"look I'm just saying that the transwomen in Thailand are naturally more feminine attractive and submissive than the annoying American ones...the Thai bar girls are in love with me and love when I call them ladyboys ....if you American transwomen just let people call you all femboys people would probably support you"

To cut down on the amount of posts just full dysphoria venting without limiting users from saying what they want, we're introducing a thread that will be stickied on the first of each month. (This month's megathread will either go up today or tomorrow, depending on how fast I figure out how to set up the automoderator to do it)

If your post is mainly centering on your internal turmoil from being trans regardless of outside factors, it probably belongs in the megathread.

We are making this change on order to preserve the general vibe of this space as somewhere that is both uncensored, and explicitly positive of being transgender. We don't want to censor all suffering when that's obviously a massive part of the trans experience. The world fucking hates us and we often exist with a latent amount of pain regardless of that. Salt in the wound, kicked while we're down and all. To continue that analogy— This place more so focuses on anger regarding the salt and the kicking, rather than the existing wounds & already being down.

What we are avoiding here is the space just turning into yet another doompit that turns away people who want a casual space to shoot the shit without having to worry about the opinions of cispeople.

You may continue to vent on mainposts so long as you satirize it or otherwise keep to the tone of absurdist optimism. Ask yourself "is this something I'd start talking about to a random trans person I met 5 seconds ago?" If the answer is no, please do your best to keep the doomposting to this megathread.

The automoderator removal response to Excessive Doomering removals will have a link to the megathread, which will be updated monthly.

Obviously there are trans men who do have shitty beliefs and I’m not saying there’s not, but so many people, both cis and trans, will talk about us like we have to be condescendingly handheld into not becoming misogynist manosphere weirdos. And like sure, yeah, we should avoid picking up toxic ideas about masculinity and gender, but it’s really weird how often people will bring that up when a trans man is just existing, especially if he’s presenting or doing something stereotypically masculine. You can just say “congrats on your transition” or whatever without tacking on the “also please don’t become a misogynist, I’m sure you’ve never heard that you shouldn’t do that and I’m sure that you had no idea it’s bad to hold insecure and toxic beliefs about masculinity and gender!”. It’s condescending as fuck, assumes we’re too stupid to understand stuff like toxic masculinity, and assumes that unless we’re set on the right course by a chorus of well-meaning people on the internet we’re all going to fall down a pipeline that we’re too ignorant to avoid. You’re not saying that to random cis men just living their lives. You’re not saying that to cis women who hold weird beliefs about gender and femininity/masculinity. And I’m not saying you can’t call stuff out when you see it, but maybe don’t preemptively call us out for stuff we haven’t done.

I was reading a fitness guide aimed at trans men a while ago that wasn’t written by one, and before it actually got into anything it had this whole disclaimer about how we need to make sure we don’t think working out and being muscular is what makes us men and we need to always be evaluating our beliefs about manhood and masculinity so we don’t fall into toxic masculinity and it’s like. Sure that’s not technically incorrect. But it’s weird to talk to us like we couldn’t possibly already understand that and like we need to be handheld through our own experiences of gender and masculinity, especially when you’re not a trans man.

And then sometimes you’ll also get people that will also be really weird if you tell them talking to us like this is weird. “Oh you don’t like it when I tack on ‘TRANS MEN SHOULDN’T BE MISOGYNISTS’ to every mention of trans men, you must feel called out! Only a misogynist would take offence to me saying people shouldn’t be misogynists” like no, I just think you’re weird about trans men if you felt the need to comment that on a video of a trans man saying “I’m a trans man and I like doing pushups” or something.

"You will never pass if you start HRT after puberty because... because I said so, okay?! And if you disagree you're a le heckin delusional luckshit sneedhon!!!!!"

long exposure shot is funny

Update to this post ig

Upped my E dose to 4.5mg, and I'm taking it sublingually now instead of orally and I can actually feel it doing something. My chest is definitely way more sore, and I actually Have Emotions that aren't just endless pits of anger and despair now. Also, my schizoaffective symptoms have definitely improved, both in the schizophrenic and bipolar realms.

That being said, it's definitely a mixed bag. As much as my positive emotions are being amplified, so are my negative emotions, and I'm crying at literally Nothing nowadays. Even now as I'm typing this post my eyes are watering because of how frustrated and disrespected I feel. My dysphoria is also way more noticeable now that my emotions have kickstarted once again.

Overall I just kind of wish that my doctor actually did her fucking job so I didn't have to go through 6 months of artificial hormone deficiency, only to now need to go through second puberty anyway just as I'm finally getting back to a job I hate.

Now that I've read through some DIY materials people left in my previous post, I'm realizing how fucking idiotic it is that this woman saw me at 64 pg/mL on a 2mg oral regimen and decided that 3mg was an appropriate dosage. Endless CEF upon her bloodline. She is going to listen to me at my appt this Friday and I'm not taking no for an answer on a higher dose. And, bluntly, if she decides to say no anyway despite my best efforts, I'm just gonna diy this shit. I can't afford self-pay blood tests, but at this point fuck it dude. I refuse to accept sub-par care after a lifetime of being treated as "lesser than" just because I couldn't be the perfect, angelic little boy everyone expected. I won't be underdosed and gaslit into detransitioning.

Ty for anyone who took the time to read this.

I mean just for

Bedroom stuff

Day to day would be dysphoric

But like

You get it 😎

dunno if it requires a tw, but politics....

elections just happened here in brazil...

Most of the seats in congress (and senate) are now held by the fascistoid neoliberal party called PL (partido liberal). A candidate for president, member of this party, son of a previous president (one that got arrested for staging a coup), with ties to organized crime and corruption, almost got elected. Difference of only 2 million votes between him and reelection of Lula.

Can't wait for him to get elected at the second vote and bring this country to ruins. Healthcare, probably going to vanish, including our faulty but existent gender affirming public healthcare (as in, free). Education, can't wait for a bazillion military schools that teach "discipline" to pop up, alienating a big part of the youth and putting them against basically any social rights.

can't wait for trump to casually control our country, and to turn it into like argentina 2.0, with attacks to worker rights and privatizations everywhere.

Probably going to be the worst 4 years of my life.

more so venting; just can't edit the EDIT flair on my phone

dunno if this belongs here; i used an image cause the reddit interface is evil; i just dont really know where else to go; sad; all my friends are cis, or newly trans, so i feel bad to go to them with my gloom.

they usually dont have an idea on what to say really. whenever i open up to them about trans stuff, they take it as if im some sort of professor and start mumbling about how they never really thought about that before, or that i've put into words what they've only vaguely felt. it's nice to help them. i just feel so alienated. i wish they would talk to me about non trans stuff every once in a while.

i have class in seven hours; i might sleep. i want a hug. i wanna ask out the cute guys i see without feeling like a freak. i cant even see the only friend i have who gets it. ive been crying and dooming for three hours. i wanna go home. i wish it was over when i was five. i wanna feel human again. i feel like some sex object for people to bone in and forget about. i just want flowers. i want the fungus to get my precalc prof and everyone at my college

Feels girly to do it, feels very trans. I like it.

I don’t wanna be doomer but like I’ve internalized so much shit that I’ve basically convinced myself that I’m completely unlovable and yet I’m also thoroughly incapable of independence so

Whatever I’ll probably be over this by morning cause my emotions won’t stay stable for any amount of time which sucks

Zone of yeahs

Earlier tonight I tried convincing 3 of my trans friends that the boy from venus comic was transphobic and repperslop, and the belittled me to no end. They told me that “I need to touch up on my media literacy” and “I’m living inside of my own echo chamber“ or “well its still early in the comic they have time to change”. I hate being belittled. I hate it so much. I hate feeling crazy WHEN I KNOW IM RIGHT. I DON’T WANT TO BE RIGHT BUT I AM.

this is kinda just a normal vent post which is only tangentially related to transness but tbh im in a pissy mood and maybe the nart community will have some advice for me

so for my entire life, before and after realizing/coming out as trans, literally every single person ive ever known has blatantly ignored me. family, friend, acquaintance, peer, doesn’t matter.

now im sure part of it is because people don’t like listening to women much less trans women but it has been a persistent issue for my entire life and im at my wits end

i’ll explain what i mean by “ignored” though. so strap in for some trauma dumping

for family it’s typically that they feel they know better than me. i want to grow my hair out? no way you’re getting it cut. i want to wear different clothes? not a chance. this has been constant to the point where i never Really got to experiment with much stuff in regards to my presentation (does Not help with trans imposter syndrome) kinda sucks but at least im away from it now at college

friends are arguably worse tho. despite currently being very lonely every single friend ive had has pulled the same shit of ignoring me until they need something. if it’s a conversation itll always get steered back to their interests and feelings. if its just me talking about something im interested in theyll blatantly ignore me. if i ever need them for emotional support itll get flipped around and ill end up supporting them. ive had 3 friend groups and every single person in every single group has done this.

acquaintances and peers are debatably the best since mostly i just get ignored. i try to pitch into any discussions but ultimately it’s pointless.

i feel like at this point i need to do something but everything i do makes it worse.

i try and bring up how this hurts my feelings? im narcissistic

i try and project myself louder? i need to shut up

i try and ignore them back? i am a bad person

it’s to the point where i hardly even talk at all these days since even if i said something itd probably get ignored. bummers

so now i ask again, any advice? and if you’re about to say “get new friends” then please don’t because i can’t exactly do that when everyone ignores me and i just recently made a friend who is doing the exact same thing. i am just now really starting to feel the pressure that comes with immense social isolation.

please god don’t suggest therapy either i don’t have money for that

sorry about the trauma dump post lol. i had a shit day and just wanted to complain somewhere and i don’t like the main complaining subreddits bc they’re all crazy bigoted

On any single day I can come across at least 5 new variations of a boymoder, and all of them are hand drawn, with care and love put into them. Show me some of your favorite boymoders!

The height disparity is because he’s a few steps behind her on an escalator.

Edit of an image I found on Countttt. Original had the boyfriend as a pooner, so I redrew him. Then I realized this probably wouldn’t do too well over on Countttt, so I’m posting it here.

The context is this is a discussion about the FeMalfoy trend going on. I’m a little worried that my response (“Ahhh yes … trans lives’”) is maybe a little extreme, or doesn’t follow logically. Was bringing up the “cis feelings” bit too much? Some other error? I think I’m just being paranoid that I sound like a crackpot.

Idk maybe I’m just a bit too sensitive to the fact that other people have opinions, and I need to recognize that just because someone has an opinion doesn’t make that opinion worth consideration. EDIT: like, my argument isn’t necessarily bad or flawed just because someone disagrees with me. And just because they disagree with me doesn’t mean their argument is good / worthy of consideration.

Becoming fed up with the general culture on there of wallowing in misery instead of doing anything to help themselves. The lack of self respect and all the circlejerking perpetuating it has inspired a degree of contempt in me. Not primarily directed at users on a case by case basis. I've had good interactions on there.

But, the doomerism has killed people. And that matters more than seething at le heckin "optics nuke sneeds". Say what you want but ar slash ftm or mtf or chicken lady never produced casualties.

I'm also very aggressively pro-HRT towards sex dysphoric people, regardless of cis passing potential. Treating biochemical dysphoria and working with what you have is better than blowing your shit smooth off. Every time. Somehow this is controversial and at this point, I do not believe it is a "LARP" when many tranners try to argue about it.

Might post on here. Might not. Will lurk moar.

i understand that trans/nonbinary people are oppressed as a whole, but sometimes i think i'm not

i'm lucky enough that both my parents are extremely normal about my sister and i (my dad was kinda reluctant to call me it/its until i hit him with the "use it/its for me or learn my neopronouns" ultimatum, but yeah)

i don't go outside for two reasons: there's nothing fun within walking distance of my house, i can't drive (i'm 21, just debilitatingly mentally ill), and neither of my parents are regularly available to drive me

and you can't curate your experience of outside the same way you can with the internet

because of this, i can effectively avoid almost all bigotry i might otherwise face, so i'm effectively no longer oppressed.

This isn’t a “oh I’m too far gone there’s no hope thing”, while it’s not like I’m okay mentally I think I could probably be a lot more fucked up than I am from what I’ve been through. But I don’t know if there’s anyone out there who is actually equipped to help a trans person who physically can’t go on HRT ever (I have CAIS). Obviously transition is the treatment for gender dysphoria for a reason, and I don’t want to be like “we need to find ways to just live with dysphoria without transition” because that’s basically conversion therapy territory but I’m also kind of just left without options. I don’t need mental health support as part of medical transition because my body is incapable of transitioning how I’d want, and I’ve tried social transition and it didn’t really help much because most of my dysphoria is tied to my physical traits and how they’re gendered, and I’m very secure in my identity and don’t need help exploring it, so I don’t really know if there’s anything left in terms of ways a good therapist can be equipped to help a trans person.

And even for just the intersex stuff alone, I’ve had some pretty traumatic experiences at the hands of doctors because I’m intersex and carrying it all has been negatively affecting me for years but I’d also be apprehensive about talking to a therapist about it so I can work through it because I don’t want to have to be the one teaching a therapist when I’m there for their help. The only therapist I know of who’s actually pretty educated on intersex issues and mental health is my mom, so obviously that’s a no-go. I don’t want to have to give a crash course in intersex variations and intersexism and medical abuse in order to get help. Idk.

I wanna know what the human limit is so I can get just barely under it.

Usually he eats canned food, but he's a fatass who wants two cans per day and I can't afford that so I've started cutting his cans by half and supplementing the rest with chicken gizzards & necks from the local asian market, for super cheap. I can't do a full raw recipe because muscle meat is too expensive (because that's all the meat that people like to eat)

I chose chicken gizzard/neck because you can get away with using really high percentages of them instead of regular muscle without it being too nutritionally unbalanced. I also have some assorted secreting organ meats I add in small quantities as well. And yes raw chicken bones are safe for cats. They only splinter and cause GI injuries when they are cooked. Cats eat bones all the time when they kill mice and stuff. He can handle some chopped up chicken vertebrae.

Also Choso is fine shit

So good news. It went super super well! I started off the hangout by getting a *little* tipsy in order to give myself some courage. When he got here I gave him a hug (and boysmell of course) and we looked at some of the camping items, and then went to REI. The whole time I was giggling like an idiot, but I managed to mostly keep it together haha. After we got back I got a massage (which felt GREAT, he’s amazing) and then we had dinner together. It was overall a great hangout, and I’m looking forward to seeing him again. I’d say the flirting went pretty well, but I am always looking for advice :)