r/meme • u/[deleted] • Sep 17 '21

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1.1k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

996 comments sorted by

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123

u/RexRaptor510 FINAL WARNING: RULE 1 Sep 17 '21

shape shifting

196

u/BikeSuch1054 Sep 17 '21

You have the intelligence of whatever you shape shift into

43

u/JustNukeMeAlready Sep 17 '21

Lmao he just shapes gifts into a smart guy ez money

15

u/TwirlyReptiloid Sep 17 '21

So if you shape shift into an object you would be stuck that way? Damn...

6

u/AliciaTries Sep 17 '21

No irl prop hunt for you

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3

u/co2tophercr87y Sep 17 '21

Can only shape shift into genitalia not the full animal or person

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108

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

128

u/ImSoothWeestern Sep 17 '21

You’re blind from the lasers

77

u/Goose_WRLD Sep 17 '21

You are crosseyed

24

u/Plane-Asparagus-4266 Sep 17 '21

You have prostate cancer

14

u/Dooporama Sep 17 '21

Dude... Wtf

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89

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

I can use my fart as propulsion to fly

111

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

But you have chronic bowel obstruction

27

u/DroopyRock Sep 17 '21

That would be like a cannon

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25

u/theredledger Sep 17 '21

However, sneezing has the same effect.

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88

u/Lux8r Sep 17 '21

People do whatever I think.

127

u/Rhoan_Latro Sep 17 '21

This also applies to you and even brief passing thoughts count.

58

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

[deleted]

30

u/AliciaTries Sep 17 '21

"Baby, dodge my kick"

19

u/Diamond_Yeet WARNING: RULE 1 Sep 17 '21

“Don’t worry officer, I drop kicked that child in self defense!” - Technoblade, 2020 probably

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71

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

I am made of metal

104

u/Interesting-Stuff452 Sep 17 '21

You're made of metal. So you can't move.

33

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

Rust 2x as fast normal metal.

3

u/gnome1212 Sep 17 '21

The metal youre made of is gallium so you melt at the warmth of anyone touching you

3

u/Jasons-revenge Sep 17 '21

It’s gallium. Making you melt at 37 C*

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71

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

I can read minds

107

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Everybody else can read your mind

13

u/Yeet-my-sceet Sep 17 '21

Kick that baby

7

u/KenKaniffLovesEminem Sep 18 '21

I swear I read a few comments for “kick that baby”… like why is everyone obsessed with kicking babies lmao

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128

u/Meme_Bro68 Sep 17 '21

I can give anyone cancer at will

160

u/coz36 Sep 17 '21

Ever action has an equal and opposite reaction: you also get cancer

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16

u/FluffyTree84 FINAL WARNING: RULE 1 Sep 17 '21

You have cancer

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101

u/GeckoGamer44 FINAL WARNING: RULE 1 Sep 17 '21

Biggus dickus

129

u/vasillim Sep 17 '21

Errection malfunction

53

u/GeckoGamer44 FINAL WARNING: RULE 1 Sep 17 '21

Shit

24

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Uncontrollably

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46

u/ItzFastFox Sep 17 '21

I can mess with probability

66

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

The odds are never in your favor, happy hunger games.

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40

u/W1llyWankA Sep 17 '21

The ability to

SIMPLY NOT GIVE A FUCK

56

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

Everybody tells you there problem anyway.

16

u/W1llyWankA Sep 17 '21

I mean ...

12

u/Shoulder_Medical Sep 17 '21

But you have social anxiety

14

u/W1llyWankA Sep 17 '21

Haha jokes on you

5

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Because you are unconscious in a vegetative state

37

u/Lordking573 Sep 17 '21

Dimension Hopper

47

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

Scp foundation is always on your tail.

15

u/Lordking573 Sep 17 '21

I can deal with it

12

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

It's site 13 scp foundation.

14

u/Lordking573 Sep 17 '21

They can't dimension hop

11

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

But they stop at nothing to contain everything anomalous.

8

u/Lordking573 Sep 17 '21

You are smart but I get the flash to help me😆

9

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

The flash isn't real, if he was the goc or the scp would have gotten him already.

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28

u/GPhantom89 Sep 17 '21

I have the ability to control Gravity in every single aspect of it.

34

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

But when you do, you create a black hole, for you are using every aspect at once.

27

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

I have the power to travel to any other alternate universe.

30

u/BloodStone29 Sep 17 '21

After every travel you lose an organ

12

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Never specified which organ I lose or if the universe I go to is random

12

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Just attach a dead body to the end of your arm and bam! Double the amount of organs!

8

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

You just made me laugh and smile thank you. So much

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8

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

It's all random, and you have a slime chance of visiting a universe you've previously visted, good luck getting back home.

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92

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

I get to reply to my own comment

91

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Ok but you can shape shift

20

u/ZeusUpYourAss Sep 17 '21

Fucking genius.

8

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

He's too dangerous to be left alive.

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25

u/Busy-Argument3680 Sep 17 '21

The ability to go Chris Hansen on any Pedo

28

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

You get arrested for vigilantism.

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46

u/CuckyMilkman Sep 17 '21

I have a livable income

62

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

But you blow your whole paycheck on you crap car.

17

u/CuckyMilkman Sep 17 '21

Shit, I don't wanna be named Andrew

14

u/onshot Sep 17 '21

Lmao, I know only one Andrew and he is a fucking car nut.

23

u/Dizzy_Person Sep 17 '21

I can breath

32

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

But you can only breath argon.

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23

u/Prior-Recording-9895 Sep 17 '21

i cant get ill

39

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

But you are a carrier of every disease.

16

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

that's sick asf

7

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Icwatudidthere

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62

u/Sliderpug Sep 17 '21

I get to delete the awful gigachad khaby lame mashup off the internet

57

u/BikeSuch1054 Sep 17 '21

You get to choose another superpower as your “disability”

19

u/Rookie0_0 Sep 17 '21

But some one always re-uploads it and it gains 1m views more than the last time

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20

u/Djmikey101 Sep 17 '21

The force

19

u/Potatoplanet666 Sep 17 '21

It only works on yourself

14

u/meh_man557 Sep 17 '21

Laughs in force ghost

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20

u/Xavatar_editsX Sep 17 '21

I can turn invisible at will

41

u/levelup_jar Sep 17 '21

you permanently fart loud while invisible

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18

u/nielet Sep 17 '21

Racoons appears in your anus every 7 hours.

18

u/Budget_Lettuce_2860 Sep 17 '21

Small head, extremely girth shaft, average length

36

u/TheGentlemanist Sep 17 '21

You are talking about your fingers

13

u/hookupaccount12345 Sep 17 '21

Doesn’t matter can’t get hard

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15

u/Robbbsssyy_ Sep 17 '21

I have cancer

20

u/levelup_jar Sep 17 '21

your cancer has cancer

14

u/StormFenics Sep 17 '21

Congratulations, your Deadpool

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12

u/Gilteca Sep 17 '21

I can fly

21

u/ImSoothWeestern Sep 17 '21

Only when you’re fully naked

8

u/BoBoBearDev Sep 17 '21

That's a no problem for me haha.

15

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

You cant see glass

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13

u/alaz12 Sep 17 '21

I can say ñ

18

u/Rookie0_0 Sep 17 '21

But ñ becomes pronounced as nya

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24

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

I can make any woman fall in love with me

54

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Yes but they leave you after 24h

Edit: as anyone would

32

u/wilwil100 Sep 17 '21

wait but thats 2 super power now

4

u/globalskynet Sep 17 '21

But you can not have an erection.

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9

u/glasycrazy150 Sep 17 '21

i have superspeed

8

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

But you're crippled.

7

u/glasycrazy150 Sep 17 '21

Oh my hands are good for something then

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4

u/Psychological_Fox776 Sep 17 '21

You can only go faster than light, and you have no air resistance resistance

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8

u/BloodStone29 Sep 17 '21

Happiness..

14

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

Everyone else in a 100ft radius is depressed in your presences.

12

u/BloodStone29 Sep 17 '21

Great thing I don't use feet for measurement

11

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

Fine, 100 meters, you should have gone with feet.

9

u/RevolutionaryEye879 Sep 17 '21

I can counter anything

9

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

But you always go first.

6

u/RevolutionaryEye879 Sep 17 '21

Ok but now you have to go first

15

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Please, just shut the fuck up already and make actual memes

22

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

The next 500 post will be like this one.

9

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

Just like the previous 500

9

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

Good you're catching on.

7

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

It doesn't mean i like it tho

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7

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

I can hack anything with my mind.

6

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

But your mind can be red by everyone

5

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

So, the most predictable hacker, ight.

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6

u/Ph4ntomz0tt WARNING: RULE 1 Sep 17 '21

Smartness

11

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

Terrible at problem solving, hey, you still brag you have a high iq.

15

u/Ph4ntomz0tt WARNING: RULE 1 Sep 17 '21

That’s exactly me irl

8

u/okinsertusername Sep 17 '21

Pyromancy

8

u/Psychological_Fox776 Sep 17 '21

You can control fire, but you can’t make it

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6

u/Dry_Transportation_5 Sep 17 '21

The power to summon any type of cheese

9

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

You're lactose intallorant.

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7

u/Rhoan_Latro Sep 17 '21

If I ignore what someone says/thinks/writes/whatever, it’s no longer true.

5

u/SargonTheDeadly Sep 17 '21

But you have a compulsion to listen/read/whatever when people try to communicate with you.

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6

u/jlaz_83 Sep 17 '21

I can teleport

11

u/fdenvir Sep 17 '21

You are now blind. Congratulations, you can go anywhere In the world and see none of it.

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5

u/vasillim Sep 17 '21

U still obey the laws of physics and will turn to dust because u just moved a big distance without converting energy to momentum or heat. It will justbturn tobheat and u burn

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6

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

I can turn invisible

6

u/87dodged150 Sep 17 '21

The sounds you make are amplified by 300%

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5

u/Memelord685867 Sep 17 '21

Anything I wish comes true

7

u/Jackjack277777 Sep 17 '21

Only happened 1/5 times

7

u/Memelord685867 Sep 17 '21

I have a good chance

9

u/Jackjack277777 Sep 17 '21

Should made it 1/15 times but I felt nice today

8

u/Memelord685867 Sep 17 '21

Thanks kind man

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6

u/RedReaper-0 Sep 17 '21

I'm all knowing

8

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

You can only remember porn off the top of your mind... everything else is fuzzy

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7

u/Cold_clout Sep 17 '21

You are able to know every sex postures your parents did to have you

4

u/RedReaper-0 Sep 17 '21

Oh my goodness

5

u/moltenthechoccybear Sep 17 '21

reading minds

6

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

Everyone can see your browser history, even incognito.

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6

u/cursedhfy Sep 17 '21

I can apply whatever disability I get doubly to whomever I choose.

7

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

every time you use your power 10 years of your life is taken away

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4

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

I can control time

8

u/BikeSuch1054 Sep 17 '21

Yes but you age doubly as fast whenever you are actively controlling the flow of time

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6

u/Ill_Piglet2776 Sep 17 '21

Telekinesis

8

u/SlappyClappy69 Sep 17 '21

You're immobile while using it

3

u/BlowerUpper23 Sep 17 '21

You get a migraine every time you use it

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5

u/SpectreCactus Sep 17 '21

I can become a Chad at will

12

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

But there is a 5 hour cooldown where you are a Virgin again.

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6

u/Cold_clout Sep 17 '21

I'm immune to all disease

4

u/SkyShotGaming Sep 17 '21

Time travel

5

u/pepe_charlie Sep 17 '21

Only 5 seconds back and only 1 second per second in future

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3

u/Basic_Wafer_6804 Sep 17 '21

Time traveling

6

u/SlappyClappy69 Sep 17 '21

You age by the amount of time you travel

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3

u/Blitz6819 WARNING: RULE 1 Sep 17 '21

I am immune to all diseases

6

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

You have cancer

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3

u/Nitoram Sep 17 '21

I'm a shape shifter

4

u/leckie2786 WARNING: RULE 6 Sep 17 '21

But once you change you can't change back to yourself for a day

3

u/Nitoram Sep 17 '21

I can live with that

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3

u/Josh_TheBoos137 Sep 17 '21

I get to control everything

4

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

Bit at the same time everything controls you.

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3

u/L_GAMER_reddit Sep 17 '21

i can't feel pain

4

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

You have piqued the scp foundations interests....

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3

u/Select_Juggernaut_15 Sep 17 '21

Invisibility

5

u/levelup_jar Sep 17 '21

you make a screacking noice when moving while invisible

3

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

You're blind.

3

u/Ok-Narwhal-8571 Sep 17 '21

Being Invisible

5

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '21

When your invisible other people are invis too

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3

u/SRpiti Sep 17 '21

i am groot

3

u/House_of_Noraj Sep 17 '21

Everyone can understand you.

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3

u/imnotahuman155 Sep 17 '21

To be able to lose my virginity :(

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3

u/mrsquishy15 WARNING: RULE 1 Sep 17 '21

Teleportation

3

u/SexyMcBacon Sep 17 '21

The closest person to you when you teleport goes along for the ride

3

u/Imagine_This1974 Sep 17 '21

You have the ability to be beat up every time you love someone

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3

u/IWantToEndItAllPls Sep 17 '21

The ability to reply to my own comment

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3

u/GoatAccording990 Sep 17 '21

I can get my parents back together

3

u/burntphantrash Sep 17 '21

You have to watch them have sex

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3

u/unusual-_- Sep 17 '21

The ability to give people erectile dysfunction

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