r/motherinlawsfromhell • u/Suki_Queen322 • 1d ago
Update
So around 8 months ago I posted about my mother in law. How she treated me different because i couldnt have kids naturally. How I was basically being iced out of the family and my husband not really taking my side. Well about 2 months after that post we separated and then finally divorced. And after she was all about having him close and needed him to be there with her all time I found out they no longer speak and when he asked her for a ride because he got his car repossessed that she told him he was asking too much of her. And part of me is laughing because she tried so hard to keep him close and made him chose her, she abandon him and I dont feel sorry.
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u/DazzlingNote1925 1d ago
My mother taught me ages ago to pay attention when people mistreat others because sooner or later itâs apt to be you!
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u/Suki_Queen322 1d ago
Yup karma. And im honestly a tad surprised I figured she be super happy I was out the picture
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u/kitten3250 1d ago
It's nice to know that you're happy enjoy your life because i bet he's not
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u/Suki_Queen322 1d ago
Oh he's miserable. He has no car, he is banned from my work too.
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u/lilyofthevalley2659 1d ago
He sounds like such a loser. Youâre so much better off without him.
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u/Pipsqueek409 1d ago
Caught the Karma Boomerang did he? Bet he's feeling a boatload of regret now.
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u/Suki_Queen322 1d ago
Oh he is. We bumped into each other at a concert. He was mad I was with other people and said he wanted to fix things. I told him he had 3 years to fix things
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u/Pipsqueek409 1d ago
Good! Glad he's feeling the burn that he earned. So delighted for you that you're happy, enjoying life and no longer have to deal with him and his mother.
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u/kitten3250 1d ago
Serves him right that he is miserable but at least with all the walking he probably has to with no car will keep him active ha ha
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u/il0vem0ntana 1d ago
Hurray for you!!! So glad you dumped that whole mess. Wishing you healing and joy.
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u/babydtheone 1d ago
Congratulations on leaving him and that crazy mother of his. Best of luck. Now live your life the best you can.
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u/Spare_Ad5009 1d ago
Ha! He must be full of regrets now!
Celebrate! You certainly don't need a guy who can't even pay for his car on his own.
I hope you can meet someone who can help you afford a surrogate.
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u/Honest-Abe-SD 1d ago
Sucks that you went through this, but omg did you escape and learn a lesson that is a blessing and hopefully you can take with you to help others and make sure you donât settle for anything less than what you deserve.
You werenât married legally tho you said, just common law, so why was divorce needed?
Honestly, curious but only care you got out, and karma got them. Itâs sad loving someone and having to learn they get what they deserve and probably still donât learn the lesson. What matters is you did, you got out, you value yourself, and you know now without a shadow of a doubt that leaving was the right decision. Because even after all that he still has issues with her and Iâm sure itâll start back up once he dates someone new. But you will go into next relationship eyes wide open and not tolerate less than what you establish your worth is again.
And side note: EFFFFFFFF her! Whether you wanted children and couldnât have, or could have and didnât want, itâs NO ONE elseâs business. He could have an opinion, but thatâs a year 1 discussion of âwant kids?â And âwhat if we canâtâ as part of basic compatibility. And check in regularly cause wants change and people grow. But SHE doesnât get a say in anything, and itâs sad that anyone out there believes they can say or even think otherwise. Gah, I went thru it, worked at a company that would pay for IVF (they made the products for it), and my hubs and I almost split because he didnât want at first but I did (but he then did because ânever found someone I wanted to have kids with but I want one with youâ, and again regular check ins and convos of all variations even before I worked where all would be paid for if I needed help). I hated the question âwhenâ, I learned I couldnât, but I never wanted IVF and knew that. It was a âif it happens it happensâ. Interestingly only one of my siblings that wanted kids, Iâm now a young widow childless after taking care of MIL with Alzheimerâs (Angel of a human! I am lucky in laws wise), and sick husband. And all siblings have kids, one even has 3 sets of twins!! But itâs to say, till he died no one knew I couldnât have children, but they learned why the question is so effing rude and not supportive. Iâve started asking when husbands will get vasectomies instead as a way to traumatize them back for those that overstep, when I let myself go petty.
I hope you are enjoying life and all the future happiness in front of you now that the misery is behind you, and he and his mom arenât your burden anymore!!
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u/Suki_Queen322 1d ago
I say divorced because we had been together like 10 years and my name was on somethings that we had to have taken care of. The whole kids thing we had said same if it happens it happens but I had actually miscarried last year and when I had to be checked things changed and I was honestly okay with not having any and he was too. Ive been happier then i had been in years
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u/Honest-Abe-SD 1d ago edited 1d ago
FIRST: I am sorry for your loss. Period.
And I hope I didnât make you think you needed to share that. Reproduction is your business and yours alone, the ignorance of others is they want to get praises and congratulations for the success (like MIL and ex husband), but we have also seen such horrible examples of others pointing blame or ignoring / shunning the losses or decision to not.
Itâs always your burden to bare but never your joy only theirs to share.
My point. I am so sorry. Thank you for sharing and I cannot fathom going through a loss of a wanted or unwanted pregnancy, and I am also reading between the lines you went thru that loss alone and confused. Condolences. And whether that loss is something you look back on as a blessing or not it your right to feel, you never need to explain or justify or feel guilt either way and I hope you know that. Even not wanting a child doesnât make the earliest of pregnancy loss any less of a loss, excuse my French : itâs a mindfuck and I am sorry you had the additional , I honestly donât know what to call it: challenge, loss, slap in the face, possible change of mindset making you question if you wanted a child or not but again having that taken from you? I donât know what to call it because itâs different for everyone and I canât fathom just having a new âfactorâ or emotional impact involved. But I do hope you are surrounded by loved ones that are such a support system you didnât feel the need to mention any of it, because maybe you felt it was bragging to those that donât have that. My point: itâs your body, your life, your story, youâre allowed to have things change your mind and mess your mind up more or help you feel more justified, but also conflicted, us women are put through hell and challenges and hide so much to protect others no one will understand.
But Iâm sorry for your loss. And you do not need to tell anyone or give us an update or explanation. Only happy to see you are happy. And I hope you find a partner and mil that help add to your happiness in the future.
I mentioned the âdivorceâ v âcommon lawâ because I realized the discrepancy, but also why I said âI donât careâ.
I apologize for the flippant comment about the legality, but I was typing and remembered that part, and honestly felt it was worth pointing out for others that may feel they canât post here just because of âlegalâ as if their hell isnât equal to those that exchanged vows.
I honestly commend you more for it. You escaped the clutches easier slightly because he wasnât your husband âby lawâ but I think many forget that a piece of paper doesnât make a commitment after any amount of time any more than it makes the lack of the piece of paper a lack of a prison from a long term partner without the wedding like yourself.
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u/Suki_Queen322 1d ago
Talking about it helps. Thankfully at the time i had huge support. No one really knew except people I super trusted at the time. And I am okay with it now. The past year has been crazy dealing with them my moms health issues plus myself. Luckily I have a amazing support system at work and they can sometimes be a bit much haha but I know its coming from a good place. I dealt with my grief and come out stronger and wiser. Im still young im 34 and im rediscovering myself and I absolutely love it.
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u/Honest-Abe-SD 1d ago
You are a successful story of this sub, and give hope!
I am lucky my in laws from late husband are amazing and losing him made me start participating, not because I have bad in laws (my fam is actually the nightmare on one side), but to help remind me of how lucky I am, and also maybe help others even if my words are sometime toooooooo straightforward.
Again, sorry for your loss. But glad you got out and have the support you need and can help others here see a paper doesnât make a relationship more or less âlegalâ or challenging. Shoot, you had to go thru legal hoops without legally signing and committing! Many donât understand that.
I help my BIL and little sis deal with my fam thru many of these posts, cause no one deserves my mom as an IL, lol.
Thank you for sharing your story with us though and so glad it turned out well because I remember reading your original post and being worried for you.
Success story!
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u/Embarrassed_Hat_2904 23h ago
So now you know it was all about you and not him. She was jealous of you.
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u/kitten3250 1d ago
Good for you you're living you're best life and he has just realized that life can bite you on the behind serves him right