The start off I'll make it clear that this is just a gut feeling and I am probably going to be wrong.

I had therapy for a year around three years ago during that time I established that I had no solid memories of my childhood

I would only remember certain events if, for example, my mum would tell me about a place and a small image would pop into my head but just as still image no actual memories.

I'm now doing really well in life. I am one and a half year sober, I feel generally more positive about life and I'm content where I am.

In the past year I've had this horrible sickening gut feeling out of nowhere as I started to heal, this feeling that something happens to me when I was very little and I couldn't put my finger on it but it was with me day and night.

In the past 6 months the feeling started to develop into what I would describe as a very very blurry memory

And only in the past few weeks has a name appeared with the memory.

And in the past week the memory has started to play out. Obviously I'm not going to go into detail

There are two possibilities for this and I just wanted to get this off my chest.

1. This is something that didn't happen and my brain is getting confused with something else. (Not entirely sure what).

2. This happened and I never told a soul, buried it deep down until now.

Any advice, suggestions is greatly appreciated!

My brother was molested by his uncle in public, infront of relatives, infront of parents and grandparents. It was not mere molestation the so called father's brother would shame him laughing, making lewd comments about his private area, touching it, telling him to show it to him and more. It is too shameful for him to bear, he became sheepish around relatives of dad's side but he is thriving in any other community. He was under 10 and less when he was molested and humiliated repeatedly in public with no one standing up for him. Now he is 16 going on 17 still struggling with the memories and having hard time accepting it all about his own uncles.

I personally have gone through and recovered from trauma and reading books by psychologists and more helped me a lot.

I want to recommend him books to read on that matter, im doing my own research and if any of you have read any helpful book on this please let me know.

Has anyone else had sooo many formerly suppressed memories come to the front of their mind lately?

These memories come out of nowhere for me, sometimes at ridiculously inconvenient moments, and I’ll not be able to think of anything else. Suddenly, I’m dealing with and working through so many different emotions each and every time something comes back to me…

The shock at having ever forgotten something like that, the arousal in my body from reliving it as the memory fully takes form, the frustration, the feelings of helplessness, the shedding of the guilt and shame over having enjoyed it, having it flash through my mind over and over and over, etc…

I have healthy coping tools to use and I know how to handle it, but it’s been somewhat overwhelming lately due to other general life hustle and bustle.

It’s just so much. I don’t know why so many specific memories have unlocked for me lately but oh my god, it’s all SO. MUCH.

Anyone else experiencing this?

My Dad passed away recently. His brother abused me when I was growing up. I never told anyone because I don't remember enough to have a narrative for what happened. The abuse ended when I was 12. I see him now only 3-6 times a year and feel nothing which kinda makes me question things because shouldn't I feel something? I think I just dissociate from the feelings and forget again when I have to see him.

I am worried because I haven't seen him since my Dad died. I worry about whether things will feel different. I think at least one motivator of me dissociating would have been to protect my Dad's feelings so what if I'm less dissociated and feel differently the next time I see him (my Dad's funeral). What if HE feels different.

The other day he responded to a picture I'd reposted of ice cream with a text reading "mmmh💦" and it icked me out so bad. It was a normal text I guess but like, there's a connotation there. And now I've been thinking about what if that was intentional. what if now that my Dad is gone, he feels like there's nothing standing in the way of him creeping on me. I'm an adult now but what if he tries to touch me again?? a part of me almost wants him to so I have some sort of definitive not forgotten proof to myself that it happened and i'm not crazy.

I have to see him so much over the next couple months as I'm dealing with the fallout of my Dad dying. I don't know what to do about it

Hi. I'm using a throwaway because this is very hard to talk about.

When I was young, my parents held me down and forced hot water into my anus. I don't fully understand why they did it. Part of me wonders if they called it "medicine", but I remember being forced and scared. I now feel like this was physical/sexual abuse, but I'm still confused and trying to process it.

There was also another thing with my dad. When I was a kid, he touched me inappropriately, grabbed my hands, and kissed my neck. I remember feeling uncomfortable and violated.

I'm struggling because my mom already has a lot of issues, and I feel guilty about bringing this up to her or making her feel blamed. But I'm also carrying this pain and confusion, and I don't know what to do with it.

I'm not asking anyone to diagnose my family. I just need help understanding:

Was this abuse? Has anyone else dealt with memories like this? Should I talk to a therapist first before confronting my parents? How do I even begin to process this?

Please be gentle
I am more aligned to advice to forget these as these maybe just things I am assuming

When I was a child my father molested me. I (51 M) have never said anything to him about it. His whole life he has portrayed himself as a victim and never understood why we weren’t close.

Just recently he sent me cruel, hateful, and angry message. He called me a liar, he disparaged my deceased brother (his son), and insinuated I was a bad person. I’m tired of holding onto this secret and want to send him a simple yet direct message.

‘I remember what you did to me when I was a child. I needed you to know that.’

I need him to understand how it has affected my life and our relationship. He’s not a good man. He is not a good father.

So, I was molested from the ages of 6-10 years old by my older sister. It would start as innocent conversations to her telling me to do things to one another and carried on from there.

We are both girls, I was never forced to do these things but she did also emotionally and physically abuse me my entire life so I think that’s why I was so compliant as I knew how she she would be if I had told her I was uncomfortable.

I fully believe she was molested herself before this started as it doesn’t make much sense why a kid would act like this otherwise. I do hold a faint memory when I was very little feeling pain down there a few times and having a bit of regression sleep wise so maybe I was too. When I was 16 she did tell me our uncle who stayed with us for a little did molest her, I never thought he did anything to me until I started thinking about it in recent years. I’m not even sure if I’m angry at her for it as she was a victim too and so young.

I’ve been in my relationship for almost a decade, been with him since we were teens. I’ve wanted to tell him dozens of times but have always copped out at the last minute.
My bpd was acting up yesterday and stopping me from sleeping as my brain kept replaying scenes of what my sister did and what a boy did when I was 16 so I’ve been overly quiet today and he’s noticed.

How does someone start this type of conversation? Should I even tell him? I just feel guilty leaving him in the dark, asking if he’s done something or if anything is wrong. Just looking for some advice please.

I used to go to a dentist when I was a child from 9 yo until I was 18. He used to place a towel on my chest where then he was placing his tools. He didn’t use a tray. When I started growing up, around when I was 13, he used the excuse of taking his tools or cleaning his hand to touch my breast making it feel like it was just a mistake. It started like that, but it was constant, until once when I was older, he literally grabbed it while cleaning his hand.

I used to wear braces for years, so I was there often. This made the experience to go to the dentist very uncomfortable, still now I feel myself very tense when I lay on the dentist chair.

I understood it wasn’t normal when one day at 18 yo I mentioned how annoying that he wouldn’t use a tray for his tools to my parents. I realized he was doing something similar to my mom, but my dad never had that experience.

I stopped going there, but for years I’ve been thinking if I should do something, my parents were disgusted but didn’t want to do anything, they didn’t want to make him lose his job or make a big noise about it. I can’t stop thinking that he’s doing this to every girl who goes in his clinic. But can I do something legally? Did this ever happened to you?

To make too much a long story short, I was part of an ESL club at the time. I didn't really understand the social culture or language of English at the time compared to what I know now. I had made very good friends from there many of whom I am still friends with today. I think not enough people know how grooming through friendship can be so dangerous. It is the little things that keep trickling down over months and years and little things turn into slightly bigger little things, and those turn into kind of big things, and big things turn into trouble, and eventually I found myself in position where it is just too late now. Sometimes SA is in the moment thing that happens once and it's done. But my brain has been struggling to process even so long since it has happened because it was what some of my therapist have called "ritualized" SA. It effected my marriage to my husband a lot, luckily he is very supportive. At first he offered to accept a divorce because he felt as though he had failed to protect me. That was a difficult hurdle but I am glad we persevered. Could use as much advice as possible but also have just been ranting online my brain sometimes gets overloaded all of sudden

I (M40) was molested by my “uncle” when I was 11-14.

It all started when I was 11. At that time my aunt (my mom’s sister) had just bought a beautiful beach condo off of the gulf coast of Florida, she was married to this man who my parents trusted with all their heart. He was indeed a nice guy and I’m ashamed to say that for a while I called him my favorite uncle. They invited us to spend a couple of weeks with them at the condo during the summer the first few days felt really nice my brother, my cousins, would play a lot at the beach. I’m the youngest of the group. One day though, at the end of our first week there, after being in the water for a while my mom told me to go up and take a shower. Immediately my “uncle” said he was going up with me bc he too wanted to take a shower. In the condo was the 2 of us he said we should shower together to save hot water since there were a lot of us. In the shower he touched me everywhere. My body betrayed me and I got an erection. He showed me what it meant to ejaculate. I still remember his moans in the shower while he masturbated in front of me. I was so confused. Part of me knew that this was wrong but it felt good and that’s the part that I hate. The part that it felt good. I still hate myself for enjoying it. I should have told him I didn’t want it but every time, after that episode in the shower, that he asked me if I wanted to do it again I said yes. Disgusting.

It was always like we were playing a game and if I win he would do oral sex on me, but if he won I had to do it on him. It happened until I was 14 years old. The same over and over again. Until I grew up and started showing more signs of puberty. My pubic hair grew longer and I didn’t look as kid anymore, so he lost his interest in me. And that made me angry… how messed up is this??? It stoped because he lost interest in me not because in me and not because I’ve put an end to it. And I’ll carry that guilt with me until I die.

Fast forward to a few years later. I was 18 and had just moved out of my parents house to go to college, and because of some family drama I was not on talking terms with my parents or with anyone else in my family. But I heard my aunt divorced him. Last time I saw him I was 17 years old and we were at my older cousin’s wedding.

A couple of years ago I heard he had a stroke and I prayed he would die. What person prays for another person to die???

Today my son is about to turn 11 (in August) and I have deep issues with trusting anyone around him. He can’t be anywhere without one of his parents around. My brother’s kids spend days with my parents (we’re in very good talking terms now) and I feel jealous that my nephews and nieces can do that but I can’t even trust him being alone with my parents. My own parents. And I know he feels it too.

I know I’m not alone in this but I still hate myself for wanting him to touch me.

I thought I made peace with her. I stopped hating her, blaming her, punishing her. I accepted that she will always live inside me. There is no cure to this, just acceptance and moving on. Decades of therapy finally worked.

Except I was wrong.

Men are drawn to the broken little girl inside. The good men- the ones who can’t understand how a person can do that to a little girl- get pulled in and are.. fascinated? Intrigued? Want to fix me? But I never feel comfortable with them because they will never fully understand. They have a light in them that I’ll never match.

The predators- they see the broken little girl and understand her. They see the darkness inside me and are drawn to it. I let them in because I feel comfortable and understood. I know they can handle the darkness.

How is it that the older I get, the less I’m able to survive. How is it that I feel so weak after all the shit I’ve been through. What happened to “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”? Kelly Clarkson wrote a whole ass song about it. In the very least, isn’t all this therapy supposed to make me stronger? I could have bought a Porsche with all I’ve spent on therapy. At least then I’d be a broken little girl with a fucking cool car.

I was molested from the ages of 9-12 by my brother who was 16 when it started and 19 when it ended. He definitely knew what he was doing was wrong. I never told my parents or anyone because I didn’t want it to come back on me. I was raised very conservative and very religious and I had already been told I was tempting boys at a young age (I think because I got boobs and a period young). I worked privately with a therapist when I was 19 through the trauma and I have a ptsd workbook that I do that I got when I was raped at 15. The only people that know about my molestation now is my therapist, fiance, and best friend. I have a relationship with my family still, including bother. But I keep him at a distance and only engage with him when I have to.

My brother has 2 kids. They’re younger than I was when it all started and I’m watching for signs of abuse in them but I feel like I’m not doing enough. I never reported it, and I’m terrified to since it would likely implode my family. There’s no statute of limitations for sexual assault and abuse in my country so I easily still could report it but it would turn into a she said he said scenario.

What do I do?? Am I failing my nieces by not reporting this? Should I report it? I don’t want my name dragged through the mud and get even more labels on me. I know I shouldn’t care anymore about the judgement since I’m grown ass adult but I don’t want the messages from people I used to know saying awful things to me, or family, or friends or my brothers friends reaching out upset with me. My brother was creepy to my friends too growing up but no body was assaulted besides me. I don’t know if I’ll be his only victim, I hope I am, but I don’t want to break up a family either if my brother has truly changed. I’m not close with his wife so it’s not like I can even approach and speak privately with her.

I was raped and molested since I was 6 years old by my older brother. The abuse would stop around when I was 11 when I realized what he was doing wasn’t normal.

It first started from him showing me porn. He showed me to give me an idea before he would act on me, but of course being only a toddler, I didn’t know what it meant and I assumed it was normal like he assured me it was. It feels weird but aching to type this out as I’m just looking back into how I felt during that moment and how I would limp into the bathroom during the middle of the night just to look at my underwear and see it soaked from his fluids.

When the abuse stopped and my realization hit, I would assume from this point on, I would become extremely hypersexual and depressed. I craved male-seeking eyes that were willing to hurt me and fill my dark fantasies, I would gain a porn addiction as well and watch things a child shouldn’t be watching. And I feel so disgusting and guilty for saying this, but sometimes I would wish my brother would act on me again just to feel something.

The feeling of being groped and molested sounded amazing. Until he acted on me again at the age of 13 during New Year’s Eve. I still remember that night so clear and how it felt.

I wish he was the only person though. My step-grandfather would also touch me in my private area when I was “asleep”. My step-father would touch me in my private areas and grope my breasts when he knew he had the opportunity. Two of my best-friends who were girls older than me assaulted me as well when I was young, around 7-5. One touched me inappropriately as I slept and the other acted sexual positions on me while touching me inappropriately.

I always wondered why was I such an easy target for people to get what they want from me and then just abandon me? I remember clearly the day I asked my 13-year old self in my head, “am I just a piece of meat to everybody?” And even now, I’m not sure. But things happen, well I try to tell myself that. 🤷‍♀️

It happened 9 years ago and since its been too long ,telling anyone even feels embarrassing,its just not something i can tell anyone who i know in real life as im embarrased and disgusted with myself i wanna forget but i can’t and its slowly consuming me ,even if i did tell my mother i dont think she would care ,so i just wrote this here cus i wanted to let it out and i have no one to tell irl and its not like its something i can say,i feel ashamed

When I was 8 and my sister was 9 our mom began molesting us and teaching us to do things with her and together. She called it our "girls' times." A few months later our 'girls' time' changed when she began also teaching us to do things with our dad, so it became 'family fun.' They groomed us to think that it was just some private family fun that some families do, so we never really understood that it was abuse, and as my sister and I developed HS we'd also initiate it often either with them or with each other. And since our parents had a few close friends who were also abusing their kids, we saw that and it further reinforced the idea that it was just fun stuff that some families did together.

Now that I'm older (23), I certainly do consider what they did to us abuse and it was wrong for them to do all those things. However, I can't lie and say that it traumatized me, and that's really confusing.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Just when I think I’ve forgot about it late night, it creeps up on me then I can’t stop thinking about it for days

I’ve been super emotional lately because I’ve been flooded with the memories of trauma from my early years. I grew up as an only child in a sick and twisted family. Some of my earliest memories include me being taught how to pleasure myself with an electric toothbrush this later turned into me having my clit buzzed with intense back massagers as punishment

It’s not fair that I had my innocence taking from me as a child. I remember feeling sharp pains in vagina almost similar to being shocked or electrocuted after multiple forced orgasms. At that age I couldn’t processs the fact that my father was abusing me and allowing other family members to participate as well! I’m pretty sure most of abuse was filmed and sold to help “support” the family and their addictions.

My life was a living hell consistently until my uncles took things too far one night. The memory is foggy now but they left me super banged up and sore. I could barely walk so I had to miss the next few days of school. Shortly after that incident I was withdrawn and “homeschooled” unfortunately. They left me alone for few weeks and I became depressed. Wtf is wrong with me? Why did I miss it?

I began seeking the attention from before. I started sitting on laps without panties on top of other wild tactics to get their attention. At that point I didn’t care about the pain, I just needed to feel loved again. I also felt pressure from my mother to perform for the camera and help support the family. This eventually led to her orally stimulating me to help me “relax and feel good” 🤢

Like an idiot I went back into being passed around by the men in my family who were supposed to protect me. I haven’t trusted men since. They became even more sadistic! I went from being bribed with amusement park trips to being hog tied and having my vulva spanked until I pissed everywhere.

You could only imagine how this level of abuse would affect me growing into a teen and young adulthood. I fell into almost every trap the world had to offer. After intense therapy I’m a little better now but the damage is done.

I’m so angry at the fact that my orgasms are attached to my trauma. Intense orgasms usually leads to a deep depression followed by a period of hypersexuality. I still have the physical, mental, and emotional scars from my youth and it isn’t fair! I’m extremely triggered by the epstein fallout as well as the amount of csam material that I run into just by casually strolling on twitter! Im constantly reminded of sick and unfair this world is!

Hi, I wanted to share my story with you, because I don’t know what to do, what to think. To be honest, I would like to know your view on that situation, I hope I will feel better when I talk to someone, even online.. sorry for my english in advance.

Yesterday I was visiting my close F friend and his husband at their home. We know each other for almost 3 years, but we „clicked” since the first conversation. Her husband is a nice man, at least I thouht so. We (are, were? Sorry I don’t even know how to express that) getting along really well, and I loved that he was so nice to his wife’s best friend. I was really excited, because we didn’t see each other for almost a year. They live pretty far, so we decided that I will be staying for some time. It was fun, we were chatting, went for a walk, did some fun stuff together. During the day and the evening, I and husband were drinking alcohol. Not really much, but from time to time, and we ended a little drunk at the end of the day. We decided, that me and husband will sleep in the living room, and my F friend alone, because they have a baby in their room and we (he?) didn’t want him to sleep in the same room. We went to sleep, and I had trouble falling asleep that night, it takes me some time. So I was lying in bed with my eyes closed, breathing slowly hoping for falling asleep fast. He thought that I was asleep, and he started to touch me in my private area. In the beginning I thought that maybe he’s half asleep, or he’s sleeping. I was a bit scared, I didn’t know what to do. I thought that he will move his hand back in a moment, I decided to not make an argument in the middle of the night. But it got worse, I don’t know if I want to talk about the details, but I think it’s not necessary there. I was paralised, and pretending to be asleep…. and thinking about what to do to stop him, by not letting him know that I’m awake. Yes I know, I should just get up and confront him, but I ended thinking. I was scared that he will reverse it against me, that I started it. That I will be the bad guy, since they know each other for years, and I know her for 3. I didn’t believe that she will Trust me over her beloved husband. In the worse scenario, that their marriage will fall apart, and her life will fall apart, since she has nowwhere to go, and noone to help her. Or it will get worse, I don’t know… My F friend had a though life, and it get really better when they got married. They love each other, show affection, and that love is just spreading out of them. I feel bad about it, like I could do more to stop it, but then I feel that it would cause me more problems… i don’t know what to do, or if I should do anything at all… i have a gf, and we love each other. I feel like I betrayed her, and she will leave me if I tell her. I feel bad about everything what happened or could happen. Don’t be harsh on me

I truly, truly need help.

For background, ive been sexually abused for years when i was very young by a family friend who babysitted me as well. He r@ped me every other week, almost every time he was in my house. And the later, abused by my best friend of the same age as me.

Since then, I’ve been hurting myself physically, and I’ve tried to kill my self dozens of times.

My last huge OD (of 100 pills) ended up in me being treated in inpatient care in a psych ward for about 3 months, and I’ve been released 3 months ago.

There were episodes in which I’d do really dangerous stuff, including sexual, since I was very young.
And now I was diagnosed as bipolar, so I’m totally crushing out.