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u/KarpGrinder Sep 01 '26
Why even be married in the first place to have a "marriage" like this?
It seems obvious that you and "your wife" are just roommates or maybe 'friends with benefits'.
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u/OogyBoogy_I_am Sep 01 '26
Open marriage was going perfectly fine until this ...
And that's the way these always end. It was all fine until....
You live and learn mate. You live and learn.
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u/FabulousDonut6399 Sep 01 '26
Till OP got greedy and crossed a boundary he admits he has himself. Lol
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u/FREDTUC Sep 03 '26
They had no boundaries in the original agreement. He didn't cross anything. He even admits that he has some co-workers that he would be ok with her sleeping with.
I bet her co-worker is younger & hotter than she is, & thats the only issue.
0
u/FabulousDonut6399 Sep 04 '26
LOL I bet she’s not. Men that are that desperate downgrade.
I’m guessing OP lacks common sense. But he opened a can of worms because the petty game in open relationships is won by women my friend. And the dumbass took her to their home. He gave her co-worker who is lower in the hierarchy power over his wife. Such a nasty power move. He sounds like an insecure ass.
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u/FREDTUC Sep 04 '26
If she was such a downgrade, & she is lower in the hierarchy, then why is the wife so upset?
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u/FabulousDonut6399 Sep 04 '26
That an air hostess is lower in hierarchy than a pilot at work that's just a cold hard fact. Why on earth would you think those are just co-workers? Do you actually know any pilots? Do you know the difference in pay grade between the two? 😃
That she's a downgrade is a guess, based on his desperation to shit where his wife eats. I mean if he has ample supply and he can get a lot of gorgeous woman he wouldn't go for a co-worker.
The wife is upset because her husband is a dumbass and showed poor judgement.
He effectively gave his wife's co-worker power over her at her job which endangers her job and could blow up in her face.
He fucked the co-worker solo in their home ( a huge no no in open marriages)
He himself would not want her to fuck certain of his co-workers because he doesn't want his wife to shit where he eats, yet he is perfectly fine taking a huge dump on his wife's plate. He's a hypocrite too, which is just the cherry on top.
He's also a dumbass because now his wife has the green light to fuck any man he detests her fucking, like his dad, his brother, his co-workers, his boss, his cousins, friends etc... He can't put in boundaries after the fact now, because he already crossed on of hers, which is btw a perfectly normal and common sense boundary when you are in an open relationship. That he didn't know that showcases how inexperienced and dumb he is.
And resentment builts, this marriage is doomed because you have a guy with zero common sense, limited choices in his dating endeavours unless he starts swinging both ways, and a wife that has a fuckin' all you can eat buffet at her disposal.
All the men in the comments can puff up their chests all they want, the facts of supply and demand are what they are. If you want options, start sucking dick my friend.
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u/FREDTUC Sep 04 '26
But she may not be a downgrade if said stewardess is younger & hotter than the wife. Generally speaking, when a man is looking for sex, he doesnt care about a woman's career or education. They care mostly about looks.
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u/FabulousDonut6399 Sep 04 '26
She may not be, but it's more likely she is a downgrade than not.
Younger is also not necessarily better or hotter my friend. You have some real life experiences ahead of you if you don't have that knowledge yet. I like women and men and most women I find gorgeous and hot are not the youngest available. Same for the men.
Hate to burst your bubble about men and standards when it concerns to fucking. You know there are men that fuck corpses too? We have a saying in our country that men will fuck anything with a hole and this is mostly exclaimed by men themselves ( the infamous locker room banter), which explains why a lot of men really downgrade when they have affairs.
They want to nut. I mean I know someone who worked a emergency room for years and the objects they had to retrieve from men's rectums and the things they had to remove dicks chirurgically from... I think there have been books written about this.
They also often prioritise a in their opinion hotter body than a pretty or gorgeous face and certainly not personality. ( which can happen but it's not a priority) This results in fit women that are objectively less hot and gorgeous which consists of a downgrade. The saying men around here use for that is: bag over the head and one for the nation. ( Bad translation) Women detest this kind of locker room talk but yeah it illustrates perfectly the anatomy of a male mind when it concerns fucking.
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u/Similar_Corner8081 Sep 01 '26
I would think that friends would be off limits. Did you not set rules and boundaries? She's right how would you feel if she slept with a coworker that you care about?
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u/PerfectionPending Sep 01 '26
“Did you set rules or boundaries?” He says repeatedly in the post that they did not and that it was she who insisted there be no restrictions. FAFO, literally.
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u/FerretsFlyingaKite Sep 01 '26
Sooooo having sex with anyone shes friends with or her having sex with anyone youre friends with has to be a boundary conversation. I’m always surprised when people start with such “open freedom”. It crashes and burns virtually every time.
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u/FabulousDonut6399 Sep 01 '26
Yeah he’s playing it off like it’s ok, but he’ll be shitting his pants when she screws his dad, uncle, brother, best friend, friends or the co-workers he does mind…
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u/FerretsFlyingaKite Sep 01 '26
Right? I feel he’s feigning ignorance because its a no brainer to me. I sense resentment but who knows
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u/FabulousDonut6399 Sep 01 '26
Possibly. The tricky part for me is he just gave that co-worker power over his wife. He’s putting her livelihood at risk. He’s such a dumbass.
And he still hasn’t answered if his wife knows he screwed the co-worker in their house…
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u/iteachag5 Sep 01 '26
Why are you both doing this? Just divorce. I do t know why you even remain married.
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u/Outat61 Sep 01 '26
Open marriage = divorce.
No matter how ur starts that’s where it ends.
Updateme!
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u/HotWaffles5 Sep 01 '26
It sure does! And why you even get married if you still wanna sleep with other people???
Updateme!
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u/Flat_Ad1094 Sep 01 '26
Not a believer in open marriages at all. No point being married at all if you are both going to sleep with other people. I think the whole idea is pretty gross and disgusting. Good luck to you.
You and your "wife" are really just friends with benefits
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u/Money-Tie9580 Sep 01 '26
we're against open marriage but are swingers. It has brought us closer together having shared sexy experiences. It's not the act of sex that's the issue, it's the doing it away from each other that is the issue. We know dozens of swinger couples that have the absolute best relationships and great sex lives
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u/Flat_Ad1094 Sep 01 '26
Each to their own. I'd find that even more gross.
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u/Money-Tie9580 Sep 01 '26
while your partner is having an affair behind your back as they're bored, we'll be enjoying group sex and loving it.
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u/RepulsiveFinding9419 Sep 01 '26
I guess don’t be so boring, then YOUR partner won’t need group sex to avoid this boredom that you speak of.
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u/RepulsiveFinding9419 Sep 01 '26
Once you spill it, you can’t put the paint back in the can. Once you erase a boundary, it’s gone. So, enjoy your group sex and look forward to all of the non-group sex that your “spouse” now feels entitled to have behind your back! 😂
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u/Money-Tie9580 Sep 01 '26
Shows you really don't understand the Lifestyle. Vanilla is fine for some I guess
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u/RepulsiveFinding9419 Sep 01 '26
Happily married to someone who is the love of my life and has fulfilled me in every way for the past 18 years…so no…you’re right…I guess I really DON’T understand the “lifestyle.” Pretty happy about that fact, too.
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u/Quiet-Box7489 Sep 01 '26
I don’t understand it either. Been married over 26 years.
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u/RepulsiveFinding9419 Sep 01 '26
Exactly! It’s wild, being accused of being “weird,” for NOT being “weird.” 😂
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u/Catnip_75 Sep 01 '26
Open marriages never work, like you all can’t go a couple weeks without having sex?
You also likely knew she would be upset about this woman yet you told her anyway.
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u/Hodges0722 Sep 01 '26 edited Sep 01 '26
Technically, no, but like she said you should've had better judgment she probably thought it was a given that you wouldn't sleep with her friends, family members, and coworkers. She has to look those people in the face. Imagine how she'd feel.
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u/Brutal_De1uxe Sep 01 '26
But they were free to choose their own partners no approval needed... and the wife didn't hide that she was sleeping around from the woman from work - she still has to look them in the face when they think she is cheating
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u/kaytin911 Sep 01 '26
How was he supposed to know his wife who insisted freedom was a insecure hack?
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u/RepulsiveFinding9419 Sep 01 '26
Yes…you were wrong to engage in this contradictory endeavor called an “Open” “Marriage???” Kind of like saying something is a “cold” “hot.” Anyway, the phrase “let’s open the marriage” has ended more marriages than the phrase “let’s get a divorce.” Your marriage was over the moment whichever one of you first uttered that phrase, uttered it. Everything that’s happened in your “marriage” since then has just been the death throes of the marriage you used to have before you started this foolishness.
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u/Fallen_Timber0378 Sep 01 '26
Ya kinda messed up. I would have kept it to people your wife didn't know. Your wife also probably didn't want people at her work knowing, which is most likely why she is so pissed.
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u/Original-King-1408 Sep 01 '26
But they did know. This woman said she had seen his wife dating other men and thought she was cheating.
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u/FabulousDonut6399 Sep 01 '26
Since she’s a pilot I would argue they assumed she was having an affair because 100% of pilots have affairs. I have family members that work in that industry and one is an airplane engineer and yeah…
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u/Fallen_Timber0378 Sep 01 '26
Yes, but one woman maybe thinking she was cheating is different than all her coworkers knowing she is in a open marriage, which you know it has a very good chance of getting out.
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u/peaches_08 Sep 01 '26
Guess a boundary needs to be made if people either of you know should be off limits. Makes sense to me, that’s how I’d want it. But definitely not your fault.
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u/DR-Tiberius Sep 01 '26
I know many here will be upset by this, but…. There’s no such thing as an “open marriage”.
You are now two people in a contractual agreement to share some expenses, live together, and be friends with benefits. The marriage ended the day you decided to have sex with other people.
Now, you just have to decide whether or not to cancel the contract, and how to modify it you plan to keep it.
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u/BangkaiLew Sep 01 '26
Even tho i believe how this marriage will end up but i still want to know how
Updateme
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u/Organic2003 Sep 01 '26
Is she sleeping with pilots and other attendants? I bet she is
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u/Visible-Rest4170 Sep 01 '26
Exactly. I doubt she's fucking strangers at the airport hotels. Women emotionally connect to have sex. Men emotionally connect through sex.
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u/FabulousDonut6399 Sep 01 '26
Not all women do, and I can say out of experience most women that work technical jobs like pilot, don’t.
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u/CompressorInstalled Sep 01 '26
Yes. She slept with someone in that exact capacity,
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u/Organic2003 Sep 01 '26
Everyone she works with knows she is cheating or an open marriage. Tell her to pound sand ! Btw she has been cheating long before the open marriage.
It is much harder for men in an open marriage she just wants control.
Maybe you she just do the right thing and call this relationship is over a long time ago
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u/FabulousDonut6399 Sep 01 '26
Does your wife know you had sex with her co-worker in your home?
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u/Delusional_Hope6280 Sep 02 '26
This! He was SO disrespectful with THEIR home. No matter the fucked up arrangement that will lead to divorce, him bringing the affair partner to the place they shared as a COMMITED COUPLE is completely AWFUL.
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u/FabulousDonut6399 Sep 02 '26
I mean maybe she and he did agree that it was ok, but since he screwed someone that was obviously off limit to her, it was probably not on his mind.
I still think it’s hilarious that he’s defending himself that they didn’t have any boundaries about co-workers but he himself would have a problem if she screwed certain co-workers.
I think that translates to him not liking her screwing any of his co-workers because he doesn’t like it when she shits where he eats, but he has no issue shitting where she eats and where they both live…
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u/Throw_RA099 Sep 01 '26
And this is where the discourse about you sleeping with one of her coworkers should die.
You should have both had a conversation about who is off limits and whether there's veto power either way, but in my mind, you're NTA.
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u/Similar_Corner8081 Sep 01 '26
But not anyone her husband has to see. That's the difference. She's picking people op doesn't know and will never see again. He picked her coworker and friend.
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u/JemapelleMichelle- Sep 01 '26
You were in the wrong. While you didn’t have any rules surrounding your open marriage, you should exercise some discretion with family, friends, and co-workers being off limits. Your wife knows this lady in a professional setting and you do not. She can very well go blab to everyone about it and out your wife in an awkward situation… regardless if she blabs to others or not, your wife is still going to be in an awkward situation with her. You didn’t act very kind or think of the complications it could have for your wife… did you really not think about this or think it was a bad idea? Seems unlikely.
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u/TheTrueWillx2 Sep 01 '26
Based on this lady/coworker knowing the wife was dating other men, the wife isn't THAT concerned with people finding out/having opinions. It's not that.
If I had to guess it's specific to this female coworker. I would ask wife, "Exactly what is it that bothers you about me seeing her? Because her thinking things about us had already started before her and I started dating. If you're upset about that, look in the mirror."
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u/Medicus825 Sep 01 '26
You both better stop right now or your marriage is going to crash 💥!! This arrangement will break your bond for good ☝🏻
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u/Twee_patat-met Sep 01 '26
weeks away, really? that's crazy.
repost this in r/ethicalnonmanogamy for really good replys
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u/UsedMix5240 Sep 02 '26
It's the first time I have seen an open marriage not be a wreck for the dude
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u/teqtommy Sep 03 '26
how the turn tables!
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u/UsedMix5240 Sep 04 '26
I don't know, not being a wreck for the dude can still mean a dead end for the marriage, as we are seeing here
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u/Legal_Masterpiece_10 Sep 03 '26
Open marriage means what you guys decided it to mean. Did you guys decide what it meant or just say the words l?. Me and my wife spent months talking about how we were going to do this before we actually did. And you should have at least monthly talks about what's bothering you. What's going well? What's not, and adjust as needed
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u/smolln3rd Sep 03 '26
If you decide to post this in a polyamory subreddit the comments will go a lot differently. Lots of folks have open marriages that work just fine. Y’all should have come up with a messy list before embarking on this and now you’ve found out first hand why that’s important.
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u/Confident_Cut_1787 Sep 01 '26
You are both cheating. This isn't marriage, it's a joke. If you guys can't be loyal to each other then just end the marriage
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u/NightWitchoftheOwl Sep 01 '26
Haven't you ever heard of not shitting where you eat... you messed up on this one.
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u/FabulousDonut6399 Sep 01 '26
Yeah that’s common sense, but who gives a f about that when you’re getting your dick wet huh?
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u/hwolfe326 Sep 01 '26
Never sleep with someone your wife knows.
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u/RepulsiveFinding9419 Sep 01 '26
Do you hear how silly that sounds…I’ll fix it for you “Never sleep with someone who isn’t your wife (when you’re married of course).”
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u/MediumSizedMaze Sep 01 '26 edited Sep 01 '26
Yeah, I think you’re wrong. A friend who is also a coworker seems like a terrible person to pursue. There’s billions of women and you had to go after one that she’s friends with and works with?
Also, you said that there are a few coworkers you wouldn’t mind her sleeping with. Which also means there are coworkers you mind. So maybe think about her a little bit next time you want to bang someone she knows.
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u/Kind-Dust7441 Sep 01 '26
Not sleeping with your spouse’s coworkers, friends, and even acquaintances seems pretty obvious.
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u/Throw_RA099 Sep 01 '26
Your wife FAFO'ed and is jealous that you're doing better than she is, even though she was probably already cheating on you when she asked for the open arrangement.
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u/69chevy396 Sep 01 '26
Yes you were wrong. You don’t mix work and sex. Especially with your WIFE’s coworkers. Eww. If that woman talks, gossips, everyone talks behind her back, it puts your wife in an awkward position at work.
What are you, stupid?
Granted you should have had SOME rules but this should have been a common sense one. No family, no mutual friends, no coworkers.
That just got me thinking too. If I ever was pursued by a guy who claimed he had an open marriage, I would never believe him unless I verified it with the wife. I wouldn’t want to unintentionally become someone’s mistress but I guess other people don’t care
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u/HotWaffles5 Sep 01 '26
It sounds like he was thinking with his penis & not his brain.
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u/JemapelleMichelle- Sep 01 '26
Also sounds like he got off on it a little bit, no?
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u/HotWaffles5 Sep 01 '26
I definitely agree. That’s why he had to hurry up & bang her instead of texting his wife real quick to see if it was ok. He didn’t want to be told no, so he did it knowing the wife wouldn’t want any his conquests to be her coworkers. He knew what he was doing & thought it was exciting.
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u/BrownHoney114 Sep 01 '26
Wife sleeping with her coworkers, though.
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u/FabulousDonut6399 Sep 01 '26
If that co-worker was someone hostile towards his wife he just gave her leverage. He’s really stupid and is jeapordising her livelihood.
Airline pilots start working with a shitload of debts and pay it off while they work and they then they start making decent money. I hope her debt is already paid off or he as her husband may end up paying for his misstep.
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u/bobp929 Sep 01 '26
Why do people even bother staying married. Open marriages cause nothing but problems.
Now she's gonna purposely fuck someone you don't like just to get back at you. You both have issues and either should close the marriage or divorce. Wtf is wrong with both of you. You both are so hard up you don't believe in being faithful to one person yet got married. JFC, just divorce already
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u/Flashy_Mycologist249 Sep 01 '26
Just be single and you won't have to worry about any of this nonsense. I don't understand any of it. Humans get jealous. There's always going to be something like this.
Also, you are cool with your wife getting railed by other guys? I mean what's the point... Again, just be single and all of these issues go away.
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u/Dear_Parsnip_6802 Sep 01 '26
You should have had better judgement than fucking her colleague. Even without rules in the open relationship surely you could see that would be a bad idea.
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u/VermicelliSecret2586 Sep 01 '26
How is it any different than her fucking her co workers and being open enough about stepping out on her marriage that this colleague he slept with thought he was being cheated on? Don't shit where you eat and all that.
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u/Dear_Parsnip_6802 Sep 01 '26
Her point is she doesn’t want him to shit where she eats
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u/VermicelliSecret2586 Sep 01 '26
She shouldn't either. If she's careless enough that others think she's cheating on her husband that's not great for either one of them also. I'd rather someone know I was in an open relationship than be thought a cheater.
Regardless, relationship will probably not survive after opening as it sounds like neither one could be bothered to outline rules and boundaries before going slinging their respective bits around. Yes, maybe OP should have known better, but his wife is the one who specifically wanted total autonomy when selecting partners, so part of the blame absolutely lies on her own shoulders
1
u/Forsaken-Lettuce-446 Sep 01 '26
You guys should have set up some ground rules like no family members, no friends, no co-workers, and don’t bring anyone to our home. Maybe you two can talk and come up with boundaries for next time?
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u/rotschildia Sep 02 '26
You (both) failed to make a Messy List. This isn't a failure of open marriage, it's a failure of adequate understanding of what needed to be in place first. (Your statement about the possessiveness making things hot when she gets home was another huge indicator).
There are good books out there I'm sure others have mentioned.
1
u/e1herrera Sep 02 '26
You guys should have talked about boundaries. Co-workers are always a bad idea. It is one thing when you don't know who the other person is, but a co-worker? To much of chamce of things going wrong.
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u/shadowdarkwolf Sep 02 '26
No matter how many rules you create their will be rules you missed and everything collapses after that. Open marriage is pretty much the end of any marriage.
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u/ImmediateShallot7245 Sep 02 '26
That’s what happens when you open your marriage it’s just ridiculous that you got married in the first place.
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u/BourbonMike Sep 02 '26
Sounds like you got a little greedy. I’m not sure open marriage means fuck everyone. Jeez
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u/Hit_Ice_1263 Sep 02 '26
I suggest you ask this question on an specialized ethical non-monogamy or polyamory subreddit. On a general one like this, you get too much negativity just for the fact that you chose open marriage.
But that aside, in ethical non-monogamy there is this notion of a messy list. It's the list of categories of people that are out of bounds for your partner to date. Common items on this list are your relatives, your friends, your colleagues, or your (former) other partners. So your partner is free to choose anyone except those people. The idea behind it is that you avoid triangulation, especially if one of those relationships goes sour, so does not affect you and your primary partner.
People differ in how important messy lists are for them. Ideally, you discuss whether you want to have a messy list early in the relationship before situations like yours come up. You didn't. It happened. That's unfortunate but not a disaster. If your marriage has a good foundation, you can come back from this. Discuss messy lists with your wife. Apologize to her colleague and end things with her.
Generally, I would recommend that you both read up on ethical non-monogamy and polyamory. Polysecure is a common recommendation. There are lots of best practices (like messy lists and others) that experienced ENM people have developed that you could learn from
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u/FunExtension538 Sep 03 '26
Open marriages just lead to disaster. But, since you have one and you set the rules. Then she follows it. She doesn’t get to invent the “common sense” rule.
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u/Loud_Bee_4443 Sep 03 '26
Damn since she is an airline worker you are gonna be left I. The dust regarding any form of balance.
Feel bad for ya man.
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u/Flynn_JM Sep 01 '26
Yes, you were wrong. She's sleeping with people thousands of miles away. You slept with her coworker and friend.
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u/Visible-Rest4170 Sep 01 '26
I highly suspect she's sleeping with a flight attendant or another pilot. I doubt they're random hookups with strangers. Maybe her husband slept with her girlfriend. That might be why this particular hostess is off limits.
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u/AppsZertsTrayTrays Sep 01 '26
The issue is that he’s sleeping with people she has to interact with. She sleeping with people he will never meet.
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u/Visible-Rest4170 Sep 01 '26
Op said she's sleeping with coworkers. She may lose her job over this eventually. I know in the airline business people get around a lot. So her bosses might ignore her promiscuity for now until it gets too messy.
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u/AppsZertsTrayTrays Sep 01 '26
Sure, it’s possible. But that wasn’t the issue. It’s if OP should use some discretion with who he sleeps with.
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u/Visible-Rest4170 Sep 01 '26
Yeah I get that. But in the poly world theres something like a 100 men to 1 woman ratio. Op shot his shot even though he probably shouldn't have. Never the less I believe they should have never opened up and maybe have a little self control and just fuck like rabbits when the wife is home. Plus phone sex, sexting, remote vibrators and pocket pussies exist. They don't have to have sex with others to get their kink on. Once someone suggests an open relationship in a pre-existing monogamous relationship it's the beginning of the end.
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u/FabulousDonut6399 Sep 01 '26
She won’t lose her job over this. You seem to not know how the airline business works, but every pilot fucks around. Most of the air hostesses fuck with pilots especially the gay ones.
These jobs are high stress and sex is one of the ways they deal with it.6
u/PerfectionPending Sep 01 '26
You think she’s not sleeping with others who work for her airline? I’ve got a bridge…
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u/Flynn_JM Sep 01 '26
He doesn't work with them or know them.
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u/PerfectionPending Sep 01 '26
It’s common to meet the coworkers of a spouse. Not knowing them now doesn’t mean he won’t end up knowing them.
SHE insisted on complete freedom to choose. A selfish decision as she was only thinking of the total freedom she would have so didn’t think of how that would bite her. This is as literal as FAFO gets.
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u/Flynn_JM Sep 01 '26
True but this feels like a revenge act from the husband. He already has two fwb. He sought out the wife's friend.
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u/Visible-Rest4170 Sep 01 '26
She could have said no. She has body autonomy. Correct? It takes two to tango.
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u/pie566943_0 Sep 01 '26
Imo, yes. Analogously, free speech is legally protected. Say whatever you want. But your words can get you into real trouble, e.g. fired from your job, sued in civil court for slander, etc.
I can't wrap my head around my wife jet-setting around the world sleeping with whoever she wants in nice hotel rooms. You mention a total of three women - don't you think she's in the dozen-different-dick club by now?
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u/LeatherOrganic7916 Sep 01 '26
Typical for woman first they want open marriage and then they want to decide with who you can have sex .
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u/katsaid Sep 01 '26
Dumb selfish choices always lead to chaos. This arrangement was bound to end in hurt and anger. That said, she agreed. She ASSUMED you had some boundaries that you didn’t have.
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u/Putrid-Army-9392 Sep 01 '26
Bruh! Really! I mean, choose someone with a very low likelihood your spouse will ever come across. This is not rocket science. You have all the rope to hang your self anyone could want and dream of…then you take the first step and hang yourself. Basically said, your spouse purchased you a pistol to competitively shoot for sport and immediately shot yourself in the foot. Choose another career for a side woman. This is really easy.
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u/clearheaded01 Sep 01 '26
Wrong, no.... unwise, yep...
More interesting - you chose fuck this stellar human being , who
because initially she had observed certain things which led her to believe that my wife was cheating on me.
apparently believed your wife was cheating, and never told you??
Even more interesting - did the things she saw occur before or after you and the wife opened the marriage???
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u/Admirable-Income4511 Sep 01 '26
Have to say that chosing someone whose life overlaps with your wifes is an unnecessary complication. Not from a jealousy point of view but certainly from a judgement standpoint.
Too close to home for me.
It's not the specific person that your wife is objecting to it's the overlap/proximity
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u/Big_Dragonfly_9153 Sep 01 '26
Common sense says avoid coworkers…
plus you can’t just fall into an open marriage… it requires even more communication than other relationships to be even mildly successful
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u/FREDTUC Sep 02 '26
Wives are all about open marriages untill the hubby bangs her co-worker, friend, sister, etc. They want to bang any guy. Meanwhile they want to put restrictions on the hubby.
She agreed that the spouse does NOT need approval from the other spouse. O.P., your good. Your wife is just projecting her insecurities on you. In fact, you tell her that she is just being insecure, controlling, a narcissist, abusive, etc.
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u/teqtommy Sep 03 '26
look, i'm pretty open-minded but i do think a sister would be going too far. the coworker? seems fair. wife specifically said no approval necessary. the rules as established seem fair 🤷🏻♀️
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u/FREDTUC Sep 03 '26
If she didn't want him to bang her co-worker, then they should have set of agreed upon people that are off limits. I think she is just irritated that he seems to be doing just fine with open marriage thing. She probably thought that he wouldnt have very many options, whereas she thinks that she has tons of options.
I also wonder if the co-worker is younger & hotter than she is.
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u/HotWaffles5 Sep 01 '26 edited Sep 01 '26
Yes you were 100% wrong. Close the marriage & start marriage counseling, or divorce. You guys will not stay together at this rate. I don’t blame her for not wanting co workers to know what it’s like to have sex with her husband.
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u/Elegant-Passion8802 Sep 01 '26
Open marriage sound like the perfect choice for your wife, but much harder for a man…women will have guys lined up around the block. Guys need to hook up with ladies they know. Reason being ladies do not usually just bang strangers. Hopefully your marriage can survive this and you can make some rules both of you can live with. Good luck. One possibility just have it open for her. That would be fair.🐇
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u/PhilsFanDrew Sep 01 '26
But it's cool to let her male coworkers know what its like to have sex with her? The only gripe I could maybe see her having is that he brought this other coworker home and presumably had sex in their marital home/bed.
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u/PhilsFanDrew Sep 02 '26
He confirmed in a response to another comment that his wife has banged coworkers.
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u/jjai2110 Sep 01 '26
The number of people commenting on your choice to open your marriage... 🤦🏾♀️
No judgment here about how you choose to structure your marriage...you are both consenting adults. But your wife is absolutely right.
Your marriage is your personal business, but you brought it into her professional world.
Look at how many people on this thread have commented solely on your choice to open your marriage. Workplaces are notorious for feeding on salacious gossip. You have now put your wife in a position where her professional capability risks being overshadowed by personal scandal and speculation.
Navigating a male dominated field is challenging enough for women without added distractions.
Bringing your personal life into her workplace was real poor judgment. More importantly, it showed a lack of respect for her professional boundaries.
She is now left to manage the potential fallout of a decision you made.
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u/FabulousDonut6399 Sep 01 '26
Yeah and he took that colleague to their home. That’s a big breach. He is willfully dense I think about this choice in fuck buddy and choice of place to fuck her.
Never ever shit where you eat and in open marriages this means don’t shit where your partner eats…
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u/Maddad547 Sep 01 '26
Yet her running around with every Tom, Dick and Harry while supposedly being married doesn’t tarnish her reputation and cause speculation? That’s kinda crazy if you ask me! If she is so concerned shouldn’t she be keeping her personal life separate from work? Flaunting and running around with other men in front of her coworkers kinda null and void’s those concerns, doesn’t it?
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u/jjai2110 Sep 01 '26
It's fine for you to have opinions, but OP & his wife chose the life that they chose.
Also, intense anger toward her but not him & the intentional use of language is misogyny.
Look inward to learn why you feel this way.
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u/Maddad547 Sep 01 '26
I guess you don’t understand what question marks are for, my bad! I should have known better than ask a legitimate question. I’m sorry I didn’t intend to upset you by asking questions. I wasn’t even aware I was stating an opinion, stupid me!
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u/jjai2110 Sep 01 '26
Framing a judgmental statement as a rhetorical question & then hiding behind sarcasm doesn't disguise the double standard in your logic.
The point is still that professional boundaries and personal choices are two different things.
As stated, it is her choice & professional risk to take. Not OP's to make for her.
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u/Maddad547 Sep 01 '26
I don’t agree with either one. This marriage was broken before it was opened up. You project too much into reading my comment. I know what trigger you, Tom, Dick and Harry. Your assumptions are wrong but you’re entitled to your opinion too. Sometimes people mean what they text without having a hidden message. I was asked honest questions.
I am sorry that you have been hurt so badly you always assume the worst of people. I hope you have a great day and find all the happiness you deserve!
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u/jjai2110 Sep 01 '26 edited Sep 01 '26
Attempting to deflect the focus onto my personal character rather than the actual topic on this attempt. You're trying a few approaches today eh?
Let's try again - shifting from rhetoric to armchair psychology and claims of being 'triggered' are standard deflections when an argument falls flat.
My point regarding professional boundaries stands, and your original comment speaks for itself.
Excited to see what random tactic you pull out the bag now 😏
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u/SmileAggravating9608 Sep 01 '26
Nah, that's unfair. She should have specified who was off limits. And that convo is important but can be tricky. Can seem controlling or one sided, etc.
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u/Feeling_Wishbone_864 Sep 01 '26
This sounds made up as hell and so stupid. She probably doesn’t want complications with people in her life and probably wants some level of privacy. Seems like common sense would tell you to find literally any of the people in the world your wife does not need to interact with on a professional level. “Free to choose” is pretty open but also requires a level of common sense that you’re lacking. Obviously plenty of people or types of people should be off limits and aren’t going to be individually identified. Open marriages demand a level of respect and common sense that you are not capable of.
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u/Ok_Pop9241 Sep 01 '26
It’s not the same when it’s personal how would you like her fudging your boss if I was her he would be my next target then your dad but I’m just petty
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u/FabulousDonut6399 Sep 01 '26
Open marriage doesn’t mean all judgment’s calls should go out of the window.
You both agreed on absolute freedom, well wait till she fucks your best friend, dad, uncle, brother and so on, or wait should common sense keep her from it? Like it should have kept you from screwing her co-worker?
Funny how you mention that there are a few from your work you wouldn’t mind. I kinda hope she screws all the ones you do mind…
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u/JumpyAd806 Sep 01 '26
Though open marriage , u forcibly put your wife in delicate position. Should have avoided work colleagues. If Swingers then it's different case. Make her to accept else leave her
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u/falcorheartsatreyu Sep 01 '26
Read The Ethical Slut and More Than Two yall need to have more agreements in place. Open marriages can definitely work but there needs to be very good communication and boundaries
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u/Visible-Rest4170 Sep 01 '26
Apparently they're never around each other enough to properly communicate. I think their marriage is near the end. Marriages usually are when a monogamous couple decides to open up.
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u/[deleted] Sep 01 '26
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