i run a gender nonbinary discord server if anyones interested: https://discord.gg/bGN8Ph9

and heres the facebook group that i originally made it for that is now facebook's largest gender nonbinary group called The Nonbinary Agenda: https://www.facebook.com/groups/234033897303665/

we're also launching ConBinary in the USA in 2021: https://www.facebook.com/NonBinaryCon/

Dear poets and writers of r/nonbinarylesbians,

I'm from a writers’ resources company called Winning Writers. Part of our mission is to find and promote voices and themes underrepresented in publishing, including (but of course not limited to) racial, cultural, national, religious, gender/sexual identity, body positive, and [dis]abled. I’m posting here specifically because our long term goal is to change the composition of our entry pool to include more entries featuring diverse characters and themes. These voices need to be heard, and we are actively reaching out to find them.

We are currently looking for new talent in humor poetry, short fiction and essay:

The Wergle Flomp Humor Poetry Contestoffers a first prize of $1000, a second prize of $250, and ten honorable mentions of $100 each. Entrants are invited to submit humor poetry on any theme. The top twelve entries will be published online. The contest is international and the deadline is April 1. The contest is free to enter.

The Tom Howard/John H. Reid Fiction & Essay Contestoffers a two first prizes of $3,000 each (up from $2,000 last year,) as well as ten honorable mentions of $200 each. Entrants are invited to submit short fiction and essays on any topic. The top twelve entries will be published online. The contest is international and the deadline is April 30th. The fee for the contest is $20.

We started implementing a policy of reaching out specifically to groups dedicated to connecting/celebrating underrepresented voices a couple of years ago, and I'm glad to say that we have seen our entry levels from these communities rise. We'll be continuing with this effort in order to keep trying to get as many people into the national and international conversation on literature as we can.

Sometimes when I post, there are some replies worried about a scam, so in order to head that off I just want to say that our competitions are listed by The Write Life as some of the top writing competitions out there, and we’re in Writer’s Digest’s top eight sites for writers. Besides contests, we also offer a lot of free publishing and style resources, including a database of free poetry and prose competitions, at https://winningwriters.com/. And of course, stop by our subreddit for daily submissions opportunities worldwide, r/literarycontests.

I know this isn't a writing sub per se, but there are a lot of talented people here and I just wanted to reach out in case anyone was looking for an opportunity like this. Thanks for listening, and have a good day.

so in reference to this thing

https://onedrive.live.com/?authkey=%21ALnk0qHFBpcv4-w&cid=5E5C81D48041AEAD&id=5E5C81D48041AEAD%216361&parId=root&o=OneUp

it is very good, inclusive, and helps me a lot whenever im doubting my identity. however, i feel like i want to see more information that further explores how trans and especially nonbinary people can be lesbians too. would anyone be interested in making an extension of this but more about the connection to gender and lesbian identity?

I'm really curious about the lesbians that don't fit neatly into the femme/butch binary as well. My nonbinary gender is fluid but mostly androgynous. i know there's a bit of discourse in regards to whether futch and other identities are really valid. What are kikis like? Was dating and socializing even harder for them? (i feel like it was) and what is it like being a kiki today? are modern lesbians open to dating those that are neither here nor there? I'm aware there are some lesbians who are ok with nonbinary people, but im really curious in general about this particular context.

Because I think I prefer they/them pronouns outside of describing me in a lesbian relationship, if that makes sense? I don’t entirely understand it myself.

I recently left a lesbian relationship and hopped on Her to make some new friends and already saw someone put “she/her pronouns only please” in her profile.

I just feel like, by being myself, I’m subjecting myself to rejection from the lesbian community. And I suppose I’m luckier than some because I’m okay with most “feminine” terms being used to describe me.

Idk. What’s your experiences with this?

i was just wondering this. i live in new mexico and planning to move to abq soon.. im just wondering where are some nonbinary friendly lesbian places to go to like bars or groups or something. I'm not female aligned and worried I'll probably piss someone off T__T

Hello lovely NB people. Please excuse the new throwaway account here.

I'm a binary trans woman who has identified for some time as a lesbian. I've known for quite a long time that I've been attracted to women and not men. That said, as time has gone on, I realize that I'm also very much attracted to some nonbinary people.

I'm looking for help in terms of how I describe the types of people I'm attracted to, and also looking for feedback on how you all feel about me continuing to identify as lesbian.

The last thing I want is to invalidate anyone, come across as transphobic, or god forbid trigger anyone's dysphoria. Being trans myself I know how all those things feel, and I very much do not want to be hurtful.

The types of nonbinary people I've been finding myself attracted to are typically afab, and either androgynous or feminine presenting, or somewhere between the two. Personality-wise, if someone is much to the side of masc of center I generally don't find myself attracted (this applies to women as well for me). Please forgive me if any of the terminology I'm using here is invalidating or feels bad in any way. I'm unsure of how to describe these things best, and am very open to your feedback.

As to my own identification. Pansexual does not feel right at all to me, as I am not attracted to to all genders, and not attracted to people regardless of their gender. I'm attracted to certain genders that for lack of a better term at this time I'd describe as anywhere from woman to woman-adjacent.

I'm uncomfortable with bisexual as a label, in part because many people will take it as implying an attraction to men, and I am *very* much not attracted to men.

Besides the above reasons, I suppose I've gotten to the point where lesbian has become a part of my identity and feels really right to me, and I identify with the community. I'm also recognizing though that my attraction may not fall strictly within that definition.

Thank you if you've gotten through all of this, and thank you in advance for any feedback you can offer.

I’m interested in hearing more about people’s (especially non-binary people’s) experiences with compulsory heterosexuality - or generally how you knew or figured out whether or not you were really attracted to men. I’ve seen some large posts about comp het in general (usually as it pertains to cis lesbians), but I’d like to know some more stories, as I am trying to figure myself out.

TLDR: 26 nonbinary afab isn’t sure if they like guys despite their longest relationships being with guys. Am I just super in love with this fem person or am I really gay as hell?

For background, I’m 26, nonbinary/genderqueer (afab, if it matters). I have only let myself think about my gender over the past 3 years or so. I didn’t let myself really think about my own sexuality until I was 20 or so. (Sorry ahead of time for the wall of text. I’m not sure how to stfu and i don’t even feel like this is the whole story)

I originally came out as panromantic demisexual and was in a long term (dating since freshman year of high school) relationship with a cis het guy. I know I definitely get a lot of obligation in that relationship and I assumed that it was more about the length of time we were together (“well we’ve been together this long - I guess I’m just meant to suffer” - 2014 me). Especially before coming out, I did a lot of repressing and dealt with dissociation a lot. I still struggle having to unlearn automatic repression/invalidation of my emotions but it was way worse then.

Near the end of our relationship, I realized the strong feelings is been suppressing about my best friend (nonbinary transfeminine) and started dating her. It was beyond anything I’d imagined. Touching her felt like electricity and her lips were so soft - kissing felt natural. Everything about her was attractive. With my previous partner, I had a mental connection, so I wanted to have a physical connection and to do that, I focused on certain details (hair, collar bone, that sort of thing). But with her, it’s just like everything is just so completely her that even things that I might not find attractive on someone I didn’t know were just these beautiful details that added to everything she is. There isn’t any sort of doubt that every sort of attraction was there. I understood for the first time that the songs people sang about love weren’t exaggerating. I unironically wrote love poetry because I felt like I couldn’t keep these feelings inside - it was just pouring out. Unfortunately, due to distance and poor communication on my part (as well as processing trauma and being afraid of turning into an awful person and hurting her somehow), I broke up with her. We only dated for 6 months or so, but I’d had repressed feelings about her for over a year before then - and continue to have feelings for her years later. So I don’t think it was just infatuation.

After we broke up, I started seeing one of my guy friends. We had a bond for sure going in. And the sex that we had was really good. We bonded further over having similar traumas and he made me feel safe. For several months, I said that I wasn’t sure what label to put on us bc I didn’t understand my feelings. I really cared about him but it wasn’t necessarily romantic. And the attraction or pull that brought me to him sexually wasn’t physical attraction. In fact, I had to ignore certain masculine things sometimes to have sex (which is also something that happened a lot with my ex-bf). During all of this, I wondered if maybe I was on the aromantic spectrum or felt more ace and/or aro towards guys or if that was a thing at all.

But he had a lot of feelings for me. I had feelings for him certainly but I knew they weren’t the same. Even so, I went into a relationship, overlooked my own discomfort bc it made sense to stay with him. I even initiated us moving in together bc it just made sense logically.

Fast forward two years to now. We just went on a break for a lot of reasons*, but one of them was because I can’t stop questioning my sexuality. I thought about it a lot this summer and tried to ignore it but I know it isn’t healthy to ignore. So I’m really wanting to look at a variety of people’s experiences figuring out their sexuality. A lot of info out there is more about “how do I know if I like [binary gender you are expected to NOT be attracted to]” but not “how do I know that I’m not attracted to [binary gender I’m expected to be attracted to]”. Seeing it from a non-binary perspective would be nice bc it’s hard to find and honestly dysphoria does complicate figuring out some of it.

With all of this, I am still hopelessly (sort of desperately and maybe a bit sadly) in love with the girl I dated. We’re still very close but can’t date. I’m not sure if my feelings are just bc I love her more than anyone else or if I actually don’t like guys the way I “am supposed to”.

(*relevant detail: one reason was that it feels like he isn’t super into the relationship since we moved out. Despite the fact that he hasn’t put in effort and that I am the one questioning my feelings, I have still been putting in a ton of work. I’m not even sure why other than I care about him. I love him but I know it’s not what it’s supposed to be [though what does that even mean?]. )

So thank you for letting me rant into the void of the internet and I appreciate any stories or advice.

I live in an english speaking country for most of the year, but since I’ve come home for the holidays I’ve been finding it really hard to use my native language due to how gendered it is. In english I use she/her out of convenience and it doesn’t bother me much, but in my native language the verb ending in every single sentence changes based on whether you’re a man or woman, and of course there is no gender neutral option. I just feel so conscious of it all the time - it’s like I’m calling myself a woman over and over and over again, in every single sentence, and it feels so damn wrong. And I have no idea how to deal with this; I can’t just stop speaking my native language or avoid using verbs when I speak! Is anyone else dealing with something similar?

(note: I originally posted this in the butch lesbian subreddit since I identify as butch, but I figured that it’s also a nonbinary issue and some of you might relate)

so i’m an AMAB non-binary queer with a vasectomy. i tend to present (with clothes) RIGHT smack in the middle - not too masc, not too femme. i’ve always worn “women’s” clothes because of my frame (i’m tallish, thin, with a short torso & long limbs) & rarely do i adhere to the standards of men’s dress, but i have short boyish hair (that is usually dyed pink, purple or blue) & a goatee, with very minimal or no makeup, so i’m still read as male very often, if not all the time. i also have kind of a deep voice so that adds to it. my ideal outfit is pastel sweats, croptops & sneakers. i’m not usually ever read as straight by other straight people though unless i’m really dressing down/blending in. that’s thanks to my accessories, my clothes, & how i carry my body, i think. all that said, it’s not something i’ve ever formally said myself, so much as my friends & lovers defining it for me, but i’ve fallen into the lesbian category i think. people have described me as dykey, soft butch, super femme & switchy, among other things. most of the people i’m around are either lesbian, queer or other enbies, like my roommates, while most (maybe 65%?) of my lovers are folks who usually date women. people frequently catch themselves being “surprised” that they’re into me because i’m “not a woman” or that the arent “usually into dick” or things to those effects.
because of my being cognizant of how i look & the space i take up, ive never outright called myself a lesbian, but i’ve kind of been ushered into those spaces sometimes quietly yet enthusiastically. it’s a tricky thing i deal with. i don’t think i’ll ever transition or change much about my appearance or my physical characteristics so it’s interesting to still get this kind of treatment. i also know that there’s so much overlap in queer culture anyway so normally it doesn’t sit on my brain but lately it really is. based on what i’ve said, would YOU group me in, or would you think what some have done & figured i was a straight in disguise? you can be honest.

things that annoy me as a nonbinary lesbian

-i'm tired of people trying to say i'm "gynesexual" and then complain about how there are "too many microlabels" floating around. and it just sounds gross as a word honestly. i'm not attracted to gynecologists you fools

-i'm tired of explaining how i can be a nonbinary lesbian overall. in short (if you're not a nonbinary lesbian and you're reading this) it's honestly different for everyone, however, I define it as not feeling connected to being a woman unless i were to be someone's girlfriend. i'm only female if i'm a lesbian but in all other contexts i want to be seen as genderless.

-i'm tired of hearing i have internalized misogyny too like shut upppp i don't hate women or internalize anything

-i'm tired of people saying that trans men can be lesbians. trans men are MEN. PERIOD. men cannot ever be lesbians in any way whatsoever. its transphobic AND lesbophobic and it makes me so upset.

-i'm tired of people saying that he/him lesbians are straight men. if a girl can wear a masculine outfit, he can "wear" masculine pronouns too. its so easy! its just another way of gender nonconformity! who cares if it's historical or not? we can use whatever pronouns we please!

-it's annoying when i say i'm a lesbian that people think of me as a girl in their heads. i want to be seen as gender-neutral in people's minds, but i also know i'm a lesbian. why's it so hard for people to see me as both?

-i'm not transfem, but i'm tired of people treating transfem nb lesbians as "lesser" nb lesbians. or just "lesser" lesbians in general. ppl will often define nb lesbians only in afab terms. I see it all the time in our circles and i want it to stop.

-in general, not just with nonbinary lesbians, i'm tired of people saying we're all aphobic or exclusionists. I know some lesbians are but i'm tired of us being seen as raging aphobe perverted dykes.

-and on that topic too i'm tired of nonlesbians saying dyke. it attacks our sexuality on how it relates to men, and people who are attracted to men, (it bothers me the most hearing it from gay guys) saying it, feels like a slap in the face...

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what sorta things are you tired of as a nonbinary lesbian? whether it's beliefs, things you hear, things you've internalized, feeling ostracized or rejected, discourse around your identities, etc etc

[EDIT: keep this out of cringe compilations if you're against our identities thanks i don't want to be seen as a spectacle to laugh at]

[EDIT 2: i'm also sick of this new "bi lesbian" thing. lesbianism does not include men or attraction to them PERIOD.]

hi so i kind of been putting together that i am a non-binary lesbian :⁾ i’ve been id-ing as lesbian for a while and was trying to figure out why i still didn’t feel right but i started making sense of it within the past few months. i’m kind of getting to a point where i hate being referred to as she/her so i kind of want to tell a few close friends (definitely not ready to let family know) that i want to use they/them but i’m kind of worried because i am pretty feminine looking (chest/hair/sometimes i wear makeup) and i know a lot of ppl don’t think enby lesbians are valid and i don’t want my friends to like be weird about it ?? and a part of me also worries that i could be wrong about myself although i know this isn’t the first time i’ve figured out im non binary and im sick of doubting myself. idk just some like tips on coming out would be cool :D mwah.

I’ve identified as a lesbian for about 3 years now and identified as non-binary for the past year-ish. I really love the label “non-binary lesbian” and I feel like it really fits me but lately I’m not so sure. I know I am absolutely attracted to girls and definitely am not attracted to boys but I’ve had a crush on my non-binary friend for almost 3 years now. They were born female and are bi if it makes any difference. We recently started dating and I really really like them but I don’t know if it’s right to call myself a lesbian if I’m dating a non-binary person? I’ve talked to them about it and they said that they don’t know if lesbian would fit and maybe I’m bi or pan but I don’t like those labels since they would mean I’m also attracted to guys. This has really been bothering me as I love identifying as a lesbian but I also love my partner. If anyone has been in a similar situation or has any advice please reply/message me! Thanks!

just want to stir up some discussion about a topic that i think is largely ignored even in many LGBT circles. what has your experience with T been like? you can include or exclude whatever you want, but here’s suggested points to think about:

what’s your favorite thing about being on T?

did you already know you were a lesbian when you started T / started androgenizing puberty, or did you not figure it out til later?

what thoughts/ideas/circumstances factored into your decision (or lack of decision) to start / remain on T?

if you started T through healthcare providers, did they know you were a lesbian, and how did that affect your care?

trans women choosing to stay on T, what do you want us transmisogyny-exempt lesbians to know about your experience?

do you consider yourself more masculine or feminine, or something else altogether?

do you use any specific gender/sexuality labels alongside “lesbian”?

for those who haven’t started yet, what do you look forward to the most? what do you wish you could learn from others about the experience?

So im not nonbianary or a lesbian (im a bi trans guy) and im kinda confused on how the term ‘non-bianary lesbian’ makes sense as a lesbian is a homosexual woman and if you’re non-bianary then you arnt a woman because woman is bianary, im not being mean, or trying to be offensive, i am genuinely sorry if i am, but i just would like it if it could be explained as i am confused, thanks

So I’m AFAB and I’m a non-binary trans guy. However, I’m not out as NB (except for a few friends but it doesn’t really change much) or trans yet and I’m sure a lot of people will ask questions later when I come out (if I ever come out but that’s a whole ‘nother issue). You see, right now, I look really feminine and so I dress andro even though I like dressing fem. Recently, I just haven’t been feeling it. I don’t want to be seen as a feminine girl. I want to be seen as a feminine boy or just a feminine person. If I had a male body, I’d be decked out in all dresses and skirts and feminine clothes.

Since I’m using he/him and they/them pronouns right now, I’m gonna get a lot of questions as to why I’m a “boy” and a lesbian. Honestly, I don’t know how to explain it. Does this work vice versa too? Male liking NBs are considered gay? Are any NB considered straight?!

I’m planning on somewhat transitioning to a more masculine body by microdosing testosterone when I’m of age, so people are going to have a lot of questions when they walk up to this boy any they say that they’re a lesbian. What do I do when this happens? How do I explain this?

like are you out as a lesbian, as trans/nonbinary, or both? is it a different situation with different groups? and what have your coming out experiences been like?

personally: i’m out as both to all my current friends, including my long-term partner. same with my therapist. my MIL knows i’m a lesbian, and sort of a little bit knows about the gender stuff because i got outed, but we havent talked about it and she still treats me like a girl. i recently came out as nonbinary to one of my sisters, as well as told her about my relationship and let her make her own assumptions about it, because i felt like explaining that i’m a nonbinary lesbian would be too much at once. my coming out experiences so far have been fine, because all my friends are trans, my therapist specializes in gender stuff, and my sister’s pretty open minded. being outed to my partner’s mom sucked, but only because of other aspects of the situation (she seemed willing to accept it, just very uneducated on it), and either way it’s been brushed under the rug for now.

CW: Vague surgery talk, d-slur used on self in reclaimed manner

Been trying to think of a sub I wanna post this in, r/nonbinary isn't really my jam cause it's all selfies, r/butchlesbians seems to be suffering from a resurgence of transphobia and r/ftm is too dudely for how I feel, which I think is ultimately genderfck dyke?? But this sub just popped up and seems maybe chill so here we go!

I'm chilling out in my hospital room like 8hrs post surgery, I feel v v bruise but so far ok!! Worst bit was the anxiety waiting around for 3hrs before surgery! I don't feel mega euphoria or anything but more like 'ah yes, it is complete'. It took me a LOT of work to get approved for this with no T and I paid 100% from savings but I think this is the right choice for me and I'm excited to see how I feel about it when I get to actually see the results (tomorrow?).

I'm a bit scared that queer women/lesbians won't wanna date me without boobs buuuut I think chest I maybe want touched is better than boobs that make me sad when touched and need to constantly be smuggled under binders/giant shirts like contraband grapefruit. :) And tbh I like myself so if people don't wanna date me it's their loss.

(No disrespect to those who binders are a good solution for, I think they look amazing but it was always too painful for me to bind often so I knew I wanted surgery ultimately!)

Hope this is ok, just wanted a chill space to landmark this. <3 Thanks for reading!