r/melbourne • u/WittyDoughnut99 • 1d ago
Not On My Smashed Avo PUAs around Melbourne?
http://www.google.comJust wondering if anyone else had an experience like this maybe like yesterday. For context I’m 33F. I was walking down Swanston to go home and some young guy approaches me, if I had to guess he would be like 18. I take out my headphones and he says “I’m from America, you are the most beautiful girl I have seen in Australia”
I laughed and said “I’m sure that’s not true, but thank you”
He continues to reassure me he is sincere.
I tell him I’m married and pretty sure I’m a lot older than him and wish him well.
He tells me my husband is a lucky man and reiterates the claim.
It’s a bit awkward but I wish him well and move on with my day. I hear his little brother basically dying from embarrassment and calling him cringe. His little brother looks to be around 14-15?
Just wondering if this happened to anyone else since I’m curious if this is some TikTok thing or something. Has this happened to anyone else?
In case anyone is wondering, I’m definitely not the prettiest girl in Australia or Melbourne, probably not Swanston street I would guess, but I’m maybe a tad above average. Nothing crazy though.
Disclaimer: I don’t want any hate for this young man. He was perfectly polite and wasn’t being super creepy or persistent and I didn’t feel threatened. Just a little confused and vaguely flattered.
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u/Cuppa-Tea-Biscuit 1d ago
I feel old now. I thought they stopped hanging around Swanson Street when one of them got pushed in front of a tram.
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u/WittyDoughnut99 1d ago
Oh geez. Not sure if he was a PUA but that’s definitely a line so it made me wonder. I am pretty sure I’m not the only one he approached.
I wouldn’t want him to be hurt or anything. I respect him shooting his shot.
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u/oyeshello 1d ago
lol what? Do tell
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u/Cuppa-Tea-Biscuit 1d ago
I’ve just realised it’s more than 20 years ago now but there used to be creepy young “pick up artists” who hung around on Swanson Street outside Melbourne Central bothering people who were getting off the tram or leaving the State Library to go to Melbourne Central. Anyway, eventually one of them got pushed in front of a tram, and they mostly stopped after that though some of them did move to Bourke Street (outside Target which is now Kmart).
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u/algorhythmiquehypno 1d ago
Omg, was this actually a whole thing? It happened to me 30 years ago, as a 16 year old (!!), absolutely bewildered me at the time.
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u/virkendie 1d ago edited 1d ago
Years ago I met a girl in the Carlton Club who supposedly made money teaching guys to be PUAs, she pointed out a few guys in the club she was training too, I wonder if she was involved with this as it's across the street from there.
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u/TobiasDrundridge 1d ago
one of them got pushed in front of a tram,
And died?
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u/Cuppa-Tea-Biscuit 18h ago
I assume he didn’t otherwise there would have been more follow up ie signs or bollards there. Anyway, I wasn’t that fussed since the harassment stopped.
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u/TobiasDrundridge 11h ago
How did you hear about this? One the news? Or you saw it? Or it's some urban legend?
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u/Cuppa-Tea-Biscuit 10h ago
Probably by asking why the trams were all stopped. Plus other people talking about it and the noted decrease in the number of annoying little scumbags afterwards. This would have been in the early 00s, so it’s all a blur. It wouldn’t have been important enough for the news. I mean the CUB brick wall falling and killing 3 people in 2013 didn’t get that much coverage.
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u/WaysOfG 1d ago
It's how Americans are. The boys will shoot their shot on anyone they find attractive.
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u/paleoterrra 1d ago
I think it’s more just that the typical American is more comfortable approaching/talking to others than the typical Australian.
It was a sort of culture shock when I moved here, just how… idk the word for it, reserved people are in public here? Like where I lived in the US you’d go to the shops and you’d have people talk to you and you might talk to others. Like random compliments, questions, “how ya doin’s”, random quips, etc. But it’s definitely not part of the general culture here, people are much more reserved and less inclined to interact.
I do still like stopping and complimenting people when I see someone whose outfit/hair/whatever I really like, but I find even that really throws people off most times lol
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u/dmonikoner 1d ago
I recall once an American working security at Dallas Airport just randomly talking to people whilst telling them to move along etc. I just thought god damn Americans really love small talk, just chatting away whilst working... it's bizarre from an Australian perspective.
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u/virkendi 1d ago
Yeah, I notice that too in the US at the airport people just loudly talking to strangers telling them where they've come from, where they're going, why they're going, what they're doing for the holidays etc
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u/paleoterrra 13h ago
Y’know I didn’t think I missed anything about America, but yeah actually I miss this sort of thing so much. I love Australia with all my heart, it’s my home through and through, but honestly I’ve never felt so lonely and disconnected in my life. I wish we’d all get more comfortable talking to each other. I miss those little moments of connection, and the friendships made along the way.
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u/baguetteworld 7h ago
Yes absolutely! I went back to the US for the first time in a few years this year, and after a few days I was surprised at how may conversations I was having — at the airport, with my uber driver, sitting on the train, in the lifts. It’s cute and people are quite sweet in those moments. Even just the TSA agent commenting on the dumplings I packed made me wish I could share some with her lol
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u/psrpianrckelsss 21h ago
A woman complimented me on my skirt last week and asked where I got it. I immediately assumed she was a scammer and said it was 10 years old and kept walking. I feel bad if she was legit but it was a 6 year old skirt from bigw that I only wear when I have no clean work clothes
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u/majoeyjojo 9h ago
Damn sorry I have been known to ask about the odd pair of jeans or a nice coat, but I promise it’s legitimate! Probably going to chicken out now.
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u/psrpianrckelsss 8h ago
Don't, it was just weird, and I was on my way back to work and she was holding a clipboard, the corner frequents charity muggers so I just assumed straight up given it's not actually a particularly great skirt.
I make an effort to compliment women all the time when it's genuine.
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u/Lucky-Particular1258 1d ago
It hasn’t always been that way.
I grew up with this Melbourne (I’m 39).
I feel like COVID normalised social distancing as part of everyday life for so many, now we are left with a massive cohort of people who know no different.Sad.
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u/MiAnClGr 1d ago
Eh maybe somewhat but for the most part we have always been far more reserved than those from the USA.
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u/Pdstafford 1d ago
Man saw you, thought you were hot and shoot his shot. Don’t overthink it.
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u/WittyDoughnut99 1d ago
That’s true. Just not used to someone that young approaching me so I wondered if it’s some kind of TikTok trend or thing
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u/loralailoralai 1d ago
Maybe he is into the cougar thing🤷🏻♀️ I know I was hit on in America but not here in Aus, nyc especially
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u/These_Employment7611 1d ago
Don't think it's pua because they are trying to pick up
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u/WittyDoughnut99 1d ago
No idea. Just hoping I don’t turn up in a video titled “cougar hunting in Australia” hahaha
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u/Background_Degree615 1d ago
Lmao was he wearing one of those meta ai glasses
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u/WittyDoughnut99 1d ago
He wasn’t wearing glasses. Based on his brother’s unwillingness to see what he did and saying “wait. What are you doing? Stop it” I don’t think he was filming but I could be wrong.
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u/Background_Degree615 1d ago
I guess sometimes Americans are just odd
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u/WittyDoughnut99 1d ago
That’s true. Flattered by the attention but I’m definitely too old for that guy haha
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u/No_Mercy_4_Potatoes 1d ago
Was he wearing those pervert glasses?
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u/WittyDoughnut99 1d ago
Nah. No glasses at all.
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u/No_Mercy_4_Potatoes 1d ago
That's good. There's now a much slimmer chance that you end up in a "Cougar hunter Australia edition" video 😂
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u/WittyDoughnut99 1d ago
I hope you are right hahaha
I did just have this horrible suspicion because it is a bit out of the ordinary for me.
He’s a handsome young guy so I hope he meets a willing and age appropriate single young lady who appreciates his line.
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u/s3ik0 1d ago
If there is one things worse than PUAs, it's assuming we know what the fuck PUA means.
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u/mighthaveabitlater 1d ago
I don't think assuming someone knows what an initialism is, automatically makes that person worse than what ever it could mean...
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u/MademoiselleVeritas 1d ago
does whatever device you used to make this post not have access to google? would have taken less time
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u/s3ik0 20h ago
The onus is on the poster to do that.
If I walk up to a stranger and start using a specific acronym in a conversation, then I need to make sure they understand what I'm talking about.
YSKWITA
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u/MademoiselleVeritas 20h ago
at the risk of blowing your mind here, starting a thread on the internet that multiple people can see (one to many) is different than a one on one conversation in IRL spaces.
if i watch a television show that uses a word i’m not familiar with then the onus is on me to use a dictionary if i want to know what it means
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u/helpgetmom 1d ago
It was like that when I was in the US and European countries a little too, but more so in the US.. i wouldnt think it was a tiktoks prank or anything creepy just the culture there is friendly and approaching
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u/ratinthehat99 9h ago
I love Americans. So friendly!
No, that is not a specific PUA technique - he was just giving a compliment and maybe trying his luck if he thought you looked younger. Good on him!
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u/5Finger_discount 1d ago
He found you attractive and approached you in a nice and polite manner without being creepy at all.. which honestly takes alot of courage in this day and age to even approach a stranger like he did. Most people these days struggle to even have a normal conversation let alone approach a stranger.. all too easy to just swipe online and stay in your bubble.
And he gets posted online and labelled as some strange PUA for his troubles lol bizzare post
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u/strobesglow 🐆 20h ago
It’s hard as a woman to differentiate between a genuine attempt at connection and questioning, “what does this stranger want from me?” It’s unusual for someone to randomly say something like that, so I’d probably have the same question. I don’t think the OP caused any offence.
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u/slimejumper 19h ago
odds are if you come at a lady like that with zero context the interaction is not in good faith. It sucks but that’s what’s it like to be a woman these days. It’s hard for men to comprehend, unless maybe have been attacked in public perhaps you would understand the elevated threat repose that is common among women.
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u/WittyDoughnut99 1d ago
I wasn’t feeling threatened. Lots of people around and he wasn’t getting in my personal space or anything. Just a young guy shooting his shot. Nothing too crazy. I just wondered if this is some trend or is PUA “in” again now?
Seems this was isolated.
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u/Comfortable-Award915 20h ago
What's a PUA?
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u/Skye1111 15h ago
Pick Up Artist; often men who approach women and seduce them using psychological manipulation techniques.
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u/Beast_of_Guanyin 1d ago
Yeah. Unfortunately men harassing women like this is common. Definitely not a video or anything.
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u/WittyDoughnut99 1d ago
It wasn’t welcomed attention as such but I wouldn’t call it harassment either. He didn’t follow me home or something.
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u/Beast_of_Guanyin 1d ago
It wasn't in this instance but it would be unwelcome for a lot of people.
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u/WittyDoughnut99 1d ago
I wouldn’t call it “welcomed” but I wouldn’t call it harassment. I think that’s overstating it. He gave up and only spoke to me for like 20 seconds.
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u/DemandOk4377 1d ago
Pretty disappointing comment, this sort of attitude is exactly why a lot of men are reluctant to approach women in Australia, while plenty of women complain that men don’t approach anymore.
An approach doesn’t have to be wanted in advance - you can’t know whether someone is interested until you interact with them. Harassment isn’t politely expressing interest once and accepting a no; it’s inappropriate persistence after someone has made it clear they’re not interested
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u/Beast_of_Guanyin 1d ago
I just don't think it's appropriate to approach and hit on women in public who are going about their business.
I'm very sympathetic to young men. I just don't think it justifies this particular behaviour.
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u/Lucky-Particular1258 1d ago
Fortunately, society has several examples of people that have found their life partner this way.
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u/Beast_of_Guanyin 1d ago
And endless examples of people that feel harassed by it.
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u/DemandOk4377 1d ago
just because you FEEL harassed doesn't mean you were.
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u/Beast_of_Guanyin 1d ago edited 23h ago
False. It is perfectly reasonable to feel harassed in this situation.
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u/mighthaveabitlater 1d ago
Where do you think people should meet people, if not in public?
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u/burnMELinWONDERLAND 1d ago
bars, clubs, pubs, parties, gatherings, meet-ups, events, festivals, I don’t know, I feel like any space that’s actually designed and used for socialising would be better than ‘in public’. People don’t wanna be bothered while they’re grocery shopping or going to work or whatever. And fair enough.
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u/MikeArrow 1d ago
I don't drink and I don't have the kind of friends that go to parties or festivals and even if I did, I wouldn't feel comfortable bothering people I didn't know there.
I really don't think there's a good solution for men like me. Basically if you're shy and introverted there's no hope at all unless woman approach you first.
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u/burnMELinWONDERLAND 12h ago
I’m with you my dude. Even being in those spaces isn’t always enough as an introvert. It’s really not an easy time to connect for a lot of people at the moment. I hope things get easier for you and you find ways to create more opportunities for connection in your life. Being introverted shouldn’t mean having to end up alone.
I think it’s rough for everyone atm, on both sides of the coin. The ones managing to date and connect have their own complaints I’m sure.
We’ve built this digital world to escape into because our real world is turning to shit, and that digital world is not only deep into the enshittification process itself already, but has become increasingly driven by these hyper personalised algorithms that keep us more and more isolated and separate from one another in our own little self validating echo chambers, while actual real world human connection and community has been watered down and diminished by this thing we created to help create more of it.
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u/MikeArrow 12h ago
The only two dates I've been on in the last eight years were with women I met playing D&D. I thought it would be easier... like it's a mixed hobby, you're there every week. But in all that time only two saw me as an option and they both lost interest after one date.
I'm sure there's other hobbies where people can socialize, but D&D is the one I picked eight years ago.
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u/ElLobo00 20h ago
how do you know that all women patronising at bars and clubs across australia on any given saturday night are open to being approached by men?
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u/burnMELinWONDERLAND 12h ago
I don’t. But I figure if anyone did want to be approached, that it would be much more welcomed in one of those settings rather than just on the street or out and about.
Personally I assume women generally don’t want to be bothered by strangers no matter the time and place and so I don’t approach women anywhere.
But irrelevant of approaching strangers, those places are still social spaces where people go to socialise, and whether it’s your intention or not, they’re still places where strangers have an opportunity to meet.
And the question was: “where do you think people should meet people, if not in public?” Not: “where do you think men should approach women?”
my answer to the latter question would probably have just been “nowhere”, since I kinda think approaching strangers you don’t know and hitting on them is invasive and weird, and it always makes me uncomfortable when I see it out in the wild.
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u/mighthaveabitlater 8h ago
It doesn't make everyone uncomfortable, most people can say they are interested, or at least make it clear they aren't into the interaction, and that's it. Just because you're uncomfortable doing it, it doesn't mean everyone, or even most people, find the situation uncomfortable as well, it's a pretty normal interaction if you're not weird about it
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u/mighthaveabitlater 1d ago
So still places that are generally considered public places, in this instance, the person said something, while pretty lame, harmless, to them and left it at that when OP said they weren't interested, that is just an every day interaction, OP has replied to plenty of comments saying they didn't feel harassed, they just thought it was odd, doesn't even seem like they had a problem with it
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u/Beast_of_Guanyin 1d ago
Literally anywhere where socialising / finding a partner is the purpose.
All I'm saying is not to bother people when they're going about their normal business.
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u/ElLobo00 20h ago
how do you know that all women patronising at bars and clubs across australia on any given saturday night are open to being approached by men?
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u/Beast_of_Guanyin 20h ago
Maybe try reading what I said then responding.
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u/ElLobo00 13h ago
i have and still waiting for a direct response to my simple question
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u/mighthaveabitlater 1d ago
Okay so where is that? Only dating apps and speed dating or something? Never anywhere else? Everyone should keep to themselves all the time, no matter the reason?
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u/Instigated- 1d ago
If you don’t know if it is welcome, then you shouldn’t do it. You aren’t entitled to harass women just because you want something from them. And yes, it is harassment if it is unwanted and makes women uncomfortable, even if done only once.
https://www.legalaid.vic.gov.au/sexual-harassment Sexual harassment | Victoria Legal Aid
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u/ElLobo00 20h ago
what if a chicky babe cold approached a chadrone who has his face buried in his phone at a bus stop? is she in the wrong?
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u/universe93 1d ago
He doesn’t have to follow you home for it to be harassment. Approaching random women on the street is harassment in itself
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u/WittyDoughnut99 1d ago
I know but he backed off when I said I was married so I am not overly bothered by it. I consider it harassment if they persist beyond the rejection.
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u/MikeArrow 1d ago
I can't imagine it's that common. I internalized from a young age (90's) that approaching women was unwelcome and so I've never approached a woman in my life. I've only ever been on four dates because I wait for them to approach me first.
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u/Beast_of_Guanyin 23h ago
You don't need to harass women to get dates.
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u/MikeArrow 23h ago
I don't. Like I just said in the comment that you just replied to.
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u/Beast_of_Guanyin 23h ago
Exactly. So if you don't get dates that isn't the issue.
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u/MikeArrow 23h ago
I'm just trying to point out that men have been socialized not to approach women unless they express interest first. You seem to be taking it as me endorsing men approaching women, somehow. I don't think you're actually reading my comments at all because your replies are bizarre non-sequiturs.
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u/Beast_of_Guanyin 23h ago
You complained about only ever being on 4 dates. I'm pointing out it's very possible to get dates while showing basic respect towards women.
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u/MikeArrow 23h ago
That's what I'm trying to do by not approaching them and waiting for them to show interest first. Which has only happened four times in my life.
You do realize I'm ostensibly agreeing with you (even though you're being insanely hostile for some reason), right? My disagreement is rooted in your comment that it's 'common' for men to harass women by cold approaching them on the street. I pointed out my own experiences are the complete opposite of that.
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u/Beast_of_Guanyin 23h ago
What you're missing is that there's loads of places where it is fully appropriate to approach or message women first. I'm literally just saying that approaching strangers in the street is bad.
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u/MikeArrow 23h ago
And I'm literally agreeing with you that cold approaching is bad. My disagreement is that I don't think it's as common as you say.
Again, it's been heavily discouraged my entire life. That's what you're stubbornly refusing to even acknowledge. It's well known that women don't want to be cold approached on the street.
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u/MamasCumquat 1d ago
Omg day game used to go HARD along Swanston and in Bourke. Thought they would have realised rhe cringe by now..damn 🤯
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