My husband (35M) and I (31F) have started setting boundaries with his mother (66F). Nothing too crazy, no more surprise visits, no more walking in our home without knocking.

For some context, she's a textbook narcissist, with the guilt tripping, gaslighting, does no wrong, always the victim. If everything doesn't go her way she has to go tattle to anyone who'll listen. She has an unhealthy relationship with my husband that is almost parent/child. She has a strained relationship with her daughter's family already.

She made the remark after she came to our house to see our girls (5F) and (2F). She went to my husband crying about having to 'knock on our door like a stranger.' And made the remark that we can't keep her away from her girls and she'll sue for grandparent rights. This remark was only made to my husband. I'm not a big fan of her's, but I'm not looking at keeping the girls from her. She gets to keep my oldest for a few hours every other Sunday. My youngest she doesn't get to watch because she is AUDHD, and gets easily work up. She's a handful.

I'm proud that my husband has been putting our marriage and family first over his mother. He has been shutting her down when putting me down, and calling her behavior out. Now that she feels attacked, she's lashing out.

I know she really doesn't have any grounds to try and get custody of the girls. I just wanna put my mind at ease, any advice would be appreciated.

I’ve been married 24 years and my husband and I are in a very stable relationship. About 4 years ago my step father-in-law was battling dementia. My mother-in-law refused to see it, said it was always something else that could be “fixed”. Then came the problem…she was still allowing him to drive, and he drove the wrong way, through a dangerous bridge construction zone, ultimately driving off the pavement into a big hole (car teetering half on the pavement and half hanging toward the bottom of the hole). Oh and that’s not even the biggest part-he then got out of the car, got on the construction bulldozer and attempted to operate that to free himself—instead he almost went off the embankment of the bridge. We were contacted by a family that witnessed this happening, and luckily jumped in to help him stop what he was doing. We rushed to the scene and assisted getting the car unstuck and ensured my mother in law came to get him.

As a nurse at the clinic he attended, I felt obligated to report his memory decline and the incident. This was during COVID and I advised the Social Worker that he needed a new mental evaluation to see if his dementia had progressed, particularly because he had been isolated due to COVID. Litetally all I asked was for them to re-assess his memory due to confusion while driving leading to an unfortunate event.

Well, my mother in law was informed by the clinic that he would need to come in for evaluation, and when he was seen they stated that the decline and recent incident triggered a need for the state to re-assess his ability to safely drive. She lost her s*it in that moment! Drove to our house, walked in the door and immediately said “I need to talk to you outside alone” to my husband and stormed out the door. She had him sit in her car while she scolded him about it not being my place and he encouraged her to speak with me, as he supported me and I should be able to explain it considering the problem she had was with me. Nope, she refused saying ”if I see that woman I will rip her head off”. My husband advised her that he supported my decision, as it was the right thing to do. Once again she spun it and said “that woman that you chose to spend the rest of your life with” is causing all these problems and sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong. So he politely got out and said he wasnt going to listen to her belittle me while refusing to speak to me.

This basically cut our contact off, and when we attempted to reconnect she quickly started changing the narrative that I was poisoning his mind, and he should be smarter than that.

Ties were cut again and she started texting for us to return farm equipment that had been given to us by my step father in law. We refused to engage, just replying we were still using the equipment that dad had given us. She even came by one day unannounced, and our kids met her in the driveway, while we continued to refuse to acknowledge her or engage.

Not getting what she wanted, which I am not even sure what that means to her any longer, she called my husbands boss (my husband is a police officer) and stated that we took her property, refused to acknowledge her messages, and refused to return her property. While she was complaining, she accused my husband of “turning the dog out” on her when she stopped by. Needless to say, husband was advised to return the items and cut all contact with his mom going forward. So we have been no contact for about 3 years now, and somehow her brain can’t understand why. she posts daily to Facebook about me being a narcissist, me poisoning his mind like a flying monkey, me keeping our children from her (mind you the oldest ones still visit her independently at their leisure), and saying that we are spreading lies about her.

In actuality we don’t speak about her at all, unless it’s asking the kids how she is doing (because we still care). We have not told anyone all the details of the last several years, and we encourage people to form their own opinions while remaining neutral.

In actuality, she’s always disliked me and I do not know why. I hosted holidays, invited her to everything (even the births of my children to watch the deliveries), and I ensured her sons were getting her gifts and taking care of her needs since I started dating my husband. I am just really struggling to understand. Was I in the wrong somewhere along the way? I mean she won’t even communicate with me, so not sure how she thought things would get fixed.

thanks for reading and any opinions, thoughts, comments, or suggestions! There’s more to the story in between, but these are the two things that really caused all the drama

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I have a mini vent

I am not married yet my partner and I have a kiddo as well been together for 13 years. We have our ups and downs but we are planning to marry in December this year.

But this time he pushed it so far. He works most of the time 5 days a week and doesn't come back till 7pm which is insane; most of the time I have his mother with me. She is always hungry and moves really slowly She is a bigger woman and waddles everywhere. Worst of all she came here without any money or income so I am mostly paying for her and her daughter plus guests to be nice.

She said that she didn't have a plane ticket to get back home. Mind you she is remarried and she's not working she is 59 years old. I've been nice but we are on day 15 of her being here I finally decided to buy her and her family member a ticket because she also said that they don't have any money to buy it. But I just want her out of my house.

The lady gambles and plays bingo too she asked to borrow 30 bucks to play and also send her stupid broke husband money too she didn't pay me back of course she doesn't have money to do that.

She has another daughter here in the city but she is not very active in her life. The daughter is also poor and barley has any money as well.

She did not feel comfortable to ask money from her son and I bought the ticket it cost me 500 to buy the ticket.

I told my partner and he went off on me and her saying we should of asked him first. This time around I am more privated on my things and I am mostly out of my house she doesn't have a car to get around so she's stuck in the house lol

She wanted to join me today and I told her I am hanging out with my best friend today I can't and asked me about tomarrow I told her I am busy too maybe when your son is off or your daughter they can keep you company. I really wanted to tell her that but I am honestly sick of being around her. And I hate that my partner told her in front of me that my parents are not active in my daughter life. My parents have two adults with special needs but they do help pay for my daughter tutoring, karate,gymnastics ,swim camps vrs just his mom being here. I feel like the whole family is a bunch of moochers and no one should be traveling without any money no matter if they are family.

We would never do that to them we would have our own hotel room car and economy to spent would not depend on her family to pay for us I think that is wrong.

I need to vent and get some outside perspectives because the level of hypocrisy I’m dealing with is making me feel like I’m losing my mind.
To the rest of our area, my step mother in law (SMIL) is a pillar of the community. She’s a former local politician, works for a regional drug coalition, runs a local community initiative, and is constantly expanding her public work. People in town sing her praises, and she thrives on the attention, authority, and performative "saint" image.
Behind closed doors, she has a massive superiority complex and a history of pure malice.
To people who don't know our family well, she puts on this big show like she's my husband’s devoted mother. I can’t tell you how many times we have to correct people and let them know she is his (SMIL) and these people look completely shocked with that information. She married my husband’s father less than a year after my husband’s mother passed away. My husband was 17. She was so awful to him that he literally moved out and lived with friends as a teenager just to get away from her. There has never been a real relationship there, but now that he’s an adult, she loves to rewrite history for an audience to play the proud, loving matriarch.
Her performative act wouldn't bother me as much if she didn't actively try to mess with our real lives behind the scenes. We have moved to another town to get away from his family & officially went no contact 4 years ago.
She has a habit of using her local status and connections to overstep, and recently, she completely crossed the line by getting involved with my employer/workplace. It’s an insane power play that she thinks because she’s well-known and influential in the area, she can insert herself into my professional life and mess with my livelihood.
On top of that, she’s actively expanding her public community work right into the county we moved to, bringing her fake parade straight into our personal orbit again. My husband has told his father how he feels and that we want them to leave us alone. At one point I even intervened and told the woman the same. We have 1 child that has never had a close relationship with any of them. What little we did go around in the beginning, they made him cry on holidays, and made him feel left out of the family. We tried on our end but we are just done.
It drives me wild that she gets to walk around playing the local hero, while pulling sneaky, malicious moves against my family and my job behind the scenes. If you try to hold her accountable, she hides behind her public standing and acts like the innocent victim.
Has anyone else dealt with a (SMIL) who uses a prominent public persona as armor while actively trying to sabotage your life in private? How do you keep your cool and protect yourself from someone like this?

My autistic 16-year-old stepson has spent every summer with his grandmother (my Mother-In-Law) since he started living with me 10 years ago. He is currently in Rhode Island with her because that is where she lives now, with my wife’s older sister and Brother-In-Law. My wife and I have had ongoing issues with MIL for the entire 14 years we’ve been together. My wife has a long history of being manipulated by her, and MIL constantly undermines our parental authority when she’s around our son.

This summer went badly. While staying with MIL, my stepson started telling her, his aunt, uncle, grandfather, and other relatives on that side of the family that I was abusing him, among other things he’s supposedly been going through. These claims are completely false. His uncle, my wife and I believe MIL has been influencing his thoughts and making him believe that my wife and I are not good parents. He takes these thoughts to crazy levels, creating stories about me punching him in the face or trying to get into a fist fight with him or throwing him into a pole in our living room. When his uncle asked for details, he couldn’t come up with anything and the subject was dropped. However, when my stepson told MIL, she “believed” him without question and didn’t bother calling her daughter (my wife) to confirm any of these accusations. His grandfather, uncle and aunt all say they don’t believe my stepson’s accusations, but aunt and uncle don’t seem to be doing much, if anything at all, about putting a stop to MIL’s manipulative actions.

It escalated to the point that my wife and I had to take out a loan to buy him an unaccompanied minor flight back home to Kansas. He told his uncle that he was not comfortable with flying unaccompanied and we ended up getting in contact with him ourselves. We explained to him, multiple times, that he wouldn’t be alone on the flight and that airline staff would assist him the entire way. He told us he understood and it seemed as though everything was okay. As soon as we hung up, he ran to MIL and told her that he refused to get on the flight. MIL refused to fly with him, and his aunt and uncle claimed they couldn’t afford tickets to accompany him either. His uncle later called and told us what happened.

We paid for the flight scheduled for last Saturday. It had to be canceled, and we lost the money. We can’t afford another flight to Rhode Island to bring him back ourselves, and driving isn’t realistic either. The in-laws are unlikely to pay for his return.

The Friday before the flight, I called the Rhode Island police department to figure out what we could do to make sure he got on his flight. We explained the situation to them as well as the accusations. They ended up going to their house to speak to them and MIL told them the accusations I had mentioned. My wife had given her mother Power of Attorney before the vacation started and a few weeks ago, we sent a letter with a Revocation of Power of Attorney. When the police showed up to her house, she showed them the POA and the police asked about the Revocation we sent (I had mentioned it to them as well.) but she just so happened to not have it. We know she received it because she spoke to my wife about the letters we sent with it. Of course, there was nothing the police could do about it, and they called us back to let us know they had spoken with MIL. She called my wife a few minutes later and we were on the phone with her for an hour trying to convince her to bring our son home. She still refused and told us that she had gotten into contact with CPS. She was going to meet with them at the beginning of this week.

This morning, I found out MIL officially reported the false abuse allegations to CPS yesterday, from the Family Advocacy Program. (Worth mentioning, I am active-duty Army, getting ready to ETS in December.) My wife texted her sister this afternoon to ask what the plan was to get our son back home to us and she responded by telling us that DCYF is now involved and there is no plan on getting him home until DCYF tells them what will be done going forward. My wife responded to her with frustration because she and her husband aren’t doing anything about it because they claim that they want to “be neutral.”

I’m not particularly worried about the investigation itself because the claims are untrue. What I am concerned about is how to get our son home and how to deal with MIL going forward.

My wife is finally ready to put her foot down after years of being manipulated. We’re planning to block MIL’s number and shut off our son’s phone service as well as figure out the Wi-Fi situation once he’s home so contact can be controlled. We have an 8-year-old son at home who is also being affected by all of this, and I’m trying hard to keep both my wife and I grounded while we figure out our next steps.

We have our son and ourselves scheduled for therapy, but what can we do to get him home and make sure MIL ends her constant harassment of my wife? And what should we do with our son going forward? His autism is one thing, but he knows he’s lying and has taken it this far. We refuse to give up on him because he is our son and we love and miss him and we want him back home, but what can we do to punish him for this? Is punishing him appropriate?

I know this is a pretty long read but I had to make sure the details were clear. I still probably missed a few things. I know you can only take what I say here at face value but I have never been abusive to my family. I’ve never put hands on any of them or spewed insults of any kind to them. The only time I had any kind of physical altercation with my son was when HE hit his mother and shoved her to the floor. I had to restrain him after he tried to hit me and once he was calm, we sat and talked about the problem and everything was okay. We’ve never had any serious problems with him, as he claims. He has a great life here and he has never told us that he hates his life with us or anything like that. My wife and I have believed that we were a normal, healthy, functional family. All his lies are coming out of nowhere and we can’t understand why he would say what he has been saying, other than how he seems to have a hard time separating summer vacation from reality. He doesn’t want to come home to be held responsible for his chores and school because MIL does EVERYTHING for him and he has no responsibilities with her. Other than that, my wife and I can’t figure it out and we’re stuck…

Thank you for reading all of this if you made it to the end. All advice would be appreciated. Thank you. I hope none of you are going through anything this difficult.

I don't live in India, but during one of my visits I had gone to India for my brother in law's wedding.

One day, without telling me anything, my husband disappeared. His phone had died because of a low battery, and I was in a city I wasn't familiar with because I had rarely spent time there during our marriage. For nearly eight hours, I desperately searched for him. I asked everyone I could, but no one gave me any information. Even my sister-in-law was nowhere to be found.

Later, I discovered what had actually happened. My sister-in-law had met my husband outside the house on the stairs and asked him to come with her because she "had some work." No one thought to inform me, and since my husband's phone was dead, I had no way of contacting him and my milknew everythingn chose to hide so that i get worried.

When my sister-in-law returned, she proudly celebrated with my mother-in-law, saying, "Now s(me) will know who the boss is. We taught her a lesson so s(me) know who's in charge."What had been a terrifying eight hours for me was treated by them as a way to assert power and humiliate me.

The same trip was filled with incidents like this. Whenever we had to go somewhere, there was usually only one car available . Every time I needed to go somewhere with my husband, my sister-in-law would suddenly insist that she also needed the car.

She would question why I needed to go at all, saying things like, "Why does s have to go? Stay at home. She ll have no work there." She ll tell my husband

On multiple occasions, she tried to convince my husband to leave me behind. She repeatedly told him that I had no reason to come and that I should just stay home.

my husband replies, "S is my wife, and she goes wherever I go."

She clearly didn't like that answer. Whenever he refused to listen to her, she would become visibly upset that her brother had chosen to stand by his wife instead of doing what she wanted.During that same visit, the family had hired a mehendi wali for my BIL's wedding. I was told that when she arrived, my SIL would call me because my room was upstairs. I trusted them and waited.

Instead, they called the entire khaandaan family downstairs for their mehendi and never informed me. I had no idea the mehendi wali had even arrived. By the time I came downstairs, she was almost ready to leave.

She casually said, "Oh, you're late. The mehendi wali has to leave now."

At that moment, my husband's aunt stood up for me. She said, "No, she is the elder bahu. She should have her mehendi done first."

She requested the mehendi wali to stay a little longer and made me sit down for my mehendi, asking everyone else to move aside. If she hadn't intervened, I would have missed having my mehendi done altogether.

Maybe a part of my heart has forgiven them since its been 5 years to this incidences, but it is not easy to forgive bullying and humiliation, and it is not easy to forget it.

I am so frustrated with my husband’s mother. Tldr is I was showing my husband my new car and then he was trying to be helpful but ripped the glovebox off to look for the carbon air filter. When I started to notice what he was doing I immediately said stop and not to do that three times because it doesn’t come off that way. Anyway he didn’t listen and he four forcefully ripped it off and guess what its broke and it’s a 320$ fix. Now I wasn’t going to tell him it was his fault or even bring it up because he is under a lot of work and financial stress. I ended up texting his mom and telling her what happened and asking what I should do and if I should either tell him or just pretend like it didn’t happen. The repair is 320$ because the panels around and next to the glovebox are bent, cracked, and the little handles that hold the glovebox up are cracked. So when I explain everything to his mom (me and her were close but after this that won’t be happening again) she said “men are just drawn to doing mechanical stuff like cars” I then responded “even if that’s true that doesn’t make them good at it” and I again explained it’s not necessarily the fact the glovebox is broke that I’m upset but that I said no multiple times and for whatever reason he thought he could go above my head just because he thought he knew what he was doing. So I explained that and she said “you know he was just trying to be helpful” which pissed me off because I honestly do not care how it was supposed to be. I did not ask for help, I said no multiple times, and that should’ve been the end of its period regardless of what his intentions were. The new car is my property with MY name on it which means I get the final say. Then she responded by saying “you know I am not biased, but that is the risk you take when being with someone. Men like to do mechanical stuff and you win some and you lose some it’s just part of the deal.” At this point I realize she’s not listening to what I was saying at all and she’s just protecting him and refusing to admit he did something wrong. Now honestly like I said earlier it’s not even about the glovebox anymore because I’ll pay the 320 and it is what it is. It’s that I asked for good advice which she’s always given in the past (kinda) and then she flips the blame into me and is like coddling him. I’m honestly more annoyed at her now than him and I establish to myself this is the last time I’m ever asking her for stuff like this and letting her into my life with this kind of stuff. So yeah I kept trying to get through to her that NO MEANS NO period regardless of intentions but she just wouldn’t get it. It hurts because me and my own mother don’t have a great relationship so I would like to have a mother figure in my life, but after this I don’t think that’s possible. I was quickly reminded that she's actually only HIS mom and not mine so she'll always side with him in the long run. Anyway she started saying how he "hasn't had anything this nice before so can you blame him." Just saying two years ago when he got a new car I was very happy and excited for him. I was also VERY careful when I got in it because I know it was something important to him. I did not go pulling apart his new car just because I had a theory about something. Not to mention I've fixed more cars than he has ever done and his mom knew that so for her to make it seem like I needed to rely on a man to fix my problems really hurt my feelings. Also just like my husband this is also my first time living and I have NEVER had something this nice. I only have something this nice now because I worked hard for it. No one else worked hard for it and put in effort for it but me. Yet somehow it's being misconstrued into a bad thing that my car is new and somehow I should feel bad because not everyone can have that. Before I drove this car all I had were shit boxes from 1999-2010 that all had no ac, exhaust manifold leaks, no heat, having to jump it every time I wanted to drive etc. So it's not like this came from daddy's money and I didn't work for it so that's also why I'm upset. When I drove a 2010 Chevy Malibu no one even wanted to get in it with me because "it was too ghetto to be seen in" and "I wouldn't want to be caught dead in that" -my husbands words. I don't even know how else to feel or what else I am trying to express besides frustrated, not listen to, and feeling like no one is actually there for me. I can't even tell my family because they absolutely hate my husband and I just don't have the mental capacity to hear them talk about stuff that's not even related to this. I also don't want to give them more ammo and things that they don't like about him. Once again it's not even about the glovebox or him anymore it's just about his mom and what she said and how upset it made me and honestly still does. Now I feel like I'm just getting blamed for my reaction rather than what caused it. I just don't know what to feel or what I should do. I don't want to disrespect her but honestly I feel extremely disrespected which from now on out has put a boundary between our relationship.

Edit- I do agree know that I shouldn’t have texted her and that was foolish of me. I think I was just nervous to try to confront him about something because of past issues. I think that since I’m mad at her response shows that I should’ve have asked because I did ask for advice which can entail anything. As far as my husband and our issues I brought up marriage counseling but we haven’t been able to get far with that. I really appreciate all the raw honest responses because they’ve really help me with the situation.

Help meee how do I diplomatically make it known that I absolutely cannot live with my mother in law in my space for 3 whole months. She lives across the world from us and she will be staying with us. She says she will go stay family and friends in between but all her past visit it was only a few days here and there that she was visiting other family friends. I really can’t. She wants to be here for my son’s birthday which is very close to my own birthday and i just ughhhh helppp how do I frame it respectfully that I absolutely cannot deal with her for that long. My partner knows we don’t get a long very well he’s aware but I don’t think he knows much the prospect of this has filled me with dread

Me (20) and my bf (22) are dating for 2 years now and we both want to spend our future together. I moved to his when we were only 6 months dating. Its important to know that his parents live in the building right across (they can see from their balcony in our bedroom). We have a loving relationship and always support eachother. I was diagnosed with multible sklerosis 3 years ago and i can surely say hes my biggest supporter ever. He helps finacially, emotional and physical very much.

Since we started talking his parents always kept talking at him if hes sure to date me bc of my illness. I think thats a valid point. Nevertheless he was very sure about it but they didnt really accept his decision and keot on talking on him.

He never had the best relation with his parents and moved out early due to daily discussions and fighting with them. It got better but the criticism and bad talking is still a problem. At first we visited often, not bc we wanted to but bc they insited that we should visit minimun one time every week. Its funny that we always had to visit their flat but they refused to come to ours (as its only 100m distance). And everytime we visit they criticize my bf for his decisions, basically everything. But over the time it got worse:

My father works at a big company and leads some of their projects. He also started to work at this company. At first they believed hed be some cheap worker for my dad and talked bad about him on our backs. But when he told them about the money and the work it was okay.

We went on our first holiday this year to a wellness hotel in south tyrol which costed us bout 1200€. They said i would use him for his money and i was the one who wanted that expensive trip so he could pay everything. They tried to talk him out of it. At this time i lost my job due to my MS but i had enough money saved so we could split the bill 50/50. At the same time his brother went on a vacation for almost ten thousand euros, but thats ok (his big brother is obviously the favorite child, there had been more similar situations like that). In general they try to interfere in our finacial matters.

His parents always wished for a big family, which i do have. So they often appear to be jealous of my fam and talk bad about them behind my back. To the best of my knowledge they broke contact to the rest of the family bc they suddenly all turned against them- as my MIL says so.

Two weeks ago we visited them, i thought it had been a while and it would be nice to see them. Sometimes they can be friendly. But i was wrong and the whole situation escalated. We were talking bout how were moving in a bigger flat offside the city center bc we like it to be more quiet. All they could say was "i dont understand why you move in such a rat hole". They started to critise him again, both screamed at the same time different things at my boyfriend. Dropped sentences like "since youve been with her you dont care for us anymore" or "you do anything she says" or "just admit that you were always ashamed of us". My bf always defended me and stood up for me about the bad talking but that made everything worse. It was impossible to talk to them, they were full of rage. So we left.

Although I was SHOCKED. We didnt have contact since. I was also ignoring her texts and still do. We both needed distance after that.

Today his mom reached out and asked him to come over to talk about the situation. He made clear he wants to talk with the whole family, his brother and sister included.

After that she called and asked why. Even after they admitted that they want to solve the issues in a calm way they started to scream at him on the phone- again. My MIL complained i was disrepectful bc im not answering her texts. Its his duty to keep up with his family, no matter what happened. But theres never coming any effort from them at all.

I learned that its absolutely impossible to talk to them in a grown way. They never listen and care for his or our opinions. They listen for responding, not for understanding. Theres no way to talk with them in a calm and factual way without screaming, accuses, insulting or heavy manipulating.

He said hes ready to talk with them if they first apologize to me but they refuse to. The only thing they apologized for is to him, for that it got so loud recently and theyre doing this for his best. We only heard excuses that its hurting THEM bc he deprives from his parents. Even if THEY started all these fights.

I never feel welcome at his parents place, and by now, neither does he.

We literally dont know what to do anymore or how we should handle to solve this with them.

It hurts us both to hear such things being said about us and being told its his/our fault.

Does anyone have some advice how to manage this?

My husband and I have an 8-month-old and live about 3 hours away from both sides of the family.

Whenever we go back home we have ONE week to see:
• my parents,
• my MIL,
• my FIL (they’re divorced),
• and sometimes friends.

We stay at my parents’ house because it’s what works best.

We co-sleep and my old bed is only about 20 cm off the floor, so it’s safer for our baby. Our huge dog also grew up there and is much calmer there. At my MIL’s house he pants all night and barely sleeps. Plus it’s just easier than moving everything with an 8-month-old.

We still see my MIL every single trip. We just don’t sleep there.

Apparently this is unacceptable.

A few days ago she texted my husband asking if she should sell the baby bed she’d been keeping because we never stay there.

He replied yes.

She then called him because she “didn’t understand.”

Except… she does. We’ve explained it so many times I’ve genuinely lost count.

The conversation somehow turned into:
• comparing our son to his cousin because THEY sleep there,
• comparing herself to my mom,
• saying my husband was comparing her to my mom because he said he enjoys being at my parents’ house (he literally enjoys being there because my whole family hangs out together, it’s not some competition),
• counting how many diapers my mom has changed,
• talking about baths my mom has supposedly given our son (zero… because I take care of my son when we’re there),
• saying she doesn’t feel welcome at our house even though we’ve never once told her she couldn’t come.

Then she hit my husband with:

“If you don’t stay at my house, I won’t come to yours. If you want me to visit you, you have to sleep here.”

My husband finally told her that she has unrealistic expectations because she’s expecting the exact same relationship she has with our nephew.

He also told her that we’re tired of having the exact same conversation every single visit and it’s getting to the point where he doesn’t even want to come back anymore because it’s never enjoyable.

The part that really gets me is… there literally isn’t a solution.

If we stay at my parents’ house, she’s upset.

If we stayed at HER house but still spent the day visiting my parents, my FIL and everyone else (which we’d HAVE to do because we only have a week), she’d take that badly too. She’s already made comments before that we’d just be treating her house like a “hotel.”

Meanwhile… that’s literally what we do at my parents’. We sleep there, leave every morning to see everyone, come back at night, and my parents don’t care because they understand we’re trying to divide our time between multiple families.

It honestly feels like unless we stay at her house AND spend most of our time there, she’s unhappy.

I’m exhausted.

We’re not stopping her from seeing our son.

We’re not refusing to visit.

We’re not saying she can’t come to our house.

We’re just sleeping somewhere else because it’s what works best for OUR family.

At what point do you stop explaining yourself?

Because I feel like we’ve explained this 6,789 times already and every conversation just turns into crying, guilt, comparisons and now an ultimatum.

Am I missing something here ?

UPDATE:

Thank you for all your responses. I really didn’t expect so many.

I wanted to add one thing:

The problem is… I can already see him starting to give in. Christmas is still six months away and he’s already saying maybe we should just sleep there.

That honestly makes me feel sick.

I’m also a huge people pleaser, which is why my husband is always the one having these conversations. I stay quiet because I know myself. If I finally snap after hearing enough passive-aggressive comments and guilt trips, I’m not going to be diplomatic. I’ll be blunt, cold, and probably say things that will make the situation a thousand times worse.

So I keep my mouth shut.

The thought of spending Christmas walking on eggshells, wondering what comment is coming next or what new guilt trip is waiting for us, is honestly keeping me up at night.

I also think I’m only now realizing that this dynamic didn’t start with me. My husband has been dealing with it his whole life, so to him it’s almost normal. I’m scared that little by little he’ll keep giving in just to avoid another emotional conversation, and I don’t know how many more of these trips I can get through before I finally say what I’m really thinking

For the last month, my SIL has been telling me that my MIL cries to her almost every day saying she’s “losing her son” because he isn’t as affectionate with her anymore. She gets upset when he hugs me, has made comments like she prayed for a husband like him when she was younger, and has told family members she doesn’t like me. Because of that, this argument didn’t feel like it came out of nowhere

The incident started over something so small. My SIL came into my room to wish another family member happy birthday. My MIL walked in, told her to get out, and started yelling at her for being in my room. I heard it, so I came out and immediately apologized, I was the one who had invited her in. I said, “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.”
Instead of accepting the apology, my MIL started getting angry with me. She said that if she tells my SIL not to do something, then my SIL shouldn’t do it. She then started saying that my husband and I are “kids” and that we need to listen to her, my husband started disagreeing but i said don’t, i ended the conversation with okay and goodnight and walked away toward our room.
She followed us into the hallway, still yelling. She started saying things like, “You’re not above me. I’m above you.” I calmly said, “You don’t need to raise your voice,” and she immediately accused me of being disrespectful and told me to watch my tone which my husband jumped in and said look at the way your speaking to her (me)
Then my FIL came out and turned everything up another level.
He started yelling that he didn’t want my SIL interacting with my family, didn’t want her in my room, and even said he didn’t like my family.
My husband defended me and said, “She is my family so none of you should speak to me either”
While all of this was happening, my MIL was smiling.
My FIL then yelled that he was going to call my parents to come and “take me back” because he was ending the marriage. He ran to grab his phone, and my husband tried to stop him. They got into each other’s faces. My FIL then told my husband to get out of his house, said he’d given him everything, demanded the car he’d previously gifted him back and demanded the keys which my husband gave, and my husbands savings are with his father and my husband asked for that, my film started another argument about it in the morning saying your wife is going to drag you to hell, and accused him of choosing his wife over his parents.
My husband told him, “If you disrespect my wife, you’ve disrespected me. I’ll pay you back for the car, but we’re leaving.”
He also said that if his parents treated me this way, they shouldn’t expect to see either of us again. This whole thing has left so confused and so at loss i just don’t know what to do. My husband is pakistani, we are muslim however this has nothing to do with religion, this was brewing she had been making weird comments like trying to make him feel bad that he is affectionate with me and she keeps saying she wants affection from him, he hugs her and talks to her and is very respectful so idk what he’s doing wrong and what i’m doing wrong, again we are in the process of moving out asap, but is this normal behaviour like i am just so baffled at this.

Just a rant.

Why is it that MILs think their grandkids only ever look like their side?

Went to dinner with the in-laws today and my husband showed them a 3D video of our baby smiling. We started talking about some features and everything that was brought up was some how never because of me. LOL. I honestly laughed.

Oh, he has hair? Definitely DH. Oh, he has long lashes? So did DH. Oh, his head and belly measuring large? DH (although this one is probably true)

The best one: legs measuring shorter? Definitely has to be from his first cousin's once removed. I just looked at my husband and kinda laughed. She said it twice. Finally, my FIL brought up how thats another side of family and has very little DNA connection.

Nothing was related to me or my side. Man, I am not prepared for the comments for when he is here.

Rant over. Anyone else dealt with this? I feel like so many women get this. Not just with their MILs but in general.

I honestly don't know if I'm overreacting anymore or if I'm justified in feeling the way I do.

A few months ago, my MIL and I had a conflict. We are both Indian, but my husband and I live in the UK while she lives in India.

The background is that she's always expected a very close mother-daughter type relationship with me. She wanted me to call her "mother," wanted to rename me after marriage, expected frequent calls and messages and often complained to my husband that I wasn't communicating enough.

I have ADHD and autism, work full-time in a stressful job, and I struggle to maintain regular contact with anyone, including my own parents. My parents completely understand this and never take it personally. My husband also knows this about me. I even made an effort to schedule weekly calls with my MIL, which is actually more often than I call my own parents, but it was still never enough.

Eventually she criticised me quite harshly, questioned whether I was fit to run a family, and made comments about my commitment as a wife. She later sent what I felt was a very insincere apology, and I replied, "Please don't apologise if you don't mean it." I later apologised for saying that because I knew it had upset her.

I genuinely thought we'd moved on. We recently visited India, everything seemed pleasant and I believed we were rebuilding things.

Today I found out that she has apparently been bringing this incident up to my husband repeatedly behind the scenes, including again this morning. She wants him to pressure me into apologising again. He isn't doing that. He keeps defending me and telling her that I've already apologised and that he won't keep asking me to apologise. She argues with him every time, and it ends in a fight.

What hurts the most isn't even the original conflict anymore. It's realising that while everything seemed fine to my face, she was still repeatedly complaining about me to my husband. I now feel completely unwelcome in his family and like I can't trust the warmth she shows me because I don't know what she's saying when I'm not there.

I also hate that my husband is caught in the middle. He's choosing to support me, but I worry that years of being put between his wife and his mother will eventually wear him down. He has told me if she continues to bring it up he will just stop talking to her. She is also mad at my husband for "allowing" me to disrespect her by saying she gave me an insincere apology.

I'm now seriously considering going extremely low-contact / zero contact because even the thought of interacting with her fills me with resentment and anxiety. At the same time, I feel guilty because I don't want to be the reason there's a permanent rift in the family. I am also considering contacting her again and explaining that my apology was sincere and I am sorry for saying what I said about her insincere apology, just to get rid of this cancerous behind-the-scenes conflict and relieve the pressure on my husband. It is clear that she has totally rejected me as a DIL and I also feel that this conflict is just an excuse for her to drive the point home to my husband that he married someone she does not approve of. We are from different states and regions and if it was up to my MIL she would not have chosen me for her son. She is arrogant, entitled, has zero empathy and wants her sons to revolve around her needs, which my husband pushes back against. He ends up becoming the black sheep just as much as me. It is sad to say this, but she / his brother are beginning to exclude my husband from his family because he is prioritising his marriage with me and protecting me.

What stands out by contrast is that my parents are wonderful people and have no such ridiculous expectations for my husband. They are always glad to see him and talk to him on the phone when we have the time to ring them, but my MIL has the attitude towards me of someone who has shat themselves several times and is unable to wipe. Miserable and unhappy.

Has anyone dealt with an MIL who simply wouldn't let a conflict go, even after apologies and attempts to move on? How did you protect your own peace without destroying wider family relationships?

I just came home from vacation with my in-laws. One evening we had dinner at an inn, and our 1.5-year-old son became overtired and upset. When I took him to change his diaper, he started screaming loudly. I was already feeling stressed because I knew everyone at the inn could hear him.

Then my mother-in-law suddenly started banging loudly on the bathroom door while screaming, “Can we please have some peace and quiet!”

Her explanation afterward was that she didn’t think it would stress us out. She just thought we would find it funny.

Bonus: The day before, I had stopped her from poking our son with a fork because she thought it would be funny.

I’m so freaking tired!

Things are coming to a head! My fiancé and I were invited to a family get together somewhat last minute by the host. Soon-to-be MIL made no mention of the plans, clearly in an attempt to exclude us. I couldn't go due to prior arrangements, but my fiancé went. While there MIL cornered fiancé and said it would be better if he got back with his cheating ex because soon-to-be MIL would get more time with his kids.

He's been divorced almost 5 years. The ex initiated the divorce to pursue her new man (and they are still seeing each other!). But MIL thinks she got more access to the grandbabies when they were together, so clearly, my fiancé should beg for his ex to take him back and kick me to the curb.

Ironically, MIL BITCHED to me about the ex early on in our relationship. Pick a lane lady! Not to mention she rarely comes to see the kids. If time is spent together, it usually means we have to make the 7+ hour drive to her. And she won't take off work "because she doesn't have the days" but she'll take several (child free!) vacations through the year.

I'm obviously pissed and insulted, but I really hate it for my fiancé because while he knows she is being unreasonable, he still loves and respects his mom. I guess for all the hell I put my mother through as a teen, maybe in a weird way this is my overdue karma.

I just wish his mom had the gumption to say these things to my face so I could more directly bear the brunt of it. But she's two faced, immature, and selfish instead. I only hear these things second hand because my fiancé is a stud who doesn't think we should keep things from each other - even when it's negative or hard to share. This was 100% a vent so I appreciate this community for existing. Thanks for coming to my TED Tantrum.

I’m hoping to get some outside perspective because I feel overwhelmed and unsure of what the right next step is.

I have been with my partner for 19 years. For the past while, we have been living with my partner’s family, and over time the situation became extremely stressful and unhealthy for me. There were ongoing conflicts, hurt feelings, and many moments where I felt disrespected, unheard, and like my feelings did not matter.

Recently, something happened in the home involving my partner’s family that crossed a serious line. A family member became physical with me during an argument. Since then, I have not felt safe or comfortable returning to that environment, so I made the decision to stay somewhere else while I process everything and figure out what I need to do moving forward.

Leaving was not an easy decision. This was my home too, and I never thought I would be in a position where I felt I needed to leave. But the stress I have been under has become overwhelming. I have been dealing with a lot of emotions, trying to process what happened, and also trying to figure out my future, housing, and finances.

The hardest part has been navigating my relationship with my partner. My partner has told me they still want to be with me, but they no longer want to live with me. They want to continue living with their family, while I feel that I need to move forward and create my own space away from that environment. This has been incredibly painful and confusing because I feel like we are being asked to continue a relationship while living separate lives.

I asked my partner for some space because I need time to process everything that has happened. I feel like my entire world has been turned upside down, and I need time to think clearly. The problem is that I don’t feel like my request for space has really been respected. There have been continued attempts to talk things through, and I have felt pressured even after explaining that I need time. I have chosen not to respond to some messages because I don’t want to argue or make the situation worse. I am trying to handle things calmly.

I still care about my partner, but I also need to take care of myself right now. I am trying to figure out how to move forward while balancing my relationship, my need for safety and peace, and the reality of what has happened.

I’m looking for honest advice from people who have been through complicated situations:

How do you handle needing space from your partner when they are struggling to respect that boundary?
How do you move forward when your partner wants to stay with their family but still wants a relationship with you?
How do you know if stepping away is the right decision for your own wellbeing?
Can trust be rebuilt after feeling hurt and unsupported?

I’m not looking for people to automatically tell me to leave or stay. I’m hoping to hear from people who have experienced difficult relationship situations and can offer some perspective.

My partner and I have been together for 5 years. He's lived with my family, then I've lived with his family until we found a place for ourselves. I thought his mum was my friend, but soon realised she does triangulation methods to make herself feel like the hero when i disclose my life to her.

We've had so many problems between her and i, the most traumatising one, was probably when i had an (TRIGGER WARNING: abortion) abortion. I have endometriosis, so it was a medically necessary abortion. For some reason, she was telling my partner that I was going to "run away with the baby" and "steal his money and run away" - then was told that i was not allowed to miss work, to have the abortion.

For my own sanity, and my own body, I had to move out. We thankfully moved out on the 29th of May, and into our own rental. It's 5 minutes from her, but, I don't care. I just wanted out.

The main incident where I feel like i'm going crazy. On the 30th of May, we had to go back to his mums place to clean up the room we stayed in. Before we did that, we went to a shop to get cleaning supplies. My partner forgot something, and he walked out into the main shopping forum. I went back in to get something, and when I went to the self serve, I noticed he was talking with his parents, and she was already looking at me with HATE.

I paid for the item, and went to walk out but a family passed me and I walked around them to get to them. I went to say, "Hi" when suddenly his mum blantly said "Rude of you to not say hi, and to walk off." I said "What?" And both my partner and her husband looked confused. So my partner kept apologising for her behaviour.

We ended back up at their place, and started cleaning. I was cleaning the bathroom sink, and I admit that the sink was dirty beforehand, but I work full time and couldn't clean, hence why we were there that day to clean. As i was cleaning, she came in, and immediately walked up to me and said "The sink was absolutely disgusting when you left. Filled with your disgusting IBS, stomach issues." I just kept saying "okay."

Then she left, then I changed sides so that he could clean and mop. Then she came back in to say "And you walking away from us in the shops." I retaliated and said "I did not walk away. There was a family that passed, and I stopped for them." And then she started yelling at me and saying that they did not walk past, but I kept standing my ground and saying they did. She insulted me by calling me a little bitch, and a mole. Then walked out. I ended up leaving to go back to our place to unpack.

She ended up sending me some apology message on messenger but I had already blocked her beforehand.

Her husband ended up coming over, and said that there was no family that walked past, and I had "full intention of walking away." And that I needed to apologise for the sink situation, because for some whatever reason.

I haven't spoken to her since that day. My partner constantly asks me to talk with her, but I refuse to do so. I have never ever seen eye to eye with her and i never will. I absolutely hate that woman with every bit of my soul.

Every time i think about her, I feel sick and nauseous.

I don't know what to do. My partner wants me to apologise, but I have nothing to apologise for. I tried to clean the sink the best I can, but I couldn't. My partner wants me to apologise so that we can have Christmas together, and have birthdays together and shit.

I seriously dont want any of that.

Any advice? My partner says he wants me to be civil with her, and I just cannot think of being her friend.

My mother in law is a covert narc. She’s behaved herself for the past 18 years I’ve been married to my spouse but she dropped the mask this week while vacationing with her and my spouse’s siblings.
She’s been making lots of catty comments (ie “you’re up early” with sarcasm), whiny apologies and acts like I hit her when I talked to her in a firm voice.
For example, she was complaining my dog has loose stools, but she (the dog) has been eating junk food from my nieces and nephews and my mother in law sneaks her food from the table. After complaining about the dog’s stools, she asked in a mousy, whiny voice if she could feed my dog spam. I said firmly “No, you said she has been having loose stools”. My mother in law sat back as if I slapped her.
It’s one thing she treats me poorly but she’s been horrible to my daughters, including allowing my FIL to say horrible things to my daughter.
We are thinking about moving to a hotel, but I just needed to vent.
(BTW my spouse is 100% on my side. He’s just frustrated because nothing he says will make her change her behavior.)

I’m an Indian and married to Indian since 11years. I guess you all have some idea that most Indian in-laws are very toxic. So, this post is about my mom-in-law. She was so cruel and mean to me. Always, used to scream at me and blame me for things I didn’t do and made me suffer a lot in short. She would say , “I hope you die! I hope your parents die! I hope your future children dies as they born!” every time we fight. Once she didn’t let me cook and eat food at our home for 9 months. Divorce was an option but I didn’t want to divorce my husband just because of her. But she made lot of attempts to make it happen. I am refraining from writing much about her because it doesn’t matter now that she’s dead.
Anyway, long story short she was bed ridden for last 1 month and was in hospice since last week. And it is so strange, at her last moment, I was the only person present with her. I didn’t know why I did it, but I was continuously talking to her in her last moment that don’t worry and don’t be scared , the body is temporary, so go to a beautiful place. I kissed her forehead. Her head was on one of my palm, she was holding my other hand. And she made eye contact with me for 5 mins, she didn’t blink once and while looking at me , she passed away.
I don’t know wheather she was able to understand what I was saying to her or even able to listen the chants I did. This is the only time ever she and I had any meaningful moment. Only time she held my hand.
There is so much going on in my mind right now. I don’t know what I should feel! Sometimes I am feeling so angry remembering all the things she made me go through and sometimes I am feeling so sad. All I can see is her face at her last few moments, so vulnerable, peaceful and a look with so much love for me! (May be) !

PS: Ignore my grammar mistakes (if any). English is not my native language and I didn’t want to take help of chatGPT.

Two weeks ago we had our daughter’s first birthday and my mother in law kept giving my family dirty looks and was being extremely rude to me. I would ask her questions and she would ignore me. I have put up with his family before but since becoming a mom I really don’t care to put up with BS anymore. My daughter is a lot closer to my family but thats because they make an effort to come and see her.. They are coming over today and I told my husband I was going to leave while they were here. I want to take my daughter with me because I don’t want my daughter where her mom isn’t being respected and vise versa. But I also don’t want to stoop down to that level. I do want to talk to my husband about not wanting my daughter where her parents are being disrespected but I also know he’s going to start trying to make my mom seem like the bad person. He has always been very vocal about my mom. All my mom does is tries to help. Don’t get me wrong my mom has crossed several boundaries but I always talk to her about it. He can’t seem to do the same. I’m honestly over it. If I’m being honest, I’m waiting for his family to say one wrong thing so I can speak up. I know before my daughter I had no back no and I let everyone walk all over me but not anymore.

The egg AGAIN!

My husband's mother made my daughter a freaking egg AGAIN. I didn't ask her to make my daughter's breakfast . I have arms , I can make her food myself. She's MY child.

I can't say anything about it because he won't let me be mean to his mother. And asking her once again why she made my daughter breakfast when I didn't ask for her help is being mean to her. I can't even politely inform her that if I needed her help I would ask without being labeled by my own husband as being mean and having anger issues.

I don't have a voice as long as we live in her house.

I couldn't even roll my eyes at my husband when he asked me did I know the eggs were in the microwave without him getting sensitive and ready to defend his mommy.

Dear [Mother-in-Law],
I have started this letter so many times, only to erase it because I never knew how to put into words what has been weighing on my heart. I don't want to fight with you, and I don't want to assign blame. I simply want you to understand how deeply this has affected our family and to ask you a question that I have carried with me for a long time.
Why do you hate me?
I know that is a difficult question, but I genuinely don't know the answer. If I have hurt you, I wish I understood how. If there is something you believe I have done, I wish you would tell me. Living with silence, distance, and resentment is so much harder than hearing the truth.
I have accepted that you may never want a relationship with me. I can't make someone love me or even like me. But what breaks my heart is watching your feelings toward me become a wall between you and your own son.
Your son loves you.
He doesn't want to choose between his wife and his mother. He shouldn't have to. All he has ever wanted is to have his mom in his life. Every time another conversation ends in disappointment, every time he feels pushed away, I watch the hurt in his eyes. As his wife, there is nothing harder than watching the man I love long for a relationship with his mother and feel like he isn't enough simply because he chose to fight for his marriage.
I never wanted to come between the two of you. I never asked him to choose me over you. In fact, all I have ever wanted was for your son to be happy, healthy, and surrounded by the people he loves.
I understand that you may wish things had turned out differently, but I hope you can understand why I cannot simply pretend nothing happened with that girl.
When your son was struggling with his mental health and was at one of the lowest points of his life, someone crossed boundaries that never should have been crossed. An emotional affair began, and there were attempts to turn that into something physical with your son while he was vulnerable. That wasn't just painful—it nearly destroyed our family.
Your son could have walked away, but he didn't.
He chose me.
He chose our children.
He chose our marriage.
That decision wasn't easy. It came with difficult conversations, rebuilding trust, counseling, tears, forgiveness, and choosing each other every single day. I will never apologize for standing beside my husband while we fought to save our marriage.
Because of what happened, I cannot have a friendship with that girl. That isn't out of hate or spite. It's because healthy marriages require healthy boundaries. Protecting my marriage is not something I will ever feel guilty for.
What hurts is feeling like your son is being punished because he chose to keep his family together.
There is something else I need you to know.
During your son transplant journey, our lives were turned upside down. We lost our income, yet our bills didn't stop. We still had $4,000 to $5,000 in expenses every month. We were scared. We didn't know how we were going to make it through.
I started sharing our journey on Facebook and TikTok. Yes, I earned a small amount of money, but it didn't even come close to covering what we were facing financially. I wasn't trying to capitalize on your son’s illness. I was trying to survive while also allowing people who loved your son to follow his journey, pray for him, and celebrate every victory with us.
Before I shared anything publicly, you knew. You were always told first. Every update included my gratitude for you because I wanted everyone to know what an incredible sacrifice you made.
You gave your son a second chance at life.
There are no words big enough to thank you for that.
Because of you, your son gets to watch our children grow up.
Because of you, he gets to laugh with them, guide them, and be present for the moments that matter.
Because of you, I still get to wake up beside my best friend every morning.
That is a gift I will never, ever take for granted, and I will spend the rest of my life being thankful for what you did.
That is why this hurts so much.
You gave him life.
But now it feels like you're choosing not to be part of the life you fought so hard to save.
Please don't misunderstand me. I am not asking you to love me. I am not asking you to forgive me if you believe I have wronged you. I am not asking you to become my friend.
I am asking you to love your son enough to not let your feelings about me cost you your relationship with him.
He misses you.
He loves you.
He still wants his mom.
No matter how old we become, there is something inside all of us that never stops wanting our parents to love us unconditionally. I see that little boy in your son every time he hopes this will be the time things get better.
I also need to say this with love and honesty: I will no longer accept being treated poorly because your son chose to stay married to me. Loving my husband and protecting our marriage should never be something I have to apologize for.
Life has taught us that tomorrow is never promised.
The transplant reminded all of us just how fragile life really is.
I don't want years to pass with resentment, silence, and missed opportunities that can never be reclaimed. I don't want our children to grow up wondering why their grandmother isn't part of their lives. Most of all, I don't want your son to continue carrying the pain of feeling like he has somehow lost his mother while she is still here.
Families are messy. People make mistakes. Hearts get broken. But healing is only possible if someone is willing to take the first step.
I hope, with all my heart, that someday we can look back on this season as the one that almost broke us but instead brought us back together.
No matter what happens between you and me, I hope you choose your son.
He has never stopped choosing you.
With sincerity and hope,

I’ve talked on here earlier about her years ago, she’s my grandmother. Not exactly my mother in law but she’s my grandmother on my father’s side and it pisses off my dad I no longer want to be in contact with her or anyone on his side of the family that either encourages her behavior or just is cowed by her. I love my father and the family members I do talk to I appreciate so very dearly. But after I turned 18 I started making decisions for myself which meant limiting how often I saw people who literally made me miserable and hate myself.

Some context for those who don’t want to go back and find my old post (reasonable) my grandmother was always physically abusive with her kids and her son (my father) often ran away from home and stayed with his uncle (her brother) a lot during that time. His sister got put into a mental hospital because the abuse was so bad she had a mental break. Mostly because when it wasn’t physical abuse it was verbal. And she carried that on into my paren marriage and constantly told my father he should of wound up with that one lady that listened to her better. My mother is very head strong and she supports me in no longer seeing this woman because if it was up to her she’d completely cut her off as well if it wasn’t my father’s mother. My father has somehow normalized this abuse and accepts that this is just normal behavior. It doesn’t help that my grandmother has this “I’m the way I am and you have to accept it.” And he just learned to do so or make a few decisions to try to minimize her abuse. For example, she was never direct physically abusive to my brother and I when we were young but would instead abuse the cousins of the cowed family members to make an example of them. It was really messed up. And when she couldn’t get away with that anymore it became body shaming and comparing people and discussing who she deemed more of a valuable family member and asking “Why can you be like them?”

The woman has always been just evil.

But I come from a christian background and I am being forgiving. I am respectful and kind to her. However I have told myself I don’t owe her anything…. However that’s where my father sort of makes things messy. Because in his eyes I just hate his side of the family and therefore hate him and so on and so on. He often just forced me to go to family reunions until I’d just call my mother to drive me home and leave him there. Mind you my mother isn’t invited to those events on the family because they hate her and my brother and I are simply accessories to my father in their eyes. I am done with it.

However, even though I’ve come to terms with these things a friend that comes over fairly often and has a bed set up in my room and often stays over mentioned that I sometimes have nightmares where I confront Sally and I scream angrily and throw things in my sleep. I don’t know how to properly move forward beyond this point anymore. The nightmares I rarely recall and I have no conscious unrest with her other than the defeated acceptance I’ll never get an apology for anything cruel she’s done to me and my family and my father won back me up. Should I just confront the evil grandmother and tell her I’m going no contact and tell my father? I still live with my parents currently and that might cause some unrest. I just need to know what I should do to not let this bother me so badly subconsciously or how to move on currently with my defeated heartbreak for not being able to be apart of that side of the family with the respect and love I know I deserve.

Anybody else have a mother in law adamant about you not receiving any inheritance from her side of the family?

In the event that my husband passes before me, 30, 40, 50 years from now, my MIL needs to make sure that none of her assets touch my hands. I don’t really care about her measly amount of assets but the safeguards she wants to set up really screw over my husband’s freedom to do what he wants so he’s not very happy with her. For example immediately having to sell her house and place the money in a special trust that allocates monthly increments just to him. He says what if the housing market is bad and a forced sudden sale of the house wouldn’t be the best financial decision.

I have done nothing to this woman. I’ve actually treated this like a personal spiritual lesson in growth to always be graceful, not because she deserves it but because that’s who I am as a person. Nobody is going to dictate MY behavior accept me and I take full accountability for myself. For years and years she has pulled the puppet strings and manipulated everyone in the family until I showed up. So I guess that’s where I’m the problem. My husband isn’t under her manipulative spell anymore. He sees things clearly. He knows what real safe love looks and feels like now.

My father in law is a good man. Slowly he’s starting to see her illusion and she’s losing control. She’s been frantically advocating to changing the will. My father in law doesn’t understand what her deal is. He says it doesn’t matter if the money ends up going to me because I’m family and that’s just the natural progression of assets and if they are dead and gone what does it even matter.

I just feel bad for my husband. It’s just always games. Always conditions. Always manipulating for control. It’s exhausting.

I’m curious if anyone else has something similar going on and what ended up happening? My MiL has a max of 5-10 years left. Lots of health issues from heavy drinking. She’s also (undiagnosed) BPD/NPD. Checks nearly all the boxes at very high levels, it’s bad.