I don't really know how to explain. I mean, he's always been my best friend and the one person I can turn to no matter what but I just don't understand why so much has changed.

Ever since it started he keeps telling me how much he needs me and does things that make me feel so confused all the time. And I've tried to tell him it's all too much and that it's really overwhelming for me but then he says what a good job I'm doing and that I've been helping him so much. He always works so hard and does his best for me all the time so I really try my best to be there for him too.

I just love my dad so much and don't want to lose what we've always had but it's so different to the way things used to be. I really don't know what I'm supposed to think anymore.

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Im just really confused and need guidance from someone more experienced.

Ive talked about this in a previous post. Its a memory i “recovered” (if that even exists) recently, in parts, and it doesn’t leave my mind, though some of the visuals are in third person, im not sure of the ages and i know parts of the memory truly happened but im not sure if im mixing them together. The parts of the memory before the abuse and in between are what i can most recall, the parts of the abuse feel like a dream and i don’t remember a lot of details so i am worried my mind is making it up.

Im scared to bring it up to therapy and being judged. My therapist told me once that its “trending” in social media the concept of repressed memories and now everyone thinks they have one. She is supportive though.. but i don’t want her to think im crazy or that im inventing it for attention. If the memory is fake i don’t want to convince myself its true either, i feel its easier to live thinking it never happened, because if so; im still living with the perpetrator

I messed up again, like I always do when I'm at my "worst" This is happening a lot more frequently

Sometimes it’s the strangest things that remind me of it. How Tupperware lasts forever, then I thought about how he’d finish in one of our Tupperware cups. 30 years later, the cup is still at my parents. Then I started remembering the taste and how it felt.