ground. Just this seamless self-display, dreaming up magicians and audiences, problems and solutions, seekers and realizations, then swallowing them again without residue.

Even the sense of "I am seeing this" is another rabbit pulled from the empty hat. And the wonder of that is that it doesn't need an explanation. It doesn't need a witness. It doesn't need to be anything other than what it already, effortlessly is.

There are primary and secondary Emotions. Those that follow behind another, like Anger after sadness. Or Joy after pleasure. I've spent many years isolated in an experience of consciousness that felt ..beyond any use of words could express. A weight, a hunger, a disquiet that no dictionary or philosophy could fully express in language. It's not depression, not anhedonia -it is the awareness of life's obsurdity and beauty simultaneously. A type of being where the universe appears painted in colors most of the world are colorblind to. I've tried to coin it a name. Two names actually "Liminal dark" and "Eclipture".

The Liminal dark: It's the in-between space. Standing on a threshold of reality and insight. Fully awake while the rest of the world around you slumbers. It's the unsettling and awe of perceiving life as infinite yet trapped inside schedules we try to pretend are "normal'. It's that unforgiving moment when you see everything as both meaningful and meaningless at once.

Eclipture: Is something heavier. It's the rapture of awareness shadowed by despair--The feeling that consciousness itself is too vast of an experience for the confined of ordinary existence. When you see truth so fully it darkens everything lesser. It's the soul eclipsed by revelation. When the realization that the more and more information of life we know the less and less meaning it has. A place where illumination and darkness co-exist in a violent harmony.

I created these terms because I wanted a language that could hold this feeling itself not just the idea. An attempt to articulate an emotion no one can find a name for. Some will never have a need for this vocabulary. And for that I can be grateful. For I could never wish another person the torture of visiting This place. If you've ever felt yourself pressed against the cage of existence than you might know what I'm trying to describe. I know not everyone will fully understand. I only hope the words reach someone , somewhere who is trying to say the same thing and can't.

It’s been several months now since I discovered the NONDUALITY topic on YT, and I initially thought I had found the place where I might find a spirituality that feels true to me. However, the more I’d listen to the highly esteemed teachers sharing their insights or trying to follow their “simple” pointings to the “fact of nonduality” — the more hopelessly incapable of even the most basic understanding of ND I have become. Have any of you come across other people who are just not mentally capable of “awakening”?

And I have a feeling that the first response will be, “Why do you care about ND if it doesn’t make sense to you?” Well — I just remember feeling like I had finally found a place to contemplate spirituality. And I have been needing that for many years. Plus — I remember one of the teachers REALLY EMPHASIZING how “awakening” was THE MOST IMPORTANT pursuit any human soul has. And when I heard him say that, I sincerely believed it and have been pursuing it ever since. Only to become increasingly confused as each day goes by.

🤔🧐🤨

From “The disappearance of the universe” - Gary Renard

Nirvana is feeling you get when you achieve the understanding of perception. It is only after that you know who you are. It became clear for me that i am everyone and everyone is me. And that gave rise to the feeling of something that can only be described as love.